Friday, August 31, 2007

Chapter 1 "Little Star" Session 4

Hey Kids,

Here's the 4th installment of Chapter 1...

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- Wow, MargoH! It must have been horrible to lose your father so suddenly and then find out he wasn't your father at all?

MargOH!- Yes, Well, no. I think I blocked that out at the time and made believe she never said it. The only daddy I knew was my daddy Salty and I loved him, Rita and I both did. I think we were the only ones that thought he was a good man. The rest of the family thought he was a screw-up. I mean he had a few problems but who doesn't.

Hester"Bones" Crabtree-What kind of problems, drinking?

MargOH!- Oh, well everyone in my family were booze hounds so they always looked at it like and I quote Sully "We're not drunks, we just like to drink, there is a big difference"(laughing). I kind of took on that motto, Hester! Berna get me another martini (laughing). The problem was that Daddy secretly liked transsexuals. He had a fascination with Ed Wood and would watch that movie Glen or Glenda over and over on his projector along with some other tranny reels he had. He was either working in the fish store or in the shack watching porn. He loved us though and always gave us candy and ice cream.

Hester"Bones" Crabtree-Well, at least you knew he loved you as if you were his own?

MargOH!- Oh, I think he thought I was his, Sully never told him about Briney.

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- Oh, I see. It's all a bit confusing. Did you ever try to find Briney?

MargOH!- No, not at all. There wasn't any time. I was eight years old and was put to work in the fish shop. Rita and I were like Sully's little slaves. She would open the store and stay a few minutes and then run to the local pub "scuppers" for a few boiler makers then return and slump in her chair. We were always taking orders, waiting on customers. I was tall for my age so I could see over the counter. Rita did most of the skinning and deboning. God, I hated it especially shucking oysters.

I told "Snappy" I wanted to move in with her but they had no room with all the butlers they had. Plus, she pretty much cut off Sully after daddy died so she hardly came around. She also treated me a bit different after Sully spilled the beans about my real father. Instead of calling me her "Little Star" she called me her "Little Orphan Haddie"(grabbing tissues and sobbing).

Honestly, I was never convinced that this Briney person was my father. Sully slept with a lot of the merchant marines and fisherman. It could have been any one really. This portion of my life from eight to twelve were really dark for me. I knew I had to leave Bangor but didn't know how to. I knew why I had to leave but didn't know the when and the where.

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- MargOH! you had a lot to deal with at a young age, very traumatic. I'm not sure how you made it through?

MargOH!- I think I always knew I would pull myself out of the tragic elements of my life. You learn how to deal with life when you are looking from the bottom up. I'm not saying I'm unique, Hester. If you can take those little positive things in your life, even if it's being called "Little Star". That's something to build on and I had the sense to know that, Hester. Do you know what I mean, Hester?

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- Yes, I do understand (tears, blowing nose). You still are that "Little Star" looking up aren't you

MargOH!- Well,....

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- No, that's a rhetorical question, I know you are. I think this is a perfect ending to chapter one. Let's start chapter two in Provincetown.

MargOH!- Oh, grand. Yes, being by the ocean will inspire me, by all means lets pick up down there.

Kids, we'll be back with chapter 2..

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Chapter 1 "Little Star" Session 3

Hey Kids,

Here is the third installment of the book..

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Now MargOH! you spoke of a scandal about your step grandfather Jonathan Jones. What was it all about?

MargOH!-(Burp)Oh, excuse me, that cheddar cheese is so heavy. The scandal, mmm. It devastated "Snappy". She was a quivering mess. It really was a shame. Jonathan was caught giving a hummer to a sailor in the bathroom at "Scuppers".

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Whats so bad about Humming MargOH!?

MargOH!-(Laughing, Laughing and more Laughing) You really are from Maine aren't you dear. A Hummer is a special word for cock sucking, giving head, a blow job Hester.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Oh! dear. I didn't know. That is terrible

MargOH!- Well, I mean it's really not terrible, I 've given quite a few in my day Hester. It can be rewarding.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- No, I meant for your grandmother, she must have been devastated.

MargOH!- Yes, of course. "Snappy" was very proud. I think she was more upset that he did it in the bathroom. I remember them arguing about it and she said "Why couldn't you just suck it here you idiot, now everyone knows you are a queen". He was pretty stupid, even Sully knew to do everything behind closed doors. After that Jonathan lost his credibility and lost most of his local business. Not that he stopped sucking cock, mind you. "Snappy" started hiring rather gay butlers after that to keep Mr. Jones in the house. She really was a smart woman and she even hired one for herself. In the end they were a very happy couple. We moved out right after that mess. My daddy "salty" finished the new house. It was cute, it had a bathroom, very swank (laughing).

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- How many rooms did this home have?

MargOH!- it was huge, it was a cape style. I think it had 6 or 7. Rita and I had our own rooms, so it was 3 bedrooms. Daddy did a great job, it was pretty. Of course Sully complained about everything. She drove him mad with her complaining, nothing was good enough for her. She became more of a nightmare when she won the state chowder cook off at the local fair. It was actually a lobster bisque. It was the first time a bisque had won. She ran around the house drinking scotch and making demands saying "I'm the chowder queen and you must do as I say". She rubbed it daddy's face because he entered his seafood chowder and didn't place, he was defeated.

Please, I won "Little Miss Crabclaw" at the fair and it wasn't even acknowledged. Well "Snappy" was there. One of the butlers made me this fabulous gown, with a fishtail of course. I performed one of "Snappy's" original songs "Blow Jonny Blow". It was a big hit. Sully even took my tiara and wore it, she was such an attention hog , really.

I was almost eight when Sully went too far and daddy got really drunk on his shine, they had a big fight. He broke her chowder cook-off trophy and she went ballistic. Rita and I were hiding under the table for the devil came out of that woman that night. I swear her head spun around and everything. She tried to stab daddy but he got out of the house. It was the last time we saw him (MargOH! grabs a tissue, crying)

Berna Bring me a dirty martini, I'm not sure if I can go on.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Are you OK? MargOH!, its important we get the whole story. Berna make me one too.

Berna- Oh, sure! I'll get it for you Hester. Oh, Please stop that whining, at least you had a father ya old whore. here's your drinks. it's only 8:30 am ya know. Guess the 12pm rule is out the door.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree-Berna, do you have t be so mean, really. This is not easy for MargOH! It's hard to go down memory lane.

MargOH!- Oh, that's okay Hester, Berna's a mean old bitch, no matter(Takes a Huge sip). Get me another Bern.

Now, yes. I can do this. It was the last time we saw daddy alive, that is. He stumbled out of the house. He was missing for a week before they found him by the Jetty down in Bar Harbor. They said they found him dead covered in Starfish, sucked alive. I'll never forget it. Ranger Bob came to the door and told us daddy was dead and Sully didn't even cry. She took the starfish Ranger Bob gave her that he said they pulled off his mouth and handed it to me and said. "Here's something to remember your father by. I started to cry. Then Sully said "Don't cry Haddie(MargOH!'s real name), he wasn't your real father anyway, your real father is a man named Briney Boggs".

I stood there in shock holding a dead starfish (crying). Rita hugged me and Sully gabbed her purse and left the house. I felt very alone and confused.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- My goodness, MargOH! I didn't know. How horrible! I think we should take a break.

MargoH!- Yes, that would be best. I need to call my agent Shecky anyway and see why Willard Scott got my voice over gig for "Smuckers". That old coot!

I'll be back...

Kisses, MargOH!

Monday, August 27, 2007

I'll be back

Hey Kids,

I'm feeling much better. Hester and I are putting the next section of Chapter 1 up soon...And I'm getting a new video camera to use this new video blogger thingy....Thanks for your patience kids...August has been a crazy month..

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

MargOH!'s got the Flu

Hey Kids,

I can't believe it...I've got the bug, the flu, the rickets or whatever you want to call it... I haven't been this sick since 1978 when I got ill after making out with Disco sally at studio 54, she had some sort of fungus on those denture's.. anyway...

My doctor told me that this may be a warning sign of the menopause...I doubt it, Sully, that's mother is 86 and still is fertile and zesty. I think I've been staying in too much..after the last shows I was pooped so I've been bunkered in. I think I've got to dust of my webs and head out for a party....

Berna get me a bottle of ginger brandy and some tabasco..I gotta get rid of this sore throat and get my ass outta here.

I'll be back this week with more of my memoirs so stay tuned..

Kisses, MargOH!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Chapter 1 "Little Star" Session 2

Hey Kids,

Here's the transcript for the second half of session 1 of my memoirs...I know it's a bit tricky but nothing MargOH! does is easy...LOL

Chapter 1 "Little Star" Session 2

Hest "Bones' Crabtree- All set MargOH! Now I'd like to hear more about your grandmother and what it was like living there?

MargOH!- Oh, yes, all set. I had a bean burrito last night and it was a rumbling.

Living with "Snappy" was fun. She really had a taste for the good life and she was rolling in money unlike us. She detested fish and only served beef , chicken or pork. She really pushed my father to get out of being a fish monger and get him a job in lumber but my daddy sided with my grandfather and wouldn't give up the store. At the time I thought we were really poor but we weren't it was just that Sully had a few vices, poker, peckers and plenty of clothes. She squandered most of what my father made at the pub luring all the sailors. I think Sully thought she had to put the Bang in Bangor if you know what I mean Hester.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Oh, so your mother Sully cheated on your father?

MargOH!- Oh, yes! (Laughter). Sully said they had an agreement but she was just a slut. My daddy worked all day and at night was building us a new home. She said she was lonely but again she was and still is a big slut. I spent most of the time with my grandmother those two years because Sully was down at "Scuppers" playing poker and messing around. "Snappy" called Sully "Slutty" in a little song she wrote called "Sully the slutty fish hag". This is one of the songs she'd have me dance too. You see my family treated me like an adult even at 5. My first word was "vodka". My father made moonshine out of fish bones and potato's and put it my bottle so I'd sleep. It was an odd taste from what I recall but I was always a happy baby. You have to understand Hester this was normal to me. I thought this was the way it was so I became very well adjusted to my situation, don't we all I suppose, you think Hester?

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Yes, I guess we do, but I think by today's standards your childhood sounds a bit carefree or should I say careless or maybe even abusive?

MargOH!- Well, I wouldn't say abusive at all. I would say a bit neglected I guess, but it did make me figure things out for myself. I think that has helped me in the long run. I may not always know what is next but I'm ready for it.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- That is so true, MargOH! You are doing great! I just want to get a feel about your surroundings as well. What was Bangor like, then? Your grandmother's house?

MargOH!-Well, Hester, Bangor was how should i put it, depressing. It still is I think. It was the type of place where either ya had it or ya didn't. I mean the natural beauty is lovely but it seemed so isolated when I was a child. Of course there were fun things like hanging out by the docks and playing hooker. My sister Rita and I would dress up in fancy dresses and put on lots of make-up and "Sully it up", we called it. We'd walk up and down the docks swinging our purses and shaking our hips and swear. Those were good times. I should give Rita a call?

Oh, the house was grand and the room I had at "Snappy's" was so nice. It had high ceilings and a four poster bed with canopy. It was decorated in a very English style with flowered wall paper and mahogany furniture. I think the house had 15 or 20 rooms or so. It was home with a history! I think it's now called the William Arnold House. Stephen King is there now. I think I'd said that. I called Stephen about 10 years ago and went back to see it, the structure is the same but he's updated it a lot, they added a pool, a pool can you imagine, it doesn't seem to fit the house and the fence he put up isn't period either (Laughter). He is a kooky guy but I'm glad the house is still in good shape. It's funny but there's not much written about my step-grandfather Jonathan Jones but that's probably because of the scandal.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Scandal? How about we stop for a bit and have a bit to eat. I'm not sure if I can go on without a bit of food.

MargOH!- That's fine. Though I'll have a mojito and a few crackers. Berna make me a mojito and fix me a plate of cheese and crackers. Hester wants a nosh, make her a sandwich.

Berna- I only got two hands you wreck, get your own cheese and crackers while I make the god damn drink...

MargOH!- See what I have to put up with Hester...

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- I'll make my own sandwich, Berna. Yes, I see. Let me jot down where we left off so we can start up again, fresh.

MargOH!- Fine, and Berna after the drink we gotta start packing for P-town.

Berna- (Grumbling)

Kisses, MargOH!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Chapter 1 "Little Star"

Hey Kids,

This is my first post towards chapter one. Hester is recording everything so this was our first session word for word. I will be posting this as it was recorded but Hester is creating chapters for my book. How exciting?

Kisses, M

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "Good Morning, MargOH! Can I get you a juice or coffee before we start

MargoH! Channing- "Good Morning, Hester. Did you sleep well? Are you sure sharing the bed with Berna is not too much? long as there is champagne in it dear".

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "OH, Miss Channing of course. I'm sorry, let me get you a mimosa."

MargOH! Channing- "Yes, dear that would be best and please call me MargOH!, Miss. Channing is for Carol and please put the drink in that 36oz champagne glass. The first chapter will be hideous to get through".

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "Here you are Ms., Oh, I mean MargOH! Let me fluff up that pillow. I love the Sete' you bought for this, it's gorgeous".

MargOH! Channing- "Thank you, hopefully Berna won't get it dirty".

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "Where would you like to begin? Your career, your childhood? we can go in any order you would like"

MargOH! Channing- "The beginning of course, I think I'll start from the beginning, I think that's best Hester but please get me another Mimosa first"

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "You're done already, Oh, of course MargOH!"

MargoH! Channing- "Just bring the champagne, forget the juice"

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "Here you are, ready, okay here we go. MargOH! where were you born?"

Working Title- An Unscripted life- The True MargOH! Channing

Chapter One- "Little Star"

I was born May 20, 1948 in a boat on a small pier in Bar Harbor, Maine. The family actually lived in Bangor but my daddy worked the piers as he was a Fish monger. My mother Sully said she was hauling haddock off a boat when she started to go into labor. I was born in 8 minutes after her water broke, so she says. In later years she started calling me Orca after that movie came out because she said I spilled onto the deck. Unfortunatly she decided to name me haddock, haddie for short because of the circumstances.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- So your real name is Haddock? How facsinating. What was your home life like?

It was always hectic. Making a living off of fish is hectic and tiring work. My daddy Salty worked very hard and he tried his best to provide for us. He was a third generation Fish monger and for some reason still lived in the family home. The home was actually a shack that my great grandfather built but my daddy added rustic floors he got from a shipwreck and a second floor. We had no running water or plumbing though and I still can remember the smell of fish and crap. It stunk! The shack was very small with a living area and woodburning stove/cooker thing. The second floor had two bedrooms and that was it. I remember my parents fighting all the time about the shack and Sully screaming that we needed to move. She got her wish when I was 2, no it was 3. Sully accidently fell asleep smoking one of her cigarettes and the place went up in minutes. We all got out because one of the walls just fell over, it was that rickety. You know I was a small child but I remember everything, isn't that strange Hester? I think it was all the fish oil, all those anti-oxidents...

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Hmmmm

We then moved in with my grandmother "Snappy" Channing who had divorced my grandfather Sammy and married a wealthy Lumber Tycoon named Jonathan Jones. It is the house that Stephen King now owns. I remember being very excited about our new surroundings with grand staircases, fresh lush linens and toilets.

My grandmother was a very elegant woman and a smart dresser, thus her nickname. I'm not even sure what her real name was. I'll have to ask Sully. I do know one thing she hated my mother, mmm and my father as well. I think she hated my mother because they were very much alike, very strong willed and wanting more. She hated my father because she percieved him as weak. I think he was just gentle and was misunderstood. Grandmother loved me though. I remember her sitting at the grand piano singing shanty songs to me. She liked me to dance along and she told me I had lots of talent and that I was going places. She called me her "Little Star". I never could get that step -ball-change down, I didn't have any talent, really.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Miss Cha.., I mean MargOH!, you are very talented.

MargoH! Channing- Thank you, talented, not really, driven yes. Talent is in the eye of the beholder, Hester. It's what you make them feel...the more connection to them the bigger the talent. I don't get Tom Hanks, do you Hester? He makes me feel like crap. Get me another bottle of Champagne hester. Judy Garland had the most talent of all..Oh, Judy.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Oh, yes! One moment. Here you go, squeeze, not pop, right got it. Tom Hanks, he's okay. I think we're off track, Your grandmother.

Oh, yes. We lived with her for 2 years. My father built us a new house all on his own. Hester Can we take a break...I have to drop it on the one.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Um, Oh , sure. Drop it on the one? MargOH!

MargOH!- I have to do number two Hester...

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Oh, let me shut this off...

Friday, August 10, 2007

MargOH!'s going Loco, Oh I mean Logo

Hey Kids,

I'm back and had a fab vacation. Hester and I did a lot of my memoirs on the beach so I'll be posting the first part of chapter one after an edit.

So, I get back last night and flip on LOGO and they were having this debate/forum with presidential hopefuls.... It was more like a Gay marriage love fest...who is , who isn't, who may like it after their journey...It was all very...bad if you ask me!

Yes, it was historic in the sense that the forum happened and that is great but I thought that it was poorly presented....I only drank a half bottle of champagne, if something is good I usually have 2 at least...I spent most of the evening asking Berna if I was Bi and she a tranny because all I saw was a lot of polished gay men and a lesbian with a mullet...I also spent 20 minutes trying to get a viewer question through...but they only asked 2 in two hours...very strange I say.

Also, there are a lot of issues that weren't even covered, like the Iraq war(just a little war that's ruining the world), Health care(elderly gays need more help and housing), Billie Jean King(she has a fitness center and still weighs 220) and of course Human rights or does Human rights = Gay Marriage now..I guess so...

You all know MargOH! doesn't like to get to serious but c'mon here kids....We can and should do better for all of the community, not just the LOGO community of performers and a single trans and a Lesbian couple just to say they did.We need all of the LGBT community represented during these forums and we need to ask better questions.

Oh, I liked the 2 guys that have no chance of winning..Gravel and Kucinich. Just for the record the last time I looked a love child wore more colorful outfits. They speak the truth as they know it and isn't that refreshing.

Kisses, MargOH!

Friday, August 03, 2007

Vacation...All I ever wanted

Hey Kids,

MargOH!'s taking a week or so off to enjoy some rest and relaxation. I'm heading down to provincetown with my new friend and co-writer Hester, Linda Hunt, Polly Holiday and my gay fiance Jeff.. Berna was supposed to be going but she said she may join later in the week. I thought it best that I get around the shore to enhance my memory about my life and family....very exciting...

We've rented a lovely home, well I mean I'm not paying for it...I am a celebrity damn it! I'm staying at Diane VB''s a bit of a shack but we'll deal...Fried clams for everyone....By the looks of this picture I need a vacation....

I'll be back next week with the first chapter of my's very exciting!!

Kisses, MargOH!