Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

Hey kids,

Happy Halloween and kisses....I'm staying in and giving out Nips of vodka for the kids in the building. This will of course be wrapped in a tootsie roll package so the pesky parents don't see it....Vodka is medicinal after all!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Gods Love we Deliver

Hey Kids,

Sorry I've been low on posts but I'm heavy into rehearsals for the show in November.

Just wanted to tell you I'm going to a Gala event on Monday. it's an awards banquet for Gods love we deliver. It's a very swank event and I'm sitting at Joan River's table. I'll try and snap a picture but Joan doesn't like close ups...not sure why??

I'll let you know who was there.....

Kisses, MargOH!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Sex in the City

Hey kids,

I've been so busy, I didn't let anyone know but I can let it out of the bag now. I've been cast as an extra in the film version of "Sex in the City". I am playing 3 different roles. The first is ice cream Clerk # 6 which was filmed at the Shake shack. My arm almost fell off making Cynthia Nixon a single scoop cone. She took like 75 takes just to say.. "I hate Brooklyn, I gotta move back to the village"... The problem was she kept getting Oreo cookie caught in her teeth..very Miranda season 1 but not in 2007...I of course suggested they use Vanilla ice cream but the director said it would ruin the look he was going for....whatever freak.

The second role was "Park attendant # 6". That was an easy day in Bryant park cause Kim Catrall is an old pro especially at playing an old whore. I do admire her so much and I kept ruining the scene because I couldn't stop looking at her sexy gams. Kim wasn't mad because she asked me to fan her in between takes and I did, she slipped me 100 bucks and a Nip of Absolute..very sweet!

The third role actually happened by accident when i was walking by Pat Fields trailer and she called me in to put my finger on a knot she was tying on a big flower for Sarah Jessica. The room was filled with enormous flowers and sissy boots...and a lot of Polka dots. I felt like I just entered a drag queen circus. Pat ended up asking me to help her out so I've bee sewing some of the costumes... well I decided to use double sided tape without Pat knowing. I really don't know how to sew. I heard that one of Sarah's flower bursts kept sticking to her face, poor thing but I did the best I could really.

The whole shoot was a lot of fun and I had a blast. Well, besides the food table. They only allowed veggies and beans....Kim was getting a little chunky and they were making sure she stayed thin enough for her costumes.

Kisses, MargOH!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Hester "Bones" Faketree

Hey Kids,

It's been a bit since I posted my last session with Hester because she seemed less and less interested in my story. Well we got stuck on a certain part and the questions became a bit in depth for me and I became uncomfortable. I of course am a good judge of character and Hester swept me off my feet but after couple of months she planted them back down hard.

I did a little digging via one of Berna's Union buddies and quickly realized that
Hester did not work for "The Bangor Shoppers Guide". I then called in Nicky Knockers to get more information and she quickly found out that Hester's real name was Jun Fun Swazuki Hartman. She was a detective hired by the Thai police to investigate my cabaret, bordello and escort service fire in Bangkok. Of course I quickly confronted her and told her to get the hell out, she was yelling that she'd get to the bottom of that fire and that I had committed insurance fraud.

Well, I certainly did not. That fire was completely accidental or set by Madonna. One day we were rehearsing a new show with Danny Devito when to my surprise my diva muse rushed in and asked for an order of Pad Thai. I barely uttered a sound when Berna yelled out, not knowing it was the material girl "We don't see food her just pussy". She screamed out fuck you, flipped me the bird and ran out in a huff. Poor Danny peed his pants and I was shaken and knocked over my "our father" candelabra I bought from eBay from The blond ambition tour. That set the stage curtain on fire, luckily Danny was still peeing so he put it out quickly.

Then about 15 minutes later the whole place was a blaze. I barely got out because I had to throw Danny on my back. Berna and the girls followed quickly. We were all safe but when i turned around the whole place was melting before my eyes.

Later we searched through the rubble and all I found was a red kabbalah bracelet with the smell of patchouli oils....

I did what any person would do and cashed in all my insurance policies and came back to NY. In my heart knowing that Madonna had done it. Berna thinks Danny didn't piss enough on the curtains but I still believe that Madonna set fire to my cabaret, bordello, escort service......I don't blame her, she was hungry.

Take that down Hester or I mean Jun Fun. Fuck that bitch....

Don't worry Kids I've brought back Cuchie to take down my memoirs and I start up again right after the show.

Kisses, M

Monday, October 15, 2007

Liza Cares For Britney too.

hey Kids,

A little fun quote from Liza...from one diseased lady to another...How charming!

I love my Liza and I am glad she is thinking of Britney....

Kisses, MargOH!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Vodka Saves Lives

Hey Kids,

My gay fiance MAN-ee came across this article which proves the point that I have been trying to make for years. Vodka can be medicinal. Look at me I'm 59 and look 39. I mean really what more proof do we need...

110% I think...

Kisses, MargOH

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

MargoH!'s for Boobs

Hey Kids,

Last evening I attended a benefit for the Avon Breast cancer walk. My martini club member Chris Tuttle did the walk which was 36 miles, yikes, break out the booze for that kids...

The event last night was the celebration for the walk and to cap off the 30K that Chris's team raised for breast cancer research. It was also Chris's Birthday so we had a gay old time and were treated to a fabulous show.

Here are some pics of the evening which include one of my favorite gals of all time "Madame", Joe Kovaks, My Gay Fiance "MAN-ee", High Kicking Edie, the Lovely June Bug and Traila Trash, DJ Brenda Black, oh yes of course Chris Tuttle himself.

It was a fun evening and I'm always happy to support boobs any way I can.

Kisses, MargOH!

PS- There is also a picture of myself and two lovely ladies who i do not know but they just had to have a picture with MargOH!..Kisses

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Berna's Tomato Sauce smells

Hey Kids,

Berna was off on an adventure all of last week. Berna is still working on the letterman show and is always off with one of her union buddies doing god know's what. She's not cleaning this house that's for sure...Poor Hester has been picking up her slack and the poor thing is so tired we haven't done the sessions for my book in two weeks.

Berna shows up last night with 3 huge bags of tomato's and says she's making sauce for me. I of course was thrilled that she was going to do something so I gave her my blessing and ran out for a mani-pedi. I came back and when I opened the door the whole place smelled like crap. I grabbed Kim Fung and asked her if she did a doo-doo but she didn't look guilty. I looked in the toilet because sometimes Berna forgets to flush..nothing in there.

I went to the kitchen and it got stonger in there. Berna didn't smell anything as she was tossing the sauce into my rice pasta with some basil. I could smell Garlic, basil and dung... It turned me right off. Hester was starving from all of her cleaning so she ate it. She said if you held your nose it tasted just fine but I decided to have a rice cracker and a glass of bordeaux...

So there we are watching the 11 O'Clock news and a story pops up about wild tomato's growing in Hoboken. A woman is saying that they are from raw sewage that pools in this area everytime there is a heavy rain...Someone told this woman that the tomato seeds don't get digested and they are growing out of the waste (people's crap).

Then Berna plops down and starts telling us how her friend at the letterman show gave her all of those tomato's for free and he had plenty more coming. She said she was going to make a tomato soup on Friday.

She added there is nothing like a Jersey tomato.

I asked her where her friend lived and she said Hoboken. She added he's been picking them in some open field....

Poor Hester jumped up and ran into the bathroom and started vomiting up her crap pasta.

I rewound the DVR to let Berna here the story but she just didn't get it until I said

"You're tomato sauce smells like shit".

Kisses, M

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Sully offers herself up

Hey Kids,

First Jenna Bush, now this!!

Sully calls me this morning and says she's feeling maternal and wants to have another Baby....I immediatly hung up and called the Fishmonger's retirement home's medical guy Dr. Troutsworth and asked him to adjust my mothers medication right away.She's must be taking too many HRT's or viagra.

She called me back and told me about the story linked here. How a woman gave birth to her own grandchildren in Brazil and Sully wants my egg. She also added she'd like Keanu Reeves to be the sperm donor...She's gone mad, she's 86 and obviously out of her mind.

I decided long ago not to reproduce and stop the channing family tree from growing any more. I had to cut off the insanity with me...though I am the most adjusted and sane Channing there is including Carol and we aren't even related. I did have that little scare with Stoli but I was only the port and still have no biological children...

Oh yes, did this woman's daughter ever think of adoption...

This story gives the line "Grandma's got a treat for you" to a whole new level...

Kisses, MargOH!

PS- Sully has been taken off her HRT's and is strapped to her bed at the moment just in case...

Monday, October 01, 2007

A cold and airy wind blew

Hey kids,

When I woke up this morning I had a chill running through my bones. I had Hester "Bones" Crabtree make me a cup of tea. Hester is hard at work putting out sessions together...

Anyway I put on the BBC news and what do I see...Jenna Bush looking like a devil's spawn...i.e. a mix of both her mothers soulless eyes and her fathers stupid grin and a huge head, a very big head for a girl. She's on a book tour...It's written something...

Now this book is a non-fiction work about a teenager living with HIV/AIDS in Africa. I'm not going to comment on the book and maybe will have a few drinks and get it out of the library to see what it is about...Maybe there is something in that big head that differs from her parents ignorance...we'll see...

I'm still a bit chilly. I must say

Kisses, M