Friday, March 31, 2006

"The Property Known as Garland"

Hey Kids,

My old gal pal and co-star Adrienne Barbeau(I was Swamp Thing's Stand In and Foggy woman # 3 in " The Fog") is starring in a new play about Judy Garland.

It is called " The Property Known as Garland". I am going to meet Adrienne after the show for a nosh. I haven't seen her in about 15 years and she is looking marvelous for a gal of 60. I am not sure about this role though.... Adrienne well you know is quite a big girl.... in the chest area so knowing what Judy was like towards the end I was a bit concerned.

Adrienne told me by phone not to worry because everything has gotten saggy and her boobs were flattened after she had the twins. Can you believe that old bitch has got 9 year old twins, what a hoot.

I so hope I like the play or the meal afterwards may be a bit awkward but I can keep a straight face... I hope. Judy is my favorite singer and I just go crazy when I think someone can't handle her magic. I hope Adrienne can pull if off not only for herself but for the memory of Judy......

I'm gonna share a bit of legend for you about my personal feeling about Judy.. It is from my upcoming show

Enter MargoH!

I was born a fishmongers daughter in Bangor Maine. My mother didn'tÂ’t have the time to lunch because she was skinning and de-boning fish all day.

God she stank to high heaven. I still can't stand the smell of sturgeon to this day.

My father was killed by a school of starfish, sucked alive. Ironic isn'i it that I would become the star that I am.

Mother had to do it all on her own and she did. I still have the fishbone barrette she made for me. She is now peacefully living in the Fish Mongers retirement home in Anchorage Alaska. I send her a can of salmon for Christmas and tuna on Thanksgiving. She is a simple woman, with simple passions.

She didn't have much to give us but when she came into some money during the great tuna harvest of 61 Sully, thats mom, took us on a big trip to New York City to see her favorite performer Judy, Judy Garland that is.

I could not believe that me, a fishmongers daughter was going to see Dorothy live and in person at Carnegie Hall.

Well what Sully didn't tell us was that she had loaned my sister and I out to shuck oysters at the Fulton fish market in order to get the tickets.

My hands were bleeding. By the time we got to our seats so was my nose.

It was very scary that high up but after we took our seats and the overture started it was like magic. Judy came out and though she looked like a flea on stage. Her voice however boomed to the rafters. It was like Judy leapt into my body and took me over

It was then that I knew I wanted to be a star.

That day in 1961 was like a revelation for me. Thanks to Judy when we left the hall I knew I could never go back to Maine.

So at the age of 12 I intentionally got lost in the crowd after we left the concert and started my journey as a runaway vagabond and eventually the star that stands before you.

Thank you Judy

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Clip of "The MargOH! Channing Show

Hey Kids,

Here is one of the many clips I have Berna putting together on You Tube. Thanks to my dolls Nathan and Danny for giving little old MargOH! the idea..

Kisses Kids,


Trader Joe's Update

Hey kids,

I ran by Trader Joes for the Gluten Free trail mix everyone is talking about. Guess what? There is still a freaking line and still no liquor store. I think NYC has gone mad with Mass consumerism, ya think?

I'll be back and fill you in on the premiere of Basic Instinct 2. Sharon Stone has got a big heart and Pussy.

Ponder that....

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Fresh Fruit Can sometimes be Rotten

Hey Kids,

Now you know that I would rather walk on my lips than to say something bad about someone but sometimes a girl can't help it.

As you all know I am currently in rehearsal for my variety hour coming up in June. I am dusting off my vocal cords and ready to belt one out or at least croak, I'm happy with croak, anyway...

I had decided in February that I was also going to submit the same said show to a festival I ran across called "Fresh Fruit Festival". It sounded like a good idea and you know how I love my fresh fruit cocktails, like mango margarita's, strawberry Mojito's and Apple martini's. It sounded like a match made in MargOH! heaven.

I had Berna throw together a fabulous submission packet that included a DVD of my TV show. It was the Christmas episode with my darling Nellie Mckay. I was a bit skeptical that they wanted 35 bucks for a processing fee but I just used Berna's allowance for that week, no big whoop!!! We sent it off and had no reason to think I would not be lighting up the fresh Fruit boards in July.

flash forward to this past Saturday when I received a very small envelope from the festival. I opened it and to my utter surprise I had been rejected..... Can you believe that I MargOH! Channing had been rejected by the "Fruities" (this is what they call themselves). I guess it has some meaning to them.

Now being the most decorated extra in the history of motion pictures I don't get bogged down by these things. It is an oversight on their part and they(whoever they are) obviously don't have any vision. Though I have been around for more than 40 years MargOH! is still as " Fresh" as a the morning dew.

The "Fruities" probably don't understand that MargOH! has a posse of kids that flock to any live performance that she does... or that I had recently performed for Royalty. They probably didn't realize that I pass out champagne at all my performances to create that MargOH! glow...

I just don't think they realized but as an old dear friend Laquita Peron once said to me...

If they don't like it "Fuck em"......."Crash and burn bitches"

See you at the party Kids



Sunday, March 26, 2006

A photo for my Kids

Hey Kids,

I've been so busy that I have not had time to get down and write so I am giving you a picture of Love until my next post....

Kisses, The Big M

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Life is a Cabaret for MargOH!

Hi Kids,

I have booked a venue for my show and I am just thrilled. It has been a long and winding road back to the stage for MargOH! I was happy to take the reins on my own cabaret for years in Bangkok but I always longed to be back up there under the hot lights. Well I did do an occasional number when there were issues. Like the time when the Olsen twins were scheduled to do their show but they broke into the liquor cabinet and downed a bottle of mad dog. They tore up my dressing room and vomited all over my hand made Thai mules. I slapped those 2 sad bitches and vowed they would never work in my town again.

I also told their mother that I had given their father full access to my girls..... that led to a messy feud in a rickshaw on the way to the airport. Well that's enough about them.

This post is about me!!!

The show will be June 21st at 7PM at " The Duplex Cabaret". It is a lovely venue that will make my show just fab. I am very excited to be able to perform on the same stage as some of the greats like Joan Rivers, Mickey Rooney, Charles nelson Reilly, yes I said Charles Nelson Reilly so bite it, I love him!!!

It will be a grand affair with the highlight being my NY singing debut.

Oh dear, I must run. I am on my way to a shoot for an upcoming video for Barry Manilow's 50's album. I am playing Doo-Wop girl # 13. It'll be a blast

Kisses, MargOH!

Monday, March 20, 2006

A Success for Berna and Trader Joe's

Hey Kids,

I am updating you on my wardrobe mistress Berna Breckenridge's Gastric Bypass. It was a smashing success. She is up and around and almost ready to get back to work. It is amazing how modern medicine has made a very dangerous operation into like getting a tooth pulled. She had the surgery on St Paddy's day and was almost doing a Jig on Saturday with our Super Glenda. Just amazing.

This made me so happy that I ran straight out for some libations. Berna can only consume liquids for a few months so I know how much she likes "Peach schnapps" and "White Zindendel".

I was on my way to my usual packy when I noticed that Trader Joe's opened up on 14th street. They also have a trader Joes wine store. I quickly got in line, yes a line that stretched half a block. I guess New Yorkers can't get enough of the chains they say they hate, mmmmm and the trail Mix. I was in line for 45 minutes and was longingly looking at the sign that said "Grand Opening special 2 bottles of White Zin for 4.99". There was another that said "Cavit Pinot grigio for 7.99", wow for the big bottle.

I was foaming at the mouth to get in.

Then it started, everyone started chanting "Let us in, Let us in, Let us in".

It was turning into a protest out of control. Luckily they had some workers come out and hand out cookies and drinks to the people in line. I of course asked for a glass of champagne and the worker said "Sorry but the wine store isn't open yet but I can give you sparkling cider".

Please I said, sparkling cider.. I couldn't believe it and started getting a bit loud with disgust when the crowd started chanting "MargOH!, MargOH!, MargOH!". How fun!

I of course quickly stepped out of line and made my way to the "Open" Warehouse Liquors. A couple of the people in the crowd were also kind enough to give me a bottle or 2 of wine for Berna.

Even though Trader Joes sucks it just amazes me how kind a New Yorker can actually be especially when they are getting free trail mix!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Berna going under the Knife

Hey Kids,

Happy St. Paddy's day to ya all. The luck of the Irish is upon us. I am running out to stock up on my supply of Apple schnapps for my Green Apple Martini's.

I will be drinking them without my Wardrobe Mistress Berna Breckenridge though. She is having her gastric Bypass Surgery Today at Noon. This is the first St. Patricks day we have not spent together in 30 years. I will miss the way Berna drinks straight from the Green Beer Ball. My girl doesn't need a glass just a good spigot.

Berna is tipping the scales at... well lets just say she could not go hot air ballooning..

I of course am financing this surgery. I had to put out a pretty penny and put out to Dr. Chow. He is giving us 90% off. It is well worth the cost to get Berna to actually pull her weight around here. She has done a fabulous job on my costumes for the upcoming show and I am grateful for that. I bumped her weekly allowance back up to 50 bucks.

When she gets thin she will be doing much more than ever. This is why I must have her get in shape. The Dr. was more concerned about her health but I know that old gal is sturdy as a pack mule. Though this mule drinks her weight in Dr. Pepper every day. Well luckily that will stop. She won't be able to drink any carbonated beverages ever. Our soda Bill alone is 200 bucks a week.

Its no wonder why I am breaking my back with work. I just shot a scene for an upcoming episode of "Campus Ladies". Those gals are a hoot.

I think I will be able to work less when Berna gets thin. It is a bit strange that I have to work harder to have a wardrobe mistress. It should be the other way around, shouldn't it?

Berna get your ass up. It's time to go to the hospital. We have to leave early to take the bottle returns to the store. There is like 150 dollars worth of soda bottles.

Let's get you thin!!! Then you can wear Cha Cha heels again..

Say a little prayer for Berna Kids

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Hot n Heavy at "Liza with a Z"

Hey Kids,

I went to the Showtime premiere of the restored " Liza with a Z" at the Ziegfeld. It was a hot night. The young and the old came out to support our little Liza.

She came on the arm of Tony Danza but somehow his hand kept ending up on my ass at different points of the night. I went with Liz smith so we were right up front and Tony leaned over a few times to talk to her and was all over me. He has dog breath by the way so I offered him a spritz of my Listerine spray. He took it but then licked the end in an obscene way so I slipped it into Liz's purse.

I also ended up chatting with Parker Posey and Billy Gilman, yikes what a combo that is. Billy is a sweet kid but her kept staring at Parkers tits as he conversed. He also complimented me on my perfume but her ended up nibbling my ear when he pretended to go for a quick sniff.

I don't know what it is about any affair having to do with Liza. They usually become sexually charged for some reason. I couldn't get a word with Alan Cumming because he was trying to make a move on Rufus Wainwright but Rufus wasn't biting or should I say sucking... Oh dear, I shouldn't say such things!!

Rosie O'Donnell and her wife Kelly were all over eachother the whole evening. I swear Rosie was gonna finger her right there in the theatre. Of course Rosie got up and started to try and do some Fosse moves during "Bye, Bye Blackbird" but she fell on a simple step ball change. The she started shooting fooz balls at Billy Gilman and hit him in the eye. He ran out crying and didn't return until the thing was over. She is out of control!!!

I did get to say hi to Liza and she gave me a big hug and thanked me for coming. She did mention that she was planning a " Stitch and bitch" later in the summer and said she would give me a buzz. How fun! I invited her to my show in June and she said she would try and make it but only if she could bring Tony. Great!

It was a great night and "Liza with a Z" is a wonderful piece of work and Liza should be proud.

Bravo and Happy 60th old Gal

Kisses, MargOH!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Hello Darlings

Hey Kids,

I had a great time last night with the old gal Liz Smith. She is fab and what a boozer. She put me away with her delicate way of chugging a boilermaker, Wow.

A big few weeks is coming up. I have been invited to attend Liza's screening of "Liza with a Z". I am going with Liz so we should have a ring side seat to see Liza's reaction to her fabulous performance of that Fosse madness.

Then I am off to view the space for my upcoming show which I am scheduling during pride week (you know how the gays love me) on Wednesday June 21st. This is gonna be a hot show!! I am very excited about it.

I also have been invited to the opening night of "Threepenny Opera" . My darling Nellie McKay is starring in it with Alan Cumming and Cyndi lauper. I can't wait to see what happens at the party. I've always wanted to see if I could sway Alan over to my side, He's so cute.

There is so much more but I will update you my kiddies as these things happen.

I am running over to Diane Keaton's for a friendly game of poker.

I am not sure who else is going to be there but I hope Keanu is!!

I know they have been hot and heavy since that movie they did.

I'm going to wear my Martini shades as to not let them read my bluffs....

Kisses, MargOH!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

A Gin Soaked Moment

Hey Kids,

As you all know I recently performed for some Royalty that have an apartment here and I was very nervous.

I was bad and indulged in some Gin... Gin Has this wild hold on me and sometimes can turn my world into a "Rosemary's Baby" moment. I and other people can become like looking through a kaleidoscope. It is scary.

I had a photographer taking some pictures and they prove my point. I am fabulous and gorgeous when I have say a Vodka Martini but when I have Gin I go south. In this particular instance Margoh! Had an out of body experience and the pic says it all. One is when I had had only a Vodka Martini and Champagne. The other is after I had 3 shots of Gin.

I'm scared straight. I will never drink Gin again!!!

Enjoy the Pics

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Who is My Ex Husband?

Hey Kids,

I've been getting a lot of emails asking who in the hell my ex husband RAR is.

Rodney was a huge Child star in the 70's. His face was plastered all over the world for years as the "Jack in the Box" spokesperson.

It led to roles in movies and on television. He had a recurring role on "The Six Million Dollar man". This is where we met(I played Fembot # 6 and was Key Grip as well) and Rodney was so cute, you just wanted to Squeeze him.

We grew so fond of eachother that his parents gave me the honor of guardianship while they went back to Kansas.

I was doing so many extra roles that we really didn't see eachother that much. Rodney was jet setting all over pushing burgers and I sometimes by his side. Rodney was a ticket into the best parties and all the perks that went along with it. He was a hot property. When he was 16 his career cooled a bit but our love grew and we were eventually married.

I know what your thinking but it was kind of a reverse of the Anna Nicole and the old man saga. It was sexless!!!! until he turned 18 and then all hell broke loose. We were like freaks without warning, very hot....

Like most relationships though my career kept getting bigger but Rodney's had stalled with the loss of his youth and we drifted apart. I into the arms of another man and he into the bottle of vodka.

I eventually asked for a divorce and a hefty alimony check due to the heartache.

Rodney sometimes will deny our love and says I was a "Gold Digger" but he knows that we were once soulmates.

Rodney is now starting to rejuvinate his career. He had a radio show in LA and had a part in "Dickie Roberts".

I can't go on... talking about Rodney is just too hard...

Berna mix me up a Cosmo baby. Did Rodney's alimony check come yet?

Kisses, Kids


Monday, March 06, 2006

Kids I'm coming home

Hey Kids,

I have not been able to update you on my Rehab stay because the other night one of my docs saw me on the Tanqueray website. He took my laptop away for the remainder of my stay. I was just looking at the pretty bottles. It wasn't like I was ordering a case of Gin.

Berna and I made it home just in time for Oscar. Shirley Bassey was having a soiree so we popped over there for some Champagne and shrimp cocktail. I had a first good day, the party was sponsored by Geritol and Bombay Sapphire. The Gin was free flowing but I stuck to the Champers and everything was fine.

I know you all have been worried and I thank you all for your email and kind words.
You must know by now being my fan is somewhat of a challenge but stick with me kids.
I'll never let you down.

There was one email that came from a girl named Destiny, she said

Dear MargOH!, I hope that your time in rehab will make you a stronger and more stable person. Drinking is not the answer to your problems. If you focus on love and God, not Gin, your life will turn around

Your fan,


Thank you Destiny for your kind words but all I can say is "Do you know me at all" and "Go Fuck yourself". I am more than stable. I am the most decorated Extra in the history of motion pictures and television. I am not a drunk, I just like to drink!!
It's just that my chemical reaction to GIN makes me crazy but I can handle any other liquor I want.

If you want to preach to someone than maybe you should go to Ce Ce Winan's website and talk about Godly things. I don't like to be mean to my fans but I try and keep God out of my affairs. I am sure he will have enough to say when I check out in 100 years or so.

I got an idea from Robert Altman last night about his heart transplant. I think I'll give that a try in 10 years so I can live a bit longer... If I can get the heart of a 20 year old MargOH! could go well into the millennium, maybe like 2080. How exciting!!!!

Kisses, Kids

I'll be back with more updates and pics of my Gin soaked romp


Thursday, March 02, 2006

Knotts in a good Mood

Hey Kids,

While I have been on the detox I have been reflecting on my life and playing poker with George Michael, he sucks.

It is good from time to time to think about things and choices that have been made, etc. The one thing that has been coming to memory is why I didn't marry Don Knotts.
Don recently passed away and I am very sad. He was a wonderful person and had a zest for life that was rare. He was one of the few not so attractive people to make it big in hollywood.

I met Don on the set of "The Apple Dumpling Gang". I played saloon lady # 8. It was a great time and Don was so sweet. He had a knack for making you feel your part was just as important as the leads. He also liked a couple of other parts I had at the time, My tits! Don was a wild ladies man and had his way with all the extra's. There was plenty to go around if you know what I mean... a large Pony comes to mind.

Don did take to me a little bit more than the others and took me to "Chasens" for dinner a few times. One night he had a few extra martini's and actually proposed to me. At the time I brushed it off but now that I think about it I should have run to city hall with him. I would never have had to work again. I could have had it all as Mrs. Don Knotts. Oh, God I want some Gin..

Kids I'm gonna buzz for some electric shock.. I still am not free of the craving...

I guess sometimes memory lane is a road you shouldn't take.

Kisses, Kids

I'll be seeing you Donny Baby