Friday, September 30, 2005

MargOH! and Liza Pole dancing

Hi Kids,

I ran into Liza at the Broadway Katrina benefit the Sunday before last and she was looking fabulous. I hadn't seen her since the night we went to see "All Shook Up".

She reminded me of my open invitation to start taking dance lessons with her main man Luigi. I've been on the road so much that I haven't had the chance.

I told her that when I was in Miami for the VMA's, Mimi (that's Mariah Carey) gave me a tip about the new pole dancing lessons at Crunch. Mimi (that's Mariah Carey) said she started taking them to strengthen her thighs and ankles to help her walk in heels (despite the fact that I connected her with J. Alexander for proper training, the poor dear STILL has trouble). Honestly I think it was to strengthen something else but I won't go there.

Liza thought it was a fab idea especially for us women of "a certain age"...things tend to get a little loose in the strangest areas. I also thought it would be a good way for old Liza to take some weight off of the new knee's.

I made the reservation and the boys at Crunch are currently greasing up their poles in anticipation.

Marcus at Crunch told us that he put us in the class with Elaine Stritch, Katie Couric,Gary Coleman, Mandy Patinkin, Shelly Winters, Richard Simmons,Marjorie Gubelmann Raein, Angela Lansbury and Moby. Pole dancing obviously has universal appeal and really is something people of any age can enjoy. A girl named Pansey Peckers is going to be our instructor and Moby is bringing the Teany... I can't wait!!

See ya at the gym,

Kisses MargOH!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Another Crazy Night with Mindy Cohn

Hi Kids,

My dear friend Mindy Cohn was in town, you know her as the lovable Natalie from "The Facts of life". I am pleased to tell you that I know her as a boozehound with a penchant for the dark and dangerous, my favorite type of girl.

We started the night out at Bungalow 8, what an absolute boring ass bar. Richard hatch was the most notable person there besides us and he was belly up to the bar trying to figure out how to pay for the drinks, just like his tax troubles, poor thing, please, that fat ass deserves it!!!!

I said hey Mindy lets blow this place and head to Splash and get wet with the boys.

Mindy and I really cut a rug and were being ravaged by gays and loving it. Of course Graham Norton was there and telling Mindy and I filthy jokes until we had to run to the ladies and pee or was it until he passed out stoned drunk, I can't remember. When you are out with Mindy everything is a blur, she has loads of energy.

After Splash we were starved so we headed to that papaya place that has cheap hot dogs, Mindy had about 15.... I of course at mine bunless due to my pesky Gluten issue. Mindy told me she was gearing up to go for next years nathan's famous hot dog eating contest. The way she chomped those dogs down she may be strong competition for the king of the hot dog Kobiachi. This girl is amazing, always trying new things and lovin it.

We said our goodbye's and Mindy planted an unusually long kiss with a bit of tongue on my lips. I was a bit taken back but somewhat turned on. Mindy jumped in the cab and promised to keep in touch and maybe have an overnight on her next visit.

I waved a gentle goodbye and was left missing Nat. Can't wait to see her again.

Kisses, MargOH!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Memories of Fidel

Hi Kids,

Yes. I know you can't believe that I , little old MargOH!, has mingled with a ruthless dictator.....

Well it's true. Let me explain

After I filmed the Russ Meyer film "Common Law Cabin" I became, how should I say it, sought after for my knockers. Many of you may not know this but Fidel is a tit man of the highest order. He saw the film and started calling me at all hours of the night begging me to come to Cuba for a performance. I was of course hesitant at first but after an offer I couldn't refuse I took a flight to Mexico and under the dark of night made my way to Cuba.

A man called Enrique was there to welcome me and I was taken by limo to what I would call a nice but dusty palace. I was whisked into the presidential suite and told to put on the gown that was draped on the bed. I of course argued with the butler but he said when Fidel asks you to do something you do it and he slammed the door.

I was terrified and wondered if I had made the right decision to come to Cuba. I undressed and slipped on what was actually a fabulous beaded gown that of course accentuated my perky bosoms. I then noticed on my nightstand a large pitcher of what looked like water with mint in it. Of course I was thirsty and poured a glass and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was booze, my first taste of what i would later find out was a mojito.

Suddenly a knock at the door and in walked Fidel. I don't know if it was the libation but he was actually quite handsome and tall. He extended his hand and thanked me for coming. I said "No problem, I needed the cash". I was young and naive but somehow this seemed to turn him on and he kissed my hand and walked me to the great room where I was to perform. The room was filled with military men and the air reeked of cigar smoke.

I walked to the piano and to my surprise Peter Allen was tinkling away at the keys. Well I almost wet my gown as I leaned in towards him. Do you know "Downtown" . Peter answered "Of course I know Downtown and I also go downtown if you know what I mean toots" as he gazed over to Enrique. I flew into a spastic version of "Downtown" Some of it Peter even played with his toes, just amazing.

After the performance I spent the night smokin stogies and mingling with the boys. Fidel and I talked for hours and have been in touch ever since and believe me Fidel tried to touch...., I always forget that special Mojito recipe and have to leave messages with Enrique to squirrel it out for me.

Now flash to present day kids. I called Fidel after Hurricane Katrina struck and told him it would be a perfect opportunity for him to show some humanity. To shed some of that calloused, rough-handed, dictatorial, macho bravado (that works in the sack honey but it don’t wash when the masses are clothed in rags and fighting each other for an ice cube) and show some of that smooth, rum-lubed lovin’ side he showed to me all those years ago.

He LOVED the idea!!! It reminded him of why he fell for me in the first place (well second place…can’t forget the knockers!). I’m afraid he may start calling me every day again.

Actually Bushy reminds me a lot of Fidel. They’re both very stubborn and not willing to listen to any new ideas or even negotiate with anyone (again back to the sack…Fidel likes a little pussy-boy, butt slappin’ now and then, shows me he might be up for negotiations if the president were Pam Anderson, anyway I’ve digressed…). It’s always “blah, blah, blah…my way or the highway” or “blah, blah, blah…with us or against us”. It all sounds very commie to me!

They are more alike than they’ll ever know. Sad…and so “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” - “Fidel you mean all this time we could have been…friends?”

So anyway Fidel took my advice and made the offer to send doctors and supplies to help the devastated Gulf Coast out. The gesture came and went with the flutter of a headline. At least he tried…that little pussy-boy is learnin’ I tell you.

All of this typing has made me thirsty. I think I’ll have Berna make me one of Fidel's special Mojito's.

The recipe is on the fridge magnet he made for me.

Talk to ya later kids,


Thursday, September 08, 2005

A Poem for the ages

MargOH! with Nellie McKay Posted by Picasa


I was on my way back from Miami and I wrote a poem while I sipped my Sake and chaser of caffeine free Diet coke. It is a litle diddy i wrote about my friend Nellie,

MargOH! and Nellie

Those two girls what a pair
In step walking side by side
Talking in a carefree tune
Thoughts dancing, smiling wide
People staring but they won’t hide
Friends til the end
In step walking side by side

MargOH is a big boned gal
Most everyone looks twice
Covering up with L’Oreal
Sophisticated glamour always nice
Working on an angle, independent and free
Stop staring; she’s who she wants to be

Nellie is a young pioneer, ambitious, no fear
She has a vintage style and talent that’s rare
She’s no pageant gone bad
Her music makes you imagine a world both happy and sad
She sings for human and animal rights
Optimistic we’ll win the fight
Standing tall, independent and free
Stop Staring, she’s who she wants to be

MargOH and Nellie don’t fit the mold
Two works of art bigger than life to behold
Don’t ask don’t tell
They’re not ready to say
What business is it of yours anyway?
These two friends til the end
Working on an angle, independent and free
Stop staring; they’re who they want to be

It’s not a matter of sexual orientation
Small-minded people currently rule this nation
Just so that you’re in the know
MargOH and Nellie are just friends on the go
Two girlfriends til the end
Working on an angle, independent and free
Stop staring; they’re who they want to be
They’re who they want to be