Monday, September 12, 2005

Memories of Fidel

Hi Kids,

Yes. I know you can't believe that I , little old MargOH!, has mingled with a ruthless dictator.....

Well it's true. Let me explain

After I filmed the Russ Meyer film "Common Law Cabin" I became, how should I say it, sought after for my knockers. Many of you may not know this but Fidel is a tit man of the highest order. He saw the film and started calling me at all hours of the night begging me to come to Cuba for a performance. I was of course hesitant at first but after an offer I couldn't refuse I took a flight to Mexico and under the dark of night made my way to Cuba.

A man called Enrique was there to welcome me and I was taken by limo to what I would call a nice but dusty palace. I was whisked into the presidential suite and told to put on the gown that was draped on the bed. I of course argued with the butler but he said when Fidel asks you to do something you do it and he slammed the door.

I was terrified and wondered if I had made the right decision to come to Cuba. I undressed and slipped on what was actually a fabulous beaded gown that of course accentuated my perky bosoms. I then noticed on my nightstand a large pitcher of what looked like water with mint in it. Of course I was thirsty and poured a glass and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was booze, my first taste of what i would later find out was a mojito.

Suddenly a knock at the door and in walked Fidel. I don't know if it was the libation but he was actually quite handsome and tall. He extended his hand and thanked me for coming. I said "No problem, I needed the cash". I was young and naive but somehow this seemed to turn him on and he kissed my hand and walked me to the great room where I was to perform. The room was filled with military men and the air reeked of cigar smoke.

I walked to the piano and to my surprise Peter Allen was tinkling away at the keys. Well I almost wet my gown as I leaned in towards him. Do you know "Downtown" . Peter answered "Of course I know Downtown and I also go downtown if you know what I mean toots" as he gazed over to Enrique. I flew into a spastic version of "Downtown" Some of it Peter even played with his toes, just amazing.

After the performance I spent the night smokin stogies and mingling with the boys. Fidel and I talked for hours and have been in touch ever since and believe me Fidel tried to touch...., I always forget that special Mojito recipe and have to leave messages with Enrique to squirrel it out for me.

Now flash to present day kids. I called Fidel after Hurricane Katrina struck and told him it would be a perfect opportunity for him to show some humanity. To shed some of that calloused, rough-handed, dictatorial, macho bravado (that works in the sack honey but it don’t wash when the masses are clothed in rags and fighting each other for an ice cube) and show some of that smooth, rum-lubed lovin’ side he showed to me all those years ago.

He LOVED the idea!!! It reminded him of why he fell for me in the first place (well second place…can’t forget the knockers!). I’m afraid he may start calling me every day again.

Actually Bushy reminds me a lot of Fidel. They’re both very stubborn and not willing to listen to any new ideas or even negotiate with anyone (again back to the sack…Fidel likes a little pussy-boy, butt slappin’ now and then, shows me he might be up for negotiations if the president were Pam Anderson, anyway I’ve digressed…). It’s always “blah, blah, blah…my way or the highway” or “blah, blah, blah…with us or against us”. It all sounds very commie to me!

They are more alike than they’ll ever know. Sad…and so “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” - “Fidel you mean all this time we could have been…friends?”

So anyway Fidel took my advice and made the offer to send doctors and supplies to help the devastated Gulf Coast out. The gesture came and went with the flutter of a headline. At least he tried…that little pussy-boy is learnin’ I tell you.

All of this typing has made me thirsty. I think I’ll have Berna make me one of Fidel's special Mojito's.

The recipe is on the fridge magnet he made for me.

Talk to ya later kids,


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