Saturday, October 29, 2005

Ann Coulter is Crazy

Hi Kids,

If you see this woman in the street please run the other way, take cover in any bar you can find and have a stiff drink.

Ann Coulter is Crazy. Story to follow....

Kisses, MargOH!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

"I've gotta crush on you" Al Franken

Hey Kids,

My mornings are so much brighter now that I have Al Franken in combo with my Mimosa's.

The thing is I really want to have him. Ever since I have been watching his show on "The Sundance Channel" I've been hot, things have really been boiling over. I was never much for the geeky quiet type but I really wanna take a ride on the Franken.

He is so smart and really fills my senses with joy unlike that other morning show I had been watching. The "other" morning show has seemed to have taken a turn to spouting "Bush Propaganda" and katie's legs are not enough for me to keep watching.

I am making it my mission to let Al know how I feel even though he is a married man. Not that I would dream of breaking up a marriage, I learned my lesson with Liz and Richard, the second time around. Oh! Stop judging me! If you had a chance to sleep with Richard Burton you would..... Wouldn't you?

Berna told me that Al was doing a book signing this weekend so I am heading over to say Hi. I hope that his pesky wife Frannie isn't there!!!! I'll let you know what happens



Monday, October 24, 2005

Yuk, Bobby Trendy

Hey Kids,

Oh! Kids I almost forgot to tell you that when I was in LA I ran into that mess Bobby Trendy. You know him as the loser designer from "The Anna Nicole Show". As I explained I attended the Sue Wong show and sat next to Tara Lapinski but I hadn't told you that on the other side of me was none other than Bobby Trendy. He looked as though he had stolen Kim Fung's(my darling pooch)Halloween costume.

I had never set eyes on him other than on the show and let me tell you I was a bit concerned. I thought you were only suppose to get face lifts later in life(luckily I have good gene's and barely have a wrinkle, I think it was the fish oil my mother cooked with)but he obviously has gone under the knife. Tara told me that she was told that he was actually 50 mmmm.... I wonder.

Anyway, the show started and the lights went down and it was fabulous. I just love Sue's use of exotic materials and unconventional patterns. However, half way through I went to for my purse to grab my lip gloss(the LA air is so dry sometimes)and couldn't find it. I looked at Bobby and his lips were dripping with gloss and I could smell root beer(my flavor). I couldn't believe it and was very upset, he looked at me with that pretentious smile. I leaned in and said "Did you steal my root beer lip gloss". He replied "No Kitten I just borrowed it" and he handed it back to me. Well after spotting that unusually large boil like cold sore on his lip I decided to take the high road and let him keep it.

Can you believe it!!!! What a mess.....



Thursday, October 20, 2005

LA Baby

Hey Kids,

It's been a hectic couple of days...well week I should say!!

I just flew back from LA where I attended many events including the Mercedez Benz fashion week show of my darling Sue Wong. Her clothes are really special. She even promised me the icy looking hat for my Christmas party rounds (and rounds and rounds).

I had a wonderful time aside from the fact that I had to sit next to that "terror of the ice" herself Tara Lapinski. She kept asking me for velamints to conceal the smell coming from the flask of gin she was sipping on. In the old days I would join in on that but as you all know I am gin free for over a year now.

I also attended the "Environmental Media Awards" with my gal pal Kathy Najimy. Now I love Kathy and we've been to a couple of things together (I'll never forget my night on the town with her after Lily Tomlin's last Broadway show - yikes!!) but when we were entering on the red carpet she blocked me out making it impossible for me to show off my Sue Wong original. She is so greedy for the spotlight.

I was so excited to get to talk to the darling Alicia Silverstone, I just love her. Also on hand was the very hungry looking Nicole Ritchie. I felt like running to get her an "In and Out" burger right away but decided that probably wouldn't sit well with this crowd.

All in all the event was crunchy with love, right down to the envirofriendly chairs we were able to take home and use for firewood.

The last event was the "Ruby Red Slipper" gala I attended to celebrate the 50th anniversary of "The Wizard Of OZ'. Liza and Lorna asked me to attend due to their busy schedules and lucky thing I did because the only celebs there were myself , Jane Kaczmarek,Adrienne Barbeau and the surviving munchkins.

I must say there is still nothing more lovely than watching Judy in this film though I could have done without getting felt up by that pesky munchkin Meinhardt Raabe (we had a one night stand back in my Russ Meyer days and he still thinks he can climb to second base with me).

It was a wild time in old LA and I know I should get out there more.

I also wanted to send out a special thanks to Kathy Griffin for letting me stay at her lovely but may I say extremely large home(I got lost twice and ended up in bed with her mother and father, I think they were drunk so hopefully they won't remember).



Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Liza and Cher to Sue for Gross and Hideous Representation

Hi Kids,

These pictures say it all. It's a real Drag

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Mariah is all wet but "Shaking it off"

Hey Kids,

As all of you know I consult for many celebrities including but not limited to Ellen Degenerous, Doris Roberts, R. Kelley(if you think he came up with that "Closet" song idea,think twice), and my darling "Mimi" (that's Mariah Carey). This brings me to what today's blog is about... Taking my advice and overusing it.

The first example of this is that I told Ellen to do a little dancing at the beginning of her show and we all know how that got out of control.

However,I must tell you about the biggest abuser of my ideas and that is "Mimi"(that's Mariah carey).

Many years ago I was hired to consult on "Mimi's" video "Honey" where she was to be held captive and escapes on a 3 wheeler in spiked heels. Thanks to me that changed to Mariah breaking free and jumping off the balcony into the pool and then onto a Jet ski, the only thing that didn't change was the heels. I told Mariah that she should try to emulate a butterfly with dew on its wings. That girl has been wet ever since!!!

First there was the latest video "Shake it Off" where I had recommended that she lay upon a bed of roses with a cascade of butterflies flapping on her bosoms with a mega blast of wind for effect. Well, when I got there "Mimi" had ordered a tub and was filling it with water for her to splash around in. Now , again I love that girl but after I complained that she never takes my suggestions to heart she took a plunge into the tub for the shoot.

She was so eager to get into the tub that she created a cannonball effect and splashed water all over me and the crew. I at least made her go with the roses idea and threw a bunch of pedals all over her and they ended up sticking to her like glue(Okay so all of my idea's aren't perfect but I still get paid).

If you have seen the video you know it was as uncomfortable to shoot as it was to watch but what "Mimi" says goes. She filled the tub too much and at one point had to be rescued from a near drowning( I got wet again).

Secondly was my experience at the VMA's when I was drenched by Kelly Clarkson's performance but again this was all flamed by Mariah's eagerness to take a plunge in a pool. Mariah felt that if she should be wet that Kelly should be to and so on and so on. "Mimi" some of us who have to wear heavy make-up can't be wet all the time!!! Poor Kelly should think about Pro-active....

The thing is that she doesn't understand that no one wants to see her wet. We love a dry wind blown "Mimi" walking through a field of wheat.... Ah the "Vision of Love" days, how I long for the simpler and dry Mariah of yore.

Hopefully Mariah will take my word for it and really "Shake it off" for a dry 2006.



Thursday, October 13, 2005

Only Olivia

Hey Kids,

I went to see the fabulous Olivia Newton John on Tuesday night and had a bang up evening. It turns out that I sat right next to one of my old friends Didi Conn, you know Frenchie from "Grease". I played a pivital role in Grease as well as a spastic hand-jiver. I can still give a good hand -jive and so can Didi, we were hand-jiving eachother all throughout the concert.

Olivia looked lovely and sang like the gentle bird she is. Though I know Olivia has a wild side she seemed to be in an Angelic mode even as she tore through the rock medly that included "Rumor", and the ever popular "Twist of Fate" . The crowd went wild.

Speaking of the crowd, Olivia has a strange audience, more like freaks. On one side of me was two men from Texas that were planning to attend her whole tour, mmmm now that is dedication (very Scarey). On the other side of Didi was a man who claimed he was 104 years old and had a woody for Olivia, well a cane that he was determined to get her to sign. It was a crowd of all ages and many of them brought her flowers and gifts to the stage. I think it is her open nature that makes people feel that they can run to her.

After the show Didi and I spent some face time with Olivia and knocked back some champers. We talked about the old days and how we all looked so fabulous for women of our age. Didi and I said our goodbye's and feeling Aussie we went for a T-bone at the Outback.... Olivia "I honestly love you"

Kisses, MargOH!