Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Everything is coming up Carrot Top

Hey Kids,

You are not gonna believe this. After we left the airport in Minnesota, yikes, we were detoured to Vegas. Well I guess if you're gonna be detoured vegas is the place.Berna and I got a room at Luxor on American Airlines of course.

I quickly left a message for Wayne to see if we could do dinner but Mr. Newton had back to back shows so Berna and I headed for the Buffet. I ate like a quen for 7.99, gotta love vegas. It was early and I'm not much of a gambler so berna and I headed for the bar and kicked back a few spritzers and pondered our next move. Then all of a sudden we were approached by my old friend carrot top, I screamed and Berna started to lunge at him. I quickly apologized but i explained i thought it was Ronald mcDonald coming at me. Carrot said " No problems Marge, I get that all the time" he also said he is sometimes mistaken for Sharon Gless sporting her "Queer as FolK" wig. I can see that as well.

Carrot whisked us off to his show and we had front row seats. It was well what should i say interesting. I am not sure the route Carrot has taken with his comedy is the right one not to mention his riddler plastic surgery. I warned him the knife can be addicting and honey he is addicted. The evening took a wild turn when he asked for Berna's panties as part of his act, very scary... Luckily she had on that special pair i had made for her.... skid proof and all.....

I must say Carrot still has that special something, I'm not sure what it is but he has something...... If you get a chance check out carrot's act, he is much better than Gallagher and if he has the guts to touch Berna's panties than it's worth a few bucks....

After Carrot we headed off to the Ranch for a few cocktails and some chat wit the girls..... That's all I'll say about that but we had a knockers of fun!!!!

Kids I'll talk to ya when we are back in NY.... This trip to Alaska has turned into a criss cross journey of fun!!!

Kisses Kids

Monday, November 28, 2005

Visiting Mama

Hey Kids,

I can't believe it! I am stuck in the airport somewhere in the Midwest. Excuse me where am I, Minneapolis, I don't even know how to spell that... It's snowing like a bitch here. I am so glad Berna is with me, she's keeping all of the rif raff away and there seems to be a lot of it.

This is the last time I go see Sully, that's my mother. She is so annoying and the hotel Fisherman is only a 1 star at best. You know you are trouble when you get poked in the eye by fish bones sticking out of your pillow.

The Fishmongers retirement home is lovely though. It always smells of smoked salmon and depends.... It is dirt cheap as well and they put together the most lovely Thanksgiving day spread that included a Turkey molded out of catfish, very chic. My mother is the life of the place, she sings old shanty songs and dances the fisherman's polka to entertain everyone. She's a feisty old bugger, she has a boyfriend named Captain Jack and they are just inseparable.

Everything was going fine until I realized captain jack was a bit off his rocker. He decided to show me his pet eel which he flopped out of his pants. I think we know where I'm going with this, his eel was huge, no wonder why my mother was walking like she just rode in on a whale... What a Thanksgiving!!!!

Oops, gotta go, my flight is finally being called, be home soon kids.

Berna get your ass in gear

Kisses. MargOH!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Gods Love we deliver

Hey Kids,

I hate to say it but MargOH!'s old bones are sore today. I ran a 5k on Sunday "Race to deliver" which is a fundraiser for a great charity "God's love we deliver". They supply meals to people who are stricken with HIV and aids and others in need.

Today I am in need of a rub down after that run. Charity can be painful as much as rewarding when you are as out of shape as I am. The pole dancing lessons really did not go as well as I had hoped, mainly I got pole burn in the thigh area. Not that I will stop going because I am determined to give Shelley Winters a run for her Pole Money. She was absolutely born to Pole dance, it actually makes the rest of us Dizzy to watch her rotate on the pole, amazing!!!

Anyway, back to the race. It was a gorgeous day in central park. Berna and I got up early to prepare by having a glass of 3 raw eggs, a la "Rocky" with a chaser of "Mumms". It was rough but we managed to choke it down and hopped a cab to 72nd street where we were greeted by Matthew Modine. He was surprised to see me but fondly remembered when we worked together on "Vision Quest" ages ago. I can't even remember what role I had in it but I remember giving Matthew oral support when he was having problems remembering his lines.. Oh dear I meant Moral support I think, mmm he's a cutie anyway. He brought us to the starting line where Berna and I started our warm up by drinking a fab new Cider toddy I made.

The gun went off and so were we. Berna kept up for about 5 minutes but crumbled under the pressure, I can't wait till she gets that gastric bypass so she can be more fit or at least fit into something different than a Kaftan and sweats. I on the other hand kept up with the pack for at least 10 minutes into my 80 minute run. I thought that was great but some bitch told me that the winners run more like a 4.5 minute mile, yikes I guess I suck and Matthew agreed, he only took 30 minutes. I reminded him that he was much faster when it came to other things so he should back off. I waited until 4:30 for berna but there was still no sign of her, mind you the race started at 10 sharp. She eventually made it home at around 8.

God Bless that Berna, all 380 pounds of her and God Bless "God's Love we deliver" for the good work they do....

Kisses, MargOH!

PS. I'm off to visit my mother Sully at the Fishmonger's retirement home in Alaska. I decided to see her on thanksgiving and bail on Christmas this year. The prices of canned salmon are outrageous this year so she is gonna have to settle for Sardines.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Taking the Country out of the CMA's

Hey Kids,

Well I thought I was going to have a nice quiet evening and just relax in front of the boob tube and eat a bag of lays..... Unfortunately I got a frantic call from Lee Ann Womack telling me she had a big fight with her sister and since I was the only other person she knew in the big apple (Lee Ann performed at my cabaret in Bangkok before she hit it big)that she wanted me to come with her for protection. I of course can't turn anyone down especially when I may get the chance to see Dolly. I hurried myself to get dressed(the problem is what does one where to the CMA's that doesn't make you look like you just got banged by a bunch of cowboys in your trailer). I found the perfect thing a black Asian inspired top with a cute pair of boot cut Levis boy jeans and my Dingo's. I looked just like an urban cowgirl!!!

I jumped into the stretch and Lee Ann looked well how should I put it, mmm crazy. Between you and me I think she is about to go over the deep end. You would think someone who is having so much success would be happier but she looked annoyed by it all. She was thrilled to see me but told me that her sister wouldn't forego her ticket and that I would have to either sit in the rafters or hang out by the bar. Well you all know where I wanted to be so I asked her a few hundred dollars and saddled up to the bar. I asked what the fight was about and she told me that her sis told her that she looked like a lipstick lesbian going to the rodeo in the outfit she chose. I must say that she did look a little Anna Nicole without the pretty if ya know what I mean...

We got there and I was out on the red carpet and dashed into the bar area only to find that Big and Rich had already got there party crazy hands on most of the liquor. They had an entourage of about 20 people including silver spray painted vixens and a little person named two foot brad. You know I had to check that out, I just love little people. They are party animals. Two foot and I had a blast, he is a bit frisky but you know I love the attention so I let him cop a couple of feels.

Lee Ann ended up winning an award but that didn't seem to cheer her up. She came by looking for me when Elton John and I were doing Fireball shots with Glenn Campbell. She grabbed my arm and asked why I hadn't watched her perform And get her award with a wild eyed look, very scary. I told Lee Ann that I didn't even want to come but I felt obligated.. I much prefer the old school country gals like Loretta, Dolly and Barbara Mandrell, though I must say Gretchen Wilson is keeping things real with her latest CD. Well That sent Lee Ann over the edge and she stormed out and left me there. Thank goodness Two Foot let me hitch a ride on his scooter, though that cost me a few more favors it was worth walking home from the Hell's Kitchen area, yikes

Well all in all the CMA's were a big bore, though I do like that austrailian hunk Keith Urban and Big and Rich are crazy...It was fun to see Elton, Olivia Newton- John, Cliff Richard and Larry King. If that's not a list of country heavyweights i don't know what is..... Somehow I think Country music doesn't have much country left, i think it's just pop right now.

Country kisses, MargOH!

Monday, November 14, 2005

I want my Harry Potter

Hey Kids,

It was a hot weekend in old NYC. I went to the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire premiere and the movie is just fantastic.

You see I was planning on going with my next door neighbor dame Shirley bassey who was in town.

Well come to find out she is good friends with Daniel Radcliffe's mother Trudy and they were stopping by to chat with the dame before heading out to the gala. I went next door and Shirley was waiting in full Diva regalia, a full sequin gown for a movie premiere is a bit much and made me feel a bit underdressed in my goucho/poncho ensemble but that is dame Shirley, full of piss and vinegar.

She explained to me that Daniel and Trudy were coming over and I was thrilled since I had never met the actor that plays the darling little Harry Character, just so cute but I never was able to infiltrate, oh I mean visit the stars trailers. You may not know this but I played ragged Lady # 458 in the first film and muggle # 85 in the second. They were all group scene's but I got my 500 bucks a day, thank you JK!!!

Shirley and I were well into our third bottle of champagne when they arrived and we hit it off wonderfully. I was shocked however to see that poor Daniel was stricken with acne and I could tell he was a bit self conscious about it.

Shirley also was conscious or should I say unconscious and sloppy drunk so we had to get her out of her gown and into her jammies. I can't tell you how many times Shirley and I make plans but never leave her apartment for various reasons, some I can't talk about!!!!

Daniel was a dear about the whole thing so I offered to help him cover up some of those blemishes and he was more than willing. I sat him at Shirley's make -up table and started putting on his face. He loved it and it made him feel wonderful, so wonderful that he slipped into Shirley's sequin gown and flew into a fabulous rendition of "Big spender" for his mom and I, we cheered like mad. However, I think I may have went to heavy on the rouge!!!!

Kisses Kids and go see the movie, it was fun, fun, fun


Thursday, November 10, 2005

Kids, I'm working on a show

Hey Kids,

Guess what! I'm working on a show, a live one. I have written it, gotten the costumes now Berna, my wardrobe mistress, is spanning the globe for venue's. It's very exciting to work on something new, it makes me wet!! I think it is going to be bigger than Elaine Stritch's "At Liberty". Well at least I'll be a bit drunker....

I know you are getting wet as well and that really makes me hot! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting a bit sexual. It's because I saw that new show on BBC America Mile High last night and all of those men are just so damn sexy. Why can't I be on that plane, a very captive audience it would be for me.

I have been trying to get my Agent Shecky to get me a role on Lost or Desperate Housewives and I almost scored on the latter but they opted for that Damn Linda Dano. Look I love Linda but this is strictly a sympathy casting due to the fact that she went over the edge after her husband died. I really do wish Linda all the best and really me playing a mother is a stretch, I'm in my 50's but still look like 37. It's all that cod liver oil my mother cooked with... Please my mother is 88 and looks 58 but she is tucked away at the Fish Mongers retirement home in Anchorage Alaska. That reminds me I have to send her a can of Salmon for Thanksgiving.

Oh Dear, I've gotten off track. My show, yes, I am going to be singing and dancing and telling funny stories about my fabulous past, present and future. There will be fabulous guests to help me out like my darling TV show director Jeff catlow and my darling Jessie on Piano. I can't wait and I will keep you updated on the upcoming dates!!!

Kisses MargOH!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Help Save public access TV

Hey Kids,

As you all know I made a huge comeback with my Public access TV Show "The MargOH! Channing Show" and I just love doing it and want the opportunity to continue.

Right now there are several Bills floating around to cut funding and channel space for public access TV. This is part of the Republican Agenda and must be stopped.

Please read below and send a note to your Representatives to stop this nonsense.

Public access television has a place in this country and no one should be able to take that away!!!!

Please help MargOH! and the countless others who depend on Public access to express themselves and spread a well needed dose of diversity.

All of my love and Kisses,




There is New Anti-Access Legislation in Washington to be discussed this week Wednesday, Nov. 9th, WITHOUT input from Access Community!

On Wednesday 11/9/05 the House Commerce Subcommittee will meet to discuss legislation that could seriously impact Public, Educational, and Governmental (PEG) Access TV - including Manhattan Neighborhood Network and the nation’s other access stations.

This new legislation is known as the "BITS Bill" or the "Commerce Committee Staff Draft". The Subcommittee will finalize their draft of the “BITS Bill” and move it out by the week of November 15th. This draft will not represent the interest of the PEG Access TV Community. We must Act Now! We must ensure that the BITS Bill protects the future of PEG Access TV!

The Alliance for Community Media (ACM) - which Represents PEG Access TV in Washington - says that although they met with the Commerce Committee during the drafting of this Bill - NONE OF THEIR RECOMMENDATIONS HAVE BEEN INCLUDED IN THE DRAFT and THE ACM HAS NOT BEEN INVITED TO PARTICIPATE IN FURTHER DISCUSSIONS!


Call or Email House Commerce Committee Members tonight Monday Nov. 7th, Tuesday Nov. 8th, or Wednesday Nov. 9th. At the bottom of this email is a list of the New York Subcommittee members of the Commerce Committee. You can also call them at (202) 225-2927.

Tell Commerce Committee members:
1) The public interest must be strongly represented at all hearings and in all legislation.
2) The Alliance for Community Media and municipal organizations represent the needs of tens of thousands of communities and millions of voters and should have input into this legislation.

Sample email:
Here is a sample email to send to the Commerce Committee members
(you can just copy & paste the following message):

Dear House Commerce Committee Member,

I wish to express my opposition to the “BITS” Bill now being discussed by the House Commerce Subcommittee. This Bill does not protect the public interest. It will strip local communities of the ability to operate local franchises and to control their own ‘rights of way’. And it will seriously impact the operation of public, educational, and governmental TV in my community. I strongly urge you to protect the public interest, and to include input from the Alliance for Community Media in the writing of any legislation related to the introduction of broadband services in my community.

Your Name

Please send your comments to the following 3 House Commerce Committee members from New York:

1) Eliot L. Engel, New York

2) Vito Fossella, New York

3) Edolphus Towns, New York

You can also go to the following link to get the contact information for the full Commerce Committee. We encourage you to voice your concerns and send them the same comments:

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Hubba, Hubba Hulaween

Hey Kids,

last night I hit the town with Berna and my other gang of ghouls including my fab new friend, fellow Celiac and piano player Jessie. She is actually the illegitimate daughter of Liberace and can really tickle those ivories much like her father. We were also accompanied by my new gal pal and designer Sue Wong and of course my super Glenda who said she was in a female bear costume but honestly she just forgot to shave.

First we headed out to the parade but the masses of freaks was just too much so we decided to take up Bette's that's Bette Midler's personal invite to her annual Hulaween Gala at The Waldorf. Luckily Glenda had to go back to the building due to a hair raising back up in Shirley Bassey's Tub. I like Glenda but taking her to a Gala is just not in anyone's best interest, on the other hand she does bare a striking resemblance to Bruce Vilanch and they let him out in public. Anyway, the party was very Bette and many stars were on hand. My darling friend Eartha Kitt was there and looking fabulous, she said she started using "Signature Club A" from QVC and it's turned back the clock for her again, that woman looks fabulous... When will she get her one woman show on Broadway.....Hopefully soon. Chevy Chase was there and of course he was all hands as usual, he is such a perv. Mimi was there (that's Mariah Carey) and she lambasted me for my "Shaking if off" blog but after all was said and done we made up over the shrimp cocktail bowl and she promised to stay dry for a while. Martha was there obviously in disguise due to her failed version of the "Apprentice" but I'm not quite sure what in the hell she was "Jessica simpson with a monkey". That scarey John Lithgow was there playing a poor man's Andy Warhol, he scares me.

Well after hanging with Bette we decided to grab Yoko and go down the LES Haunted House. It was suppose to be very scarey and Yoko said she needed to be frightened to get some inspiration for her upcoming studio album. I was frightened to hear she was in the studio, not again.

We hopped the 6 train at Grand central and made our way top the fright fest. It was filled with great anticipation that Yoko and I had to have 6 Margarita's while we were waiting in Line(think I found a new drinkin partner).

Well kids I'm sad to announce that the haunted house was not scary at all. In fact it sucked. Jessie, Yoko and I were glued to eachother and were getting very close but after a few seconds we realized it was more like a bad David Lynch Film and relaxed. I much go for people jumping out at you with spooky costumes. Not a girl pulling out her teeth with a wrench, please I could that. It made me mad that I spent 20 bucks on an unfrightful fright fest and all the while could have just had 4 more margarita's and had Glenda jump out of my Closet....

Well all in all it was a Hubba, Hubba Halloween and it was fun dishing it up with Yoko again, she should get out more...

Kisses, MargoH!