Wow, this has really been a wild month and my emotions are really raw....I've been drinking my tears rather than champagne as of late. I found something out this week that has changed my life forever but then not really. I just don't know....so I'll tell you..
Well , kids, you all know that I've been on the hunt for my Aunt Trudie and hired a very crafty team of PI's to search for (Blatton, Blatton and Blatton). They are fantastic, some of the smartest people I've ever met and that dog of Theirs Nobby is just an amazing dog. In one of my last posts I explained that we were just getting to the south of France, which is just gorgeous, but as soon as we got there we learned that Urilla (Aunt Trudie) had made her way to a place called "The Villages" , a 55+ community in Florida...ugh..
Jane Blatton introduced me to a man that had been in business with Aunt Trudie named Jacques Banquette and that they had been an item at one time. This was all so strange because the aunt Trudie I know was a dyke to the highest order... He also told us that Urilla had no memory of her life before 1969....Aunt Trudie had Amnesia???? He also showed us several pictures of a girl that ranged from when she was an infant up until 16 years old, that girl was me
and scribbled on the back of the pictures was the Phrase "My daughter, Haddock" and the year...of course you all know my real name is Haddock, anyway Jacques went on to explain that Urilla (Aunt Trudie) said that the girl in the picture was her daughter and she was sure of that, but she could not remember where she had come from and had no way of contacting her.
At this point I knew Aunt Trudie(Urilla) really had Amnesia because I'm not her daughter. It was sweet that she had all those pictures of me and honestly she seemed more like a mother to me than my own Sully...Jacques supplied us with Aunt Trudie's address after I showed him my boobs, don't ask... and I said goodbye to the Blatton's of Blatton, Blatton and Blatton because their job was done. They cost me a pretty penny so MargOH's gonna have cut Berna's pay again...but they were worth it!
On to Florida I went with Berna in tow, I called Sully to give her an update and she flipped out. She told me to get my ass back to NY and that I had been scammed by these "Blatton's". She said that Aunt Trudie was dead and that was that and that all this was too easy too be true. I of course told her to screw and she then demanded i buy her a ticket to Florida for her and my Aunt Fawn....I did. So we all met at the airport and got in a limo to "The Villages". I'd never seen Sully look so weird, she was nervous and white as a ghost and Aunt Fawn was feeding her cod liver oil pills like candy, she stunk...On the way I told them that it seemed Aunt Trudie had no memory of her life before 1969, only after and Sully yelled out "Thank you , jack Daniel's" and her teeth flew out of her mouth and hit the driver...poor thing.
I couldn't understand why she was so happy about that....I spent an hour in the car with Sully, Berna and Aunt Fawn and god was it hot...when we arrived at the gate they asked who were we there to see and I said Urilla Wilson and they looked shocked and walked into the booth and picked up the phone, Sully seemed to be getting nervous again as the gates to this "Pleasant ville" like place opened.
As we pulled up to the address I saw a woman come running towards us with a baseball bat, screaming, I'm not going back, I'm not going back...........I rolled down the window and yelled out "Aunt Trudie", the woman stopped dead in her tracks and said "Aunt Trudie, who in the hell is that? I'm Urilla and i'm not going back to that hospital". Then she ran to the back of the limo.
I yelled out that we weren't from any hospital and that I was her niece, then Aunt Fawn giggled and Sully kicked her in the knee. I told her to put the bat down or I'd knock her over the head with the bottle of Jack Sully had in her bag. I got out of the car and through the darkness i could see Aunt Trudie's face change and she almost had a look of recognition. Then she dropped the bat and yelled "Oh my pussy lickin stars, it's my baby girl" and she ran over and hugged me. I didn't know what to do....
Kids, I'm getting a little emotional and need a bit of a rest. Didn't mean to leave you with this "Dynasty" Cliff hanger but I need a drink....Sully hand me that Jack