I got invited to Linda Hunt's Oscar bash. I was happy to go since it's right next door but it wasn't much of a party. She was only serving tea and biscuits.
I quickly called Aloha liquors and had 2 cases of champers and a beer ball delivered right away. I then got on the horn to whole foods for crudite and cheese tray, a bit of sushi and a cold cut platter....geez Linda was a little slow on the uptake for sure.
Then after being there for a few minutes I realized I was the only invite so then I had to take out my little black book to get some people over.
Of course everyone was game and I told them it was BYOB. I got all the usuals plus a few surprise extras. We had Polly Holiday who had Betty white and Vicky Lawrence visiting so they came over, then Tatum O was in town for the entertainment weekly Oscar viewing so she stopped in. Tatum walked in with Ashleigh Banfield , she's a reporter or something. Candy Bushnell also popped in, just for the free champagne and then ran out with 2 bottles, what a nut job.
We were getting excited for the awards but as usual they were a bit boring from the get go.
I mean really Ellen did her best but I told her mother Betty to skip the Blacks, Jews and Gay's line.
She did it anyway and it tanked, it's been said and done before.
Betty White jumped up and said that was a horrible joke and then she did a version of it that was much funnier; she added something about Bea Arthur doing cartwheels, now thats funny .
Betty got so excited that she spilt champagne all over my new skirt.. Tatum was too eager to help clean off my lap and slipped her hand on my thigh. I swear that girls gone lesbian.
Tatum then went off the wall about her record being broken by Abigail Breslin. It was her being the youngest nominee but Tatum was relieved when she lost to Jennifer Hudson. She screamed...I'm still the youngest, I'm still the youngest and ran out down the hall to the other party.
Linda was a bit overwhelmed especially when Berna walked in with Tony Danza. She's been a porter up at "The Producers" for the past few weeks( just as a side note I haven't been able to dig any further into the whole Berna/Stoli dilemma yet but I will).
Tony started singing at Helen and she got very annoyed by him. She also said he stunk of garlic. I guess he had a little garlic pasta before he came over.
Then she commented on the fact that the show is now closing, no wonder why she told Tony. I don't think he got it, poor thing.
Linda loosened up and bit and started a conga line during Melissa Ethridge's song. Not quite a Latin beat but what the hell I said and joined in.
I must say even though Tony is annoying I got to cop a few feels of his ass and I gotta tell ya it's not too bad for an old geezer.
Vicky Lawrence also kept us in stitches during commercial breaks and those silly dancers contorting themselves(Please I've done that 1000 times during sex)doing her Thelma from Mama's family. She does that character to the hilt....well I guess its the only thing she ever did but who's counting. I was happy about that because that jack Black # was awful.
I think the Oscar's stink but a night with Linda and the gals was too much.