Happy New Year

Hey Kids,

I'm off for a wild New years eve. I'll keep you updated but I wanted to post another
Clip of Nellie for the Nellie Fans...

Kisses, MargOH!

2nd Annual MargOH!'s "Most Annoying Straights of 06" list

Hey Kids,

This past month has been crazy and I've been really annoyed so I had to hold off on posting this.

I first must explain that just like last year there are no other people in the world that can be more annoying than the Bush administration. The only problem is that they are so boring to talk about that it makes it even more annoying. They are the actual top 5.. this is in Random order

George "Stupider than stupid" Bush
Condelezza "I'll do anything for George and I mean anything" Rice
Donald "Dickhead Idiot" Rumsfeld
Dick " When the hell will he die" Cheney
Laura "Caught like a deer in headlights" Bush

Then I had the issue of Pop culture and the horrible turn it has taken in the past 5 years or so. It got even worse this year with all of these skinny blonde's and on and off again blonde's running around showing off there cooters. They all landed in the 2ND top 5 or 6-10. I 'm not going to say much about these gals because I hear about it every day on the Internet, on the TV, in the newspaper, on the street...It is disgusting so here is 6-10

Paris Hilton
Nicole Richie
Britney Spears
Lindsey Lohan
Jessica Simpson

Just as a side note.... the only blonde's that did not annoy me this year were Tori Spelling and Loni Anderson. "So Notorious" was one of the funniest and most interesting shows of the past year and I think Tori Spelling showed how one should never take themselves too seriously. Bravo Tori!!!

Oh, yes and Dolly Parton who is a blonde by wig only but I love her and she is Okay every year in my book!!

Now to the top 5 which I guess is actually 11-15....yikes I'm confused


5. Donald Trump and the Miss USA Scandal

This story really threw me into a tizzy at the last minute. As a former winner of "Little Miss Lobster Festival" pageant when I was 6 in Bangor I was appalled by Tara Conner... Not because she was being a bad girl but that she got caught, stupid girl....didn't she learn anything from poor Vanessa Williams.

Its actually Donald Trump who is about as Annoying as you can get on a daily basis but what he said about Rosie was just horrible. He is a homophobic prick that doesn't deserve to be on television or be respected by anyone. Unfortunately middle America can't get enough of "The Apprentice" so we'll have to keep putting up with it! Thanks soccer Moms....

4. Mel Gibson

Just another homophobic, Jew hating, thinks he better than everybody else prick. Cuchie make me a Sloe Gin Fizz with a chaser of Jack...thanks doll. He makes me wanna drink even at 9 am. Whats even more annoying is that he can't handle his liquor, how sad!!! If ya can't hang Mel baby switch to diet coke. I think we should send Mel down to Australia and put him in a pen with some drunk kangaroos and have them beat the crap out of him!!! I hope Jesus will forgive him, he's so religious.

3. Naomi Campbell

I know Ms. Campbell was cleared of beating her domestic but I still think she did it. She obviously is a bad girl at heart and even her looks aren't enough for her. I treat all of my domestics with loving and open arms....well there is the off chance that I may have slapped Berna a couple of times but she's been with me since 1968. We're more like family.....

I thought models were done after 30 but for some reason they're sticking around now. Who changed that rule...Damn Lauren Hutton.... Naomi grow up and get some manners and do something for Humanity other than supplying us with crap perfume.

2. Gwyneth Paltrow for Estee Lauder

Is there anything more annoying than Gwyneth Paltrows commercials for Estee' Lauder. Well , yes my # 1 pick but not much else.

I am just so happy that this rich, thin, not a care in the world actress gets to go sailing on a gorgeous day or dance in a wheat field in a flowing peasant skirt whilst spraying herself with Estee' Lauders "Pleasures".

I think it stinks, yes the scent as well. Why not Cuchie? She needs a little pleasure in her life..... and I don't think that some alcohol ridden scent is gonna do it. Cuchie get me that perfume. Yes, it tastes better than it smells. That's how I got kicked out of the Betty ford clinic you know. I drank Tatum O'neals "White Diamonds" and she was pissed. I much prefer Red door... It almost tastes like a Burgundy, very tasty. I don't recommend any of Celine Dion's scents, they taste like baby formula....anyway I'm off track.

Please Estee Lauder can we see a big lesbian driving a tractor trailer and spritzing herself with your "Pleasures". It would be some much more realistic...

1. Tyra Banks

Okay, Tyra girl.....You ain't no Oprah! okay girl, and you ain't street neither. I think I need to go Mary J. on your ass and straighten you out girl. Oops sorry for that but Tyra just makes me think I'm a big black lady. No disrespect to my fabulous women of color.

I just think that Tyra and her show stink! I had no pity for her when she had Naomi Campbell on to tell her she was mean to her. Too bad....little Tyra.

Then she puts on a fat suit and feels like she knows what a fat girl goes through....why not just follow a fat girl like me around with a camera.

She has all of these shows about serious situations but has no idea how to handle anything.

Her range of emotion goes from 0-1 and her ability to scream and jump up and down for a very long time is quite unremarkable. Give me back Sally Jessie Raphael please!!!

The most annoying thing about Tyra is that she is responsible for giving Janice Dickinson a voice (another drunk that can't control herself) .


Shame on you Tyra!!!

This concludes most of my annoyances for 2006. There are many more but I don't like to dwell on these things.

I will be posting my "Big in 06" very soon as to set myself up for a fresh and fabulous 2007. It's going to be a wonderful year and MargOH! is going to be in your face. Hold on kids it may be a bumpy ride....

Remember MargOH! says

"Champagne is for every day not just New Years Eve"

Kisses, MargOH!

PS

Honarable mentions

Tomkat- Please not another Wedding. I think that baby stole my Liza wig
Brad and Angelina- Please not another baby and those lips....
Flavor Flav- Not another season of "Flavor of Love"
Tom Hanks- He's always annoying but that hair in "The Davinci code " was precious
Bill Frist- Is he on purpose? I think God made a mistake on that one, send him back

Christmas Hangover

Hey kids,

Hope you all had a happy holiday!!

We had a fabulous time up in Berna's neck of the woods....It's better having Berna
as a gal pal rather than my assistant. Though her job with kathie Lee is ending she
has scored a job as Polly Holiday's live in. She starts in January.

I did get a letter for a lawsuit filed by fat ass Kirsty Alley about the whole
"Spoksey" thing. Please she's a nut job!!! I heard that she is actually going bankrupt because of the cost of the Jenny Craig Food. I can't believe she didn't write it into her contract to get the food for free.

This lawsuit is ridiculous and am in no way responsible for Kirsty not winning
the "Spoksey"...

I am going on the "Jitterbug Tour" with Mickey Rooney starting January 2nd. I saw the "Jitterbug" bus and it is a house on wheels...just amazing. Mickey and I are gonna have a blast. Our first stop is a nursing home near Dollywood...how exciting.

Kids, I'll be back to fill you in on the wild x-mas weekend or should I say XXX-mas weekend. MargOH! was having a ball or should I say two with a Chi Chi Larue porn star...Yikes!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Ann Carr as Hickory Thicket dances with MargOH!

Hey Kids,

Another clip from my x-mas special. Hickory Thicket and I cut a rug...

Merry X-mas,

MargOH!

Vintage MargOH! Christmas Special

Hey Kids,

A little Christmas treat. Nellie Mckay on "The MargOH! Channing Show" christmas special from a couple of years back. We had a blast and I'll be putting more up soon.
Hittin the road for x-mas cheer. So I'll be back soon!!!

Merry X-mas Kids!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Shout out To "Rosie"

Hey Kids,

I have to say that I go up and down with my gal pal Rosie. Sometimes I love her and
sometimes hate her. She knows that and loves me for it.

I have to say though I am back in love with Rosie because she speaks the truth. it is hard for people to hear things the way it is but Rosie doesn't give a crap. Kudo's to you doll!!

The reason why my most annoying straights list is delayed is because I am so annoyed by The Donald and Miss USA. This girl should be stripped of her crown...don't forget what they did to Vanessa Williams.... bastards!!!


What I am most annoyed by is the homophobic remark that Donald made about Rosie's wife (I imagine it would be pretty easy to take her girlfriend away, considering how Rosie looks." )He was meaning a man!!!

He is disgusting and a pig. He has no right being on television.

Go F--- yourself Donald!!

Bravo Rosie!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Happy Holidays

Hey Kids,

One of my favorite Judy Performances....enjoy

Happy Holidays and thank you all for reading...

Kisses, MargOH!

PS- Most Annoying Straights list on its way...

A Christmas Tail

Hey Kids,

had a wild weekend....yawza.

Cuchie and I went to pick out a tree for x-mas and I ended up picking up more than that....

Many of you know but some don't that most of the tree merchants in NYC come down from Canada for about a month. They usually sleep in vans or RV's. They usually have 2 people take shifts selling the tree's while the other sleeps, etc. I often wonder how they take shower's etc. so I asked this cutie french Canadian about it. He said that they depend on the kindness of strangers for showers and bathrooms, etc.

Well you all know that I am a kind stranger and decided to ask Julian if he wanted to come shower and such at my place. Cuchie started spouting off something in Spanish and didn't look happy. I gave her the tree and told her to go home and get Julian's bath ready.

We stopped for a coffee and chatted and I noticed Julian was checking out MargOH!'s knockers. When we got back to the pad Cuchie was running the bath and had lit candles and put rose petals in. She slapped me in the arm and said go for it ya old gal. I'm not sure what she was talking about.... Julian was only about 22....

He immediately asked me to help him off with his jeans...who am I too say no. Julian was a vision in dirt. He did smell a bit rank but sometimes that's sexy. he then ripped off his underwear... he was workin a good 8 inches........

I'll stop there but just so that you know i am currently suffering from lower back pain and my skin is shriveled like a prune... we spent almost 27 hours in that tub and went through a case of mumms. Julien was an animal. Cuchie is exhausted from running in snapping photo's and pouring hot pans of water to keep it warm....

MargOH! got some Christmas Tail......

Happy Holidays!!!


Kisses, M

Britney's Emergency

Hey Kids,

Lynn Spears just called and told me that she did something terrible....and that it was all my fault.

MMM....How could that be?

She told me that she went a step further than my elastic and hot sauce idea. She bought a sling shot and a can of Lychee's in sugar. She then took the Lychee and dipped it in hot sauce and loaded the sling shot.

Britney came in from the pool just wearing her usual long tee that said "Spinster". She tripped over the baby's rattle and bent over to pick it up and Lynn shot that Lychee. Britney screamed with fright and fell to the floor. She then got up and was jumping around and grabbing her private area....ouch.

Lynn then told Britney what her plan was and they started fighting.... Then Britney said she really wasn't feeling well and that she felt like she had to pee. Lynn started to look for the Lychee but couldn't find it anywhere...she was stumped.

Britney then came out of the bathroom and said she couldn't pee and was having bad cramps. Lynn told Britney to bend over and she got a flashlight.. Lynn couldn't believe it. The Lychee had gone up Britney cooter and was lodged up there.

Lynn tried to get it out with her fingers, a pair of tweezers and even stuck the garden hose up there but it wouldn't come out.

She rushed Britney to their private doctor and they got it out. She still has to to douche for a week to flush out the hot sauce.

I told Lynn it was no way my fault and that a Lychee was not in my plan. I then asked Lynn if she was wearing panties.

She told me to hold and came back a minute later. "Ya, know MargOH! she is. I can't believe it".
She then told me she's be sending 2 grand and 3 cases of Mumms.

Job well done I thought to myself. I'm a good person damn it!!

Kisses, MargOH!

2nd Annual MargOH!'s "Most Annoying Gays of 06" list

Hey Kids,

Now you know I'd rather walk on my lips than say something bad about someone....but OH! what the Hell.

I get annoyed just like everyone else and it seems that the gays can be as annoying as hell. This is not to say that the straights don't do their part in making MargOH! tip the bottle. There will be a most annoying straights list to follow as well and of course my "Big in 06" list.

The list for most annoying gays was extremely easy this year because I didn't have to look much further than the TV network LOGO to supply my annoyances.....

LOGO in itself is a bit annoying seeing that it is a GLBT channel but for some reason bleeps out most all GBLT references...go figure.

Any who here is my list......


#5- Rufus Wainwright

Mr. Wainwright completely annoyed Ms. Channing when he decided to recreate one of the most magnificent evenings in the history of Entertainment. If you didn't know he performed the whole Judy Garland performance at Carnegie Hall. All I have to ask is Why..... Why..... Why...... .

Mr. Wainwright first and foremost is not one of my favorite singers mostly because of his annoying nasal ridden voice.

After listening to some of the tracks from this I have to say it was a mediocre attempt to salute a legend.

I am sure Mr. Wainwright had lovely intentions but I feel he jumped way out of his element and was wrapped up in his own ego . I think if he is planning any more of these types of concerts maybe he should attempt the Cat Stevens songbook...... Mama needs a dirty martini......

#4- Perez Hilton

Why in the hell is the gay world all wrapped up in the glory of Perez Hilton?..........Could it be that they can't help loving that "Hilton" name... Is it the fancy layout of his blog that turns them on? Is it that they think he is giving them the latest inside dish?(most of his stories are taken from other sources). If MargOH! has to ask all of these questions than she is instantly annoyed....Kids if you want good dish go check out the grand damn Lady Bunny......


# 3- Nemesis Rising

Oh, in the past we've had so many twins to annoy us...We have had the "Doublemint Twins", "The Olsen Twins", "The Barbie Twins" and now we have Jacob and Joshua Miller also known as "Nemesis". I personally like to call them "The Lazy Eyed Twins" or the "Thinning Hair Twins". Their show "Nemesis Rising" is like a train wreck that I can't keep from watching....I am actually annoyed at myself for tuning in which makes me even more annoyed with them. Its a vicious cycle. Jacob and Joshua set me free.

I'm a vocal stylist and no way a singer but I am annoyed that these boys got a recording contract. They are a shake away from terrible and am not sure how they have made it this far.

Oh, yes...it must be that someone at Curb records....or Logo think they are cute. I think they look a step away from being on the special bus. Nice bodies and being gay Jehovah's doesn't make for good voices...Poor Barry Manilow looked like he needed a stiff drink after producing a track for them..... I'm sure Barry got a little man meat for that job from the slutty one.....

I'm sure I'll take some heat for this choice but c'mon people we need better pop stars than this..... When an artist has no control over the material they sing it's sad...A Bay City Roller's cover, Please... Cuchie make MargOH! a stiff one!!!!!

#2 - Best Gay Blogs

Well this choice is more of an entity than a person. It is "Best Gay Blogs". They really have ticked me off and I am annoyed with this site. It claims to be a GLBT site that lists GLBT blogs and highlights and reviews many blogs. My issue is that it really only focuses on men and has hardly any focus on Lesbian, Bi- or transgendered blogs.

I listed my blog because I figured this Bi-sexual gal would be a hit....LOL, not.

They did mention me once but just to say that the title of my blog was the longest they'd ever seen. Thanks so much dolls but if you're going to say derogatory things MargOH! won't have you over for a cocktail!!!

As Berna said..."They can go fuck themselves". I of course don't use such language but "Best Gay Blogs" you suck!!!

# 1- Jason & DeMarco

Oh, LOGO....Thank you so much for supplying me with this saccharine bittersweet couple. At least no one had the sense to give them a recording contract. They went ahead and created their own label...How fun!

The video that played on LOGO for months was a side splitting tour De force for the "poker girls". A gay Christian couple singing sweet nothings to each other or should I say whispering... "When I see you.....blah, blah, blah..... Its all very typical and so amusing how the LOGO viewers were enraptured by these boys . My favorite quote off their website is from deMarco

"People have told us that separately we are good as musicians, but something amazing happens when we come together and sing."

From Jason

"Although my Pentecostal background is the foundation of my morals, spirituality and ideals, with age my spiritual path has broadened as well as my music, crossing over boundaries and able to reach people from all walks of life. Music is a Universal language; the language of the soul."

Cuchie get me the pale...I'm gonna puke. This stuff is better than Sally fields "You like me, You really, really like me".

I'm glad that people out there like Jason & deMarco. However, it is the right of every American to be completely annoyed by them.

This completes my list for "06". It is my time to vent all the crazy building up from the world of Celebrity. I will then start a new in January and hope not to be annoyed in "07".

Kisses, MargOH!

PS...

Honorable mentions

Mark Foley- A big ugly mess

Will Wikle- Why is he hosting anything?

Heatherette- Richie just purses his lips too much

Michael Kors- Makes some of the ugliest mens clothes I've ever seen, Who is he to Judge?

Mary Cheney- Daddy's little lesbian, how nice for her....

Focus For Change Concert

Hey Kids,

Its been a while since I went out on the town. Its been mostly poker nights with the gals but that has become a bore.

I was thrilled when Kate Pierson from the B-52's called me and asked me to go to the Focus For Change Concert. It was being hosted by that hunk of a man Gael Garcia Bernal. Peter Gabriel also hosted but he's a bit old for me now. This concert is to promote Human rights or something, who knows anymore???

I was thrilled when I hopped in the car and Fred Schneider was there to. Although I have to say he looks a lot like my aunt Trudie now. It is a bit sad when rock stars get old. It's like looking at feedback from a microphone if we actually could see what that looks like...

Of course they busted out the medicinal weed....I usually don't smoke but when someone offers I usually take a bit. I had a hit or two but then when I told Kate she looked thin I knew it was time to stop.

We hopped out of the car, well I rolled out and was whisked down the red carpet. I'm tired of the handlers at these things. Kate and Fred squeezed me out....I never get my red carpet glory. Luckily I was swept right in front of Gael...yawza. What a hunk of a man that is....I grabbed him and gave him a big wet kiss right on the lips.

Gael was taken a bit off guard but he went with it and dipped me a la ballroom style and returned the favor. My blouse popped open and he even took a look at the knockers... He then asked me who I was?

Its always fun to meet someone new so I gave him the quick history. He added that he must have me be an extra in one of his films so I slipped him my card.

Yes, people right into the front pocket......he really is a big star. Very gracious and very eager to please.... I had to run to the ladies to fix the lips after that. Kate came in and said she couldn't believe my spunk. The press had seen it all and were ready to start a rumor.

Oh, please, I said. I still think he's as gay as a picnic basket.....

Kate got a little uncomfortable when I brought up the fact that I owned a bordello in Bangkok. I think she forgot about that even though my girls gave her a massage on more than one occasion when the b-52's came to rehearse for their tours in my cabaret. I told Kate, don't worry my girls were always over 18. I'm all about human rights but she insisted on leaving right away....whatever


The night otherwise was a big bore but that's what most of these events are like...

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! goes Britney Spears

Hey Kids,

I got a frantic call from Lynn Spears the other day. She had been talking to Betty Degenerous about Britney's panty problem and Betty recommended she call me for advice.

I'm always ready to help, for a price of course.

Lynn asked me how to get Britney to wear underwear again. She said that since Brit's been separated she's been walking around the house with a long tee and nothing else. All the while bending over picking up baby toys and such, exposing her cooter. Lynn says she has no shame...

I told Lynn that it's simple, All you need is a rubber band and some hot sauce.

Lynn seemed perplexed and didn't say a word.

I said Lynn if you want me to help I need a promise of a grand and two cases of Mumms..

Lynn said no problem

I went on to explain that every time Britney bends over exposing her cooter she should take an elastic band , dip it in hot sauce and shoot it at her clit. She'll scream and eventually will realise that she needs a panty to protect her minge. I mean really after the pics i saw I'm sure she has sand and dust up there...its sad.

Lynn said she would try it even though she didn't believe in punishment. I told Lynn that this wasn't a punishment. I told her she was actually saving the world!! She was empowered and finally agreed she'd do it.

I'll keep you updated on if it worked. It should, I did it all the time to Berna when she went through the teddy with no panties phase back in the early 90's.

Kisses, MargOH!

Stoli's Robo-Tripping

Hey kids,

I knew there was something odd going on when i noticed all of my Sudafed and NyQuil kept
disappearing from my Medicine cabinet. I have had a stubborn cold and Cuchie went to the drug store the other day and everything is gone already. I mean ,I could understand my vodka running out in a day or even a few hours but not cold remedies, never. I had her run out for more right away.

So then I put a camera in the bathroom to find out what was going on. I let it run all day yesterday and I couldn't believe my eyes.

Well, I find out that Cuchie is having a bit of a thing with an Asian delivery guy who was obviously sticking more than menu's through the crack of the door. She better scrub that bathtub out!!!

I fast forwarded through that mess and see Stoli downing the whole bottle of NyQuil then half a box of Sudafed. I went straight to her room and she was all fucked up and said she was "Robo-Tripping". I guess all the kids are doing it but Stoli keeps forgetting she's 26.

I was in a huff because I had gotten her a PA job on "The View", thanks Rosie... but she was so messed up she forgot to go in......

I told Stoli that her Mama may like to drink and enjoy a little recreational weed from time to time but missing work is a no, no!!!!!!!!!!! So I shook her until she puked and called "The Betty Ford Clinic".

They owe me a free bee from that time I spent 2 days there ( Sully sent me under false pretenses). They asked me to leave because I drank all the rubbing alcohol...it's the same as vodka, just a little stronger. They said if I left they would give me a voucher for a family member....so it's time to pay up.

They work fast, a man in a little white coat came and got her by the end of day. I gave him a $50 dollar bill and asked that he make sure she's not home for Christmas.

Stoli was kicking and screaming saying she'd never do it again and this was all unnecessary. She also added that none of this would have ever happened if "stumpy" was here.

So I said "Well Stumpy's not here, is he Stoli.....is he".....

I'll say it again Motherhood is a Troublesome Burden

Kisses, MargOH!

New Show in the works

Hey Kids,

I am in the process of creating a new live show to perform in 2007....It takes me a bit and a few dirty martini's to come up with a concept.

The next show will be called "What Makes a Legend Drink Most?"

I am planning some original songs for this one and I did a first draft of my first one to feast your eyes on.....This will be my first dive into songwriting so who knows what the melody will be....


Pretty Face

Too bad, she‘s got such a pretty face
Oh, how I wish she were thin
I’m sure Paris, Lindsey and Ashley O think it’s the case
Oh how her life would begin without that sagging chin
Too bad, she’s got such a pretty face

I think I need a glass of gin, Ashley mix me that right away
I don’t care what Lindsey has to say
There is nothing this body can’t begin to do
Oh,Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back (Chorus)
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact,Mary-Kate pass me that cheese fondue (Chorus)

Sometimes I wonder why people say what they say
It’s true I do have a pretty face
It’s a dog eat dog world but this fat girl will make her way
No, no Lindsey not by eating my weight in strawberry parfaits
This is who I am and how I’d like to stay

(Repeat Chorus)

Sometimes I wonder why people say what they say
Imagine a perfect world, who am I to judge?
It’s a dog eat dog world but this fat girl will make her way
It’s true I do have a pretty face, Mary-Kate pass me that chocolate fudge
This is who I am and how I’d like to stay

(Repeat Chorus)


I think I need a glass of gin, Ashley mix me that right away
I don’t care what Paris has to say
There is nothing this body can’t begin to do
Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact, Mary-Kate pass me that cheese fondue

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! goes Ugly

Hey Kids,

Sorry I've been on the DL but my agent Shecky Burns landed me a role in "Ugly Betty" and I had been filming like mad. I was given the part of "Mad Mode Lady" # 6. I'll be in an elevator scene. It was my first elevator scene since I did stand in work for Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction"....This role was a little less demanding..Michael Douglas stunk to high heaven. Let CZJ have him.

It was a blast and I loved the cast. Especially that Eric Mabius, mmmm MargOH! got a bit overheated over the food table. Well, I also got a little sweaty because I had to assist Vanessa Williams with putting on her panty girdle, not to hide any fat but to conceal her overgrown muff.

Vanessa told me she doesn't believe in waxing, its not natural!!!

America(Betty) and Mark Indelicato (Justin) were also adorable and very kind to the old gal. Justin asked for my autograph because he knew I had been married to Rodney Allen Rippy and he was one of his mothers idols...how cute.

I couldn't believe how much fun I had even though i was paid scale unlike most of my other work but I figured it's a hot show so what the hell.

On other news! Berna is not back in the fold as of yet because she is still acting up. I love Cuchie, she's a real workhorse. The house is so clean and she even makes me Gluten Free cookies. She even has Stoli doing her chores and finally talked her out of wearing the diaper. Berna is hard at work with Kathie Lee at MSG assisting her with "Annie". Carlo is now driving for Ms. Gifford as well. I just got my invite to Kathie Lee's Christmas ball again but I may pass this year and go to something more trendy...who know's.

I'll be back kids....

Kisses, MargOH!

Thanksgiving part 2

Hey Kids,

I know you've been waiting......Well I've been drinkin....LOL

I'm not sure where I left off but anyway Cuchie made a huge dinner, then Berna and her new fiance Carlo showed up with Berna Begging for her job back and of course my love. Then to my surprise my sister Rita and Sully made a pilgrimage to my abode....how fun. Rita also brought her porn pal Jenna Jamelson, not Jenna Jameson...Jenna Jamelson is the Granny Tranny of the over 60 porn set. Sully was drunk as a skunk on a bottle of boonesfarm wine , she called one of her "Pussycat Dolls" to join us as well seeing they were in town for the "Jingle Ball". This party was becoming a Kennel club especially after Glen-da the super stopped by with her new mate Henryetta.

Henryetta is a bit of a hairy gal with a musty odor so i sat her at the kids table with Stoli (who is still insisting on wearing a baby tee and training bra with daisy dukes and a diaper)...she can't really be mine.

Mickey and Jan Rooney came a bit late because they had a dinner for the OTB set, Mickey joined Jeff for a few duets with Jarad tinkling those keys...It was all turning into a grand time until Berna and Cuchie started battling each other about who would carve the turkey. Cuchie has got a bit of a temper and accidentally carved Berna's finger by mistake, I think... Berna then stuck Cuchie's face into the boiling gravy.

Sully of course jumped into the action trying to apply fish bone salve to their wounds...but accidentally poured her nip of vodka into Berna's cut prompting her to slap her across the room. Rita then lunged over the table and pulled Berna's earring out of her ear. It was all turning into a debacle when to my surprise Bette Midler(I worked with her in "The Rose" as "concert whore # 6") came in to say hi.

Bette was in town for the Rockefeller tree lighting ceremony that happened last night. She strolled in and jumped into a version of "Rockin around the Christmas tree" that blew us all away. . Jarad held his own with Bette, it was wonderful. Bette couldn't believe her eyes as to the goings on so she took a snort of "Stoli"... the vodka, not my DNA daughter. Then her and I did a duet of "Boogie woogie Bugle Boy" that sent Glen-da and Henryetta into a full out Lindy..... It was amazing.

Bette is a magnet for people and she demands attention so of course she soothed the savage beasts (Cuchie and Berna). She is really a wind beneath our wings...

I thought everyone was under Bette's spell until I heard Jarad yelling for help from the bathroom. I had to almost knock the door town and when i got in Sully and Jenna were completely nude and had him cornered in the spa tub. It was a Thanksgiving memory I'd like to erase but luckily Jarad passed out from the terror of it all. Jenna and sully started making out so I pulled Jarad out and let them be....

Poor Bette had to pee so I let her use my potted plant, she's a Brooklyn girl through and through. Then she said her goodbye's and whisked out like she was on a cloud....

Happy Thanksgiving kids....

MargOH!

Bad MargOH!

Hey kids,

Guess what? Mama's got Jury duty again.

They didn't fall for the Fidel story again, though it is very true.....

I'm being sequestered at a luxurious downtown hotel. There is a hot Juror # 6 whom has taken a liking to little old MargOH! Yum, Yum....

I'm so busy with Juror # 6 that I haven't had time to finish my Thanksgiving day post. I'll just tell you that the party got wild with Sully returning, a pussycat doll...basically a gangs all here balls to the wall party....

I'll be back! Now order me a bottle of Mumms and a shrimp cocktail Juror # 6.

Kisses, MargOH!

Thanksgiving Day drama

Hey Kids,

I had not planned on doing anything for Thanksgiving just because of all the recent craziness going on but Cuchie insisted.

I called up a few of the gang, Polly Holiday, Diane Keaton, Mickey and Jan, Shirley Bassey, Glen-da the super and Princess McCool. I told them Cuchie was just making some food and to stop by for some champers. My fiance Jeff was going to be singing and my darling piano man Jarad was going to tinkle the keys.

The doorbell rang at about 1pm and to my surprise Berna was standing there with a look of sorrow on her face. I let her in and took her things and she hugged me, well almost crushed me and I pushed her away. Stoli got in between us just in case a brawl started.

I couldn't believe it...the old bitch apologized and begged for her job back. Well, it being thanksgiving I told her I'd think about it but for now she could just eat and get off to Kathie Lee's.

The Berna went over to Jarad and whispered in his ear and she busted into song...singing "I'm telling you I'm not going" from Dreamgirls. She was well just amazing...Cuchie, Stoli, and Glen-da jumped to our feet. It was an inspired performance. Berna then went on to straighten up the whole house. I hadn't seen her do that much work since 1978.

I started to wonder what the motive was....then it entered. She went back outside and brought in a guy she met in Italy named Carlo. Berna told everyone that they were engaged and needed a place to stay. I figured something was up!

Oh, Crap I gotta run...I'm headed to Joan Rivers for a drinky. I saw her last week at "race to deliver".

I'll continue the story asap..it gets a bit wild.

Kisses, MargOH!

Berna's wearing a Pink Slip

Hey Kids,

It's been a long time coming but after two days of complete and utter confusion and despair I have decided to let my wardrobe mistress Berna Breckenridge go.

It has been 38 years since I saved Berna from her bland and boring life in Rhode Island.

I was on a promotional tour for "Common Law Cabin" and letting people take pictures of my knockers when Berna approached and cupped my perky bosom's.

She looked very sad so I grabbed her by the head and stuck her face right in between my mighty mountains (I have since had a major reduction). Berna was beside herself and got all red and was a glow for her Photo Op. Ya know after going down memory lane I think Berna may have Lesbian tendencies.

Anyway, we left the event and headed to Federal Hill for a bit of pasta when Russ Meyer leaned over the table and told me that my admirer was standing outside watching us. He was right, there was Berna holding her photo of us and looking even sadder so I waved her in. We had to get her a bench because she couldn't fit into the chairs, the poor thing, she was pitiful.

We drank wine and talked about how Berna had just lost her job as a maid at the hospital after she was caught giving a blow job to a patient... Oh, dear... and then she went on to say she lost her apartment. It was actually Russ who told Berna to come with us and that he would make her a Production assistant on his next film.

Berna was at my side for the rest of that tour. She really served as my body guard at first. I swear she could throw a 200 pound guy straight across the room if they got out of hand. Berna was not all fun and games at first, you see, she had a strong sexual appetite and was a big slut. I don't know how many times on that tour I had to go find her at a truck stop bathroom. it didn't matter I kind of liked her spunk.

My time being a Russ Meyer gal was short lived and I made the one and only film due to my unfortunate accident. I don't talk much about this but in 1968 my breasts killed a man by accident during a night of unbridled passion. His name was Johnny and he was a tit man of the highest order and he was enjoying my melons , licking, sucking and bouncing, when I realized he stopped it was too late. I suffocated him!!!! It was horrible!!!!! The police told me they wouldn't press charges if I had a breast reduction so I did.

Berna was by my side the whole time when everyone else left me. That's when she started as my personal assistant. Russ felt bad about not being able to use me again so he lined me up a lot of extra work and that's how it all started.

Berna's done a lot of crap as of late and not too mention the whole concealing my pregnancy thing...

She tried to seduce poor little Rodney once when he was drunk on Ripple.

She stole my trans am in the 80's on a road trip in Bangkok and ran over 2 rickshaw drivers while partying with the Olsen Twins.

Berna threw a surprise party for me on my 40th birthday and forgot to invite people so I thought no one showed up.

She ran off with passport in Cuba because she was pissed I slept with Castro. I was stuck in Cuba for 2 months.

She was the one who yelled out "We don't sell food here, just Pussy" to Madonna when she came into my 25 seat cabaret, bordello, escort service asking for Pad Thai. Then it burned to the ground about 25 minutes after she stormed out.

Recently she got us evicted after having a wild party for my sister Rita where she banged Gary Busey....

And as you know she stole my invitation to the TomKat wedding and went herself and is now cleaning Sophia Loren's toilets.

It's all too much so I have informed Sophia to let Berna know I have hired Diane Keaton's shoe mistress Cuchie to takeover as my Wardrobe Mistress.

She is currently packing all of Berna's things. I am having her send everything to Kathy Lee Gifford's. I am not completely heartless so I arranged for her to torture Kathy lee's family for a while. Just in time for Kathy's performance in "Annie" at Madison square garden. She's thrilled, she loves Berna for some reason so she can have her.

Its an end of an era for MargOH! but Berna has pushed my last button!!!!!

Cuchie is eager to please and I am looking forward to my life without Berna....

I'll keep you updated on Cuchie's integration into the household. The second thing she is responsible for after packing up Berna is finding Stoli an apartment asap....she's also driving me nuts....

Kisses, MargOH!

Berna Goes TomKat

Hey Kids,

This is insane!!!

I did get an invite to TomKats wedding in Italy but I couldn't be bothered after what he did to
my darling Brooke Shields. Then I found out that she was going so I said what the hell, I'll go. I was a scientologist for about 20 minutes back in the day.

I yelled out, "Berna book me a flight to Italy", but no Berna to be found. I then went into my nightstand to get the invitation but I couldn't find it? As soon as I was closing the drawer the phone rang so I went to answer it. It was Sophia Loren's maid Rosetta speaking in very garbled english. All I could hear was blah, blah, blah and then Berna, blah, blah, blah, then Berna. Then Sophia got on the phone. "Hello , MargOH! darling, its been too long, how are you?.

I answered,"I'm fine Sophia, but I'm supposed to be going to TomKats wedding, are you going, I can't find my invitation?"

Sophia then started getting loud... "Please MargOH!...that silly wedding, I can't be bothered. Your worker Berna is at the front door asking for lodging". "She said you told her it was okay to stay at my villa".

I then flipped out and told Sophia to tell her to get her ass back to NY at once. Sophia then told me that Berna was going to TomKats wedding. Berna would not come to the phone but I could hear Sophia telling Berna she could stay as long as she cleaned the 13 bathrooms top to bottom because her bathroom assistant ran off the other day. Berna agreed..

I told Sophia that this was ridiculous and I needed Berna back right away. Sophia told me it was my fault that I couldn't handle my staff and Berna would probably be there a month cleaning bathrooms.

I'm gonna ring her neck. Berna can't be trusted at events like weddings....god she's probably told everyone she's me. People will think I've lost it, gained weight, a hideous beast.....

Then I ran to the closet and noticed her only gown was missing....It's made of Rubber...Oh! lord she's proabably turned the wedding into a sex party...we'll I guess that wouldn't be bad. I hope she didn't talk to Jim Carey...

I'll let you know what I hear!!

Crap, MargOH!

Pretty Little Head

Hey Kids,

You know I'm up on the times kids, especially with good music, new and old...

I know between bad and good...

Like I know that Nemesis really stinks!

One thing I know for sure is that my darling Nellie Mckay's new CD "Pretty Little Head" is good.

I gave the CD a few listens before I made any decisions about a review.

Then I drank 4 dirty martini's and listened again...It was still good....even better.....

"Pretty Little head" is another ear pleaser from Nellie. She blends many different styles of music, sometimes within the same song, that somehow always seems to work.

I love the blends she hits in "Pink Chandelier". My favorite song is "Cupcake" which is Nellie's gay marraige song and it is light and fresh.

The thing I love about the song is that it has a pop sensibility and a head swaying beat that should get airplay but with the taboo subject may not, sad... Jesus would approve....love it

I also love "Mama and Me" which is written most likely about her relationship with her mother Robin(who is a hoot by the way)...It also reminds me a bit about my love/hate relationship with Sully, that old witch.

I wonder if asking for a suicide pill is something Nellie did as a kid just to get under Robins skin....The point though is that the song makes you think about it and that is what is special about Nellie.

Then there is "Bee Charmer" a duet with Cyndi Lauper, its great and their voices almost seem as one in this song, I love it.

Overall "Pretty Little Head" is a grand album with Nellie coming through with all of her fighting spirit in tune. Every song is special and I am happy that Nellie stood her ground for the full CD release.

When I listen to Nellie's songs I feel like we'll overcome whatever it is that's against us.

She is an original.

Kids, do yourself a favor and download or go buy Nellie's "Pretty Little Head".

It gets 4 out 5 Martini glasses.

Oh Crap, I just broke a glass so now it gets 4 out of 4 martini glasses..... which means it's near perfect!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Sully shipped back

Hey Kids,

Thankfully I sent my mother Sully back to Alaska.

She was a nightmare, taking over the house, and she even dressed up like me to go to the Hulaween event and harrassed Bette Midler, calling her a bathhouse skank. Then she ran off and did back-up for "The Pussycat Dolls" after wooing them with her shanty songs. I swear she's like a child sometimes.

I had enough and sent her packing, first to my sister Rita's in San Diego , let her deal with her, and then back to the retirement home. Of course she gave me a fight and called me an ungrateful daughter. Then added that she was just about to film a granny porn that she applied for on craigslist. Disgusting!!!

Sometimes I wish I was a motherless Child......

Kisses, MargOH!

Stoli goes BABY!

Hey kids,

I am just about at the end of my rope....

There is not much going on at the moment, my agent Shecky is on an extended vacation and will not answer any of my calls.

I lost my voiceover job for "Smuckers" due to the fact that they wanted fat ass Willard Scott to do the next few commercials. Yes, that is right kids MargOH! has been the voice of "Smuckers" since 2002. The guy who originally did the voice lent it out to a porn indie on the internet called "Smuckersluts" so they fired him. I stepped in perfectly! The producers couldn't believe how much I sounded like a jam hungry old man. This also means I am losing my years supply of "Smuckers" which I've had berna selling door to door for extra cash, damn it!!!

The "Dallas" film is still not shooting yet..pre-production woes...bastards. Now all I have is the "Jitterbug" campaign in January...What's a girl to do? Have a drink I guess

Thats just the beginning....Stoli is just a pain in the ass. I can't believe that any child of mine would act the way she does. Very spoiled!!!

The other day she came home with baby bottles, diapers and baby food informing me that she needed to re- live her motherless childhood. The next thing I know she took a dump and asked me to change her . She's gone nuts... so I quickly spiked some apple juice with vodka and a sleeping pill and shoved that bottle in her mouth. She was out like a light.

I then threw her in the shower and had Berna clean her up...

Motherhood is a tragic burden!

Kisses, MargOH!

looking Gorgeous

Kirsty Alley goes Apeshit!!!!!

Hey Kids,

There is a scandel a brewin. It is crazy!!!

I got a call from Kirsty Alley's people telling me that Kirsty was about to go
apeshit over not winning the "Spoksey".

She is screaming foul play. They added that they have insider information that she was the top vote getter for the prize. She is accusing me of rigging the competition.

"How dare she, I would never", I screamed. I had no idea what they were talking about? I'm innocent. I can't help it if the Japanese love me!!!(I won for my Fat-so- matic promo only seen in Japan). In fact Kirsty was rated obnoxious by 6 out 10 people.

I agree, Kirsty Alley is the enemy, fat or thin she still looks like a bird of Prey.

"She actually finished 8th for her Jenny Craig spots", I added

Then her guy said "How did you know that?, is it not true that you are the originator and founder of the "Spoksey"?. Isn't your sister Rita the VP of this organization'.

"No its not true", I added.."Yes, Rita is the VP of voting but it was my friend and mentor Hickory Thicket(the Maria Callas of Spokesmodeling) who is the founder, of "Spokesperson International" not me".

The he started yelling saying that "I am an old drunk trying to keep Kirsty from what she rightly deserves"

"Yeah, so what", I replied with a spatter of laughter

"The so what is that Kirsty is pissed and was telling all the scientologists about her misfortune at the hands of an extra", he added

At that moment I could have jumped through the phone and rung his neck, that bitch!!!

"She's won before for that god damn "Pier one commercial", whats the issue". I deserve it for all of the hard work, the many years I suffered waiting around for the stars to get their lines right, please!!! Drew Barrymore took 65 takes in the last film I did. I had to make 65 mocha latte's at starbucks(Starbucks lady # 13)...All she had to say was "I love you"......argh!!!!!

"Anyway Ms. Channing, Kirsty will be getting to the bottom of this, I will be in touch" and he slammed the phone down

What an ass....This better not effect my job with "The Jitterbug". I better call Hickory

I'll keep you posted

Kisses, MargOH!

Vintage MargOH! Performance "Duplex"

Sully's in the slammer

Hey Kids,

Its been a rough day...

I got a call at 7am from the Newark police station saying that Sully had been arrested for indecent exposure. I guess she had been at a party with a "Pussycat Doll" and ended up drinking a bottle of Jack. She then tried to get some rapper named go-modee to give her a good banging but they were so disgusted they told her to get out and called her a cab...

I guess she got as far as Newark when she tried it with the cabbie BoBo and he dropped her off on the highway. She had very little cash. Whenever Sully's got no cash she always tries to hitchhike flashing her breasts. She does still have a nice set of ta ta's I must say for a woman of her age.

Well I guess she flashed one two many times and got a copper to pull over and they took her in.

They asked me what to do with her. I of course asked if they could keep her but they said no. Berna and I had to go get her ass, I used Shirley's limo...thank god!!

To make matters worse, after we picked her up and got home Stoli was back. Done with her role on "Days of our Lives" already and holding the DNA results in her hands.

She ran to me screaming "Mamma".

"Oh Christ", I said...

"Make your Mamma a drink would ya Stoli", I added.

The I turned to Berna and slapped her in the face.

"I had the right to choose and you took that away from me", I screamed


Took a sip of my Stoli and tonic and said

"Oh, Crap we gotta go vote"....

Kisses, MargOH!

Video Blogging?

Hey Kids,

Would anyone be interested in a MargOH! video Blog? I've been thinking about it? What are your thoughts? Any idea's of what you would like to see...besides my gorgeous self. I can perform, or do little numbers I suppose and of course mix cocktails....

Let me know your thoughts? I know you are out there Kiddies!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Jitterbug Tour

Hey Kids,

Since I won my Spoksey the product endorsements keep rolling in.

I never heard of any of them though... Well I guess I saw the add for the "Tweezie". Oh, yes and I actually have "The Owl" for those nights I go to darkly lit bars, well that's everynight.

Anywho the one that is the most interesting is "The Jitterbug" cell phone. It is geared toward senior citizens. It has big numbers and even a speed dial to 911, how fun.

I am not sure why they want me seeing is that I am a few years from Social Security but who am I to turn down big bucks to help the old people.

They want me to do a retirement community tour called "Jitterbug Across America" in the "Hopping Jitterbug Bus". It all sounds so exciting to me and they want to pay me six figures, amazing. I'm down with the "Jitterbug" kids!!!

Even more exciting is that Mickey Rooney will be joining me as co-spokesperson for this venture. Can you imagine Mickey and me singing and dancing our way across America doing the Jitterbug song!! It'll be grand.

I already called Mickey and we think we're going to do a duet to "Wake me up before you go go" by Wham....too fun I say.

The tour starts January 2 so we have time to get it together. First stop is Boca and then to Ft. Lauderdale and on and on and of course ending in Alaska at Sully's home away from home....The Gorton's Fish mongers retirement home.

Not that she is there. I haven't heard anything from her since she went on the road with the "Pussycat dolls". I did get a bit of information from my sister Rita that Sully ripped off her top at a party at P-diddy's. I can't believe her.....

Kids, get your "Jitterbugs"

Kisses, MargOH!

Big as a house

Hey kids,

I'm big as a house right now! I've been eating like crazy since my shows ended! I put on a stone at least.

Berna is no help, she's been making me these huge meals fit for 2 queens every night.

I feel as if i need help...overeaters or something. Though I did hear that red wine assists in weight loss. I sent Berna out for a case of Chianti, that should last the weekend.

Oh who really cares, at my age...I can still get any man I want and I do....

I guess I've been thinking about what this woman said in the dressing room of Bergdorf's when I was trying on a a wrap dress that didn't quite wrap around my tummy. She said...."it's too bad you have such a pretty face"

I fucking hate that statement so I took a belt and started smacking her around with it...now who's got the pretty face bitch, I screamed...You're pretty fucking ugly you sick and twisted skinny bitch. I'll fucking kill you!!!!! Berna pulled me back!! as she lay bleeding all over my Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress.

As I woke up from my daydream I said "At least I can be a Dove girl" and walked out with my fat ass and head held high.

Kisses, MargOH!

DLounge Pics

Hey Kids,

Here are a couple of awesome pics that my Fiance Jeff took during my performance at the dlounge...I think they are just lovely and catch how fabulous I am and what a great photographer he is!!! He is a master at catching moments rather than just taking a picture. I also think he was hammered at the time so that always helps too!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

BOO!

Hey Kids,

Happy Halloween from Kim Fung and me!!!

I'm off to Bette Midler's Hulaween party and then to Nellie McKay's record release and Halloween party. I thought I was going to have nothing to do, silly MargOH!

I am a star afterall damn it!!!!

Watch out for the ghosts and gobblins and of course Sully, she's on the road with the Pussycat Dolls, very scarey!!!!

I got Stoli a job as a walk on nurse on "Days of our Lives" so she's out of my hair for a while.....

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH!'s A winner

Hey Kids,

I just found out that I was voted "Spokesperson of the Year" by Spoksey International...I can't believe it.

I did an infomercial only seen in Japan for a product called "Fat-so-matic". A diet pill for people who wanted to think they were losing weight. It was a huge seller!!!

I am being flown to Pittsburgh for the presentation at the Spoksey international conference....how exciting

Here is the list of the top 5 vote-getters

1. MargOH! Channing for "Fat-So-Matic"
2. Lindsey Wagner for "The Sleep Number Bed"
3. Marie Osmond- "The Marie Osmond Collection"
4. Wilfred Brimley- "Anything for Diabetes"
5. Dove Girls- "fat girls in Dove add campaign"

Thank you to all of my japanese fans for your votes...I love you all

Kisses, MargOH!

I'm thrilled I beat that Lindsey Wagner, she was the reason I lost my role as Fembot # 6 by making me do boiler makers the night before the shoot, she's a drunk!!!!

Sully's serenade

Hey Kids,

Yes Sully is still here, I can't get rid of her. She went out one afternoon and came back with a Pussycat... not a cat but a Pussycat Doll.

She 's been hanging out with Melody, going out to dinner, movies and after hours parties. I don't know how the hell she met her and neither of them will say.

Melody told me I was horrible for keeping my mother in Alaska. I told Melody to bite it and that Sully Loves the fish mongers retirement home...She has all the fish and men she wants...jeez. Melody added that I should at least put her in a home closer...obviously Sully has charmed this pussycat doll.

Sully likes to sing shanty songs and they are wonderful, she has a fabulous voice and she knows how to get people to think she's fabu. Melody is now trying to get Sully to do back up on their tour. She said it would give them granny cred, whatever that means.

I can't deal with that Sully. She's always trying to steal my thunder. it should be I doing back -up for the Pussycat dolls, not my damn mother!!!!!

I'm calling the home, they must get her out of here!!!! She's not coming with me to Nellie's Record release party on Halloween!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Family Portrait

Hey Kids,

Can you believe Stoli wants to get a mother/daughter photo done?She says she missed out on normal family things and wants to catch up. She said she wants to rent a car and go to Sears in New Jersey.

I'm a little freaked out, not about the photo but the slutty schoolgirl skirt she
bought to wear. It's a bit skimpy.... plus she is 26 or 27..I'm not quite sure. We are still waiting for the actual DNA sample. I had to go give a second one because they said that the first one I gave was too vodka soaked to get a reading..I told them not to take a saliva sample...ding dongs.

Also I got a call from Stumpy's sister Stella telling me that Stoli is a little terror and that I should keep all the knives in the house locked up. I guess she likes to carve her name on things like walls and arms....I think Stella is fibbing...I haven't seen Stoli be violent, she just stares at me sometimes... creepy!!! She did ask me to see SAW III....mmmmm. I did get her a meeting with my agent Shecky Burns and he thinks he can get her a walk-on for "Passions" next week. I hope so. I just got my call back from "Dallas" and am on my way back to Texas, yuk!!!

I'll keep you posted plus my wild afternoon with Ethan Hawke....

Kisses, MargOH!

I've been wikipedia.....very strange

Hey Kids,

I've been a blog loser lately. There's been so much going on I can't believe it let alone sit down a write about it.. but I will this week, I promise!

Sally Kirkland called me and told me she was looking for a pic of mine to print out and put in a frame, how sweet.... She did a search on the internet and found that I was on Wikipedia. I looked and its true but they got the story all wrong. I am not sure who this BT Shea is? I am my own creation damn it!

Its taken me many years of sleeping with the right and wrong people to get where I am today. A little bit of hard work as well... and a lot of booze to get through the day.

Berna is the one from RI so I am sure she is behind this latest stab in the back. I'm sure that this BT Shea is a wonderful person and is a fabulous writer but MargOH! is original.

My character is one of a kind! I must get to the bottom of this....Its lies, all lies...

I'll be back with more about Ethan, Stoli and Sully....

Kisses, MargOH!

Please see the Wikipedia text below

"MargOH! Channing" is a popular character created and performed by Rhode Island and New York artist/writer BT Shea.

She is described as "the most decorated extra in the history of motion pictures and television", "the simple daughter of a fish monger from Bangor, Maine who made it to the big time".

First seen in nightclubs in Providence and throughout Rhode Island in the early 1990's she has since made her mark in New York with a succesful two year run on MNN (Manhattan Neighborhood Network) with her show, aptly titled "The MargOH! Channing Show", hosting guests such as Penny Arcade, Michael Musto and Nellie Mckay.

Recently she made her cabaret debut with succesful shows at the legendary Duplex Cabaret as well as the newly opened Dlounge at the Daryl Roth Theatre in Union Square.

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MargOH%21_Channing"

Stoli's driving me crazy

Hey Kids,

Motherhood is exactly what I thought it would be, a pain in the ass. Now I know why my mother hated me. Oh yeah by the way Sully just arrived last night. She was suppose to come to my show in September. She hopped a freight train in Alaska and made it as far as Colorado but then got caught and was forced into hard labor to pay for the ride. She finally paid off her debt and then took the Greyhound and showed up at my damn door last night.

She is driving me nuts already with her thongs hanging in my shower, etc....yuk.

She met Stoli and informed her that there was no way she was a Channing and that we need to have the DNA test. Sully said she didn't have the Channing hump around the shoulders. Stoli spat in her face of course, she's a very rude gal, not like myself at all.

Berna's laughing the whole time and chanting MargOH!'s a mommie at me....bitch

She's also starting to demand money for low rise jeans and baby tees. She is 26 and I'm not up to pampering her.

God, I gotta go! Sully and Stoli are standing over me asking about lunch. I'm taking them to the diner across the street, Cosmos... I'll be back to update you on the DNA test scheduled for tomorrow. I just wanna make sure!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Blog boink

Hey Kids,

I've been so busy that I haven't blogged in a few days. I am writing a few so I'll be posting asap. I had breakfast with Ethan Hawke this morning, very hot...Talk about Legs and eggs, yikes..

Kisses, MargOH!

The Night from Hell to Stoli

Hey Kids,

Of course you know I'm back for a spell and last night the shit hit the fan.

Stoli came a knockin and Berna went apeshit. She lost her kool and demanded that she leave at once. I of course stepped in to make sure she stayed so I could get the info out of Berna.

Well we all sat down and Berna denied any involvement in the matter at all. I knew she was lying so i brought out the guns, well a package of double-stuff oreos. She started talking like mad. She's such a sucker for Oreo's but since the bypass she can only eat a few, poor dear.

Anyway she said that "Stumpy Jones" had followed us to Bangkok after we fled from "The Rodeney Allen Rippy Fan Club". Berna said that she gave me a little too much valium to calm my nerves. I was pretty much out of it for about a week after we landed. She added that "Stumpy" was hot for me and that he kept trying to sneak into the hotel room and Berna kept trying to keep him out but she said he must have slipped in because a few months later I started gaining weight. I said

"I'll say he slipped in", "it was a rape', "You're a rape baby Stoli"

She slapped me in the face and said that her father was not a rapist and she said it was my fault becaus of the way you used to ride on his wooden leg after he would take it off in between filming scenes from "The apple dumpling gang rides again".

I said " Oh, please.. I wasn't riding it, I had gotten crabs from Neil Sedaka, he was such a manslut back then"

Then i turned to Berna "So I was Pregnant?", I yelled.

She replied "Yes"

I screamed in agony and ran for the mini bar....

"How could I not Know" i said.

Berna replied, "I kept feeding you pills thinking you would miscarry but you didn't" "You were eating so much Pad thai that I convinced you that you were bloated".

Stoli chimed in "You two are horrible"

"Now I remember" I said. "Thats why on opening night of my 25 seat cabaret, bordello, escort service Toni Basil told me I looked pregnant and I should lay off the soy sauce and then ran on stage and nailed "Mickey".

"God, I can't believe this". Thats also why "Stumpy" stayed around mopping the floors and scrubbing the toilets.

Berna added... "When you were in the 9th month you started going into Labor but I told you it was a gal bladder attack and that you had to have it removed" "I had given you way too many drugs, You don't remember"

"Why", I asked

Berna said, "We couldn't have a baby, we were movers and shakers and I loved you, I wanted you all to myself".

"Yuk", i said

Stoli, chimed in.."Yeah so now it makes sense, you had cooked up the scheme to have my dad take me after the birth, just like he said"

"He did a good job didn't he, Berna's right, i couldn't have been a mother" "He did a great job, look at you, gorgeous but your name is a bit odd"

Berna yelled out "You named her, after the birth you were asking for a Stoli on the rocks and the nurse thought you wanted to name her Stoli and Stumpy kept it that way"

"Oh God, sorry dear"

I can't write anymore so I'll do a part 2....

Kisses,

Mother MargOH!

Barbra, Broads and rain

Hi Kids,

I had a last minute invite to the babs striesand concert with one of my main gays named "Boobala". I actually just met boob at a house party of another gay Todd I know but Boob has been sticking to me like glue, how fun! He works for one of the fashion mags and scored us some floor tickets. A little too close for comfort if you ask me, Babs needs a little work, she is 64 now and I don't think she's been under the knife yet. She does have good gene's though. I think her mother died a few years back at 93.

Anyway Boobala and I got whacked on Champagne, wow, by the time Babs got out on stage I was tipsy. I also brought my mini martin bar, its cute, it fits in my purse. It holds 4 nips of vodka, olives and a tiny little shaker, just add ice, its perfect.

Barbra WAs on her best behavior but Boobala was not and started yelling out to Babs asking her to drop the "F" bomb again. I was in a panic because Barbra looked a bit annoyed in her version of "My man". Bette Midler was there and told Boobala to shut the fuck up and then asked me for a Nip. I gave it to her ANd she downed it in one quick gulp, atta girl Bette.

I can't go throught the whole concert because honestly I fell asleep during IL Divo, actually they made me Ill. After that things just went south and I lost interest. I was also dismayed they sang "Evergreen" which is my favorite Babs song.

When we left it was pouring buckets and i was soaked waiting for a cab while Boobala was trying to pick up Jonathan Lipnicki, yikes, thats a whole other story...

I was suppose to go to my Martini club members Chris Tuttle's birthday bash but Babs and boobala just wore me out, my apologies Chris!!! you are a love!!!

Oops gotta run, Boobala and I are headed out for lunch with Jonathan, I guess he's trying to pitch a movie to HBO about his big head....


Kisses, MargOH!

Barbra, bangles and Tuttleicious

Hey Kids,

The shoot for the Dallas film has been postponed again so i am back in the city for a week.

Berna has already been annoying me and she says she know's nothing of Stoli, but I can tell she's fibbing. I'll get it out of her eventually..

Anywho, I'm very excited cause I'm going to see Barbra tonight at the garden. I'm going with a gay and then after that I'm running to Chris Tuttle's birthday celebration at Vlada, very exciting!!

I hope Babs drops the F-bomb again, how exciting. I have a little gossip about Bab's costumes.

I heard that Liza went back stage to say hi and barbra flipped over her sequin Pant suit and demanded that Liza give it to her immediatly.

Babs in a sequin pant suit, I was shocked, it looked fabulous.

I heard Liza looked terrible though in an empire waisted gown in the front row, very sad. Liza was overheard saying that she loved Barbra but she can be so demanding and that she better get her suit back. Liz Smith said, yeah right...you'll probably see it on ebay in six months...

Legends can be so funny, ya think?

I'll let you know how it was and hopefully I can cop a feel of Chris Tuttle's 30 year old butt, it's hot stuff kids!!!!! I think I'll buy him 30 dirty martini's, that should ensure some action....LOL

Kisses, MargOH!

Ain't nothing going on but the rent

Hey Kids,

I'm here in Dallas and guess what? Berna calls me from my home line informing me that she is back. How Nice... I started in on her about the whole Stoli nightmare but she cut me off again...

Berna then says there is another eviction notice under the door. It says I have until December 1st to get out.. Oh Christ! The building said they have decided to relocate their offices to my apartment.

What a bunch of Jackasses!!!!

I hate the rental game in NYC. I am lucky I'm not middle class because if I was I may be out on the street in a matter of no time.

I told Berna to get her ass in gear and find us a place asap. She said she was on it! The I heard someone in the background. I of course asked who she had over and she said it was Raul, Kathy Lee's pool boy. She said he wants to work for us and is tired of Kathy's sexual escapades and rampant orgies.

Great, another staff member. Now I know how Liza feels. She must have 10 people keeping her together...

Oh Yes, I just got a call from Liza's peeps offering me the gig of Liza's stand in and body double for her upcoming movie "Katie's Blues". How fun and I get to work in NY...hopefully I'll have a place to live...

Berna set me straight and told me that I was middle class by NYC standards, yikes!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

PS I put another pic from d-lounge for your viewing pleasure

Dallas

Hey Kids,

I'm in Dallas gearing up for my role in the Dallas movie, which I just heard, that J-lo dropped out so they are gonna shoot around her. Also there is a lovely indian woman directing now. How nice, I prefer male directors if you know what I mean.

I'm here a bit early because I am also helping with the coordination of the food.

I always do something more than my role.

Its always expected that I do a little extra seeing is I am the highest paid extra there is. I don't mind, I decided to go mexican and BBQ all the way.

Shirley MacLaine can suck down burritos like crazy. I'm meeting her tonight for a drink, Oh jeez,I gotta go, Shirley doesn't like to be kept waiting. I think she has a bladder issue now. I saw some depends in her trailer, yikes, poor thing...

I'll keep you updated!!

I put a pic of the d-lounge on just so you know i'm still gorgeous

Kisses, MargOH!

Loose Ends

Hey Kids,

Yes, I have to start taking care of some loose ends. First and foremost is my ass. It is sagging beyond belief. It time for a butt lift!! I'm off to the chinese plastic surgeon in China town, cheap as chips!!

Another loose end is the fact that I never shared with you if I was planning on getting married. I did decide to accept my proposal of marraige under a few conditions. The first being that we really don't have to live together, secondly I don't ever cook for him and thirdly is that he makes sure there is always a full case of champagne in both of our residences. I think these are simple requests, don't you?

It is my pleasure to say that MargOH! will wed her longtime director Jeff Catlow. It will be a very simple ceremony but the date has not been chosen. Jeff is much younger than I and I like having him around. He keeps me abreast of what the kids like these days, keeps me hip kids!! He's also a really good beard for when I like to dabble in the art of lesbianism.... watch out ladies....

I think it was a good decision and now I won't have to pay him for his directing services for my shows. Its very exciting. I will keep you updated on our wedding date!


I also saw my hypnotist yesterday and I'm working on some issues about Stoli. I did remember a few things but its not all together yet. I now remember gaining a lot of weight but I thought that was because of all the pad thai I was eating when I first moved to bangkok. I did also recall going to the hospital but Berna told me I was having my appendix and Gal Stones removed, it was very painful. It is all a bit of a blurr. I still don't remember banging Stumpy but Ms. Rizzario, the hypnotist, said I spoke of Stumpy being around and cleaning out the girls rooms, then something about riding a stump. I have to go back before I leave for dallas. I'm still not convinced that Stoli is mine but I'll tell you one thing I had 3 Stoli dirty Martini's afterwards but I usually prefer Belvedere....I'm scared!!!


Kisses, MargOH!

Coming back to me now

Hey Kids,

I did sleep with Stumpy Jones!!! I met with Stoli last eve and she had proof, a pair of my "Apple Dumpling Gang" commerative panties....I recognized them because Tim Conway and Don Knotts had signed them.

Stoli also fessed up that she had been following me and trying to figure out how to approach me.

I told her that I may have slept with Stumpy but I couldn't possibly been pregnant and given birth.

She went on to tell me that Stumpy told her that I was drinking a lot and using prescription meds after my divorce and was a bit out of it. This is true but I still think I would have remebered that? I also asked why Stumpy or yourself never contacted me earlier? It was all very strange.

She said that Stumpy took her away after the birth, that Berna had arranged for him to take her right after the delivery. Berna made him promise never to contact you or her again. My father took me and didn't tell me you were my mother until right before his death. She said she had no deal with Berna and she sought me out.


Berna's got some explaining to do!

I told Stoli that I don't remember any of this and I would have to gather myself and try and figure this out.

She asked if we could do a DNA test just to verify if it was true and if it was she wanted to move in with me. She added she wanted to be an actress like me and she needed my help.

I of course slugged down another dirty martini and told her I was off to texas to film the "Dallas" film and that I would do the DNA test whe I got back. I asked if she needed anything and she said she was staying with Stumpy's sister Stella in the bronx for now. She said she would wait til I got back but if I didn't do the DNA test she would go to the press.

Now I am being threatened... yikes. I left the meeting feeling a a bit perplexed so I headed over to Polly Holidays to ask her advice, she wasn't home. Then I called Madame Rizzario, my card reader and hypnotist to go get a reading. I am going to see her Monday!

I'll keep you posted, I'm off for Margarita's with Mandy Moore and Pink at La Palapa on St. Marks. Pink may produce my single... I'm very excited!!

I don't think I'll ever drink Stoli again!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Phoebe's painting of MargOH! and Nellie

Hi Kids,

I just received the painting of MargOH! and Nellie done by the my friend Phoebe. She is a fabulous artist and I can't wait until she does a show in NYC! She is a gorgeous person and very witty!!!!

I am re-posting the pic of the piece for your viewing pleasure

Thank you Phoebe, its fabulous!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Thank you Loves 2

Hey Kids,

I had a fabulous show on Friday. I rarely pat myself on the back but I must say I killed!!!

The 14th show I was a little off, well a little in the bottle and had a rough night I feel!

It of course is fabulous to do well and of course I have many people to thank!

My darling director and Singing Sensation Jeff Catlow. His rendition of "Fever" was a big hit and very sexy. "Things" was a hoot this time, very Sonny and Cher...

My dearest Ann Carr and her fabulous character Chris Cuttler(Outward bound Guru). You are a inspiration for my getting up on stage, Love ya!!!

The cute and smoldering and sexy piano guy Jarad Astin. Jarad is just great and I think at this point he is my dear friend and of course my Musical Diretor...very exciting, thank you doll!!!!


To my doorman and best friend Mike Dantico, move to the city already. He is the doorman of all doormen and can work a room like no other!! My shows never seem right when he's not around....Someone told me he looks a lot like Berna, mmmm I don't see it but to each his own!

To the d-lounge and Jason and the boys, great guys all around, very fun and willing to do whatever MargOH! wants... I think MargoH! will call the d-lounge her home base at the moment, its a fun joint and the drinks are pretty cheap!

I'm so inspired I think I am going to do a holiday show and I think it will be an ode to Sully. I will call it "A Fishmongers Christmas"

Kisses,

MargOH!

kids, I'll be back

Hey Kids,

Its been a wild weeekend and I'm recovering and I have a bit of an issue about my last post.

This girl named Stoli is now saying that I'm her mother. I think she is a bit tapped. I never had a baby, jeez. She's insisting I banged her father Stumpy Jones... I don't remember so I am meeting up with her again to get all of this settled. What a silly girl. MargOH! a mother please... I can barely fathom that..

I'll keep you updated!

Oh yes, Berna is still on the Lamb at Kathie Lee's but now I've heard she is also doing some light dusting at Eartha Kitts....

Kisses, MargOH!

Jury Duty and Stoli, yeah right!

Hey Kids,

Can you believe I was called for Jury Duty, Me! A celebrity of my magnitude! How dare they! Plus, I had to be there at 8:45am. I'm usually out until that time...How inconvenient!!!

I borrowed Shirley's driver to take me down there. Downtown is such a bore and I very rarely go down there. I decided to wear something skimpy so my boobs hung out a little. Maybe they would think I was a slut and let me go. I have my show tomorrow and this is most troublesome. I still have no Berna so who would take my bags, the Temp I got left as well! I am in a kawinkadink!

So I get there and they took my flask away, it kept going off in the metal detector, it was just cranberry juice... yeah right and a little vodka...Then as I passed the detector I saw the cop drinking it, pig!

I yelled "I better get that back on my way out!"

Then I was placed in this very dull room and forced to watch a film with loads of idiots and Diane Sawyer in it. Making us think its fun to be a juror...yuk. Thankfully some gal named Stoli recognized me. She leaned over and said.

"You are MargOH! Channing? right?

I replied "Well, yes"

Stoli said, "Oh I love your show and how could I ever forget that time you were on the "Munsters"

I couldn't believe she remembered my role as "Bank lady # 6 in "The Munsters".

She went on to say that her father was an extra for years and he always spoke of the legend of MargOH! and how you disappeared from the scene after your divorce. She said her father worked with me on "The Apple Dumpling gang rides again". I asked his name and she replied Stumpy Jones.She also said she had been wanting to contact me for years but couldn't find my number or my whereabouts.

I remember "Stumpy" , I said. He only had one leg and was always cast in pirate films or old west type crap.

Stoli said, that stumpy always talked about MargOH! best sex he ever had, she said

I replied. "I never had sex with Stumpy, Stoli, That was like 79, around the time I got caught with Neil Sedaka and my marriage was in trouble. I was in a bit of a haze around that time. That was the last thing I did before they called me "Box Extra Poison" .

"I really don't remember sleeping with your father but who knows", I added,
I was such a slut"

Stoli then said, that her dad spent the whole year with me, followed me to Bangkok and everything.

I couldn't remember any of this. I was in a fog. Then the clerk started calling names and of course they called mine. Crap!

So I got up and tried to tell them I couldn't possibly be a juror and that I had a show.

Stoli slipped me her number and made me promise to call her.

I was still shocked at all this info about Stumpy Jones so I gave her my number as well.

I then was brought into the Jury selection room and they started asking questions of the people. I had my answer ready. No matter what they asked me I knew what to say.

They got to me and asked me if I had ever used drugs.

I replied

"I slept with Fidel Castro in 1970, he banged me over his grand piano"

The next thing I heard was. You're dismissed and they stamped my card, not able to serve.

Great, thank goodness....


Now, I gotta call that Stoli! or is that drink some

Kisses, MargOH!

One More Show!

Hey Kids,

One more show to go for old MargOH! on Friday...

I just got a call from Sully. She is coming!!!

Crap, I can't beleive it. The fishmonger home pitched in for her to fly here but she got held up in Chicago because she tried to smuggle her fish oil suppository on board.

Yikes, so she was being questioned. I had to call and explain that Sully is no terrorist. She only terroizes my sister Rita and I... I added.

They agreed to let her go but didn't grant my request to send her back. The security guy says a daughter should look after a mother mmmmm Sully is no normal mother. She is 78 but looks like she's my age with a saltier edge to her. She has been dating an orderly at the home, he's 32. She's a slut

She's a nightmare, help!!!!!

This is why I need as many people I can to come to the show to take my mind off Sully.

Kisses, Kids

MargOH!

Demi damn crazy

Hey Kids,

So during fashion week I went to the Marc Jacobs show with my gal pal Sally Kirkland. I always go with Sally, she is the kook that fashionista's like to invite. I think it makes them feel like they still have a purpose if there are still fashion challenged celebrities. Sally tries but she is a tall gal with huge feet and for some reason she always tries to pull out her best Janis Joplin impersonation for FW.

Anywho, we were sat in the second row and I was plopped down next to Leon hall, my god if he gets one more facelift he's gonna look like , well I don't think he can look like anyone else, he's too odd looking. Anyway, he said, Maggie doll, you still doing movies. I said of course Leon, I just got done filming with Drew and Hugh in some crap romance film coming out soon. I told him about my shows and I think he may be coming on Friday...

Then all of a sudden the crowd went nuts, Demi and Ashton Kutcher walked in. You would think Princess Diana rose from the dead. Demi shot me a look and nodded to Sally. Ashton leaned in and gave me a big smacker on the cheek, Leon and sally as well, he's so metrosexual!!

I saw Demi grab his leg and demand he sit down. Ashton looked annoyed and kept talking to Sally, we'd never met so she introduced. Ashton was sweet and added he thinks he remembered me from "Common Law Cabin".

"You're the one with the big tits"
he said.

I said yes, but nodded I had had a reduction in the 80's. The knockers were killing my back. Ashton then told me he used to have Russ Myer film parties all the time so that is why he remembered me. He leaned in and hugged me then out of the blue he cupped my ass and squeezed.

Demi just happened to look over and see it and she turned into GI jane and started to flip out. She grabbed him and downed her glass of champers. Then I heard her say something about Granny Chasing. I of course pushed Leon out of the way and grabbed her shoulder and said

"Listen Demi, I'm not too much older than your old ass, you could be his granny you old hag so back off".

Ashton looked embarrassed and asked us to stop and apologized for grabbing my tush, he didn't know what came over him. I think he said that he was just amazed at how well I looked, what a sweety.

Demi snapped at me again and said "Get away from my man" then shot me the evil eye. The show started so she smiled and turned away...

Ashton winked and smiled... Then the whole ordeal was over but at least I know I can still get the young ones hot.

Afterwards Ashton saw me coming out of the restroom and told me he had actually masturbated to one of my scenes in CLC. I thought how sweet!!! I am glad I could be some assistance to him... He hugged me and them gave me another squeeze..

He said "talk to you later , MargOH! I gotta find my old lady"

That says it all kids!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

PS... The collection was fabulous by the way

Check me out on broadway world on "Thats Kentertainment"

Hey Kids,

Ken Kleiber put me in a show thats playing on Broadway world...I'm mixing it up with Kiki and Herb... Not bad for "The new Girl in town"

check it out!!

Kisses, M

Video Clip from "The Duplex"

Hey Kids,

Here is a video clip from my show at "The Duplex". It came out a bit grainy but I'll do better next time. I'm lost without Berna's technical expertise....that witch

Thank you Loves!!!

Hey Kids,

Had a fabulous show last night!! I will post some pics and share soon...

We had a great turnout and that was fantastic.

MargoH! of course got a little tipsy and screwed up a few lines but this is my work in progress which in industry terms means the show may suck but we'll get it right eventually!!!

LOL

Thanks to all the kids that stopped by to check out little old MargOH!

Chris Tuttle(martini club member) and Joe Kovaks who now helms my favorite old gal Madame , my boys Shawn and Renee and so many others I can't even list...

A special thanks to my guest Kenny Kleiber for his wit and fantastic comic timing...

To my Jeff catlow for his fabulous rendition of "Fever" , very hot

My darling piano man Jarad Astin who is a party animal just like me, I love it!!!

And to my temp Samantha Rowan who jumped into Berna's shoes just great

My darling Rob for manning the door, a very sexy job and he did it top notch

The d-lounge and Jason and that sexy and cute waiter, very hot!!!

I'll post some pics later and tell you about a couple of the fashion shows I went to and my little spat with Demi Moore....its spookey, I can't help it if Ashton felt my ass...get over it Demi

Kisses, MargOH!

PS

my suspicions were right. Berna is at kathie Lee Giffords in connecticut. I called Raul, Kathie's pool boy I had hot sex with last year... He said that Berna was living it up with spa treatments and gorging herself with havarti cheese....Kathie is not even making her do anything but clean up after Coty...and sewing irregular clothes from her wal mart line... witch

I have a call into Kathie but she is not taking the call. Berna is in big trouble , when i get a hold of her, she's in for it, Leaving me in my hour of need!!

How dare she after all I've done for her!!!!