This is insane!!!
I did get an invite to TomKats wedding in Italy but I couldn't be bothered after what he did to
my darling Brooke Shields. Then I found out that she was going so I said what the hell, I'll go. I was a scientologist for about 20 minutes back in the day.
I yelled out, "Berna book me a flight to Italy", but no Berna to be found. I then went into my nightstand to get the invitation but I couldn't find it? As soon as I was closing the drawer the phone rang so I went to answer it. It was Sophia Loren's maid Rosetta speaking in very garbled english. All I could hear was blah, blah, blah and then Berna, blah, blah, blah, then Berna. Then Sophia got on the phone. "Hello , MargOH! darling, its been too long, how are you?.
I answered,"I'm fine Sophia, but I'm supposed to be going to TomKats wedding, are you going, I can't find my invitation?"
Sophia then started getting loud... "Please MargOH!...that silly wedding, I can't be bothered. Your worker Berna is at the front door asking for lodging". "She said you told her it was okay to stay at my villa".
I then flipped out and told Sophia to tell her to get her ass back to NY at once. Sophia then told me that Berna was going to TomKats wedding. Berna would not come to the phone but I could hear Sophia telling Berna she could stay as long as she cleaned the 13 bathrooms top to bottom because her bathroom assistant ran off the other day. Berna agreed..
I told Sophia that this was ridiculous and I needed Berna back right away. Sophia told me it was my fault that I couldn't handle my staff and Berna would probably be there a month cleaning bathrooms.
I'm gonna ring her neck. Berna can't be trusted at events like weddings....god she's probably told everyone she's me. People will think I've lost it, gained weight, a hideous beast.....
Then I ran to the closet and noticed her only gown was missing....It's made of Rubber...Oh! lord she's proabably turned the wedding into a sex party...we'll I guess that wouldn't be bad. I hope she didn't talk to Jim Carey...
I'll let you know what I hear!!