Can you believe I was called for Jury Duty, Me! A celebrity of my magnitude! How dare they! Plus, I had to be there at 8:45am. I'm usually out until that time...How inconvenient!!!
I borrowed Shirley's driver to take me down there. Downtown is such a bore and I very rarely go down there. I decided to wear something skimpy so my boobs hung out a little. Maybe they would think I was a slut and let me go. I have my show tomorrow and this is most troublesome. I still have no Berna so who would take my bags, the Temp I got left as well! I am in a kawinkadink!
So I get there and they took my flask away, it kept going off in the metal detector, it was just cranberry juice... yeah right and a little vodka...Then as I passed the detector I saw the cop drinking it, pig!
I yelled "I better get that back on my way out!"
Then I was placed in this very dull room and forced to watch a film with loads of idiots and Diane Sawyer in it. Making us think its fun to be a juror...yuk. Thankfully some gal named Stoli recognized me. She leaned over and said.
"You are MargOH! Channing? right?
I replied "Well, yes"
Stoli said, "Oh I love your show and how could I ever forget that time you were on the "Munsters"
I couldn't believe she remembered my role as "Bank lady # 6 in "The Munsters".
She went on to say that her father was an extra for years and he always spoke of the legend of MargOH! and how you disappeared from the scene after your divorce. She said her father worked with me on "The Apple Dumpling gang rides again". I asked his name and she replied Stumpy Jones.She also said she had been wanting to contact me for years but couldn't find my number or my whereabouts.
I remember "Stumpy" , I said. He only had one leg and was always cast in pirate films or old west type crap.
Stoli said, that stumpy always talked about MargOH! best sex he ever had, she said
I replied. "I never had sex with Stumpy, Stoli, That was like 79, around the time I got caught with Neil Sedaka and my marriage was in trouble. I was in a bit of a haze around that time. That was the last thing I did before they called me "Box Extra Poison" .
"I really don't remember sleeping with your father but who knows", I added,
I was such a slut"
Stoli then said, that her dad spent the whole year with me, followed me to Bangkok and everything.
I couldn't remember any of this. I was in a fog. Then the clerk started calling names and of course they called mine. Crap!
So I got up and tried to tell them I couldn't possibly be a juror and that I had a show.
Stoli slipped me her number and made me promise to call her.
I was still shocked at all this info about Stumpy Jones so I gave her my number as well.
I then was brought into the Jury selection room and they started asking questions of the people. I had my answer ready. No matter what they asked me I knew what to say.
They got to me and asked me if I had ever used drugs.
"I slept with Fidel Castro in 1970, he banged me over his grand piano"
The next thing I heard was. You're dismissed and they stamped my card, not able to serve.
Great, thank goodness....
Now, I gotta call that Stoli! or is that drink some