Thursday, May 31, 2007

What makes a legend drink most? 7 days away

hey kids,

My all new show will be debut at the Laurie Beechman Theatre..

This is the show I hope to bring all over the world and spread "The MargOH!". I hope people will like it.

MargOH!s goal is to make ya all laugh or chuckle a bit and I think this show will tickle the funny bone a bit.

Telling stories of my life are just plain fun and I enjoy it immensely.

Come to the cabaret kids!!

Kisses, M

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Charles Nelson Reilly

Hey Kids,

We've lost another great performer this year....Charles Nelson Reilly.

"Chucky Baby" is what I would call him. He was a funny man and I always loved his deadpan deliveries. He tried to get me on "Match Game" but they thought my marraige to Rodney a bit too racey for daytime....

I'll write a better post about old chuck asap. We had a couple of funny encounters and you'll love them....

Here's to you Chucky baby and thanks for all the laughs...

Kisses, MargOH!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A birthday to remember

Hey kids,

My 59th birthday was a bit crazy...

I thought I was going to a quiet dinner with Berna and my gay fiance' Jeff but when we arrived the gang was all there. Polly Holiday, Linda Hunt, Glenda the super, Cuchie, Stoli, Mindy Cohn, Mickey and Jan Rooney and of course Berna who was wearing a Madonna outfit from H&M. Berna has lost a lot of weight after the gastric bypass but at 262 pounds I think Madonna for H&M is a bit risky.

Anyway, everyone yelled surprise and blew noisemakers and threw confetti. How grand. Then to my great shock my sister Rita and my mom Sully walked in... Sully had a huge jar of her home made pickled herring and an even bigger bottle of her moonshine, it was my daddy salty's recipe of fish bones and potato's. It is an acquired taste for sure but it packs a punch...It actually tastes like liquid caviar..mmmm.

Sully started singing Happy birthday but her dentures fell out so we were spared her country western rendition...thank goodness.

Sully plopped down next to Polly and of course said "Kiss my Grits". Now I'd be babysitting on my own birthday. My sister Rita moved in on poor Mickey and sat on his lap. Her skirt got caught on the back of the chair and we all got to see her lady bits... I have such a classy family...

Berna also asked that everyone write a note or statement about why they love me. I ran to the bar and asked for 5 martini's. I downed them is 5 seconds and for once I was glad to see Gary Busey stumble in. He had just entered so I grabbed him and he of course started making lots of noise and singing. This made everyone forget about the notes, etc. Gary then proceeded to start stripping to "You can leave your hat on"...Oh god, it's not pretty. Sully handed him a glass of the moonshine and a dollar bill. Glenda and Berna started to dance with Gary. it was already getting crazy.

At this point the waiter and manager started to circle and asked if we were ready to order. They looked frightened!

Jeff stepped in and asked that everyone calm down and take a seat. He's so cute when he turns on his gay charm.. Sully balked and said we should go to Porky's or Hogs and heifer's instead so we can be loud.

Mindy was so cute and toasted to my 59th and then told Gary to get his hands off her ass. She is a hoot, that Mindy.

Then Sully got up, took a swig of her shine and told everyone that when I was 12 I ran away and started a life of debauchery. She also added that no one can blame her for my failed career and marriage. Then as if on Que Berna popped her in the Jaw and she was out cold.

This of course prompted the waiter to ask us to leave, thank goodness. There we all were walking on Bleecker street. I was of course mobbed, I had no idea there was a "Planet of the Apes" convention going on at the Jacob Javits center.

I had Gary carry Sully over his shoulder, then I invited all of my POTA fans to join me for a stiff one at Molly's. We had a grand time and i explained to everyone that playing Zera's sister Zazu in POTA was wonderful and That it was I who came up with the line "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!

The fans loved that but one of them got excited and tried to take a swig of my drink and I said from my cold dead hands....

This is why I hate getting too excited about birthdays...They can get a bit crazy especially when family is involved. You know it was a wild time when my Polly Holiday can't get a word in.

We ended up losing Linda Hunt in the Planet of the apes frenzy, she's so short...

Anyway Sully is still here. I gotta ship her back to the retirement home but I am waiting for a crate with air holes. it's much cheaper than paying for a flight...

Kisses, MargOH!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

59 and counting

Hey kids,

Yes, it's true! Today I turn 59 years old...

Thankfully through the miracle of modern medicine and my herbalist Dr Beefachaki I have the body of a 39 year old. I feel great!

I'm off for a lovely dinner with my posse and I'm sure lots of booze. It could get messy but I'll try and keep it to 10 martini's. I think Gary Busey is coming so I want to be alert enough so he doesn't try and feel me up or get me in the sack....

Thanks to all of my loyal readers and of course to my darling Berna and my Gay Fiance Jeff.....

All the best,

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The death of an asshole (Jerry Falwell)

Hey Kids,

Jerry Falwell just died, , thank god.. Good night, mother fucker

Now I"m not a religious person but I can only imagine how Jerry is pleading to get into whatever comes next for us...If it is heaven then this may be the conversation

I'm sure he is having a long conversation right now with the gatekeeper wondering why he can't get in.

The scroll stretches 30 miles long and the gate keeper says we are going to be here a long time Jerry. "You'll have to explain all of your sins in great detail", he adds

Jerry is crying and asking if Ronald Reagan got in and the gatekeeper says "We are still considering his entrance, his scroll was 75 miles long".

Jerry replies "but he promised he'd get me in if I created the moral majority"

The gate keeper replies "Jerry, the moral majority you created is #10 on the list, we probably won't get to that until at least december, see we have a problem up here about passing moral judgement and don't even get me started on what you did to Tammy Faye"

"Tammy faye will burn in hell" Jerry replies.

The gate keeper says "No Jerry you are wrong, if she can't recover from her cancer then she will be given a free pass and possibly sit on the Jury that decides your fate"

Jerry replies "Oh , God No! . The gate keeper replies "Oh yes, Jerry it's true"....

Kisses Kids

MargOH! Cast in American Girl movie

Hey Kids,

My agent shecky got me a bit part in the " American Girl" movie. I am to play "bad lady #6. I'm not sure what that means yet but hopefully I'll be able to slap a child or something to that tune.

Kids do you realize that this will be my 1809th film. I mean only porn actresses do more films than that, granted in a year or so but my career started in 1968.

Meryl Streep told me that my ability to do nothing in the background is amazing and Sally Field once told me that my fake banter oozes realism.

Shelly winters did tell me that I was the worst actress she'd ever seen but she was just jealous because Gene Hackman banged me on the set of "Poseidon Adventure"....He wouldn't give her the time of day...I can't wait to write my memoir and tell everyone how mean Shelly was to me...I don't mind spilling the beans now that she is dead. I gained 100 pounds to be her body double and then spent 18 hours in a pool while she sipped martini's with Red Buttons...witch!

Anyway I called Abigail Breslin's people to see if we can have lunch to discuss my role. I hope she likes martini's....

Kisses, MargOH!

Friday, May 11, 2007

Tammy Faye

Hey Kids,

I have to say I'm a huge Tammy Faye fan and am very sad she is suffering.

She is the only so called Christian I like. The reason being is that her faith is her faith and after the Jim Baker scandal I think she understood that making people think a certain way and converting was not the way to go. The thing is I really do not believe Tammy had anything to do with all the mess her husband got them into and that she was the attraction for that world he created. She was used in other words.

She seemed to go in another direction and that was to show love and compassion for everyone. There are some Icons that the gay community rally around and I'm not sure why but in the case of Tammy Faye I think it is justified. She really did step out of her boundaries and embrace the gay community. I think she understood what it was like to be an outcast in her own community and realized her personality could open peoples eyes. I am pretty sure she succeeded.

I know there are people who will say Tammy is a bit wacky and all the mascara was a bit much. I could only imagine how fun it would be to be known for the way you wear your grand...

When I think about Tammy Faye I can only muster up feelings of LOVE...she has that strong personality that just draws you in and it's not put on. It's the genuine state of her being.

I'm sure there will be those that disagree but I just love Tammy Faye and I hope she pulls through so she can croak out one last screeching song...

Cheers Tammy! I raise my Champers to ya girl!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

In the trenches

Hey kids,

I'm into rehearsals and planning for upcoming shows so I May be a bit on the DL as far as the blog goes....

My deepest apologies but I refuse to have Berna at the controls like she offered to do. She said she would make up stories for me but I would never do that to my readers. MargOH! is unlike Paris Hilton a clean and upright citizen. I actually still have a drivers license and have never had a DUI...Go figure. Well I mean there were a few times that I used natures credit card to get myself out of trouble...I wonder why Paris never did that cause honey she is full of credit...

She's full of a lot of things including crap.

Any who I'll be updating as I can....MargOH!'s singing a lot more in this show but Joan Collins is giving me a vocal lesson or 2 so I should be okay. She's got a set of lungs on her...

Love and Kisses,


Sunday, May 06, 2007

Cinco de Mayonnaise

Hey Kids,

It was a hot Saturday night and my Cinco de mayo cap was on..literally. Berna made me a sombrero out of plastic that holds 6 margarita's. The she fit it with a tube that hooked to my mouth...

We had been invited to a party by one of the Pizza boys from the party Berna had last week. It was in queens and we had to take the subway..It's really fun, all those sweaty bodies so close to each other. I got to know this guy Juan very well on the much that he ended up coming to the party with us. I shared by margarita tube with him.

When we arrived the party was already pumping with a hot DJ and a mariachi band! Hot stuff. Tons of food, empanada's, guacamole, spicy corn...and this very tasty spicy pesto mm it was tasty....I joined the band for a couple of Carmen Miranda numbers and we also did a salsa version of my "Fishmongers Daughter". It was a tough sell but that band killed on the 5Th try.... At this point Berna and I were toasted and i gave my hat away...and switched to wine...I'll be fine... Juan started getting a little frisky and starting rubbing that pesto mayo all over me...I of course opened my blouse and let him lick it off...very sexy.

Let's just say Juan is still sleeping in my bed and it's 12:30 on Sunday....We left Berna behind and she's not home yet so I must ring her on her cell. I hope she hasn't lost it!...that seems to be happening to everyone lately....

Cinco de mayonnaise everyone!!

Kisses, MargOH!

gotta get back to Juan...

Friday, May 04, 2007

David Hasseldrunk

Hey Kids,

Like we didn't know David was a bit of a boozer....

I have a little story.... When David was having his huge recording success abroad he was on tour and stopped in to my cabaret. He had huge demands that included 3 cases of Tequila, a crate of limes and a pound of salt. He had a huge entourage that took over my girls had to share their rooms with his cronies. I wasn't about to shell out hotel rooms for 20 people, not for him...he stinks. He had number one hits in Cambodia for goodness sake. He was such a drama queen, even bigger than Nana Mouskouri Now that's a diva, anyway he was getting drunk and carrying on all through his run...I was making enough Pad Thai to feed the nation and Berna. Oh, yes let me not forget the image of Berna licking salt off of David's nipples and downing the tequila. I'm sure she put that salt somewhere else but I won't go there.

I ended up cutting his run short because honestly he was only get a 30% turnout and the place only seated 25 and 5 at the bar so you do the math. No wonder he was drinking...people who were buying his records couldn't understand what he was saying...

Poor David....The tape is a bit much and I don't like to see people too embarrassed..I'd rather see them bare assed I think...

He was and is a big drunk mess, at least cut it down to a drink a day ....

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

MargoH! get's a bone

Hey Kids,

Or should I say thrown a bone... a little press on

I'm a whore for press...a big old whore for it....a big fat dirty whore for it!!

Oh, geez...did I just say that...get me a drink..LOL

Though they did screw up my links... but that's okay...

Kisses, MargOH!