Sunday, August 31, 2008

Save the Date "Mamma MargOH!'s All Soul Burlesque Revue"

Hey Kids,

I know, I know , i left you hanging but I'll finish my post ASAP but getting to know my Aunt Trudie Again has been keeping me busy.

Also I'm doing my burlesque show October 16 @ Don Hills 9PM. More info to follow...but we have a mother of a line up with RunAround Sue, Della Dare, Akynos and MAN-ee more surprises...

Kisses, m

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Coming Home Again

Hey Kids,

Wow, this has really been a wild month and my emotions are really raw....I've been drinking my tears rather than champagne as of late. I found something out this week that has changed my life forever but then not really. I just don't I'll tell you..

Well , kids, you all know that I've been on the hunt for my Aunt Trudie and hired a very crafty team of PI's to search for (Blatton, Blatton and Blatton). They are fantastic, some of the smartest people I've ever met and that dog of Theirs Nobby is just an amazing dog. In one of my last posts I explained that we were just getting to the south of France, which is just gorgeous, but as soon as we got there we learned that Urilla (Aunt Trudie) had made her way to a place called "The Villages" , a 55+ community in Florida...ugh..

Jane Blatton introduced me to a man that had been in business with Aunt Trudie named Jacques Banquette and that they had been an item at one time. This was all so strange because the aunt Trudie I know was a dyke to the highest order... He also told us that Urilla had no memory of her life before 1969....Aunt Trudie had Amnesia???? He also showed us several pictures of a girl that ranged from when she was an infant up until 16 years old, that girl was me
and scribbled on the back of the pictures was the Phrase "My daughter, Haddock" and the year...of course you all know my real name is Haddock, anyway Jacques went on to explain that Urilla (Aunt Trudie) said that the girl in the picture was her daughter and she was sure of that, but she could not remember where she had come from and had no way of contacting her.

At this point I knew Aunt Trudie(Urilla) really had Amnesia because I'm not her daughter. It was sweet that she had all those pictures of me and honestly she seemed more like a mother to me than my own Sully...Jacques supplied us with Aunt Trudie's address after I showed him my boobs, don't ask... and I said goodbye to the Blatton's of Blatton, Blatton and Blatton because their job was done. They cost me a pretty penny so MargOH's gonna have cut Berna's pay again...but they were worth it!

On to Florida I went with Berna in tow, I called Sully to give her an update and she flipped out. She told me to get my ass back to NY and that I had been scammed by these "Blatton's". She said that Aunt Trudie was dead and that was that and that all this was too easy too be true. I of course told her to screw and she then demanded i buy her a ticket to Florida for her and my Aunt Fawn....I did. So we all met at the airport and got in a limo to "The Villages". I'd never seen Sully look so weird, she was nervous and white as a ghost and Aunt Fawn was feeding her cod liver oil pills like candy, she stunk...On the way I told them that it seemed Aunt Trudie had no memory of her life before 1969, only after and Sully yelled out "Thank you , jack Daniel's" and her teeth flew out of her mouth and hit the driver...poor thing.

I couldn't understand why she was so happy about that....I spent an hour in the car with Sully, Berna and Aunt Fawn and god was it hot...when we arrived at the gate they asked who were we there to see and I said Urilla Wilson and they looked shocked and walked into the booth and picked up the phone, Sully seemed to be getting nervous again as the gates to this "Pleasant ville" like place opened.

As we pulled up to the address I saw a woman come running towards us with a baseball bat, screaming, I'm not going back, I'm not going back...........I rolled down the window and yelled out "Aunt Trudie", the woman stopped dead in her tracks and said "Aunt Trudie, who in the hell is that? I'm Urilla and i'm not going back to that hospital". Then she ran to the back of the limo.

I yelled out that we weren't from any hospital and that I was her niece, then Aunt Fawn giggled and Sully kicked her in the knee. I told her to put the bat down or I'd knock her over the head with the bottle of Jack Sully had in her bag. I got out of the car and through the darkness i could see Aunt Trudie's face change and she almost had a look of recognition. Then she dropped the bat and yelled "Oh my pussy lickin stars, it's my baby girl" and she ran over and hugged me. I didn't know what to do....

Kids, I'm getting a little emotional and need a bit of a rest. Didn't mean to leave you with this "Dynasty" Cliff hanger but I need a drink....Sully hand me that Jack

Kisses, MargOH!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

I'm back

hey Kids,

Sorry for the delay in posting but the past week has been crazy and I have so much to type....I am working on a huge post...This update will be as big as Madonna's brothers revelations in his new book, I mean who knew Madonna was self centered and a major bitch!!....I'm Shocked...aren't you???

Anyway kids I'll be back as soon as i can type this damn post and drink 2 glasses of champagne at the same time. i think I would have mastered that by now...LOL

Kisses, M

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

On Trudie's Tail

Hey Kids,

I'm already off to France after a short stay in London and meeting the Blattons of Blatton, Blatton and Blatton and their pooch Nobby. When I arrived they had a stack of papers to sift through and a picture they found on the beach in France. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw was me as a little girl gutting a cod fish....Oh! how it did bring back memories of my days as "The Fish Mongers Daughter". A tear fell from my eye but then I was snapped out of it when they showed another pic of my mother Sully and Trudie together. This was odd because they hated each other so I thought but in the pic they were klinking beer steins together and shucking oysters with cigarettes dangling out of their mouths...very Americana...

Anyway, the lead Blatton told me that we needed to go to France right away because Trudie or what she goes by now Urilla was spotted eating at a cafe on the riviera by a Blatton private eye on location. We immediately booked flights, though I took the time to sample a gluten free fish and chips the other Blatton made for me, yum , it was delicious, a girls gotta eat!! doesn't she. I of course still aren't quite sure what the Blatton's first names are but I'm wondering if they are the same as the name tags they wear while running the fish shop... Jane, Wandanita and Pablo...I doubt it, they look very British, I think it's just a cover and whenever I call out to Wandanita she squints her eyes at me....

We should be landing in a few minutes. Oh, dear i just realized we left Bianca behind...yikes, she's so small...i must have left her at the fish shop...Let me call her...goodness!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Friday, August 01, 2008

We're off to see the Blattons

Hey Kids,

We're leaving Barcelona today and what a ball i had. Making this film was fun and this being the first film I have lines in since 1969 is just wonderful. Gael was so sweet and we really had a grand time. i didn't get to spend too much time with him but he did have to take his shirt off while visiting me at my flat after I accidentally spilt wine on his shirt...yummy, even Bianca was hot for it, he's so sexy....Hopefully they won't cut my scenes but I gave the director and editor bottles of champagne and an autograph picture....

So on to more exciting news. The Blattons are hot on the trail of my Aunt Trudie. They know that Trudie is no longer using that name and goes by Urilla Wilson....mmmm very strange. They know that she is somewhere in the south of France. They also know that at one time she owned a bait and tackle shop and that sounds like old Trudie, keeping the family tradition of living off the fish....

I'm very excited to meet the Blattons. i do not know their first names yet but only they have a dag named Nobby that led them to the beach were Aunt Trudie's picture was taken after I supplied them with a pair of knickers of hers i kept but never washed...They said the dog almost passed out from Aunt Trudie's scent but quickly recovered and dashed for the beach. They also found a picture of a baby in that spot on the beach so they need me to verify who it may be...

I sent Berna home, she was getting on my nerves and wouldn't you know it with all the red wine and sangria i was drinking I've come down with "The Gout" again so MargOH! sucking on cherries and drinking Black Cherry juice cocktails. I've taken Bianca with me instead and I'm resting my foot on her now.

Okay kids, we're just taking off and Bianca has that "Mile High Club" look in her eye again.....but this flight is short so I better get on it...literally...I'll let you know whats going on in London...

Kisses, MargOH!