Tuesday, October 31, 2006

BOO!



Hey Kids,

Happy Halloween from Kim Fung and me!!!

I'm off to Bette Midler's Hulaween party and then to Nellie McKay's record release and Halloween party. I thought I was going to have nothing to do, silly MargOH!

I am a star afterall damn it!!!!

Watch out for the ghosts and gobblins and of course Sully, she's on the road with the Pussycat Dolls, very scarey!!!!

I got Stoli a job as a walk on nurse on "Days of our Lives" so she's out of my hair for a while.....

Kisses, MargOH!

Monday, October 30, 2006

MargOH!'s A winner

Hey Kids,

I just found out that I was voted "Spokesperson of the Year" by Spoksey International...I can't believe it.

I did an infomercial only seen in Japan for a product called "Fat-so-matic". A diet pill for people who wanted to think they were losing weight. It was a huge seller!!!

I am being flown to Pittsburgh for the presentation at the Spoksey international conference....how exciting

Here is the list of the top 5 vote-getters

1. MargOH! Channing for "Fat-So-Matic"
2. Lindsey Wagner for "The Sleep Number Bed"
3. Marie Osmond- "The Marie Osmond Collection"
4. Wilfred Brimley- "Anything for Diabetes"
5. Dove Girls- "fat girls in Dove add campaign"

Thank you to all of my japanese fans for your votes...I love you all

Kisses, MargOH!

I'm thrilled I beat that Lindsey Wagner, she was the reason I lost my role as Fembot # 6 by making me do boiler makers the night before the shoot, she's a drunk!!!!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Sully's serenade

Hey Kids,

Yes Sully is still here, I can't get rid of her. She went out one afternoon and came back with a Pussycat... not a cat but a Pussycat Doll.

She 's been hanging out with Melody, going out to dinner, movies and after hours parties. I don't know how the hell she met her and neither of them will say.

Melody told me I was horrible for keeping my mother in Alaska. I told Melody to bite it and that Sully Loves the fish mongers retirement home...She has all the fish and men she wants...jeez. Melody added that I should at least put her in a home closer...obviously Sully has charmed this pussycat doll.

Sully likes to sing shanty songs and they are wonderful, she has a fabulous voice and she knows how to get people to think she's fabu. Melody is now trying to get Sully to do back up on their tour. She said it would give them granny cred, whatever that means.

I can't deal with that Sully. She's always trying to steal my thunder. it should be I doing back -up for the Pussycat dolls, not my damn mother!!!!!

I'm calling the home, they must get her out of here!!!! She's not coming with me to Nellie's Record release party on Halloween!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Family Portrait

Hey Kids,

Can you believe Stoli wants to get a mother/daughter photo done?She says she missed out on normal family things and wants to catch up. She said she wants to rent a car and go to Sears in New Jersey.

I'm a little freaked out, not about the photo but the slutty schoolgirl skirt she
bought to wear. It's a bit skimpy.... plus she is 26 or 27..I'm not quite sure. We are still waiting for the actual DNA sample. I had to go give a second one because they said that the first one I gave was too vodka soaked to get a reading..I told them not to take a saliva sample...ding dongs.

Also I got a call from Stumpy's sister Stella telling me that Stoli is a little terror and that I should keep all the knives in the house locked up. I guess she likes to carve her name on things like walls and arms....I think Stella is fibbing...I haven't seen Stoli be violent, she just stares at me sometimes... creepy!!! She did ask me to see SAW III....mmmmm. I did get her a meeting with my agent Shecky Burns and he thinks he can get her a walk-on for "Passions" next week. I hope so. I just got my call back from "Dallas" and am on my way back to Texas, yuk!!!

I'll keep you posted plus my wild afternoon with Ethan Hawke....

Kisses, MargOH!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I've been wikipedia.....very strange

Hey Kids,

I've been a blog loser lately. There's been so much going on I can't believe it let alone sit down a write about it.. but I will this week, I promise!

Sally Kirkland called me and told me she was looking for a pic of mine to print out and put in a frame, how sweet.... She did a search on the internet and found that I was on Wikipedia. I looked and its true but they got the story all wrong. I am not sure who this BT Shea is? I am my own creation damn it!

Its taken me many years of sleeping with the right and wrong people to get where I am today. A little bit of hard work as well... and a lot of booze to get through the day.

Berna is the one from RI so I am sure she is behind this latest stab in the back. I'm sure that this BT Shea is a wonderful person and is a fabulous writer but MargOH! is original.

My character is one of a kind! I must get to the bottom of this....Its lies, all lies...

I'll be back with more about Ethan, Stoli and Sully....

Kisses, MargOH!

Please see the Wikipedia text below

"MargOH! Channing" is a popular character created and performed by Rhode Island and New York artist/writer BT Shea.

She is described as "the most decorated extra in the history of motion pictures and television", "the simple daughter of a fish monger from Bangor, Maine who made it to the big time".

First seen in nightclubs in Providence and throughout Rhode Island in the early 1990's she has since made her mark in New York with a succesful two year run on MNN (Manhattan Neighborhood Network) with her show, aptly titled "The MargOH! Channing Show", hosting guests such as Penny Arcade, Michael Musto and Nellie Mckay.

Recently she made her cabaret debut with succesful shows at the legendary Duplex Cabaret as well as the newly opened Dlounge at the Daryl Roth Theatre in Union Square.

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MargOH%21_Channing"

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Stoli's driving me crazy

Hey Kids,

Motherhood is exactly what I thought it would be, a pain in the ass. Now I know why my mother hated me. Oh yeah by the way Sully just arrived last night. She was suppose to come to my show in September. She hopped a freight train in Alaska and made it as far as Colorado but then got caught and was forced into hard labor to pay for the ride. She finally paid off her debt and then took the Greyhound and showed up at my damn door last night.

She is driving me nuts already with her thongs hanging in my shower, etc....yuk.

She met Stoli and informed her that there was no way she was a Channing and that we need to have the DNA test. Sully said she didn't have the Channing hump around the shoulders. Stoli spat in her face of course, she's a very rude gal, not like myself at all.

Berna's laughing the whole time and chanting MargOH!'s a mommie at me....bitch

She's also starting to demand money for low rise jeans and baby tees. She is 26 and I'm not up to pampering her.

God, I gotta go! Sully and Stoli are standing over me asking about lunch. I'm taking them to the diner across the street, Cosmos... I'll be back to update you on the DNA test scheduled for tomorrow. I just wanna make sure!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Blog boink

Hey Kids,

I've been so busy that I haven't blogged in a few days. I am writing a few so I'll be posting asap. I had breakfast with Ethan Hawke this morning, very hot...Talk about Legs and eggs, yikes..

Kisses, MargOH!

Friday, October 13, 2006

The Night from Hell to Stoli

Hey Kids,

Of course you know I'm back for a spell and last night the shit hit the fan.

Stoli came a knockin and Berna went apeshit. She lost her kool and demanded that she leave at once. I of course stepped in to make sure she stayed so I could get the info out of Berna.

Well we all sat down and Berna denied any involvement in the matter at all. I knew she was lying so i brought out the guns, well a package of double-stuff oreos. She started talking like mad. She's such a sucker for Oreo's but since the bypass she can only eat a few, poor dear.

Anyway she said that "Stumpy Jones" had followed us to Bangkok after we fled from "The Rodeney Allen Rippy Fan Club". Berna said that she gave me a little too much valium to calm my nerves. I was pretty much out of it for about a week after we landed. She added that "Stumpy" was hot for me and that he kept trying to sneak into the hotel room and Berna kept trying to keep him out but she said he must have slipped in because a few months later I started gaining weight. I said

"I'll say he slipped in", "it was a rape', "You're a rape baby Stoli"

She slapped me in the face and said that her father was not a rapist and she said it was my fault becaus of the way you used to ride on his wooden leg after he would take it off in between filming scenes from "The apple dumpling gang rides again".

I said " Oh, please.. I wasn't riding it, I had gotten crabs from Neil Sedaka, he was such a manslut back then"

Then i turned to Berna "So I was Pregnant?", I yelled.

She replied "Yes"

I screamed in agony and ran for the mini bar....

"How could I not Know" i said.

Berna replied, "I kept feeding you pills thinking you would miscarry but you didn't" "You were eating so much Pad thai that I convinced you that you were bloated".

Stoli chimed in "You two are horrible"

"Now I remember" I said. "Thats why on opening night of my 25 seat cabaret, bordello, escort service Toni Basil told me I looked pregnant and I should lay off the soy sauce and then ran on stage and nailed "Mickey".

"God, I can't believe this". Thats also why "Stumpy" stayed around mopping the floors and scrubbing the toilets.

Berna added... "When you were in the 9th month you started going into Labor but I told you it was a gal bladder attack and that you had to have it removed" "I had given you way too many drugs, You don't remember"

"Why", I asked

Berna said, "We couldn't have a baby, we were movers and shakers and I loved you, I wanted you all to myself".

"Yuk", i said

Stoli, chimed in.."Yeah so now it makes sense, you had cooked up the scheme to have my dad take me after the birth, just like he said"

"He did a good job didn't he, Berna's right, i couldn't have been a mother" "He did a great job, look at you, gorgeous but your name is a bit odd"

Berna yelled out "You named her, after the birth you were asking for a Stoli on the rocks and the nurse thought you wanted to name her Stoli and Stumpy kept it that way"

"Oh God, sorry dear"

I can't write anymore so I'll do a part 2....

Kisses,

Mother MargOH!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Barbra, Broads and rain

Hi Kids,

I had a last minute invite to the babs striesand concert with one of my main gays named "Boobala". I actually just met boob at a house party of another gay Todd I know but Boob has been sticking to me like glue, how fun! He works for one of the fashion mags and scored us some floor tickets. A little too close for comfort if you ask me, Babs needs a little work, she is 64 now and I don't think she's been under the knife yet. She does have good gene's though. I think her mother died a few years back at 93.

Anyway Boobala and I got whacked on Champagne, wow, by the time Babs got out on stage I was tipsy. I also brought my mini martin bar, its cute, it fits in my purse. It holds 4 nips of vodka, olives and a tiny little shaker, just add ice, its perfect.

Barbra WAs on her best behavior but Boobala was not and started yelling out to Babs asking her to drop the "F" bomb again. I was in a panic because Barbra looked a bit annoyed in her version of "My man". Bette Midler was there and told Boobala to shut the fuck up and then asked me for a Nip. I gave it to her ANd she downed it in one quick gulp, atta girl Bette.

I can't go throught the whole concert because honestly I fell asleep during IL Divo, actually they made me Ill. After that things just went south and I lost interest. I was also dismayed they sang "Evergreen" which is my favorite Babs song.

When we left it was pouring buckets and i was soaked waiting for a cab while Boobala was trying to pick up Jonathan Lipnicki, yikes, thats a whole other story...

I was suppose to go to my Martini club members Chris Tuttle's birthday bash but Babs and boobala just wore me out, my apologies Chris!!! you are a love!!!

Oops gotta run, Boobala and I are headed out for lunch with Jonathan, I guess he's trying to pitch a movie to HBO about his big head....


Kisses, MargOH!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Barbra, bangles and Tuttleicious

Hey Kids,

The shoot for the Dallas film has been postponed again so i am back in the city for a week.

Berna has already been annoying me and she says she know's nothing of Stoli, but I can tell she's fibbing. I'll get it out of her eventually..

Anywho, I'm very excited cause I'm going to see Barbra tonight at the garden. I'm going with a gay and then after that I'm running to Chris Tuttle's birthday celebration at Vlada, very exciting!!

I hope Babs drops the F-bomb again, how exciting. I have a little gossip about Bab's costumes.

I heard that Liza went back stage to say hi and barbra flipped over her sequin Pant suit and demanded that Liza give it to her immediatly.

Babs in a sequin pant suit, I was shocked, it looked fabulous.

I heard Liza looked terrible though in an empire waisted gown in the front row, very sad. Liza was overheard saying that she loved Barbra but she can be so demanding and that she better get her suit back. Liz Smith said, yeah right...you'll probably see it on ebay in six months...

Legends can be so funny, ya think?

I'll let you know how it was and hopefully I can cop a feel of Chris Tuttle's 30 year old butt, it's hot stuff kids!!!!! I think I'll buy him 30 dirty martini's, that should ensure some action....LOL

Kisses, MargOH!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Ain't nothing going on but the rent


Hey Kids,

I'm here in Dallas and guess what? Berna calls me from my home line informing me that she is back. How Nice... I started in on her about the whole Stoli nightmare but she cut me off again...

Berna then says there is another eviction notice under the door. It says I have until December 1st to get out.. Oh Christ! The building said they have decided to relocate their offices to my apartment.

What a bunch of Jackasses!!!!

I hate the rental game in NYC. I am lucky I'm not middle class because if I was I may be out on the street in a matter of no time.

I told Berna to get her ass in gear and find us a place asap. She said she was on it! The I heard someone in the background. I of course asked who she had over and she said it was Raul, Kathy Lee's pool boy. She said he wants to work for us and is tired of Kathy's sexual escapades and rampant orgies.

Great, another staff member. Now I know how Liza feels. She must have 10 people keeping her together...

Oh Yes, I just got a call from Liza's peeps offering me the gig of Liza's stand in and body double for her upcoming movie "Katie's Blues". How fun and I get to work in NY...hopefully I'll have a place to live...

Berna set me straight and told me that I was middle class by NYC standards, yikes!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

PS I put another pic from d-lounge for your viewing pleasure

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Dallas


Hey Kids,

I'm in Dallas gearing up for my role in the Dallas movie, which I just heard, that J-lo dropped out so they are gonna shoot around her. Also there is a lovely indian woman directing now. How nice, I prefer male directors if you know what I mean.

I'm here a bit early because I am also helping with the coordination of the food.

I always do something more than my role.

Its always expected that I do a little extra seeing is I am the highest paid extra there is. I don't mind, I decided to go mexican and BBQ all the way.

Shirley MacLaine can suck down burritos like crazy. I'm meeting her tonight for a drink, Oh jeez,I gotta go, Shirley doesn't like to be kept waiting. I think she has a bladder issue now. I saw some depends in her trailer, yikes, poor thing...

I'll keep you updated!!

I put a pic of the d-lounge on just so you know i'm still gorgeous

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Loose Ends

Hey Kids,

Yes, I have to start taking care of some loose ends. First and foremost is my ass. It is sagging beyond belief. It time for a butt lift!! I'm off to the chinese plastic surgeon in China town, cheap as chips!!

Another loose end is the fact that I never shared with you if I was planning on getting married. I did decide to accept my proposal of marraige under a few conditions. The first being that we really don't have to live together, secondly I don't ever cook for him and thirdly is that he makes sure there is always a full case of champagne in both of our residences. I think these are simple requests, don't you?

It is my pleasure to say that MargOH! will wed her longtime director Jeff Catlow. It will be a very simple ceremony but the date has not been chosen. Jeff is much younger than I and I like having him around. He keeps me abreast of what the kids like these days, keeps me hip kids!! He's also a really good beard for when I like to dabble in the art of lesbianism.... watch out ladies....

I think it was a good decision and now I won't have to pay him for his directing services for my shows. Its very exciting. I will keep you updated on our wedding date!


I also saw my hypnotist yesterday and I'm working on some issues about Stoli. I did remember a few things but its not all together yet. I now remember gaining a lot of weight but I thought that was because of all the pad thai I was eating when I first moved to bangkok. I did also recall going to the hospital but Berna told me I was having my appendix and Gal Stones removed, it was very painful. It is all a bit of a blurr. I still don't remember banging Stumpy but Ms. Rizzario, the hypnotist, said I spoke of Stumpy being around and cleaning out the girls rooms, then something about riding a stump. I have to go back before I leave for dallas. I'm still not convinced that Stoli is mine but I'll tell you one thing I had 3 Stoli dirty Martini's afterwards but I usually prefer Belvedere....I'm scared!!!


Kisses, MargOH!