Thursday, December 20, 2012

MargOH!'s Tale of "The Holiday Ho"

The Holiday Ho

Its’ Christmas eve, just one night on this street
He’s late, waiting for Santa to get here on his beat
Don’t wanna pick up some John or some Mark, Jack or Steve
Just to get a ride, some heat to warm up these frozen  feet

I  can’t wait for Santa any longer
It’s a John I need the winds getting stronger
To the point their engines they  sound
They’ll be pantin, but where is Santa to be found

Santa Baby its cold outside
Dancing and prancing just to stay warm
When john pulls up aside for a ride
The price is right but it’s just a  Geo Storm

Finally got a ride, puttin’ on a show go, go, go
Workin hard on this meat, bitch ain’t got no heat
Rather be back on the street ,waitin for Santa, wouldn’t cha know
It’s the plight of the Holiday ho

Then on the trunk there rose such a clatter
I stuck my head through the sunroof to see what was the matter
It was jolly old saint Nick, he smiled, how you doing my Rick
He said ho, ho  and away we go on his sleigh, could it get any fatter

He  wrapped me in his arms as he turned up the heat,
You see this sleighs got electric heated seats as we rode, rode , rode
Dancing and prancing on his pole as he was dropping  his gifts so neat
Warm as bunny as we set down on my roof, when he shot his load so sweet

He swept me down the chimney with care, good ole  jolly Saint Nick
Then tucked me into bed and said I’ll see ya next year
Come sooner next time so you can have more Rick my dear
Ho, ho , ho you put on a hell of a show as he slapped my rear

As he turned to go he dropped his money filled sack that lasts all year
With a wink and a nod he said I love you my Rick
A  moment I pondered,  then shouted ,Santa don’t go, let me suck your dick
But he was gone in a wonder, with a  jolly ho, ho, ho
I ran to the window to see him go, my heart filled with joy
Santa saved me from the streets and I’m forever his boy
For on Christmas eve, just one night a year Jolly old Saint Nick will appear
Take it from me, for this I know ,  with a nod and a wink ,I’m his holiday ho

Monday, December 17, 2012

Where have all the Diva's gone?

Hey Kids,

I was watching VH-1's Diva's Live which used to showcase actual Diva's but after watching last night I was left feeling like they don't exist any longer. Sure, there were the tributes to Donna Summer and Whitney Houston but the performances these girls gave were sub-par in my opinion. I always feel that if you are going to pay tribute then sing their songs the way they would, in their arrangements, to me this is a tribute. To give an example Beyonce sang "The Way We Were" for Barbra at the Kennedy Center Honors and she did it with Barbra's arrangement and it was breath taking. You can't take "Last Dance" and do vocal runs on the last few notes...get someone who can actually do the song or maybe Adam Lambert should have just taken it because he could do it. It was just weird!

Kelly Clarkson, though a wonderful singer, is just not powerful enough. I really think she should start writing and singing more of her own material. I can see she sings from pain so why not write about it and maybe she will connect to her inner Diva. Miley Cyrus is again another great vocalist but i always feel like she is looking around wondering if she is doing okay, i don't always see the connection in her performances but i do love the new look and kudos for tackling Billy Idol. Then there was the horribly wrong cover of "Groove is in the Heart", I really don't even know what to say other than Natasha don't do that again, but then some gal ran up on stage to do the little rap part and I thought she was good but then she ran off...Who was that? Ciara was fab with her dance moves and did seem like she had some moments. I did like her song, it was good dance pop.

Unfortunately the show in general seemed as if they had not rehearsed enough...and when Nene Leakes introduction is probably the most DIVA moment then there is a problem...

You know me kids...I'm not usually one to get all bent about things like this but MargOH! was having a WTF moment over this show. Though Paloma Faith was a stand out for me I didn't think she was given a very good reception by the audience compared to some of the others. Hopefully this will give her a boost and give the world a little more of an eccentric twist on what it is to be a DIVA...

Hell I'm still working on it and it ain't easy...Now Let me put on my Judy, Barbra, Cher and Joan Baez...OH! she is a DIVA which I didn't realize until the other night...

Go get your DIVA on kids...

Kisses, MargOH!

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

One night with Lindsay Lohan

OH! dear what can I say about Lindsay Lohan that hasn't already been said?

A lot!

I actually never met the girl until last week (even though I was her body double for her fainting scene in Liz and Dick. Yes, I was the lump on the floor) when my pal and voice over queen Meredith held a Liz and Dick viewing soiree. I was shocked to walk in and see Lindsay lying across a plush velvet couch eating corn chips. I had no idea the star of the show was going to be there. It was to be a caftan and faux diamond studded evening but Lindsay was dressed in tight jeans and a baby tee.

OH! well at least there would be a bit of glamour in respect to Elizabeth I thought since myself , MAN-ee, Meredith and our lovely housemate Betony were dripping in Caftan's and faux diamonds. Lindsay said "Hi" and muttered "You look rad guys" in a husky voice filled with flem and cigarettes. She then barked at me "Get me more corn chips". I of course responded "Excuse me, do you know who I am?" Then looked at MAN-ee and said "Quick go get corn chips" in which he rolled his eyes in disgust but quickly headed out the door while demanding not to open the booze until he got back. Still a bit confused as to what she was doing at the soiree as our hostess scurried us to the bathroom telling Lindsay we'd be right back.
Meredith went on to explain how she had tweeted Lindsay about our excitement to see Liz and Dick. She never responded so in a bit of joke Meredith re tweeted that Lindsay isn't responding to her tweets because she must be embarrassed by the bad reviews and adding she was a skank .

 To her surprise Lindsay sent her a direct tweet and told her she was alone in a hotel room in manhattan but wanted to join the party. She said she wanted to be with her fans! Though still in shock I thought this was very Joan Crawford of her and said "How sweet". Meredith went on to explain that it wasn't all that sweet because when she arrived she started searching for party favors. I laughed and pulled out a noise maker from my purse and twirled it. "Not that type of party favor MargOH!" Meredith whispered and Betony chuckled. I responded "You mean drugs"....Merdedith replied yes and she was having none of it.

We crept back out to the living room where Lindsay was crunching and counting down to the Liz and Dick countdown  clock on Lifetime. She then spun around and snapped 'Got any weed? you look like the type". I scoffed and said "I may wear too much make up and occasionally enjoy a spliff but I'm  no pothead , I prefer booze and certainly don't carry it with me darling". I pulled out 2 bottles of champagne and said "I have Champers, like a drinky?". I popped it open and quickly poured her a glass and texted MAN-ee to see if he were still at the store and he replied he was so i asked him to try and get some no-doze.

Betony and Meredith were trying to comfort her as she read through the New York Times review and explained how she thought she was going to win an Oscar. They tried to explain to the poor dear that she could only win an Emmy or possibly a Golden Globe. I added " I wouldn't be surprised if you won a Golden Globe, Pia Zadora did"...She smiled and thanked us before diving back into the bag of corn chips.

MAN-ee came running in with corn chips and then slipped me the no-doze which i quickly crushed up in the bathroom. Back in my days of running a bordello in Bangkok I would have the girls snort this crap instead of cocaine. They thought they were all party girls but they were just hyperactive hookers.

Just as Liz and Dick started the four of us carried out what looked like lines of cocaine on a gorgeous antique beveled mirror (Meredith has such lovely taste). Lindsay's eyes widened and she placed her hand over her heart and said " Awe, you guys are the best, I don't know what I'd do without my fans" and proceeded to blow every line on that mirror, literally. She hacked and then sneezed!  It  flew all over the floor and television covering poor Liz and Dick in a white haze! She screamed and fell to floor in a fit of rage and angst I'd never seen from her before. Much better than what was going on in her scenes in Liz and Dick. She even licked the flat screen with such grace and elegance as if she were performing fellatio on it. It was like a master class in acting. Go figure?

We were all standing stunned in silence when she got up and watched a bit of the movie. Then said "I love you guys, you rock, but I'm so bored" as if she were repeating the line from the film but again much better.  Then she Threw an empty bottle of champagne against the wall grabbed her things and opened the closet door and walked into it and slammed the door behind her. Then she reappeared, grabbed the full bag of corn chips giving us a look of disdain, opened the other door , exited and slammed it.

That was our one night with Lindsay Lohan which in the end was so much better than Liz and Dick. I'm just thankful none of us decided to ask her if she wanted her fortune told. Also let this be a lesson learned sometimes you get what you tweet for...

See ya at the party kids!


Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Everything Changes


In the past few months I've been in such a funk which isn't usually like me! You all know that. I usually dust myself off and make a martini and party up. I've been trying hard to turn that frown upside down...did I just say that?

Anywho, I had a dream last night that I was walking down a corridor with lots of doors. I kept trying to open the doors but none would  until I got to the last one. My grandmother was sitting in her chair eating cheese balls. She loved cheese balls. She turned to me and said "I'm so proud of you, want some cheese balls?" I asked what she was proud of as i took a handful of cheese balls and all she said was "Count your blessings". I got up and walked to the door and said good bye. She then said in her usual way "Don't say goodbye, say so long"...

I feel much better today.

I'm thinking its not so bad! This has been a good year ,though scattered with a few health issues, I've done a lot. I achieved goals of performing in a festival (HOT) for the first time and i got to do it with my Man-ee. I also had a hugely succesful performance of "Tipsy" at Dixon Place which got a rave review. I got my first critics pick in TONY. I got my first standing Ovation which was so weird and made me down champagne like a bigger drunk than I  already am. I acheived another goal that will go unnamed because that whole experience was a total WTF moment that I'm still wondering WTF happened (and has contributed to my funk). I worked on some fabulous projects with Tara Mateik who I think is an absolutely brilliant man and hope to work with him in the future again...

I officially am registered as a songwriter and was called a "celebrated vocalist" which in my mind I never thought possible. I'm no longer afraid to dive into my singing and see whats there for me to discover and I even took my first vocal lesson.

The latest fab thing is that the composers of "Everything Changes" are going to come back together and write me a song. I'm really over the moon about that and feel it is such a compliment that they want to. Both Brian Feinstein and Diana Hansen-Young have been so supportive of my work since they saw the show and really want me to succeed. That's so special!

I still have so much more that I want to do! So goals need to be set and I'm thinking about it kids...At least for today I'm optimistic and want to plow through.

As I reflect though I wanted to thank all the people who helped me this year. My Tipsy family, Jarad, Darryl, Crystal, MAN-ee,Mike D(wardrobe mistress to the stars) Thom, Andrew, Nicole, Kim, Pepperica Swirl and Flotilla (who perfomed with us at Dixon,what a blast). Thanks to I.R. Marin for helping me realize my vision for incorporating video elements into the show, loved it...To Arden Astin for playing Baby MargOH!

Then of course our "Skanks in Pearls" kids, Della, Legs, Rikki, Rique Shaw, Dolly, Kevin and Brandon B, it was really a fun ass show and we'll do some more in 2013.

OH! and I wanted to thank the darlin Sloan Rollins for all the nice things he said about my shows ; 0 )... The guys at , Winnie at Edge NY, NEXT, Time Out NY,, Tym Moss at Artists exposed radio, Will Clark , Joe E. Jeffries and Kevin Novinski for their press, filming and notices on their blogs, etc. All of this but still at times I feel like no one knows who the hell I

Thanks to Katy and Ellie from Dixon Place for taking a chance on the old lady.  The staff at Spincycle/Beechman for their support for the September show.

Also my family and MAN-ee's family for their constant support of MargOH! . Then also a huge thanks to all the people who came out to support us and you know who you are...without you kids...I'm nothin!!

Also I'm nothin without my gayiance MAN-ee...he's the glue kids and I love him.

Dear this post could be my oscar's acceptance speech...ooh yes! set that as a

Then of course thanks to Nana Clayton for paying me a visit last night...I needed that...

Everything Changes but your loved ones are always with you.

"Don't say goodbye, say so long"

Cheers, MargOH!