The St. Patricks Day Massacre

Hey Kids,

I've been under the weather, sore throat and stuffed up nose..even my apricot Brandy is no help whatsoever....

Ya know when you say things couldn't get worse, well they can....

On St Patty's day I was suppose to meet Tippi Hedren out at Molly's for some old fashion's. I sometimes donate to her wild animal retreat, a few bucks. She was in town with Melanie because she's trying to land a part in "Spring Awakening". They told her that she was too old for any of the parts but she's not taking no for an answer...I guess she had another face lift and is trying to pass for 20 again....she wasn't even 20 when she did "Working girl".

Anyway, I was getting my stuff together when I get a call from Nicky Knockers who says she has unraveled the mystery of Stumpy and Stoli Jones. I was shocked she was back so soon but couldn't wait to hear what she found out. Then Nicky said Berna is completely innocent . I told her to keep it to herself until I saw her, Berna Innocent...I couldn't believe it!!.. She has denied any wrong doing but I don't buy it!

Nicky said she'd be back in a day or so. She was still interviewing Stumpy's sister in Missouri.

Crap, I thought she was in NY...

Anyway, I hung up with her and ran out the door to meet Tippi. It was cold as hell but I noticed that there were a lot of birds overhead, all sorts of birds...pigeons, crows, chickadee's and hawks... I wasn't sure what the hell was going on...I turned the corner to Molly's and There's Tippi looking horrified. She grabbed me and pushed passed the crowd to get inside.

She then says...Did you see all those birds....it's happening again!

I said yes, I saw them but there was a hunk of corned beef on the sidewalk....

No, no it's happening again, the birds...they're following me again because I'm old.

No, Tippi calm down...Bar keep "Old Fashion for Tippi"..

She grasped the glass and swug it down...That's better. "Oh God, look there pounding on the glass"

I looked over and the crowd outside were being attacked by birds at every angle. Trying to get in but Tippi barricaded the door...."Not the Birds she screamed".

I said get the hell out of the way...It was a movie for god sake...I ran out and dropped to the ground as to not get pecked in the face. There it was a full corned beef on the sidewalk so I grabbed it and chucked it into the street and with it went the birds...

When I got up there was bloody Irish folk all over the place. It was awful.....Irish people can be so sloppy especially on St. Patty's day...

I went back inside and Tippi was singing "It's a great day for the Irish" at the piano. I guess that "Old Fashion" hit her quick...

I joined in and we made like 75 bucks in tips...It was fun....

Well except for the 10 or so maimed people outside waiting to get in...for them it was a St. Patrick's day massacre....

I'll let you know what Nicky Knockers says...

Oh, yeah Tippi is getting me a role on "Fashion House"....very exciting!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Frustration Nation

Hey Kids,

It's hard to keep your head above water at times. It's not easy to get your
vision out there. I sometimes wonder "where" there is....

MargOH! is not the type of girl to give up and I won't but lately I've grown frustrated by frustration. I do or never will profess that I'm a genius in anything I do but I do sometimes think my work deserves a shot....

I knew 2007 was going to be my time to get out there...be a part of whatever there is to be had. This comes off a year where I had 3 successful cabaret shows with little to no advertisement. Not that I didn't try...press kits to HX, Next, Time Out and Edge...Thanks Edge for listing my shows... I appreciate it!

Don't get me wrong I do not think I deserve any special treatment. My issue about being in NY is that though it claims to be a flourishing scene....It's really churning the same performers doing the same thing 10 different ways...The one or two promoters who can't see out of the scene that they are in to take a look around. Troublesome I say...

It's March kids an I've gotten out...I've shot emails to see about popping into a show with not even a reply....mmm even though they say "we are looking for unique performers for spoken word, dance....etc. etc." It's all a mystery to me????

I don't give a shit in the long run and will do my shows quietly if I must...Cuchie already booked my June cabaret's..I'll update you on that kids......

MargOH!'s frustrated, not sexually....I can get any man I want and do....It's more of an artistic frustration....

Like Liza's says "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere".... right now anywhere is looking a lot better than here...


Kisses, MargOH!

American Idol Tragedy

Hey Kids,

Yes, from time to time Berna, myself and Cuchie huddle around the TV to watch American Idol. Even Linda Hunt and Polly Holiday joined us last night. It was a real booze fest. It was all in anticipation of Diana Ross being an Idol mentor. I couldn't believe a star of her magnitude was going to do this show.

I had 2 cases of Champers delivered and some snacks. I was dying to hear Miss Ross
tear into those kids but to my surprise she was quite kind and loving....Could have knocked me over...

Anyway, that was the only good thing about the show. I've never seen songs butchered like that before. "Love Hangover" gave me one..."Endless love" was an endless bore and "You can't hurry love" couldn't get a note.

Now, MargOH! loves a good singer and admires them to the fullest and that one girl who sang "Home" from The Wiz was great. Cheers to her but I'm sorry but that version of "God Bless the Child" was a mess....Billie's flower must have wilted during that.

By contestant # 4 we were all tanked and really just laughing at Paula...I think she had a few before they went live....Atta girl!

Well we got through the two hours but discussed it two hours after and decided that American Idol is an American Tragedy. It fills the mind with mediocrity that leads to nothing learned. I'm sure these kids all mean well and are lovely but they are caught up in this machine called capitalism....and they'll never be the same...'

Instant fame is not the way to go.

Hard work and trials are the only way to go. I hope Miss Ross told them that...Oh yeah...I forgot she's schilling her New CD...

After last night...I'll never be the same...I'll drink even more.

Kisses, MargOH!

Sick and Twisted, I love it.

Hey kids,

Since I've been doing my blog I get all sorts of emails and requests etc.

I do, like most blogs, track my site for traffic and see how many people are reading etc. Yes, it's a bit of an ego booster when things are going well but can be hell when you know that your readership has fallen off.

I have ebbs and flows....Like July of last year was gang busters but February 07 was a low point at a 50% drop....yawza!!!

I try not to look at the tracking too often but usually check in once or twice a month. The one nifty addition to the tracking I have is that you can see how individual hits find me in a search.

The other day I had the funniest and most wonderful hit from this search.

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=tennis racket handle used as impromptu dildo.

Now, I'm not sure what I've written in the past pertaining to a Tennis Handle dildo? I've never actually tried this but I guess if your in a pinch....I would neglect using a wooden racket though....ya think. Ouch Splinters!!


Well any who i thought you'd all get a kick out of that one!!!

And please fess up you UK person who's looking for nifty ways to have an orgasm...I think you should ask Virginia Wade if she ever had any luck with her racket!

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH!'s Global Warming Nightmare

Hey Kids,


Yes, Al Gore has really stuck it to me. He's opened my eyes to the Global Warming nightmare. I have thrown out all of my Aqua Net. This may not seem like much but if you saw my hair before I shaved it...it was sad!!!

Now I read this article that the grapes in Italy are being destroyed....I can't take much more of this. This is an international tragedy of Epic Proportions. I use Chianti to make my Sangria....Yes, sure I can use other reds but my recipe is like gold to me. I can't change now!!!

When good wine is in danger it's time to act...I am going to come up with a MargOH! driven Global Warming group. Keep your eyes open...

Wine makes the world..well at least MargOH! go around!!!


Check out the article Kids.

Kisses, MargOH!

Me and Nicky Knockers

Hey kids,

I've hired an investigator to look into Berna's dealings as far as Stoli(my alleged daughter) goes. I firmly believe that Berna(my former wardrobe mistress) is the birth mother of twins. She is ruthless and if true I'm going to kill her. I knew I couldn't have given birth, tight as a whistle I am and not a stretch mark in sight.

I've hired an old friend of my sister Rita, Nicky Knockers. She is an ex-dancer gone private eye. I met with her at a dark and dreary bar. It was all very "Night Stalker". She even wore a trench coat, a cap and sunglasses. Very Old school.

She gathered the information I had and is on her way to Bangkok to find out more details and also look for the whereabouts of the other child. Hopefully the other child will be nicer than Stoli, what a freaking nightmare. She drinks all my booze then goes to Bungalow 8. The other night she came home with some New Jersey 18 year old..I told her no bridge and tunnel freaks. i gotta get her another job. I think I'll call Rosie again to see if they'll give her a second chance as a PA on "The View"...She did audition for "All my Children" but then they found out she had been a fluffer for some porn films and told her to get lost. Please, how soon they forget about Susan Lucci's past....I could ruin her.

Any who, I feel confident that Nicky Knockers will solve this case. Who can do a better job than an ex porn actress, Stripper and call girl....They Know how to get down and dirty.

I'll keep you updated.

Motherhood is a burden...

Kisses, MargOH!

Ann Coulter is a Whore

Hey Kids,

I see the woman I love to hate is at it again.

When I think of Ann the first word that comes to mind is "Whore".

Second is skanky and thirdly Maggot.

So I guess that makes Ann a Skanky Maggot Whore!

How perfect....

Kisses, MargOH!

Myspace is your space

Hey Kids,

I don't ever think I mentioned that I have a myspace page...well 2 now. I am currently recording some covers and original songs for upcoming shows that I will
be doing.

If you are on myspace, check out my page kids...I'll be keeping up with those pages as well as my blog.

It's been rough lately keeping up with the blog. I love sharing all of my stories with you.

I've been running a little cold about my work as of late. I think it's the winter blues....

I'm feeling a bit "GLADD" I guess.....here's the lyrics of Nellie's song that I love

It's been a long time coming
But I know you are the one
Here at home at last the days have ceased

It's been a long time coming
And I know we've just begun
All the pain has passed and there is peace

If the breath was warm and tender
Now the breath becomes a yawn
And I've been returned to sender
And I'm better since I'm gone…

It's been a long time coming
But I know you are the one
Here with time erased I'm at my best

It's been a long time coming
And I know we've just begun
Without a pretty face I can just rest

But the march is still ongoing
I can hear the drummers' roll
And it can't show signs of slowing
It is true, dear, it's my soul…

It's been a long time coming
But I know you are the one
Here at home at last the days have ceased

It's been a long time coming
And I know we've just begun
All the pain has passed and there is peace.


Check out my myspace kids...it's a hoot

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! goes Britney

Hey Kids,

I got a little out of control with the buzzers the other night after going to the Glammy's (NYC Drag Awards). It was a fun Party but not being nominated again really made me a bit crazy I think. I figured if it worked for Britney..to shed her anger it should work for MargOH!...Luckily I hired a photographer to catch all of this...

All it did was make me wish I had my hair back. I'm going to have to bring back the Turbin I guess...

Here's a few before and after pics of "The Glammy" evening.

Kisses, MargOH!

Go Britney Go

Oscar Party madness

Hey kids,

I got invited to Linda Hunt's Oscar bash. I was happy to go since it's right next door but it wasn't much of a party. She was only serving tea and biscuits.

I quickly called Aloha liquors and had 2 cases of champers and a beer ball delivered right away. I then got on the horn to whole foods for crudite and cheese tray, a bit of sushi and a cold cut platter....geez Linda was a little slow on the uptake for sure.

Then after being there for a few minutes I realized I was the only invite so then I had to take out my little black book to get some people over.

Of course everyone was game and I told them it was BYOB. I got all the usuals plus a few surprise extras. We had Polly Holiday who had Betty white and Vicky Lawrence visiting so they came over, then Tatum O was in town for the entertainment weekly Oscar viewing so she stopped in. Tatum walked in with Ashleigh Banfield , she's a reporter or something. Candy Bushnell also popped in, just for the free champagne and then ran out with 2 bottles, what a nut job.

We were getting excited for the awards but as usual they were a bit boring from the get go.

I mean really Ellen did her best but I told her mother Betty to skip the Blacks, Jews and Gay's line.

She did it anyway and it tanked, it's been said and done before.

Betty White jumped up and said that was a horrible joke and then she did a version of it that was much funnier; she added something about Bea Arthur doing cartwheels, now thats funny .

Betty got so excited that she spilt champagne all over my new skirt.. Tatum was too eager to help clean off my lap and slipped her hand on my thigh. I swear that girls gone lesbian.

Tatum then went off the wall about her record being broken by Abigail Breslin. It was her being the youngest nominee but Tatum was relieved when she lost to Jennifer Hudson. She screamed...I'm still the youngest, I'm still the youngest and ran out down the hall to the other party.

Linda was a bit overwhelmed especially when Berna walked in with Tony Danza. She's been a porter up at "The Producers" for the past few weeks( just as a side note I haven't been able to dig any further into the whole Berna/Stoli dilemma yet but I will).

Tony started singing at Helen and she got very annoyed by him. She also said he stunk of garlic. I guess he had a little garlic pasta before he came over.
Then she commented on the fact that the show is now closing, no wonder why she told Tony. I don't think he got it, poor thing.

Linda loosened up and bit and started a conga line during Melissa Ethridge's song. Not quite a Latin beat but what the hell I said and joined in.

I must say even though Tony is annoying I got to cop a few feels of his ass and I gotta tell ya it's not too bad for an old geezer.

Vicky Lawrence also kept us in stitches during commercial breaks and those silly dancers contorting themselves(Please I've done that 1000 times during sex)doing her Thelma from Mama's family. She does that character to the hilt....well I guess its the only thing she ever did but who's counting. I was happy about that because that jack Black # was awful.

I think the Oscar's stink but a night with Linda and the gals was too much.

Kisses, MargOH!

Is anybody out there?

Hey Kids,

I need a little love...no comments as of late so I thought I'd throw out a funny pick for ya!!

If I get three comments on this pic I'll down 3 bottle of champagne is 3 minutes without burping til I finish...

Kisses, M

Liza in Cooterville

Hey Kids,

You know I love my Liza and from time to time stand in for her if she goes on a bender. It's not easy impersonating a drunk ya know? Now she's lost weight again so I'm down to snacking on lettuce and beets to drop a few. My Pee is a gorgeous color at the moment.

Any who, I got a call from Bill "Pappy" Lavornia (Liza's music director and surrogate daddy) to come see her concert this past weekend. It's cold as hell so I figured what the hell. Luckily, i booked a flight with American instead of Jet Blue, yikes.

I got down there and was excited to see the concert. i arrived a bit late but just had enough time to get backstage to say hi. Pappy opened his arms with a big hug and whispered that Liza was sturdy as a horse tonight and didn't need me to stand in. I guess maybe he thought performing at the "Frank Sinatra" theatre may have sparked that old feeling in her and she'd down a bottle of Stoli..who knows.

he wouldn't let go even though i tried to get away and he then said there is one problem though. He said that whenever Liza loses a few pounds she breaks out her old costumes. He asked me if I could somehow talk her into wearing one of her newer pant suits instead of her pink a-line...he said that when she moves you can almost see her cooter. This pink outfit is from her concert that she did with Sammy and Frank back in the day. I knew exactly what he meant.

I went back to the dressing area and Liza greeted me with a double kiss and said hi ya Maggie. i told he she looked fabulous and I was glad she was doing so well. She was looking thin and radiant again..I love it. She asked me to help her practice her scales so I pounded on a few keys for her , a little shaky but who cares...

Then she grabbed her gator ade and started chugging it like mad...I think it may have had a bit of vodka in it mmmm. She then proceeded to put on her pink dress. I asked her how come she was dragging out the old outfits. She told me that it makes her feel young and she was remembering Frank tonight. I said do you think frank wants to see those swollen knee's. You know he would have told you to cover yourself up girlie!

She snapped at me and said how dare I comment on her outfit. I said How could I not, it looks a bit tattered hon and it's a bit short. I know you've lost weight but the girls are hanging a bit lower than they did 20 years ago. Please try on these slacks..they flow much better. She got a bit heated again and said that was her second act outfit. The music started to swell and she whisked out and Pappy was right..I saw a bit of her unspeakable ...yikes. not even wax, poor dear,

The opening act was like a roller coaster, not because of her singing, she was great but because of the dress. The audience was mostly 50-70 somethings and a smattering of queens. That dress was going up and down and side to side and a couple of the seniors covered there eyes as not to catch a glimpse of her cooter. One old man jumped up and yelled out..wait i gotta get my Viagra.

I guess Liza will never learn...or maybe she likes a bit of a breeze on her Lips...

All I can say is out with the old and into the New my dear Liza...

Kisses, MargOH!

Notes on A MargOH! Scandal

Hey Kids,

There's a scandal a brewin!!

You all know that I was moving and have just about settled in. There were a few boxes laying around and since Cuchie is in Argentina...they weren't gonna put themselves away.

I started going through them and found that it was some of Berna's things. She must have left them when she moved out. It was mostly stained underwear and ripped nylons but there was a wooden box also with three locks on it.

MMM... A box with three locks is a bit suspect, don't ya think. I ran over to the tool chest to get my lock-picks (I used those when I had the bordello in bangkok just in case the girls locked themselves in the room, don't ask).

I got them all unlocked and opened the box. The first thing I see is a twinkie, it figures. I dug down deeper and I see a bunch of papers with paternity test stamped all over it. There were adoption papers as well and an envelope with Stumpy Jones's name on it. I opened it up and there were checks written to him for 5,000 a piece. There were 5 of them dated for the years 1980 and 1981.

After I saw that I immediatly opened the other envelopes and to my shock...then I passed out...I woke up on the floor covered in drool and wondering what had happened. I got myself together and crawled to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of champers and downed it in 2 seconds.

I crawled back to the box and looked through the papers again. There was a birth certificate and paternity tests from Stumpy, myself and Berna. I couldn't believe my eyes. It said that the test was 97.7% positive that Berna was Stoli's mother and Stumpy Jones the father. Then the other test read that I was 94.8% proof and should never have children again.

I then looked at the birth certificate and there it was, under mother for Stoli Channing was My Name but it had been typed over white out. I rubbed off the white out and there it was Berna Breckenridge.

There was another birth certificate as well but this was for a boy and his name was Jack Daniel Channing. Did she have twins? Was this real? I couldn't believe that Berna... Then I heard her coming in so I put everything in the box and threw it in the closet.

She's been here ever since and I haven't been able to get back to that box. I did put a little drano in Berna's Black Bean soup. She's not feeling that well mmm...

I wonder why....

When I am ready to pounce on this, I'll let you all know!

It's scandalous...

Kisses, MargOH!

Officially Sick of the Cold

Hey Kids,

I am officially sick of the cold, it's horrible....

I've had to drink 3 bottles of Apricot brandy just to get myself to the liquor store to pick more up...Cuchie went to Argentina to visit her family so I'm stuck here with Berna.

Berna doesn't work for me any longer so she's refusing to help out. Stoli decided to go stay with my sister Rita in San Diego. I'm sure she'll be doing porn soon, Rita already got her a job applying spray tans for the vivid video gals.

Kim Fung is crapping all over the house because she hasn't been able to go visit her boy toy Reilly. I told her she's barking up the wrong tree there, that dog is gay. I can see it in his eyes....

See what the winter does to me..it makes me crazy...thinking of a dogs sexuality...
What will be next?

Only the Spring knows so get here already!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! for President

Hey Kids,

I just got a call from porn star Jenna Jameson...mmmm She was talking to my sister Rita and they are thinking of starting their own political party.

It's called "The Porn Party"....mmmm how original. I guess they were having a few vodka gimlets over at Eddie Van Halen's. I guess Eddie told Jenna screw Hilary, you should run for President. This started a heated conversation about the "The Porn Party" and how they could build grass root support by gathering all the 80's heavy metal bands. They said they could do a concert to raise funds and followers.
They even picked the theme song Poison's "Talk dirty to me". Jenna thought that would get the Nascar vote.

Though Jenna voiced her opinion that it might be hard for a porn star of her caliber to get elected. She is a smart cookie and very talented in the bedroom but I'm not sure if she could wrangle with Bill Frist...on second thought I think she has, oooops..sorry to spill that.

Anyway Rita chimed in a said I know who can lead the "Porn Party" to victory. My sister MargOH!. She can spin shit into gold...she said. She's a born politician and she's slept with plenty of senator's.

At this point I hung up the phone. I haven't slept with a senator since 1977 and I won't say who but he is still serving.....yikes...he's an old geezer now. Ted...oops I did it again.

My sister Rita is crazy...Well, I mean I'm as pretty as Hilary and I do dress much better. I know Bill Clinton as well as she does and I do know "The pledge of Allegiance"....

I'll have to call Madeline Albright and see what she thinks. She is a smart gal and she'll tell me if I've got a shot.

I mean "Porn" has power especially in Washington. Don't forget my sister Rita starred in "Muff Divers 1-25" and in MD 1 she co-starred with lactating Lynne who we now know as Mrs. Lynne Cheney. She's got the nerve to write children's books.

MargOH! for President...start the buzz kids!!

Kisses, M

Glamorous Anna, You're so Outrageous

Hey Kids,

The past couple of days have just been rough...2007 has gotten off to a shaky start for MargOH!

Losing the "Jitterbug" tour, losing a dear friend and now my sassy and fabulous Anna.

Anna was a real trooper in my book and I adored her. She had a fabulous light inside that will never be shut off.

I know she could be a little rough around the edges but that's what was so fabulous. She was one in a million and lived like it.

I got to know Anna when she was on tour for her second Playboy cover and was touring through Bangkok. Her and The heff stopped in for some RR. Of course Anna and I ended up doing about 20 shooter's of upside down Kamikaze's.

We were both still on our feet so from that day on we were buddies. Hugh said we should keep in touch just in case one of us needed a liver transplant...LOL.

Anna also tried to get me a bit part in her movie "Skyscraper" but they weren't looking for my type...Your boobs had to be of a certain size for that casting agent..disgusting.

When I moved back to the states I met up with Anna again after one of her appearances on Stern. She said she wanted go somewhere low- key so I took her to a bar called McSwiggan's on 2nd ave. It's a dump and reeks of stale beer but we had a blast. The bartender didn't know how to make a kamikaze so Anna jumped behind the bar, the Vicky Lynn came out in her and she was oozing with Texas hospitality. She still drank me under the table....Now that's what America is all about Kids!!!!

That was the last time I saw Anna but i got a x-mas card every year and I sent her one.

She was a beauty and a lot of fun. She knew she was the brunt of jokes but was always kind and cordial to her fans.

I was and am a huge fan and will Miss the Zany Anna Nicole..

Wishing you eternal peace my dear...

Kisses, MargOH!

Wishing you eternal Peace Mr. Chin

Hey Kids,

I'm a bit down in the bottle today after learning about the death of a friend.

His name was Andrew Chin and we met during one of my trips with Berna to Rhode Island. I've known him now since 1993... There were many trips after that to see Andrew...He had a fabulous quality!!

Andrew had a knack for throwing these fabulous dinner parties with bountiful foods(like a kings court). He would invite professors, artists, musicians, drunks and drag queens. These parties always guaranteed an interesting evening. People loved to attend and there were many heated and fun filled conversations at that dinner table. I loved it!!

He also had a flair for decorating, he could take antique or down right busted furniture and mix them with modern items and make it work.
I called it Stevie Nicks meets Queen Elizabeth..

Berna always uses Andrews technique's when we throw a party and everyone loves it. Big handmade napkin rings and goblets laced with scratched goldleaf. Dusty table runner's with a gorgoeus centerpiece....it all worked.

There were also lovely get togethers on his front porch with bottles of wine flowing in the summer breeze.

He had an infectious laugh...he suffered from Asthma so it was a raspy laugh but one that made you join in...

He danced better than any gay I've ever known. I even named his dance "The Chin". It was an all out arm swinging dance with an 80's bounce...

Andrew was a great friend!

Like many frienships we drifted a bit but learning of his sudden death of a heart attack at 44 is just unbelievable.

It's when someone is gone all of their best qualities come to mind....

Isn't it funny how in our everyday lives it's the negatives that we can sometimes focus on in eachother...even the people we love or admire....

Andrew was a unique individual with many faults (as we all have) but as I sit here writing this I can only remember his perfection. The quality of his conversations and the tone of his soothing voice. I can say I will never forget the laughs we shared over the year's. Those were perfection..

I realize how fortunate I am to have known him and he lives in my mind now...

Wishing you eternal peace my friend

Cheers Andrew

Kisses, MargOH!

It's a Fashion Nightmare

Hey Kids,

Yet, another fashion week is upon us and you all know how much i love it......

I like fashion, its just that I hate fashionista's...

Any who, i went to the Isaac Mizrahi show with Berna and Kathie Lee Gifford. Kathie Lee would wear Isaac's stuff when he was good in the 80's and 90's.

It's cold as hell out but I figured what the hell. Berna and I met Kathie Lee outside and she had our passes and of course who do I see first but that jackass Andre Leon Tally..spilling his rum cocktail everywhere trying to act as if he is sexy. He approaches and says that he hasn't seen me in a while...I say thank god, he says Oh, MargOH! you know I love ya even though you are a fashion nightmare, I say..I'd rather be a fashion nightmare than a big fat pig and I walk on. These are the types of conversations that happen at fashion week...it's just grand.

We go to the tent and take our seats, i carry a tray of champagne with us...It's gonna be a bumpy day..Berna is already talking with katherine McPhee telling her that her "Over the Rainbow" is a masterpiece, I sticking my finger down my throat in disgust. Berna's a brown noser...katherine was fascinated by me and asked me who I was. I said if you have to ask then I won't tell...I was a bitchy MargOH! She sulked for a moment and then i handed her a glass of bubbly and all was well.....

Until it happened...The she-devil approached AW I call her....she's a mean and nasty bitch...the movie was right but I'm sure kinder than it should be.

The lights go down and the parade starts....

It's a fashion nightmare.....

What a bunch of crap..not the line but Cari Modine....Ugh what was she wearing....

she's odd looking and of course she sits right in front of me with this big fur hat..

Not that I minded cause then the real show started and let me tell you it was mediocre...not Isaac's best...

I think he should stick to commentating and such...he's lost his fashion sense...

then after the clown parade he comes rolling down the isle in a wheel chair and AW runs and jumps in his lap and she screams no pictures and the room goes silent and then he screams...I just broke my pelvis in a car accident in the Hampton's...I heard the real story was that he was so drunk from seeing his finished product he fell down a flight of stairs...poor thing

It was the best thing I'd seen all day...

I wish i had a ticket to the Bill Blass show cause honey those are some clothes...

I gotta order in for my upcoming show..It'll be grand.


Another fashion week gone, yawn

Kisses, MargOH!

A Slippery Slope

Hey Kids,

I had a wild weekend.

Now , I left with Linda Hunt on our ski weekend that ended up a ski day. We got up to Vermont and hit the slopes right away. Linda was hot to the trail. I decided to go to the bunny hill first, it's been a while since I've hit the slopes.

Linda went straight to the top with speed on her mind. I watched her go up that ski lift but never saw her come back down...well she did, but on a stretcher. I guess she went off the trail and ended up on the snowboard obstacle course and did a somersalt off the half pipe and landed on her tailbone, ouch!

What a bummer, I stayed with little old Linda until she was checked out of the emergency room and slapped her in a car for home. I didn't feel like staying at the lodge all alone and was not in a NY state of Mind so I headed to Rhode Island to see Berna's peeps.

I was out and about for a wild weekend, drinking and smoking.

I did a little number at a cute little joint called Dark lady.

Berna's brother is a Limo driver so he whisked me around town in style.

I met up with some old friends that know where to find the booze and the boys. I was happy to get away and have a little fun..Being in NY 24/7 can be a little tiring for the old gal, especially a legendary one.

I'll be back kids after I check on Linda. i picked her up a bottle of Jack to sooth those bones and Cuchie made her some chicken soup....

I can be so domestic...It must be the New England in me!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Kim Fung. Is she a Miracle Dog?

Hey Kids,

It's a very exciting day. Kim Fung, my pooch is 24 years old. She's been with me so long I sometimes forget about how old she actually is.

She has been a handful but I love her and she is a constant source of companionship. I saved that dog from the streets of Bangkok in 1983. She was just about the size of my hand at the time. I was doing a bit of shopping with Berna when I saw her wondering the streets. I scooped her up and put her in my handbag. I am sure someone would have made her into a stew if i hadn't grabbed her or maybe even a muff..who knows.

It is really a miracle she is still around since Berna has sat on her so many times but she's like a gumby. The vets are amazed at her flexibility. I think it's because I do at least one dance number with her every day. She can also handle her booze. She drinks every time I do at home. She loves Champers and a vodka and tonic.

Now don't get me wrong it's not all fun and games. Kim Fung is always trying to pick up the neighborhood dogs and she has a thing for Great Danes....mmmm just like Mama, she likes em big.

Its a joy to have a dog live for so long and I think Kim Fung is a miracle dog and I love her. She is the best!!

Happy Birthday Kim Fung

Thin as a Pussycat

Hey Kids,

I want to be as thin as a Pussycat....doll that is. I'm a fat girl and that's a fact but I am so wanting to be thin in 2007. I have all these vintage Halston's hanging in my closet that I can't get on anymore...without a shoe horn and some fish oil. Not the best smelling vintage.

I know its tuff so I have Cuchie preparing me only vegetables and green tea for 2 meals and 3 martini's at night with hoodia in it. I also took out the 5 olives I usually have in them. That's a start kids...Dontcha think?

I have moved up to the new pad and already have plans for an apartment warming party. I decided to take a small trip to get away and let Cuchie set everything up this weekend. Kim Fung and I are headed for a ski jaunt in Vermont with my new neighbor Linda Hunt. I was a bit shocked when Linda asked me but I said..What the hell! So I am off on Thursday!!

I'll be back kids!!

Kisses,

MargOH!

Cartoon MargOH!

Hey Kids,

I just landed a role as a naked mole rat in an upcoming animated feature...It's a small role but my first speaking part in almost 20 years...very exciting. I wonder if they will make this mole rat look anything like me...mmmm that would be impossible.

Anyway, I must say I think I've got the winter blues...I haven't felt much like writing lately.

I think its because I do miss Mickey and dancin to the "Jitterbug" song.

I have to remember not to sleep with every man I meet but its hard...

I love when bodies get all hot and steamy and naked and sweaty and lipstick smeared on a _____. Oh jeez I lost it there for a minute.

Cuchie please get me a cool beverage and my body mist....Berna get the hell out of the way, she's sleeping on the floor now even though I put another bed in Cuchie's quarters.

Stoli is at her girlfriend Rachets apartment...yes i found out Stoli found out at Betty Ford that she likes the ladies...I don't blame her, I too like a nice set of knockers in my face once in a while. It's harmless fun for a couple of gals to get naked and have a little fun. Have we learned nothing from Melissa Ethridge.

Anywho, one of my readers sent me a little animated pic of MargOH! It's cute but I didn't realize how much I look like Demi Moore...

I'll be back kids and hopefully the blues will float away soon!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Happy Birthday Miss Kitt

Hey Kids,

My darlin and one of my favorite performers celebrated her 80th birthday last week.
The legendary Eartha Kitt.

I have had the pleasure to knock a few back with Eartha over the years and when I say there is no one better than she I mean it.

To see Eartha perform live is an out of body experience for MargOH! I have been lucky to see her perform in very intimate cabaret settings and there is nothing like it in the world.

She is 80 and looks, sounds and is gorgeous...

Miss Kitt will be playing Carnegie Hall in June and I'll be there... Get your tickets kids...

Here's to you Eartha!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Bad Girl

Hey Kids,

I've been movin....so sorry for the lack of posts. I am moving from the 5th floor to the 6th floor in my current building. I have had it with Shirley Bassey playing "Goldfinger" 24/7 when she is in town...drives me nuts.

Now you won't believe who I'll be living next door to on the 6th floor....It almost like a dream come true. Linda Hunt, the academy award winner, moved in a few months ago. We've never met but I'm sure we will very soon...she's very petite but someone told me she's got a taste for Johnny Walker...How fun!!

Now I still have the whole party to fill you in on....I'll just say that Cuchie, berna and Stoli have been doing all the heavy lifting in this move...those bitches!!!

Also, I'll be doing a new photo shoot for my upcoming shows!!! They'll be hot

Kisses, MargOH!

Hot in the City

Hey Kids,

I'm back in old NY. The "Jitterbug" tour has come to an end and I'm glad. Honestly, being stuck on a bus with Mickey for another 2 months would have been torture.

I couldn't believe it but our Bus driver/Massage Therapist was also a "Jitterbug" spy. He was to make sure that Mickey and I were behaving in a Moral fashion to promote there big button cell phone.... Too funny but Garcia was the one who lowered my panties and massaged my unmentionables. he then went back to the "Jitterbug" people and said I had made sexual advances...bastard!!!

All water under the bridge kids and i got work lined up already. My agent Shecky got me a part in Nip/Tuck and then as a spokes model stint at an Antique car show. The latter is a bit suspect but hell Mama needs the cash!!

I'll be back with the details about the party that happened while I was away. I'll just say that Berna and Cuchie are still cleaning up the mess.

Kisses, MargOH!

Miss Piggy Replaces MargOH!

Hi Kids,

That's right!!!! I've been replaced by a pig..... Usually this would bother me
but since its the ultimate Pig Miss Piggy I'll let it slide.

I asked to be removed from the "Jitterbug" Tour though the rumor will be I was fired for having sex with Garcia the bus driver/Massage therapist...He did do happy endings, it's not my fault. I'll let you know about that asap.

We did have a great time in Miami and our JitterConga was fabulous...We sold almost 3, 000 "Jitterbugs"....yawza.

I did ask to be let go because of the goings on at my apartment, parties every night and Stoli is back from her stint at Betty ford but has already emptied out my Liquor cabinet. I will post about the big party this past weekend but I decided to take one more day in Miami to meet with Gloria Estefan for a sight seeing tour...how fun.

I was paid for my services thus far but it is far short of my six figure promise...so I need to get back to some serious extra work....I need to call Sally Field to see if she can get me something on that show she's on...love ya Sally, cry for me Sally.

Anyway , I'll let you know when I get back if my apartment is still there, god only knows what happened...Gary Busey was back in the mix and so was Brigitte Neilson...oH Crap!!!

Here's a pic of Kim fung and Piggy before we left the "Jitterbug Bus".

Mickey isn't sure how he's gonna dance with that pig, I said put her on his shoulder and swing her around!!!

Who Knows...

Kisses, MargOH!

"The MargOH! Channing Show" Vintage clip w/Linda Simpson

Hey kids,

The "Jitterbug" tour is a bit slow so I've had all this time to edit and upload clips of my TV show. Many more to come!! This clip was with the only Drag Queen I could get to come one the show.

Her name is Linda Simpson and she is a true comedian and smart as a whip. Linda was
promoting her magazine "My Comrade". This clip is after the interview. We didn't realize Berna had kept the camera on...she's very sneaky, that Berna but sometimes these things make for good comedy.....

On a side note...I have been propositioned by at least 25 men over 60 for sex since I've been down here...They all wave their little blue pill bottles at me and offer me drinks....It's disgusting.....

Kisses, MargOH!

Only in Miami

Hey Kids,

Mickey and I arrived in Miami....I love palm tree's....they make me horny.

I had the most fabulous breakfast burrito this morning, just divine!! I love the vibe down here, like everything is on Latin heat.

I guess the Latin heat has gotten to the seniors in Florida though. I was looking up the East Ridge retirement village for the show and found this disturbing article from 2006.

STDs Running Rampant In Retirement Community

Seniors are bringing sexy back. Maybe I should have sponsored "Trojans". I'll have to call that condom company and see what they think.

It is true my mother Sully has more sex at the "Fish mongers" retirement home than she's had in her whole life, they don't use the little blue pill up in Alaska, just lots of cod liver oil...its good for the mojo...

Anyway, Garcia is about to give me my rub down before our rehearsal. It was really smart that "Jitterbug" hired a bus driver/massage therapist for the trip. I wonder if he will do a happy ending.....I'll let you know but I say he's only 26 so I'm sure he'll be game.

We got a hotel suite since we'll be in Miami for about a week. We have to go to the airport later because Jan Rooney is coming to stay for the Miami leg. Jan's nice but she can be a bit Pesky...I'll make sue i fill her up with rum and cokes...she's much nicer when she's drunk..

I'll be back...

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! Channing Show w/Penny Arcade

Hey Kids,

I have lots of downtime on the "Jitterbug" bus so I've had time to upload some vintage MargOH! Channing Shows. This was my second show featuring the fabulous and
lovely legend Penny Arcade. I will post more soon!! Oh, god Mickey farted again, open the damn window....he's eating chili dogs now..Uggh

Kisses, MargOH!

Jitterbug Madness

Hey kids,

The "Jitterbug" tour made its second stop at the Ford Village in Rocky Mount North Carolina. Yes, that's right the Ford Family are in the community development game. I just can't seem to get away from the Ford Fever.

Anyway, we got to the clubhouse and this time it was "Jitterbug" Mayhem. There were about 2, 000 seniors waiting for Mickey and I. This time we did Mickey's number "Me and my Shadow"....I thought it was stupid but micks thought it was cute because he's so much shorter than me....its kind of obvious don't ya think....


Garcia, our bus driver is helping us with the next number, its in Miami. We're gonna do "Conga" by Gloria Estefan but replace "Jitter" for Conga. Garcia is helping us with our Latin beat. He says my hips move with the grace of a Carmen Miranda. I think I may get me some kids...hot stuff....

It was a blast today and we sold 1,400 "Jitterbugs".. It was amazing. I'm really earning my 6 figures. That usually doesn't happen.

I am a bit sad because I am missing out on some fabulous extra roles. I got offers for 2 films with Paul Rudd and one for Charlize Theron but I had to pass. I did also get one stand in voice over for the "Geiko Gecko" but my Aussie accent sucks so I had to turn that down too....

I'll be home mid February...It's "Jitterbug" madness

I'll be back with hopefully more interesting posts

Kisses, MargOH!

Its "Jitterbug" Mayhem

Hey Kids,

Sorry its been a bit but the "Jitterbug Bus" has been having a few problems. The Internet keeps crapping out, 2 flat tires and a busted water hose. This is all very "Priscilla Queen of the desert" without the nice view. We're in a truck stop outside of Pigeon Forge Tennessee. Even my Jitterbug Phone isn't working.

We did hit the first retirement home but I'm wondering if this marketing blitz for the "Jitterbug" phone is hitting the right venue's. These people can't even pee for themselves. They're expecting them to use a cell phone. One lady who was 98 asked me to call President Roosevelt for her... I just told her he was busy and snapped into our "Wake me up before you go go" number with Mickey. He was a little stiff but his jig soon caught up to mine. We got a standing O but didn't sell any phones.

Now all the bus problems...it's crazy. Our next stop is a retirement village, not a home so hopefully they'll be an under 90 set.

Oh, Mickey just farted...he keeps eating pork and beans. I think he thinks we're camping...or something. Okay Micks, I'll tell everyone you said hi...Mickey says hi to you all.

Okay gotta run, the mechanic thinks he's got the bus going...One good thing our bus driver is a hottie. His name is Garcia....very hot!!

I'll be back kids

Kisses, MargOH!

Ford Fever

hey Kids,

I've been so busy with the "Jitterbug Tour" rehearsals with Mickey and a last minute invite to the hottest ticket in the country. I've been swamped!!

Yes, I was sent a last minute invite to Gerry Fords funeral by Betty. I am one of "The Betty Ford Clinic's" longest running customers. If I need a little tune up i just go and they admit me right away. I don't even pay anymore....I guess they feel that I paid so much in the past from my recurring addiction to booze that I'm exempt now! What they fail to understand is that I just like to drink and have no plans on stopping. The clinic is more of a place to see old friends and play Chinese checkers. The last time I went I hung out with Tatum O'Neal and Margot Kidder. It was like the "Bad news Bears" meets "Superman". Hey I guess it was!!! LOL.

Any who, I sat right next to Joan Collins at the funeral(also a secret Betty Ford Clinic Devotee). Her hair was bigger than I have ever seen....well it was a wig. Joan is as Bald as an eagle. I told her that she had some lint in her hair and I tugged on it just to make sure, yep it was horsehair alright!

It was a who's who of Washington's finest and Nancy Reagan. Nancy of course was trying to steal the spotlight from poor Betty....with her woe is me sunglasses...I miss Ronnie attitude....I heard she was dating her pool boy...she was always such a slut.

I got to meet Nancy Pelosi which was fun. I swear she bares a striking resemblance to a woman who co-starred in "Muff divers" with my sister Rita. She swore she's never done films but looked very nervous when I mentioned it. I am sure she will do a great job and she was very kind!!!

It was a long day and that speech Bush gave made me slump over asleep on Joan's shoulder.

After it was all said and done I thought to myself...

I wonder when I die if people will see me in a different light?

I boarded the Jitterbug bus and went to pick up Mickey at the airport and we're off to Dollywood land. I'll keep you updated.

Kisses, MargOH!

Happy New Year

Hey Kids,

I'm off for a wild New years eve. I'll keep you updated but I wanted to post another
Clip of Nellie for the Nellie Fans...

Kisses, MargOH!

2nd Annual MargOH!'s "Most Annoying Straights of 06" list

Hey Kids,

This past month has been crazy and I've been really annoyed so I had to hold off on posting this.

I first must explain that just like last year there are no other people in the world that can be more annoying than the Bush administration. The only problem is that they are so boring to talk about that it makes it even more annoying. They are the actual top 5.. this is in Random order

George "Stupider than stupid" Bush
Condelezza "I'll do anything for George and I mean anything" Rice
Donald "Dickhead Idiot" Rumsfeld
Dick " When the hell will he die" Cheney
Laura "Caught like a deer in headlights" Bush

Then I had the issue of Pop culture and the horrible turn it has taken in the past 5 years or so. It got even worse this year with all of these skinny blonde's and on and off again blonde's running around showing off there cooters. They all landed in the 2ND top 5 or 6-10. I 'm not going to say much about these gals because I hear about it every day on the Internet, on the TV, in the newspaper, on the street...It is disgusting so here is 6-10

Paris Hilton
Nicole Richie
Britney Spears
Lindsey Lohan
Jessica Simpson

Just as a side note.... the only blonde's that did not annoy me this year were Tori Spelling and Loni Anderson. "So Notorious" was one of the funniest and most interesting shows of the past year and I think Tori Spelling showed how one should never take themselves too seriously. Bravo Tori!!!

Oh, yes and Dolly Parton who is a blonde by wig only but I love her and she is Okay every year in my book!!

Now to the top 5 which I guess is actually 11-15....yikes I'm confused


5. Donald Trump and the Miss USA Scandal

This story really threw me into a tizzy at the last minute. As a former winner of "Little Miss Lobster Festival" pageant when I was 6 in Bangor I was appalled by Tara Conner... Not because she was being a bad girl but that she got caught, stupid girl....didn't she learn anything from poor Vanessa Williams.

Its actually Donald Trump who is about as Annoying as you can get on a daily basis but what he said about Rosie was just horrible. He is a homophobic prick that doesn't deserve to be on television or be respected by anyone. Unfortunately middle America can't get enough of "The Apprentice" so we'll have to keep putting up with it! Thanks soccer Moms....

4. Mel Gibson

Just another homophobic, Jew hating, thinks he better than everybody else prick. Cuchie make me a Sloe Gin Fizz with a chaser of Jack...thanks doll. He makes me wanna drink even at 9 am. Whats even more annoying is that he can't handle his liquor, how sad!!! If ya can't hang Mel baby switch to diet coke. I think we should send Mel down to Australia and put him in a pen with some drunk kangaroos and have them beat the crap out of him!!! I hope Jesus will forgive him, he's so religious.

3. Naomi Campbell

I know Ms. Campbell was cleared of beating her domestic but I still think she did it. She obviously is a bad girl at heart and even her looks aren't enough for her. I treat all of my domestics with loving and open arms....well there is the off chance that I may have slapped Berna a couple of times but she's been with me since 1968. We're more like family.....

I thought models were done after 30 but for some reason they're sticking around now. Who changed that rule...Damn Lauren Hutton.... Naomi grow up and get some manners and do something for Humanity other than supplying us with crap perfume.

2. Gwyneth Paltrow for Estee Lauder

Is there anything more annoying than Gwyneth Paltrows commercials for Estee' Lauder. Well , yes my # 1 pick but not much else.

I am just so happy that this rich, thin, not a care in the world actress gets to go sailing on a gorgeous day or dance in a wheat field in a flowing peasant skirt whilst spraying herself with Estee' Lauders "Pleasures".

I think it stinks, yes the scent as well. Why not Cuchie? She needs a little pleasure in her life..... and I don't think that some alcohol ridden scent is gonna do it. Cuchie get me that perfume. Yes, it tastes better than it smells. That's how I got kicked out of the Betty ford clinic you know. I drank Tatum O'neals "White Diamonds" and she was pissed. I much prefer Red door... It almost tastes like a Burgundy, very tasty. I don't recommend any of Celine Dion's scents, they taste like baby formula....anyway I'm off track.

Please Estee Lauder can we see a big lesbian driving a tractor trailer and spritzing herself with your "Pleasures". It would be some much more realistic...

1. Tyra Banks

Okay, Tyra girl.....You ain't no Oprah! okay girl, and you ain't street neither. I think I need to go Mary J. on your ass and straighten you out girl. Oops sorry for that but Tyra just makes me think I'm a big black lady. No disrespect to my fabulous women of color.

I just think that Tyra and her show stink! I had no pity for her when she had Naomi Campbell on to tell her she was mean to her. Too bad....little Tyra.

Then she puts on a fat suit and feels like she knows what a fat girl goes through....why not just follow a fat girl like me around with a camera.

She has all of these shows about serious situations but has no idea how to handle anything.

Her range of emotion goes from 0-1 and her ability to scream and jump up and down for a very long time is quite unremarkable. Give me back Sally Jessie Raphael please!!!

The most annoying thing about Tyra is that she is responsible for giving Janice Dickinson a voice (another drunk that can't control herself) .


Shame on you Tyra!!!

This concludes most of my annoyances for 2006. There are many more but I don't like to dwell on these things.

I will be posting my "Big in 06" very soon as to set myself up for a fresh and fabulous 2007. It's going to be a wonderful year and MargOH! is going to be in your face. Hold on kids it may be a bumpy ride....

Remember MargOH! says

"Champagne is for every day not just New Years Eve"

Kisses, MargOH!

PS

Honarable mentions

Tomkat- Please not another Wedding. I think that baby stole my Liza wig
Brad and Angelina- Please not another baby and those lips....
Flavor Flav- Not another season of "Flavor of Love"
Tom Hanks- He's always annoying but that hair in "The Davinci code " was precious
Bill Frist- Is he on purpose? I think God made a mistake on that one, send him back

Christmas Hangover

Hey kids,

Hope you all had a happy holiday!!

We had a fabulous time up in Berna's neck of the woods....It's better having Berna
as a gal pal rather than my assistant. Though her job with kathie Lee is ending she
has scored a job as Polly Holiday's live in. She starts in January.

I did get a letter for a lawsuit filed by fat ass Kirsty Alley about the whole
"Spoksey" thing. Please she's a nut job!!! I heard that she is actually going bankrupt because of the cost of the Jenny Craig Food. I can't believe she didn't write it into her contract to get the food for free.

This lawsuit is ridiculous and am in no way responsible for Kirsty not winning
the "Spoksey"...

I am going on the "Jitterbug Tour" with Mickey Rooney starting January 2nd. I saw the "Jitterbug" bus and it is a house on wheels...just amazing. Mickey and I are gonna have a blast. Our first stop is a nursing home near Dollywood...how exciting.

Kids, I'll be back to fill you in on the wild x-mas weekend or should I say XXX-mas weekend. MargOH! was having a ball or should I say two with a Chi Chi Larue porn star...Yikes!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Ann Carr as Hickory Thicket dances with MargOH!

Hey Kids,

Another clip from my x-mas special. Hickory Thicket and I cut a rug...

Merry X-mas,

MargOH!

Vintage MargOH! Christmas Special

Hey Kids,

A little Christmas treat. Nellie Mckay on "The MargOH! Channing Show" christmas special from a couple of years back. We had a blast and I'll be putting more up soon.
Hittin the road for x-mas cheer. So I'll be back soon!!!

Merry X-mas Kids!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Shout out To "Rosie"

Hey Kids,

I have to say that I go up and down with my gal pal Rosie. Sometimes I love her and
sometimes hate her. She knows that and loves me for it.

I have to say though I am back in love with Rosie because she speaks the truth. it is hard for people to hear things the way it is but Rosie doesn't give a crap. Kudo's to you doll!!

The reason why my most annoying straights list is delayed is because I am so annoyed by The Donald and Miss USA. This girl should be stripped of her crown...don't forget what they did to Vanessa Williams.... bastards!!!


What I am most annoyed by is the homophobic remark that Donald made about Rosie's wife (I imagine it would be pretty easy to take her girlfriend away, considering how Rosie looks." )He was meaning a man!!!

He is disgusting and a pig. He has no right being on television.

Go F--- yourself Donald!!

Bravo Rosie!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Happy Holidays

Hey Kids,

One of my favorite Judy Performances....enjoy

Happy Holidays and thank you all for reading...

Kisses, MargOH!

PS- Most Annoying Straights list on its way...

A Christmas Tail

Hey Kids,

had a wild weekend....yawza.

Cuchie and I went to pick out a tree for x-mas and I ended up picking up more than that....

Many of you know but some don't that most of the tree merchants in NYC come down from Canada for about a month. They usually sleep in vans or RV's. They usually have 2 people take shifts selling the tree's while the other sleeps, etc. I often wonder how they take shower's etc. so I asked this cutie french Canadian about it. He said that they depend on the kindness of strangers for showers and bathrooms, etc.

Well you all know that I am a kind stranger and decided to ask Julian if he wanted to come shower and such at my place. Cuchie started spouting off something in Spanish and didn't look happy. I gave her the tree and told her to go home and get Julian's bath ready.

We stopped for a coffee and chatted and I noticed Julian was checking out MargOH!'s knockers. When we got back to the pad Cuchie was running the bath and had lit candles and put rose petals in. She slapped me in the arm and said go for it ya old gal. I'm not sure what she was talking about.... Julian was only about 22....

He immediately asked me to help him off with his jeans...who am I too say no. Julian was a vision in dirt. He did smell a bit rank but sometimes that's sexy. he then ripped off his underwear... he was workin a good 8 inches........

I'll stop there but just so that you know i am currently suffering from lower back pain and my skin is shriveled like a prune... we spent almost 27 hours in that tub and went through a case of mumms. Julien was an animal. Cuchie is exhausted from running in snapping photo's and pouring hot pans of water to keep it warm....

MargOH! got some Christmas Tail......

Happy Holidays!!!


Kisses, M

Britney's Emergency

Hey Kids,

Lynn Spears just called and told me that she did something terrible....and that it was all my fault.

MMM....How could that be?

She told me that she went a step further than my elastic and hot sauce idea. She bought a sling shot and a can of Lychee's in sugar. She then took the Lychee and dipped it in hot sauce and loaded the sling shot.

Britney came in from the pool just wearing her usual long tee that said "Spinster". She tripped over the baby's rattle and bent over to pick it up and Lynn shot that Lychee. Britney screamed with fright and fell to the floor. She then got up and was jumping around and grabbing her private area....ouch.

Lynn then told Britney what her plan was and they started fighting.... Then Britney said she really wasn't feeling well and that she felt like she had to pee. Lynn started to look for the Lychee but couldn't find it anywhere...she was stumped.

Britney then came out of the bathroom and said she couldn't pee and was having bad cramps. Lynn told Britney to bend over and she got a flashlight.. Lynn couldn't believe it. The Lychee had gone up Britney cooter and was lodged up there.

Lynn tried to get it out with her fingers, a pair of tweezers and even stuck the garden hose up there but it wouldn't come out.

She rushed Britney to their private doctor and they got it out. She still has to to douche for a week to flush out the hot sauce.

I told Lynn it was no way my fault and that a Lychee was not in my plan. I then asked Lynn if she was wearing panties.

She told me to hold and came back a minute later. "Ya, know MargOH! she is. I can't believe it".
She then told me she's be sending 2 grand and 3 cases of Mumms.

Job well done I thought to myself. I'm a good person damn it!!

Kisses, MargOH!

2nd Annual MargOH!'s "Most Annoying Gays of 06" list

Hey Kids,

Now you know I'd rather walk on my lips than say something bad about someone....but OH! what the Hell.

I get annoyed just like everyone else and it seems that the gays can be as annoying as hell. This is not to say that the straights don't do their part in making MargOH! tip the bottle. There will be a most annoying straights list to follow as well and of course my "Big in 06" list.

The list for most annoying gays was extremely easy this year because I didn't have to look much further than the TV network LOGO to supply my annoyances.....

LOGO in itself is a bit annoying seeing that it is a GLBT channel but for some reason bleeps out most all GBLT references...go figure.

Any who here is my list......


#5- Rufus Wainwright

Mr. Wainwright completely annoyed Ms. Channing when he decided to recreate one of the most magnificent evenings in the history of Entertainment. If you didn't know he performed the whole Judy Garland performance at Carnegie Hall. All I have to ask is Why..... Why..... Why...... .

Mr. Wainwright first and foremost is not one of my favorite singers mostly because of his annoying nasal ridden voice.

After listening to some of the tracks from this I have to say it was a mediocre attempt to salute a legend.

I am sure Mr. Wainwright had lovely intentions but I feel he jumped way out of his element and was wrapped up in his own ego . I think if he is planning any more of these types of concerts maybe he should attempt the Cat Stevens songbook...... Mama needs a dirty martini......

#4- Perez Hilton

Why in the hell is the gay world all wrapped up in the glory of Perez Hilton?..........Could it be that they can't help loving that "Hilton" name... Is it the fancy layout of his blog that turns them on? Is it that they think he is giving them the latest inside dish?(most of his stories are taken from other sources). If MargOH! has to ask all of these questions than she is instantly annoyed....Kids if you want good dish go check out the grand damn Lady Bunny......


# 3- Nemesis Rising

Oh, in the past we've had so many twins to annoy us...We have had the "Doublemint Twins", "The Olsen Twins", "The Barbie Twins" and now we have Jacob and Joshua Miller also known as "Nemesis". I personally like to call them "The Lazy Eyed Twins" or the "Thinning Hair Twins". Their show "Nemesis Rising" is like a train wreck that I can't keep from watching....I am actually annoyed at myself for tuning in which makes me even more annoyed with them. Its a vicious cycle. Jacob and Joshua set me free.

I'm a vocal stylist and no way a singer but I am annoyed that these boys got a recording contract. They are a shake away from terrible and am not sure how they have made it this far.

Oh, yes...it must be that someone at Curb records....or Logo think they are cute. I think they look a step away from being on the special bus. Nice bodies and being gay Jehovah's doesn't make for good voices...Poor Barry Manilow looked like he needed a stiff drink after producing a track for them..... I'm sure Barry got a little man meat for that job from the slutty one.....

I'm sure I'll take some heat for this choice but c'mon people we need better pop stars than this..... When an artist has no control over the material they sing it's sad...A Bay City Roller's cover, Please... Cuchie make MargOH! a stiff one!!!!!

#2 - Best Gay Blogs

Well this choice is more of an entity than a person. It is "Best Gay Blogs". They really have ticked me off and I am annoyed with this site. It claims to be a GLBT site that lists GLBT blogs and highlights and reviews many blogs. My issue is that it really only focuses on men and has hardly any focus on Lesbian, Bi- or transgendered blogs.

I listed my blog because I figured this Bi-sexual gal would be a hit....LOL, not.

They did mention me once but just to say that the title of my blog was the longest they'd ever seen. Thanks so much dolls but if you're going to say derogatory things MargOH! won't have you over for a cocktail!!!

As Berna said..."They can go fuck themselves". I of course don't use such language but "Best Gay Blogs" you suck!!!

# 1- Jason & DeMarco

Oh, LOGO....Thank you so much for supplying me with this saccharine bittersweet couple. At least no one had the sense to give them a recording contract. They went ahead and created their own label...How fun!

The video that played on LOGO for months was a side splitting tour De force for the "poker girls". A gay Christian couple singing sweet nothings to each other or should I say whispering... "When I see you.....blah, blah, blah..... Its all very typical and so amusing how the LOGO viewers were enraptured by these boys . My favorite quote off their website is from deMarco

"People have told us that separately we are good as musicians, but something amazing happens when we come together and sing."

From Jason

"Although my Pentecostal background is the foundation of my morals, spirituality and ideals, with age my spiritual path has broadened as well as my music, crossing over boundaries and able to reach people from all walks of life. Music is a Universal language; the language of the soul."

Cuchie get me the pale...I'm gonna puke. This stuff is better than Sally fields "You like me, You really, really like me".

I'm glad that people out there like Jason & deMarco. However, it is the right of every American to be completely annoyed by them.

This completes my list for "06". It is my time to vent all the crazy building up from the world of Celebrity. I will then start a new in January and hope not to be annoyed in "07".

Kisses, MargOH!

PS...

Honorable mentions

Mark Foley- A big ugly mess

Will Wikle- Why is he hosting anything?

Heatherette- Richie just purses his lips too much

Michael Kors- Makes some of the ugliest mens clothes I've ever seen, Who is he to Judge?

Mary Cheney- Daddy's little lesbian, how nice for her....

Focus For Change Concert

Hey Kids,

Its been a while since I went out on the town. Its been mostly poker nights with the gals but that has become a bore.

I was thrilled when Kate Pierson from the B-52's called me and asked me to go to the Focus For Change Concert. It was being hosted by that hunk of a man Gael Garcia Bernal. Peter Gabriel also hosted but he's a bit old for me now. This concert is to promote Human rights or something, who knows anymore???

I was thrilled when I hopped in the car and Fred Schneider was there to. Although I have to say he looks a lot like my aunt Trudie now. It is a bit sad when rock stars get old. It's like looking at feedback from a microphone if we actually could see what that looks like...

Of course they busted out the medicinal weed....I usually don't smoke but when someone offers I usually take a bit. I had a hit or two but then when I told Kate she looked thin I knew it was time to stop.

We hopped out of the car, well I rolled out and was whisked down the red carpet. I'm tired of the handlers at these things. Kate and Fred squeezed me out....I never get my red carpet glory. Luckily I was swept right in front of Gael...yawza. What a hunk of a man that is....I grabbed him and gave him a big wet kiss right on the lips.

Gael was taken a bit off guard but he went with it and dipped me a la ballroom style and returned the favor. My blouse popped open and he even took a look at the knockers... He then asked me who I was?

Its always fun to meet someone new so I gave him the quick history. He added that he must have me be an extra in one of his films so I slipped him my card.

Yes, people right into the front pocket......he really is a big star. Very gracious and very eager to please.... I had to run to the ladies to fix the lips after that. Kate came in and said she couldn't believe my spunk. The press had seen it all and were ready to start a rumor.

Oh, please, I said. I still think he's as gay as a picnic basket.....

Kate got a little uncomfortable when I brought up the fact that I owned a bordello in Bangkok. I think she forgot about that even though my girls gave her a massage on more than one occasion when the b-52's came to rehearse for their tours in my cabaret. I told Kate, don't worry my girls were always over 18. I'm all about human rights but she insisted on leaving right away....whatever


The night otherwise was a big bore but that's what most of these events are like...

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! goes Britney Spears

Hey Kids,

I got a frantic call from Lynn Spears the other day. She had been talking to Betty Degenerous about Britney's panty problem and Betty recommended she call me for advice.

I'm always ready to help, for a price of course.

Lynn asked me how to get Britney to wear underwear again. She said that since Brit's been separated she's been walking around the house with a long tee and nothing else. All the while bending over picking up baby toys and such, exposing her cooter. Lynn says she has no shame...

I told Lynn that it's simple, All you need is a rubber band and some hot sauce.

Lynn seemed perplexed and didn't say a word.

I said Lynn if you want me to help I need a promise of a grand and two cases of Mumms..

Lynn said no problem

I went on to explain that every time Britney bends over exposing her cooter she should take an elastic band , dip it in hot sauce and shoot it at her clit. She'll scream and eventually will realise that she needs a panty to protect her minge. I mean really after the pics i saw I'm sure she has sand and dust up there...its sad.

Lynn said she would try it even though she didn't believe in punishment. I told Lynn that this wasn't a punishment. I told her she was actually saving the world!! She was empowered and finally agreed she'd do it.

I'll keep you updated on if it worked. It should, I did it all the time to Berna when she went through the teddy with no panties phase back in the early 90's.

Kisses, MargOH!

Stoli's Robo-Tripping

Hey kids,

I knew there was something odd going on when i noticed all of my Sudafed and NyQuil kept
disappearing from my Medicine cabinet. I have had a stubborn cold and Cuchie went to the drug store the other day and everything is gone already. I mean ,I could understand my vodka running out in a day or even a few hours but not cold remedies, never. I had her run out for more right away.

So then I put a camera in the bathroom to find out what was going on. I let it run all day yesterday and I couldn't believe my eyes.

Well, I find out that Cuchie is having a bit of a thing with an Asian delivery guy who was obviously sticking more than menu's through the crack of the door. She better scrub that bathtub out!!!

I fast forwarded through that mess and see Stoli downing the whole bottle of NyQuil then half a box of Sudafed. I went straight to her room and she was all fucked up and said she was "Robo-Tripping". I guess all the kids are doing it but Stoli keeps forgetting she's 26.

I was in a huff because I had gotten her a PA job on "The View", thanks Rosie... but she was so messed up she forgot to go in......

I told Stoli that her Mama may like to drink and enjoy a little recreational weed from time to time but missing work is a no, no!!!!!!!!!!! So I shook her until she puked and called "The Betty Ford Clinic".

They owe me a free bee from that time I spent 2 days there ( Sully sent me under false pretenses). They asked me to leave because I drank all the rubbing alcohol...it's the same as vodka, just a little stronger. They said if I left they would give me a voucher for a family member....so it's time to pay up.

They work fast, a man in a little white coat came and got her by the end of day. I gave him a $50 dollar bill and asked that he make sure she's not home for Christmas.

Stoli was kicking and screaming saying she'd never do it again and this was all unnecessary. She also added that none of this would have ever happened if "stumpy" was here.

So I said "Well Stumpy's not here, is he Stoli.....is he".....

I'll say it again Motherhood is a Troublesome Burden

Kisses, MargOH!

New Show in the works

Hey Kids,

I am in the process of creating a new live show to perform in 2007....It takes me a bit and a few dirty martini's to come up with a concept.

The next show will be called "What Makes a Legend Drink Most?"

I am planning some original songs for this one and I did a first draft of my first one to feast your eyes on.....This will be my first dive into songwriting so who knows what the melody will be....


Pretty Face

Too bad, she‘s got such a pretty face
Oh, how I wish she were thin
I’m sure Paris, Lindsey and Ashley O think it’s the case
Oh how her life would begin without that sagging chin
Too bad, she’s got such a pretty face

I think I need a glass of gin, Ashley mix me that right away
I don’t care what Lindsey has to say
There is nothing this body can’t begin to do
Oh,Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back (Chorus)
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact,Mary-Kate pass me that cheese fondue (Chorus)

Sometimes I wonder why people say what they say
It’s true I do have a pretty face
It’s a dog eat dog world but this fat girl will make her way
No, no Lindsey not by eating my weight in strawberry parfaits
This is who I am and how I’d like to stay

(Repeat Chorus)

Sometimes I wonder why people say what they say
Imagine a perfect world, who am I to judge?
It’s a dog eat dog world but this fat girl will make her way
It’s true I do have a pretty face, Mary-Kate pass me that chocolate fudge
This is who I am and how I’d like to stay

(Repeat Chorus)


I think I need a glass of gin, Ashley mix me that right away
I don’t care what Paris has to say
There is nothing this body can’t begin to do
Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact, Mary-Kate pass me that cheese fondue

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! goes Ugly

Hey Kids,

Sorry I've been on the DL but my agent Shecky Burns landed me a role in "Ugly Betty" and I had been filming like mad. I was given the part of "Mad Mode Lady" # 6. I'll be in an elevator scene. It was my first elevator scene since I did stand in work for Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction"....This role was a little less demanding..Michael Douglas stunk to high heaven. Let CZJ have him.

It was a blast and I loved the cast. Especially that Eric Mabius, mmmm MargOH! got a bit overheated over the food table. Well, I also got a little sweaty because I had to assist Vanessa Williams with putting on her panty girdle, not to hide any fat but to conceal her overgrown muff.

Vanessa told me she doesn't believe in waxing, its not natural!!!

America(Betty) and Mark Indelicato (Justin) were also adorable and very kind to the old gal. Justin asked for my autograph because he knew I had been married to Rodney Allen Rippy and he was one of his mothers idols...how cute.

I couldn't believe how much fun I had even though i was paid scale unlike most of my other work but I figured it's a hot show so what the hell.

On other news! Berna is not back in the fold as of yet because she is still acting up. I love Cuchie, she's a real workhorse. The house is so clean and she even makes me Gluten Free cookies. She even has Stoli doing her chores and finally talked her out of wearing the diaper. Berna is hard at work with Kathie Lee at MSG assisting her with "Annie". Carlo is now driving for Ms. Gifford as well. I just got my invite to Kathie Lee's Christmas ball again but I may pass this year and go to something more trendy...who know's.

I'll be back kids....

Kisses, MargOH!