Berna was off on an adventure all of last week. Berna is still working on the letterman show and is always off with one of her union buddies doing god know's what. She's not cleaning this house that's for sure...Poor Hester has been picking up her slack and the poor thing is so tired we haven't done the sessions for my book in two weeks.
Berna shows up last night with 3 huge bags of tomato's and says she's making sauce for me. I of course was thrilled that she was going to do something so I gave her my blessing and ran out for a mani-pedi. I came back and when I opened the door the whole place smelled like crap. I grabbed Kim Fung and asked her if she did a doo-doo but she didn't look guilty. I looked in the toilet because sometimes Berna forgets to flush..nothing in there.
I went to the kitchen and it got stonger in there. Berna didn't smell anything as she was tossing the sauce into my rice pasta with some basil. I could smell Garlic, basil and dung... It turned me right off. Hester was starving from all of her cleaning so she ate it. She said if you held your nose it tasted just fine but I decided to have a rice cracker and a glass of bordeaux...
So there we are watching the 11 O'Clock news and a story pops up about wild tomato's growing in Hoboken. A woman is saying that they are from raw sewage that pools in this area everytime there is a heavy rain...Someone told this woman that the tomato seeds don't get digested and they are growing out of the waste (people's crap).
Then Berna plops down and starts telling us how her friend at the letterman show gave her all of those tomato's for free and he had plenty more coming. She said she was going to make a tomato soup on Friday.
She added there is nothing like a Jersey tomato.
I asked her where her friend lived and she said Hoboken. She added he's been picking them in some open field....
Poor Hester jumped up and ran into the bathroom and started vomiting up her crap pasta.
I rewound the DVR to let Berna here the story but she just didn't get it until I said
"You're tomato sauce smells like shit".