MargOH!'s going Loco, Oh I mean Logo

Hey Kids,

I'm back and had a fab vacation. Hester and I did a lot of my memoirs on the beach so I'll be posting the first part of chapter one after an edit.

So, I get back last night and flip on LOGO and they were having this debate/forum with presidential hopefuls.... It was more like a Gay marriage love fest...who is , who isn't, who may like it after their journey...It was all very...bad if you ask me!

Yes, it was historic in the sense that the forum happened and that is great but I thought that it was poorly presented....I only drank a half bottle of champagne, if something is good I usually have 2 at least...I spent most of the evening asking Berna if I was Bi and she a tranny because all I saw was a lot of polished gay men and a lesbian with a mullet...I also spent 20 minutes trying to get a viewer question through...but they only asked 2 in two hours...very strange I say.

Also, there are a lot of issues that weren't even covered, like the Iraq war(just a little war that's ruining the world), Health care(elderly gays need more help and housing), Billie Jean King(she has a fitness center and still weighs 220) and of course Human rights or does Human rights = Gay Marriage now..I guess so...

You all know MargOH! doesn't like to get to serious but c'mon here kids....We can and should do better for all of the community, not just the LOGO community of performers and a single trans and a Lesbian couple just to say they did.We need all of the LGBT community represented during these forums and we need to ask better questions.

Oh, I liked the 2 guys that have no chance of winning..Gravel and Kucinich. Just for the record the last time I looked a love child wore more colorful outfits. They speak the truth as they know it and isn't that refreshing.

Kisses, MargOH!

Vacation...All I ever wanted

Hey Kids,

MargOH!'s taking a week or so off to enjoy some rest and relaxation. I'm heading down to provincetown with my new friend and co-writer Hester, Linda Hunt, Polly Holiday and my gay fiance Jeff.. Berna was supposed to be going but she said she may join later in the week. I thought it best that I get around the shore to enhance my memory about my life and family....very exciting...

We've rented a lovely home, well I mean I'm not paying for it...I am a celebrity damn it! I'm staying at Diane VB's...it's a bit of a shack but we'll deal...Fried clams for everyone....By the looks of this picture I need a vacation....

I'll be back next week with the first chapter of my memoirs...it's very exciting!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Berna "Gaffer" for Letterman

Hey kids,

I hadn't seen Berna in over a week and the house is in shambles. I'm not sure what she thinks I pay her for.... She was away for weeks looking for the "Stumpy Jones" money which has now been divided up...but I borrowed Linda Hunt's maid Jo Jo to pick up around the house. Unfortunately Jo Jo told Linda she'd never do it again because she hurt her back taking out the recyclables. I guess champagne bottles do get heavy...

Anyway I went and knocked on Glenda the supers door. He came, I mean she came to the door all cranky and looked worse than usual. "have you seen Berna" , I asked. "Yeah, I got her a job filling in for one of my union buddies at the Letterman show". she replied.

"What", I said.

Glenda went on to tell me that Berna is the head "Gaffer" on the David Letterman show indefinitely. She started to tell me what a gaffer was but I know it's the electrician or lights manager, etc. Berna can barely change a light bulb, how in the hell did she get this job....

Glenda said she was winging it but my Friend said they love her. Glenda also added she's been hanging out with all the guests and going to parties. She spent 3 nights at Glenn Close's apartment re wiring her mood lighting. She's also been sitting on Dave's desk chatting and drinking tea with him before the taping. I swear that Berna can step in shit and still smell like a rose. Glenda also added that with overtime and bonuses she'll be pulling in six figures and maybe i should think being her apprentice...

How dare she!! I gotta get to the bottom of this and put the lights out on Berna's little moonlighting job. I mean working for Kathie Lee is one thing but Letterman is stepping way over the line....

Kisses, MargOH!

A New Chapter

Hey kids,

I'm very excited to let you know I'll be starting a new chapter of my blog...literally.

About a month ago I had a lovely woman named Hester come see my last show. After the show she introduced herself as the roving reporter for the "Bangor Penny Saver". She stated that she was sick of doing profiles on Stephen King (the most famous Bangor resident, she added that I was becoming a close second). How nice of her!

Anyway, she asked me if I'd ever thought of writing my memoir's? She added that everyone does now even if they only have one hit single but my career has spanned over decades and what an interesting read it would be.

Hester was very intense that I write a book, she also was very pushy about the fact that she would help me. I was at first a little hesitant but after she told me that her father now owned the fish shop where my father's store once stood I felt a bit misty and told her I would think about it.

After about forty dirty martini's and a bottle of champers I decided to tell Hester I would do it. I called her and told her that it would be a painful process for me but if I could get through it I would give her the exclusive. She took a drive down to see us this weekend...

Hester said that she would have to move in with Berna and I. Her dream was to pen this book directly from my words, we would tape record everything. At first I didn't realize what I was getting myself into, a stranger in my house for months? I had a second thought but then Hester said she would do light housekeeping and do liquor runs or whatever I needed for free. She said she could do her Penny saver duties via the Internet. I was still a little unsure....

Then Hester presented me with something she said she found while playing in back of the fish shop many years earlier. She said she was sure it belonged to my family. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was my daddies harmonica. I knew it was his because he had engraved his name on it "Salty" with his boning knife. It was a sign from daddy and I hugged Hester and told her to go home and get her things and get back as soon as possible. We had a book to write. She'll be back next week!

I called mother, that's Sully to let he know and that she better get ready because I was gonna spill the beans about our past. She was not happy at all but was to busy calling numbers at the Fish mongers Bingo that she told me as long as I don't reveal her age she didn't give a shit, how sweet!! BTW she's 86...LOL but honestly she looks 56, i think its all the cod liver oil she drinks and smears on her face.

This post is to let you know that Hester "Bones" Crabtree will be taking to writing my memoirs on this very blog. I will from time to time still keep you updated on my whereabouts and fun things, jobs, parties and of course let my fans know how much I adore them...

This is going to be exciting...move over Mr. King MargOH!'s telling her story!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Linda and Joan

Joan- Oh, Linda darling I can't believe we are working together again..Are you still with that instrumentalist?

Linda- Joan you know I've been divorced from him for years or do you have the onset of Alzheimer's, finally?

Joan- Now, Linda don't be insulted. Did you have more work? I don't recall you having such big lips on Dynasty..

Linda- Should I buy you a new wig baldie, yours is looking a bit tattered

Joan- How dare you!

Linda- Oh, Joan just shut up and smile for the damn picture so we can have a drink!

Joan- Cheers, Linda..

Kisses, MargOH!

Kathy Griffin Dream

Hey kids,

I gotta tell you that I woke up in a hot sweat this morning.

I had a dream that I opened for Kathy Griffin at a Rib joint in Sugarland Texas. You know the home of that little skating wonder bitch Tara Lapinski.

The dream started out fun with Kathy myself and Tara eating hot wings and all you can eat ribs from a place called Mo Greasies. We were washing them down with $2 margarita's. Life can't really get better than that...$2 Margarita's...please i had about 10 which would add up to 2 drinks in New York.

Tara was actually quite fun in the dream. She showed us the Johnny Weir tattoo she had put on her ass. He was in chaps and a cock ring and Tara said he was her gay dream boy.

Anyway, shoot to the show and I'm standing backstage waiting to go on but for some reason Tara was riding a horse around the stage trying to lasso gay cowboys in the audience. Kathy was screaming at Tara telling her not to hijack her gay cowboys and was chasing her and the horse around the stage.

It was a surreal dream!

I was trying to figure out what the name was for Bulls balls but I couldn't so I started whining to Kathy and she told me that drag queens don't cry. I of course responded...I'm not a drag queen and she was mistaken. The she said aren't you a Linda Dano impersonator..

AAAAh! I screamed and then woke up with Bulls balls on my mind...I got up and made a mimosa and had Berna make meat a rack of meatballs..Very scary dream....

Kisses, MargOH!

RIP Tammy Faye

Hey Kids,

I've spoken about how much I adored Tammy Faye. I like the article that I linked.

I'm a bit misty because I feel like we lost a very fun and Friendly soul.

A little zany, a little crazy , a little bad, a little sweet, a lot of love!

Kisses, MargOH!

OH! No Brigitte Nielson

Hey Kids,

One of my old drinkin pals has checked into rehab. AaargH! My girl Brigitte Nielson who I got to know after I did a bit part in Red Sonja is at a undisclosed rehab.

Brigitte is not addictive, she just like to drink like me. She must have started taking some pills or a little coke...After she got involved with that Flavor Flav she started getting a bit wild.

I gotta get Berna to find out where she is so I can send her a basket of assorted...booze. I'll have my liquor store to have them throw it together. I don't want her getting too thirsty.

It seems like ever since that Damn Amy Winehouse song every ones checkin into Rehab..but I think she is the one that really needs to go...

Kisses, MargOH!

MargoH! attends Soprano's Farewell party

Hey Kids,

I went to the Soprano's farewell party and it was a bit sad. I didn't realize I was going to be mistaken for a call girl. I also didn't know I was suppose to wear a teddy. The girls were required to only be in a teddy or some sort of underwear.

I didn't wear any panties because I was hoping the paparazzi would catch a minge shot when I hiked up my wrap dress.

They were very pushy at the door and told me I couldn't come in with a dress on. I told the guy that I had nothing on underneath it and his said bada bing. I demanded that he get Michael Imperioli.

Michael came to the door and gave me a big hug and swept the doorman away. You see I played henchman's lady # 6 in the first season of the damn show. I quickly realized this party was thrown by all the bit players and Michael was the biggest celeb there. The rest of the party was filled with gals in there teddy's. No big surprise but Nicky Knockers, Stoli and Berna were huddled in a corner doing tequila slammers. Berna was wearing a teddy but the whole thing looked like a thong, it was a bit small.

I left Michael to join them and asked them what the hell they were doing there. They went on to tell me that Nicky was sent a limo from Steven Schirripa. Nice, i had to take the damn train.

I grabbed a drink but then all the party girls started trying to unwrap my wrap dress. It was turning into a real Caligula's den. Berna, my wardrobe mistress was humping some gal named Pebo by the grill, Nicky Knockers was stuffing my semi-daughter's face in between her tits a la Robin Byrd.

Of course I started making out with some girl named Tonya T because honestly the men were few and far between. She was wearing the most tasty lip gloss so I asked her what it was and she said it wasn't lip gloss and that she just eaten out her friend Lita in a three way in the bathroom.

Yikes, I thought! I really gotta find out what Lita's diet is because she tasted like Thin mints...

In the end I must say this party was a bit trashy and not that much fun but I guess they wanted to make the farewell party much like the last episode.

Kisses, MargOH!

Liza's wearing her nighty again

Hey Kids,

You know I love my Liza but she kills me when she wears her lounging pants and or a nighty to an event.

I have to get my costumer to get sewing on a hot little number like this...

Life is a cabaret afterall!

Kisses, M

MargOH! profiled on "Best Gay Blogs"

Hey Kids,

MargOH! had been profiled by "Best gay Blogs". They did a little interview and overview of my thoughts of the blog.

It was nice to be included since many of my favorite blogs have been profiled and had great success getting their message out.

There were a couple of typo's but that is typical for MargOH! I usually drink a few cocktails before and interview so they may have missed a few words, etc.....LOL

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH!'s going to Fashion Week

Hey Kids,

Yes, it's true MargOH! is going to fashion week in the fall. I have been before and it usually is a scene.

This time will be fun though because I've been invited by my myspace pal Zach. He is cute as a button and an upcoming Stylist/fashion designer. He is so sweet and is having MargOH! model some Jewelry for many of the shows. I of course only plan to attend shows that are Anti-fur as not to piss off my PETA peeps.

Zach is only 21 and how gorgeous MargoH! will look with that on her arm....LOL. I hope he can hang with me as far as the drinking goes.

I'm going to have Berna call ahead and make sure the tent is stocked with enough champagne. Don't laugh when I went two years ago they ran out and later I landed a European ad campaign for "Krug". They couldn't believe how much I could drink and still look this good.

They called the campaign "Drink Krug and you can look ageless". For some reason the ads only ran in Poland and Lithuania. Go Figure!

I can't wait! I put Little Zachery's link so you can check him out!

Kisses, MargoH!

MargOH! stripped of Junior Miss Lobster Claw Crown

Hey Kids,

Thanks a lot Miss New Jersey Amy Polumbo!

Last night I got a call from the director of the Annual Lobster Festival to let me know that I was stripped of my Junior Miss Lobster Claw Crown, bastard! It was my only title!

You see when I was 10 I won this Junior Beauty pageant that was part of the Lobster Festival. Unfortunately it was the last year they held the pageant because most of the children from Maine were hideous, anyway I never had to give up my crown.

Every year I would get an invite to come to the opening day parade. I went a few times in my 20's and once when I was like 36 but the sash got way to small and the crown lost all of it's rhinestones.

I stopped getting the letters and had forgotten about it until two years ago when I received an adult sized sash and new crown. The Mayor of Bangor asked if I would go and promote the new Junior Miss Lobster Claw Pageant they were trying to revive. He said that they had an influx of New Yorker's moving there and the kids were getting cuter. I asked for a small fee of $10,000 and went back for a photo shoot and small parade they put together.

It was fun and they did manage to pull off the pageant and a girl by the name of Sadie Rose Jones won. She was a pesky 12 year old from Portland. I didn't care for her at all and told the judges they'd regret crowning her. I reluctantly handed over the responsibility. I couldn't believe that her platform was new ways of "Lobster Torture" she called it. She said that pulling off the eyes before putting them in the boiling water would be easier for them because they wouldn't see they were being killed. It just didn't make sense but the judges ate it up.

Anyway, I go on with my life as a past beauty queen until I get a call 6 months later saying that Sadie Rose Jones had a change of heart and joined PETA. They couldn't have that...So again I was Junior Miss Lobster Claw.

I didn't mention to them that I was also a member of PETA and that I had stopped eating lobster years ago. I know, I know but they paid me ten grand.

I had planned on going up again this month to hand off the crown again.

Then I get the call telling me that I'd been stripped of the crown because of the cooter picture I had on my blog. "How very dare they" I said. It was a moment in my show and just happened by accident. He said they could not take a chance after all the controversy over Miss New Jersey's photo scandal and the embarrassment of Sadie Rose Jones PETA Pickle.

I can't believe it and I am a bit sad seeing is that I was the longest running title holder in the history of festival pageants.

I must call PETA and have them picket that festival for little old MargOH! or I should start a "Save MargOH!'s Crown" campaign.

Damn, Damn, Damn!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Kobayashi meats Berna, Joey Chestnut eats MargOH!

Hey kids,

Didn't get a chance to tell you but Berna and I headed out to the Nathan's hot dog eating contest last week. Many of you don't know this but Berna was one of the first competitive eaters before it became a true sport. Her specialty was Bratwurst, she could eat that by the pounds. She loved her brat's and not only for eating but we'll talk about that another time. I feel bad for Berna sometimes because I know she gets a bit misty and Jealous of the way the sport has taken off.She is limited now because of the gastric bypass and can only eat 1/2 a bratwurst at a time. i did tell her to try rice pudding and she's working on that, old Berna what a trooper.

There were times when I was bored and would challenge old Berna to a contest. My specialty is crisps. I've been know to eat 15-17 bags of Lays potato chips in one sitting. I wash them down with vodka/tonics. The combination is yummy.

Anyway we get to Coney Island and Berna sees one of her eating pals by the name of "The Black widow". When we were in Bangkok she came to do a Pad Thai eating contest at my cabaret. The poor thing lost in a landslide to Berna but the "judge" got a little drunk drinking martini's with MargoH! that it never got recorded and Berna was screwed yet again.

She and Berna hugged and kissed and told us that after the competition she would introduce us to the great Kobayashi. She told us he was going to lose this year because he was having Jaw problems due to arthritis but she said she thought it was because he sucking too many cocks. She's a bit vindictive so i took that comment with a grain of salt.

Though her prediction was right, he lost to Joey Chestnut by a few dogs. Berna was wild during the competition, screaming and yelling, not at the contestants but more like ranting and raving in disgust because she wanted to be part of it. They had to restrain her to make sure she didn't get on camera, she can be so embarrassing.

"The Black Widow" invited us to the after party and we followed her to one of the tents. As we walked in I saw the bar and made a b-line and grabbed a martini while Berna made a b-line for Kobayashi. He jumped back and was a bit afraid but then Berna turned on the old charm and in a few moments they were laughing and carrying on like old friends. They shared a hot dog together but poor Kobayashi puked it back up. I heard Berna say "I wouldn't mind working on your hot dog" and they went behind the portable Johns...yikes.

I turned for another drink and Joey Chestnut was standing there looking all googly eyed. "Hey, I haven't seen a girl like you around here before", I replied "Well that's because I'm not a girl I'm a lady", he chuckled and spat a piece of hot dog onto my face....mmm how sweet. I took a napkin and wiped it off in hopes of later selling it on eBay.

I told Joey about my potato chip fetish and he didn't believe I could eat so many bags of chips. I told him I could and he bet me. I told him if i could eat 15 bags of Lays in 10 minutes he would have to eat me, it had been a while and there really is something sexy about a man sucking on a hot dog. He was game!

I grabbed Berna from behind the toilet and told her to go get me 15 99 cent bags of lays and make it snappy.

To make a long story short Joey was amazed at my potato chip skills but I was not as impressed. I think he should really stick to eating dogs.

Joey did tell me that I really was all that and a bag of chips. What a sweety!

Oh, by the way I haven't seen Berna since, I saw her running down the street with "The Black widow" and Kobayashi mmmm....

Kisses, MargOH!

Stumpy got the Money

Hey kids,

It's been a while since I let you in on the mystery of Stoli jones, my surrogate daughter...thankfully not my biological spawn. Though I am sure if I had children they would be gorgeous and well adjusted...to drinking.

Any who, I had sent Nicky Knockers and Stoli back to Stumpy's place where her said he buried a wad of cash. After doing more reading of Stumpy's notes I found out that there was nearly 750, 000. I decided to send Berna as well to monitor their progress and make sure they didn't try and run off with my loot. I think I deserve a hunk of that cash, don't you? I was the one who suffered the most from this tragic story. I figured I could take 400, 000 and let them fight over the rest. Honestly I haven't been working much lately. My extra roles have been slim and my agent Shecky's attempt to get me work in the tween market failed miserably. I don't think "the wiggles" was quite right for my talents. I did of course complete my re shoots for "Hairspray". I played John T's body double and let me tell you that body suit reeked, he stinks and he accidentally took a crap in it while doing "the madison", that's a dance. They tried to clean it but honestly it still was a bit rank.

Anyway, Nicky and Stoli dug up the whole back yard and have only recovered 100,000 grand. They are on their way back to recharge and then we're going to bulldoze the house and front yard next. I may go to supervise this next wave because I have a sinking feeling they may have been holding out on MargOH! I noticed that Nicky's eyes were looking awfully rejuvenated in her last head shot... mmm a little nip/tuck..

Okay kids gotta run but I'll be back .

Kisses, M

Bad MargOH!

Hey kids,

I'll be starting up my blog again thursday. I'm still on post-show bliss and will be getting back to my daily updates. here's a couple more pics from the show.

Have a happy 4th. Berna and I are going to Mickey and Jan Rooney's for their "Yankee doodle dandy" party.

kisses, MargOH!

Me and Aunt Trudie

Hey Kids,

In my last shows I spoke for the first time about my Aunt Trudie. It was not easy because I did love my Aunt Trudie. She was really the one who shaped me, she actually gave me my stage name of MargOH!

Aunt Trudie was my father's sister. I didn't meet her until I was 12 in 1961 because she couldn't stand my mother Sully. My father did tell me about her and that she was a very eccentric woman who had been to prison a Morals charge. It all seemed so exciting to me and as fate would have it I would meet and live with Aunt Trudie.

After my father died our lives took a turn and this is what happened

Sully was a mess, and my sister and I had to run the fish shop 24/7 while she drank at the local pub called “scuppers”. Every day there would be another fisherman, well until she got the clap and went blind in one eye. After that she just kept her carousing to behind the fish counter while sipping on the sherry that went into her lobster bisque.

We never had anything. However, there was this one time though when Sully came into some money during the great Tuna harvest of 61. She gathered up enough cash to bring my sister and I to New York City to see her favorite performer Judy, Judy Garland that is.

I couldn’t believe that I the daughter of a Fish monger was going to see Judy Live and in person at Carnegie Hall. Well, what Sully forgot to mention is that she only had enough money for one ticket so she loaned my sister and I out to schuck oysters down at the fulton fish market for a week to get the other 2.

My hands were bleeding and so was my nose when we got to our seats. It didn’t matter though cause once the overture started and Judy walked onto the stage though she looked like a flea, a glamorously dressed flea but a flea nonetheless her voice boomed to the rafters.

It was almost like she leaped into my body that night. It was then I knew I wanted to be a star. I also knew I couldn’t go back to Bangor so when we left the hall I broke free from my mothers hand. I said "see ya later Sully" and then looked at the hall and said "Thank you Judy".

I started running down 7Th avenue as fast as I could, I ran and ran and ran. Then I thought where in the hell am I gonna go. I had 2 dollars and a bottle of jack I was holding for Sully.

Then as if I were gently kissed on the cheek by an angel. I heard my daddy Salty say, Arrgh! don’t forget you have an Aunt Trudie that loves on Delancey Street. That’s right I screamed my daddy told me about his sister Trudie who lives on Delancey street. He said her and sully hated each other and she never came to visit. Daddy said she was an eccentric woman and had been to jail on a morals charge….

I took a swig of that jack and searched high and low for Delancey Street. I finally found it and started asking everyone if they knew Trudie.

Finally some old lady says.. Yeah, she owns the bar down the way….It’s the pub with a back room for Peppermint Patties, if you know what I mean kid. I didn’t know what she meant but I loved snoopy so it sounded fun.

I made it to the pub and walked in and yelled out Aunt Trudie

At that moment a very large and hairy woman yelled out

“Yeah, I'm Trudie, Who the hell are you? Wait, you gotta be my brothers kid…Unfortunately, You got your mothers eyes but a nice set of tits for a girl your age”
Welcome to MargOH!’s she said, thus my stage name….

I’ve never revealed my true name. My mother named us after what she called “The pearls of the ocean". My sister Rita’s name is Stingray and I Haddock, Haddie for short. Trudie said that my mother was cruel to name us after stinky fish…so from that day on she called me MargOH!

You’re just in time kid… I’m about to do a number. She took me to the back which had the faint smell of stale beer and pickled herring…just like home. She sat me down, gave me a gin and tonic and yelled out. “Listen up all you dikes, butch and fem alike this is my niece MargOH! and she’s gonna be stayin with me”. “Touch her and I’ll smack ya around”. Then she busted into a sexy version of "Big Spender". Well as sexy as she could be..

I spent the next 6 years working at MargOH!’s… I wanted to go to school but Aunt Trudie said I needed to go to the school of hard knocks. I learned everything I know from her. Like tying a cherry stem with your tongue or drinking 10 boilermakers in 10 minutes, Bi-sexuality and of course how to make money with my enormous jugs.

That’s how I was plucked from Obscurity…It was my large breasts.

I was tending bar when a guy walked in and ordered a Pina Colada…I thought he must be a fruitcake but he started staring at my boobs so I set them on the bar and asked his name. He told me it was Russ Meyer. He told me he made films and had a part for me.

I got very excited and told him to wait. I wrote a note for Aunt Trudie telling her I was going to LA to make a movie and I’d be back soon. I grabbed my mini and make-up case and headed out the door.

The next thing I new I was in Hollywood shooting a film called “Common Law cabin”. Russ gave me the name Alaina Capri. It was very exciting and I thought
I’d made it…. I've never really shown any of my pictures from my early films but the one above is one of the few I have. I was gorgeous wasn't I....


I never much thought things out. 6 months after I moved to LA I got a telegram telling me that Aunt Trudie drowned skinny dipping in the east river, she had a night of it with the gals from the pub and had one too many and jumped in. They never recovered the body and to makes matters even worse Russ moved on to a new set of knockers and I was left in Hollywood alone, well with the wardrobe mistress Berna Breckenridge Russ hired for me. I tried to get work but all the offers I got were for porn. I said MargOH! Channing will never do porn. Then again I said I’d never sing but look at me now…

It was Berna who suggested that I do what no one else had ever done. She suggested that I become a legendary extra. I thought ya know you’re right no one has ever done that so I set out to become the best extra I could be and damn it I did it.

I've been very misty for Aunt Trudie lately. I really miss her!

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! show pics 3

Hey kids,

Here's some pics from the last show. We had so much fun and the crowd was great for the closing!! MargOH! even showed a little cooter a la britney. Thank god I had that waxing. My gay fiance Jeff was just great and our Madonna medley killed..too funny

True Colors

Hey kids,

Last night we stepped out to see The True Colors Tour.It was a blast and everyone pretty much rocked the house. I unfortunatly got there a bit late because I was having my weekly waxing before my shows.It took longer this week because I've been eating baked beans like mad. That'll put hair on ya in no time.I usually go for the chips when I'm nervous but this time around I've been craving Baked beans right out of the can,yikes!!

We got there about 8 just in time to see The Dresden Dolls..just great! I missed The Gossip though....Though I was farting a bit from all the beans MargOH! started her own gossip...LOL

Everyone was just grand and Erasure was so good. it amazes MargOH! how much sound gets generated from that little piano they use...

Cyndi was grand as well. Her voice was magical last night and very special. She's a special gal with a lot of love in her heart!!!

If you get a chance kids check out the tour!!

Kisses,MargOH!

MargOH!'s 2nd show in Pictures

Hey Kids,

Another great show last night. Even my friend Nellie Mckay stopped by , taking a break from her heavy recording schedule..thanks Nellie! My other dear friend Drag King "Macha" stopped by...I love ya baby!!

"What makes a legend drink most?" in Pictures

Hey Kids,

Check out some pics from the show. We had a blast and Berna's still recovering from the after show drinks..I told her not to down that wine box!

Kisses, MargOH!

Show down

Hey Kids,

One show down...2 more to go. I had a blast but a first show is always getting the kinks out a bit, falling nails, tripping over wires and a few lines of dialogue. Not bad though...Jeff and I had a great Medley and he killed on his solo song. My couple of solo songs were a hoot for me. I love singing even though I can't...

I'll be putting up some pics soon!

Once the shows are over I'll be back to telling my day to day!!. it's hard to keep it all up especially for a gal my age....lol

Kisses, MargOH!

1 day to go

Hey kids,

1 day til the show and I'm heavy into rehearsals...I seem to be having a focus problem....Berna that is. i try to rehearse and she is so noisey, eating and drinking and carrying on. She had Glenda over last night to watch "towering inferno".

She always makes fun of my role in that.

I'm the very first girl to get thrown over the bar when the water comes rushing in...She's such a witch..We have DVR so she can rewind and makes it happen over and over again...

I hope I can get at least one run through before i go on Thursday...yikes..

Kisses, M

What makes a legend drink most? 7 days away

hey kids,

My all new show will be debut at the Laurie Beechman Theatre..

This is the show I hope to bring all over the world and spread "The MargOH!". I hope people will like it.

MargOH!s goal is to make ya all laugh or chuckle a bit and I think this show will tickle the funny bone a bit.

Telling stories of my life are just plain fun and I enjoy it immensely.

Come to the cabaret kids!!

Kisses, M

Charles Nelson Reilly

Hey Kids,

We've lost another great performer this year....Charles Nelson Reilly.

"Chucky Baby" is what I would call him. He was a funny man and I always loved his deadpan deliveries. He tried to get me on "Match Game" but they thought my marraige to Rodney a bit too racey for daytime....

I'll write a better post about old chuck asap. We had a couple of funny encounters and you'll love them....

Here's to you Chucky baby and thanks for all the laughs...

Kisses, MargOH!

A birthday to remember

Hey kids,

My 59th birthday was a bit crazy...

I thought I was going to a quiet dinner with Berna and my gay fiance' Jeff but when we arrived the gang was all there. Polly Holiday, Linda Hunt, Glenda the super, Cuchie, Stoli, Mindy Cohn, Mickey and Jan Rooney and of course Berna who was wearing a Madonna outfit from H&M. Berna has lost a lot of weight after the gastric bypass but at 262 pounds I think Madonna for H&M is a bit risky.

Anyway, everyone yelled surprise and blew noisemakers and threw confetti. How grand. Then to my great shock my sister Rita and my mom Sully walked in... Sully had a huge jar of her home made pickled herring and an even bigger bottle of her moonshine, it was my daddy salty's recipe of fish bones and potato's. It is an acquired taste for sure but it packs a punch...It actually tastes like liquid caviar..mmmm.

Sully started singing Happy birthday but her dentures fell out so we were spared her country western rendition...thank goodness.

Sully plopped down next to Polly and of course said "Kiss my Grits". Now I'd be babysitting on my own birthday. My sister Rita moved in on poor Mickey and sat on his lap. Her skirt got caught on the back of the chair and we all got to see her lady bits... I have such a classy family...

Berna also asked that everyone write a note or statement about why they love me. I ran to the bar and asked for 5 martini's. I downed them is 5 seconds and for once I was glad to see Gary Busey stumble in. He had just entered so I grabbed him and he of course started making lots of noise and singing. This made everyone forget about the notes, etc. Gary then proceeded to start stripping to "You can leave your hat on"...Oh god, it's not pretty. Sully handed him a glass of the moonshine and a dollar bill. Glenda and Berna started to dance with Gary. it was already getting crazy.

At this point the waiter and manager started to circle and asked if we were ready to order. They looked frightened!

Jeff stepped in and asked that everyone calm down and take a seat. He's so cute when he turns on his gay charm.. Sully balked and said we should go to Porky's or Hogs and heifer's instead so we can be loud.

Mindy was so cute and toasted to my 59th and then told Gary to get his hands off her ass. She is a hoot, that Mindy.

Then Sully got up, took a swig of her shine and told everyone that when I was 12 I ran away and started a life of debauchery. She also added that no one can blame her for my failed career and marriage. Then as if on Que Berna popped her in the Jaw and she was out cold.

This of course prompted the waiter to ask us to leave, thank goodness. There we all were walking on Bleecker street. I was of course mobbed, I had no idea there was a "Planet of the Apes" convention going on at the Jacob Javits center.

I had Gary carry Sully over his shoulder, then I invited all of my POTA fans to join me for a stiff one at Molly's. We had a grand time and i explained to everyone that playing Zera's sister Zazu in POTA was wonderful and That it was I who came up with the line "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!

The fans loved that but one of them got excited and tried to take a swig of my drink and I said from my cold dead hands....

This is why I hate getting too excited about birthdays...They can get a bit crazy especially when family is involved. You know it was a wild time when my Polly Holiday can't get a word in.

We ended up losing Linda Hunt in the Planet of the apes frenzy, she's so short...

Anyway Sully is still here. I gotta ship her back to the retirement home but I am waiting for a crate with air holes. it's much cheaper than paying for a flight...

Kisses, MargOH!

59 and counting

Hey kids,

Yes, it's true! Today I turn 59 years old...

Thankfully through the miracle of modern medicine and my herbalist Dr Beefachaki I have the body of a 39 year old. I feel great!

I'm off for a lovely dinner with my posse and I'm sure lots of booze. It could get messy but I'll try and keep it to 10 martini's. I think Gary Busey is coming so I want to be alert enough so he doesn't try and feel me up or get me in the sack....

Thanks to all of my loyal readers and of course to my darling Berna and my Gay Fiance Jeff.....

All the best,

Kisses, MargOH!

The death of an asshole (Jerry Falwell)

Hey Kids,

Jerry Falwell just died, , thank god.. Good night, mother fucker

Now I"m not a religious person but I can only imagine how Jerry is pleading to get into whatever comes next for us...If it is heaven then this may be the conversation

I'm sure he is having a long conversation right now with the gatekeeper wondering why he can't get in.

The scroll stretches 30 miles long and the gate keeper says we are going to be here a long time Jerry. "You'll have to explain all of your sins in great detail", he adds

Jerry is crying and asking if Ronald Reagan got in and the gatekeeper says "We are still considering his entrance, his scroll was 75 miles long".

Jerry replies "but he promised he'd get me in if I created the moral majority"

The gate keeper replies "Jerry, the moral majority you created is #10 on the list, we probably won't get to that until at least december, see we have a problem up here about passing moral judgement and don't even get me started on what you did to Tammy Faye"

"Tammy faye will burn in hell" Jerry replies.

The gate keeper says "No Jerry you are wrong, if she can't recover from her cancer then she will be given a free pass and possibly sit on the Jury that decides your fate"

Jerry replies "Oh , God No! . The gate keeper replies "Oh yes, Jerry it's true"....

Kisses Kids

MargOH! Cast in American Girl movie

Hey Kids,

My agent shecky got me a bit part in the " American Girl" movie. I am to play "bad lady #6. I'm not sure what that means yet but hopefully I'll be able to slap a child or something to that tune.

Kids do you realize that this will be my 1809th film. I mean only porn actresses do more films than that, granted in a year or so but my career started in 1968.

Meryl Streep told me that my ability to do nothing in the background is amazing and Sally Field once told me that my fake banter oozes realism.

Shelly winters did tell me that I was the worst actress she'd ever seen but she was just jealous because Gene Hackman banged me on the set of "Poseidon Adventure"....He wouldn't give her the time of day...I can't wait to write my memoir and tell everyone how mean Shelly was to me...I don't mind spilling the beans now that she is dead. I gained 100 pounds to be her body double and then spent 18 hours in a pool while she sipped martini's with Red Buttons...witch!

Anyway I called Abigail Breslin's people to see if we can have lunch to discuss my role. I hope she likes martini's....

Kisses, MargOH!

Tammy Faye

Hey Kids,

I have to say I'm a huge Tammy Faye fan and am very sad she is suffering.

She is the only so called Christian I like. The reason being is that her faith is her faith and after the Jim Baker scandal I think she understood that making people think a certain way and converting was not the way to go. The thing is I really do not believe Tammy had anything to do with all the mess her husband got them into and that she was the attraction for that world he created. She was used in other words.

She seemed to go in another direction and that was to show love and compassion for everyone. There are some Icons that the gay community rally around and I'm not sure why but in the case of Tammy Faye I think it is justified. She really did step out of her boundaries and embrace the gay community. I think she understood what it was like to be an outcast in her own community and realized her personality could open peoples eyes. I am pretty sure she succeeded.

I know there are people who will say Tammy is a bit wacky and all the mascara was a bit much. I could only imagine how fun it would be to be known for the way you wear your mascara...how grand...

When I think about Tammy Faye I can only muster up feelings of LOVE...she has that strong personality that just draws you in and it's not put on. It's the genuine state of her being.

I'm sure there will be those that disagree but I just love Tammy Faye and I hope she pulls through so she can croak out one last screeching song...

Cheers Tammy! I raise my Champers to ya girl!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

In the trenches

Hey kids,

I'm into rehearsals and planning for upcoming shows so I May be a bit on the DL as far as the blog goes....

My deepest apologies but I refuse to have Berna at the controls like she offered to do. She said she would make up stories for me but I would never do that to my readers. MargOH! is unlike Paris Hilton a clean and upright citizen. I actually still have a drivers license and have never had a DUI...Go figure. Well I mean there were a few times that I used natures credit card to get myself out of trouble...I wonder why Paris never did that cause honey she is full of credit...

She's full of a lot of things including crap.

Any who I'll be updating as I can....MargOH!'s singing a lot more in this show but Joan Collins is giving me a vocal lesson or 2 so I should be okay. She's got a set of lungs on her...

Love and Kisses,

MargOH!

Cinco de Mayonnaise

Hey Kids,

It was a hot Saturday night and my Cinco de mayo cap was on..literally. Berna made me a sombrero out of plastic that holds 6 margarita's. The she fit it with a tube that hooked to my mouth...

We had been invited to a party by one of the Pizza boys from the party Berna had last week. It was in queens and we had to take the subway..It's really fun, all those sweaty bodies so close to each other. I got to know this guy Juan very well on the way...so much that he ended up coming to the party with us. I shared by margarita tube with him.

When we arrived the party was already pumping with a hot DJ and a mariachi band! Hot stuff. Tons of food, empanada's, guacamole, spicy corn...and this very tasty spicy pesto mayo...mm mm it was tasty....I joined the band for a couple of Carmen Miranda numbers and we also did a salsa version of my "Fishmongers Daughter". It was a tough sell but that band killed on the 5Th try.... At this point Berna and I were toasted and i gave my hat away...and switched to wine...I'll be fine... Juan started getting a little frisky and starting rubbing that pesto mayo all over me...I of course opened my blouse and let him lick it off...very sexy.

Let's just say Juan is still sleeping in my bed and it's 12:30 on Sunday....We left Berna behind and she's not home yet so I must ring her on her cell. I hope she hasn't lost it!...that seems to be happening to everyone lately....

Cinco de mayonnaise everyone!!

Kisses, MargOH!

gotta get back to Juan...

David Hasseldrunk

Hey Kids,

Like we didn't know David was a bit of a boozer....

I have a little story.... When David was having his huge recording success abroad he was on tour and stopped in to my cabaret. He had huge demands that included 3 cases of Tequila, a crate of limes and a pound of salt. He had a huge entourage that took over my bordello...my girls had to share their rooms with his cronies. I wasn't about to shell out hotel rooms for 20 people, not for him...he stinks. He had number one hits in Cambodia for goodness sake. He was such a drama queen, even bigger than Nana Mouskouri Now that's a diva, anyway he was getting drunk and carrying on all through his run...I was making enough Pad Thai to feed the nation and Berna. Oh, yes let me not forget the image of Berna licking salt off of David's nipples and downing the tequila. I'm sure she put that salt somewhere else but I won't go there.

I ended up cutting his run short because honestly he was only get a 30% turnout and the place only seated 25 and 5 at the bar so you do the math. No wonder he was drinking...people who were buying his records couldn't understand what he was saying...

Poor David....The tape is a bit much and I don't like to see people too embarrassed..I'd rather see them bare assed I think...

He was and is a big drunk mess, at least cut it down to a drink a day ....

Kisses, MargOH!

MargoH! get's a bone

Hey Kids,

Or should I say thrown a bone... a little press on broadwayworld.com...

I'm a whore for press...a big old whore for it....a big fat dirty whore for it!!

Oh, geez...did I just say that...get me a drink..LOL

Though they did screw up my links... but that's okay...
LOL

Kisses, MargOH!

Berna's back .....

Hey Kids,

Well it's been about 3 weeks and already Berna's gotten out of hand. I can't wait til the new shows start because she'll have less time on her hands. She'll have to be figuring out how to fit me into my costumes. I've gained a bit of weight over the winter, like 2 stone....I had one costume made in the fall, yikes I look like a sausage with 10 links in one....if you can imagine that?

Anyway, Thursday I went with Polly Holliday to see Zodiac. It was still playing and I needed a look at my baby Jake..yummy. We met at the Gramercy diner for a nosh and headed for the theatre.

Polly and I had a few drinks while eating and were a bit tipsy and feeling bold. It was free popcorn night for students so I pulled out my NYU school ID hoping to get us both free popcorn.

The girl laughed at me and said you're too old to be a student and that's not you.

I objected to her accusations and said that was too me, I had a bad dye job that week and that I was a continuing education student...

She then replied "You look like you've been continuing for 40 years to long".

Polly yelled out "Kiss her grits you punk and give us the god damn popcorn". She also grabbed her by the shirt and spat her gum at her.... I leaned over the counter and stuffed 2 bags full o corn while Polly grabbed 2 large soda cups.

The poor girl didn't know what hit her. She then said "Ain't you the lady from that show they been playing on ION network, you know "Alice" you Flo ain't you". Polly replied, "well yes". The the girl replied " well i would've given it to you for free if you a celebrity, cause you ain't no students" .

We quickly ran off hoping not to be kicked out. Polly and I laughed and laughed until the movie started..It was so long? It was good but my ass was killing me. The popcorn was great though.

I headed home, I was gone for like 5 hours and had a suspicion Berna may have had time to do something bad but then I figured what could happen on a Thursday night.

I opened the door and all I could hear was "Expose" blasting on the stereo and a bout 10 Mexican boys dancing with no shirts on while Berna ate Pizza on the couch. This really wouldn't have bothered me but she was nude and my couch is off white...Berna gets sweaty if you get my drift...

The phone kept ringing so I answered, it was all the Pizza places asking if I knew where their delivery guys were. The phone was ringing off the hook and there were like 10 large pizza's all over the floor.

Berna had broken into the liquor cabinet and all the boys were drinking my booze and messing up the joint. I of course started telling everyone to get the hell out but Berna starts yelling and telling me I'm a buzz kill and she never has any fun.

I told her that she's had nothing but fun since her gastric bypass and she's been sleeping around a bit much and she needed to calm down. It took me an hour to get them all out. The place was a mess and of course Berna ate too much pizza and started puking it all up.....

Aaaaaaaaaah , I screamed....I just can't win but what am I to do.....

Berna's back and don't I know it!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Elvis and Celine

Hey Kids,

I see the legend, the songbird, the old man loving Celine has created another "My heart will go on" moment together for American Idol.

A duet with Elvis...how clever. I'm sure Natalie Cole was brought on as a consultant for this project...she's the ground breaker who started singing with the dead....

I wonder what Elvis would have thought about singing with the screeching Celine. I bet Lisa Marie thought it would be good, how sweet of her to share her father's image.... I find it funny that American Idol got a conscience after all these years and are wanting our cash....

Oh, then we have Madonna talking like she is a native of jolly old England when she's a broad from Detroit....You know I love my Madonna and her music but all of this self promotion for a good cause is getting really tired.....

Come to think of it I'm tired...time for a drink and a nap. Berna get me a champers and a sedative. I'm trying to see if I can sing with Elvis in my dreams.

Kisses, MargOH!

Rehearsals, Rehearsals....

Hey Kids,

I had my first rehearsal for the upcoming shows in June. It's very exciting and the piano we bought sounds just great.

Our little piano guy Jarad is just wonderful. He brings out the best in MargOH!...he understands my vocal stylings and usually makes good decisions for me....

We had fun and I love the process of working the shit out!

I'm doing some original songs and Jarad is putting it all together well...along with a Medley of Madonna hits that is going to be hot.

I'll keep ya updated kids....

Now off to my costume fitting....

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! into the Woods

Hey Kids,

Recently some of my pals in the UK went on a hiking retreat. I thought what a wonderful idea. To get back to nature and smell the dirt, tree's and air like when we were children. I of course loved to make mud pies, it was fun.

I had been thinking about it all day and when i went to sleep I had a dream about my mother Sully. I had a dream about something I think may have really happened.

You see then we were kids we didn't have a lot of money. My father salty died when I was eight. He was killed by a school of starfish, sucked alive. How Ironic that I would become the star that I am today.

Anyway, Sully made a meager mongers pay and we were forced to have fun cheaply. Sully would make our Barrett's out of trout bones and she even made us Mary Jane's out of salmon skins. My sister Rita and I weren't very popular at school...the salmon Mary Jane's did smell a bit.

Well, one day we came home from school and Sully told my sister Rita and I to get our camping gear ready. We were going to the Appalachian trail. We had one tent that had a hole in it so I grabbed it and we hitched a ride with a fisherman named Briney.

She rode upfront and we were in the cab. I could hear sully laughing and carrying on but then I saw her head go down and up and down and up and down. i couldn't see what she was doing but then I saw Briney hand her a 5 dollar bill.

He dropped us off at a trail and we made our way into the woods. it was getting cold even though it was July and I was getting tired. Then Sully sat my sister and I down and she told us that she heard the the hikers on the trail were doctors and lawyers and educated men. She said they carried lots of cash and we was gonna get it from them. She then took out a bottle of catchup and smeared it all over my leg and then scratched me with a big branch, ouch I yelled. Now rub that in and act like you hurt your leg.

We waited in that spot for what seemed hours but then finally a hiker approached. Now start crying Sully said and she hit me with the stick again.

Of course the hiker asked us what the problem was and Sully told him we were camping and a bear ripped our tent and attacked me. he was very concerned and looked at the cut and said it was fine. He decided to set up camp so we could stay with him. He had a big tent and playing cards, even go fish... his name was Jack he said. He was a nice man, very handsome. Sully was as charming as could be. She offered to cook the franks and beans he had. She washed his clothes down by the stream and they even sang shanty songs. It was a fun night but then I forgot why we were there.

We fell asleep but were awaken by Sully saying. C'mon lets go. She grabbed us and we ran down the trail. The sun started to peak through the tree's and i could hear a faint voice yelling. God damn woman, she stole all my money, over and over again. We got back to the road and Sully looked crazy. She laughed and danced down the road and pulled out a wad of cash. She said... "We gonna eat good this week and I'm gonna get me a new dress from the sears catalog". I asked her if I could get a new pair of Mary Jane's and she snapped at me and said "You're acting ability stinks, if you do better next time I'll get ya the damn shoes".

Then Briney sped up next to us and we hopped in the truck. She handed him some of the money. This became a weekend affair for quite a while and I never got my damn shoes even though my acting skills improved...

Years later after we had stopped our weekend jaunts,Sully got the clap and went blind in one eye so she had horrible night vision, I read an article about the mysterious women of the Appalachian trail called "The Sea witches". It told the tails of all the men Sully rolled for cash, many of the men thought we were sirens from the sea that gave love then stole hearts and money.... I swear that Sully was a tramp... and a really bad mother...

Then I thought about it. This was the only bonding time I ever had with Sully. Precious moments I guess...

Thanks to my UK pals for the lovely pic and mmaking me remember a family moment...

Kisses, MargOH!

Spring Fever

Hey Kids,

Oh! Baby...it's warm outside.....I'm free at last. I got Spring fever and a thirst for a Mojito.....

I'm off for a drinkie winkie...and maybe even a man.... or many, many, many, many men...It's NYC afterall!!

Kisses, MargOH!

There's nothing like a Dame

Hey kids,

I was sad to hear of the passing of Kitty Carlisle Hart at the age of 96. She looked 76 and was still performing up til December.

What a dame she was...in high heels and tailored suits every day of the week. It's not easy to do that kids....She was a lifelong patron of the arts and did many great things behind the scenes... I linked the article about her so you can read it...

I had the pleasure of meeting her a couple of times and enjoyed a Manhattan she ordered for me. We had a lovely conversation about wine and cheese...She said she loved a good wine and I said me too as long as it's cheap. We had a chuckle...

She was a real trooper and glamorous at 96. Just amazing!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

The Mystery of Stoli Jones (Part 2)

Hey Kids,

After a few more booze filled meetings with Nicky Knockers, Berna and even Stoli we've cracked this case wide open!

It is our conclusion that we are all victims of an evil one legged man named Stumpy Jones. Personally I think his disability drove him to do horrible things. I wish he could have understood that the things he could do with that prosthetic leg were enough to seduce any woman into submission but that just wasn't enough for him.

SO…taking up where we left off…after he plunged me with Ruth's egg and skewered me with his manhood I became pregnant. Yes, this is true, his plan became a reality. Berna did witness the vile act and tried to stop him but he slapped her around and threatened her! He told her he would tell everyone that she was really a man...another tale that has unraveled from this sordid story (I never knew!!! I mean I’m not surprised…she’s so…well anyway…someday we’ll dig deeper into this but I just don’t have the energy to contemplate this little revelation).

Berna realized she couldn't tell me what happened or risk being exposed herself so she tried everything to get me to lose the baby. She even got me drunk on Lithuanian cabbage wine and Hoovered my lady parts out but that damn egg wouldn't budge. She then tried to feed me more booze and drugs, enough to kill a truck driver, but of course not only can I hold more liquor than a truck driver I can hold more liquor than the oil truck he’s driving. (Well, I DID start drinking when I was 4. My father made moonshine out of fishbones and potatoes and gave it to me in my bottle. It was an acquired taste but I was told I was a very happy baby).

Anyway, Berna kept the truth from me and did her best to hide my pregnancy…especially from me. Do you know that when I was going into labor she told me I was having an appendicitis attack?? I thought I had no appendix but figured I would rather be safe than sorry.

After the birth Stumpy took the baby and fled never to be seen again. Stumpy told Stoli I was her mother but that I had abandoned her for my career...I would never do that. Although I must say I am a bit relieved she isn’t mine because motherhood is a burden to me.

Of course after hearing all of this I welcomed Berna back with open and forgiving arms. It really is good to have her back. She can be a handful but she's the cheapest wardrobe mistress there is. Cuchie was just bleeding me dry....not to mention stealing anything she could get her sticky fingers on.

Poor sad Stoli is a mess over all of this and doesn't know what to do with herself. Ruth won't return anyone's calls. I told Stoli that although I was only the port of call for her birth that I would help her in any way I could…as long as it doesn’t inconvenience me or cost me any time or money or real effort.

Oh! The other twist to the story is that Stoli told us that Stumpy had amassed a fortune from spokesmodeling for prosthetic leg companies in Third World Countries (he was a bastard in every way!!). She said that he never believed in banks and that the money was buried in their yard in Minnesota. She has yet to find it. We asked Nicky Knockers to stay on and manage the excavation project in Minnesota. Stoli just used a shovel and hoe but Berna, Nicky and I agreed that bulldozer's and well diggers were the way to go. Stoli thinks there are 500,000 smackers in that yard and we agreed to split it evenly for our pain and suffering.

I am glad I can put this drama to rest and move on. It was hard for me believe that I was a mother…thank goodness I'm not! Also it's nice to have Berna back though I already caught her trying on my costumes for the June show...and put a hole in my dance tights....aargh...it's coming out of her Stumpy money...

Kisses, MargOH!

Fat Girl

Fat Girl


I’m a fat girl and that’s a fact
Yes, I’m Eating your cheese fondue, you’ve caught me in the act
Britney, Lindsey, Paris and Ashley O all so thin
If you cut me in half I could be their twin

Oh, yes I’m a fat girl and that’s a fact
You can call me big boned if that’s your tact
There is nothing this body can’t begin to do
Oh, yes I’m a fat girl through and through

Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact, get me that cheese fondue
Oh, sometimes I wish I were thin
I’m sure Paris, Lindsey and Ashley O think it’s the case
Oh, how her life would begin without that sagging chin
Too bad, she’s got such a pretty face

Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact, get me that cheese fondue

Sometimes I wonder why people say what they say
It’s so true that I do have a pretty face
It’s a dog eat dog world but us fat girls gotta make our way
This is who I am and how I’d like to stay

I’ve got to be who I am today
My name is MargoH! Channing and I weigh 10 Dakota fanning’s
Oh, yes I’m a fat girl and that’s a fact
Guess what? I’m happy as hell and get the men in the sack

There is nothing else left to say
It’s my life so give me that Strawberry parfait
It’s so true that I do have a pretty face
It’s a dog eat dog world but us fat girls gotta make our way

Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact, get me that cheese fondue

God Damn you , get me that Cheese Fondue……

Kisses, MargOH!

Not my day

Hey Kids,

The weather in New York is tragic. How is a girl supposed to go out and have fun with all this rain. My hair gets so frizzy I couldn't bare to leave the house,

Talking about Bare...I didn't get a call back for the audition I had. I'm pretty sure this lesbian Dominique the dominatrix got the part. She was a sturdy gal all done up in a leather teddy...very snappy...I went with the sissy cowgirl look but I don't think they cared for it.

Though my reading from Blue velvet was just great...I really like when I can dig deep and turn the shit out....my mascara even ran, talk about realism.... I had berna slap me in the face six times before I went in. One of the producer's thought I was a bit old for the part I think. He made some comment about weather or not my ass would sag in a sling. Theatre people can be so cruel...My ass is taught and gorgeous I said but he ignored me....

Well on to the next thing. Shecky got me a part in a new movie with Gael Garcia Bernal(I knew he'd remember me from our little dance)...I'm not sure of the title yet but I know it's gonna be 3 weeks in Mexico...very hot. It's a bit part but I'm up for it. The "Dallas" movie is still delayed but hopefully should start up so most likely going from Mexico to Texas. I hope I don't get stopped by the border patrol, those bastards.....

I'll let you know kids...

Kisses, MargOH!

Blame it on the Rain

Hey Kids,

I have an audition today for a new play called "Blame it on the Rain"...Shecky says it has nothing to do with Rain though...and does require a bit of Nudity. I'm a modern girl so I say why not...

I did some digging and found out the director is into Bondage and water sports...Oh no! Not that I mind those things...I've thrown on some leather before and I'm pretty snappy with the whip.

The one thing that bothers me is the water sports, though the role I'm auditioning for is "Madame Dildo" which means I'm the dominate one... I'm not sure if I could Pee on cue.....

I'm going to do a monologue from "Blue Velvet" and turn the shit out...or should I say Pee out....LOL


The things I do for my career. I wonder what Meryl Streep would do?

I'll let you know what happens kids...

Kisses, M

Crusty Old White Bastard "Don Imus"

Hey Kids,

I've never really thought about Don Imus. Is he relevant?

Just another Crazy old White bastard. A pig from what I've seen as well.

Al Sharpton of course is all over the TV. I love his hair. It looks like he had a wash and set with a bit of Aqua net. Very old school.

Take Don Imus off the air I say. He can be a nice guy in his backyard....

Kisses, MargOH!

PS I shaved my head for Britany. I think I'll wear a huge afro in my upcoming show to support those Rutgers gals....

The Mystery of Stoli Jones

Hey Kids,

It's been an absolute madhouse here at the Salon de Channing...MMM that sounds like a good name for a party....

Anyway, Nicky Knockers has solved the case of Stumpy Jones and his daughter Stoli. Please note I said his daughter.

The story is an absolute tragedy! Chris Hanson would love to profile this on Dateline. Then again maybe it is better suited for Ripley's believe it or not

It all started when I landed the role in "The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again". I met another actor named Stumpy Jones (so called because he had one leg). Stumpy was absolutely fascinated by me and we had a good time drinking on and off the set. He knew I was married at the time but insisted on trying to lay me. I was a bit of a slut so I did. So did Berna and so did Ruth Buzzi! I think we may have done a 4 way but my memory is a bit Fuzzy.

The shoot ended and after that Rodney my ex and I split up and I went to Bangkok.

A few months later Stumpy showed up looking for work so I let him clean up after the girls after their tricks and such.

I was done with men at this time and was always telling Stumpy to back off. I'm fairly certain that he was still banging Berna. After about a month Stumpy told me that Ruth wanted to come perform at the cabaret. Of course, I was thrilled and said yes.

Nicky told me that Stumpy and Ruth had a torrid affair after the shoot of the movie and actually were engaged for a bit. She said she found notes of Stumpy's in Minnesota saying that Ruth wanted a baby but had a "woman's issue" that kept her from carrying full term. Nicky tried to contact Ruth but she would not talk to her.

Anyway, Ruth arrived and she did a month long run. She sold out almost every night. It was a long time ago but the one thing I remember was that Ruth was constantly feeding me drinks and telling me I should drink more port. At least that's what I thought she was saying.

In fact Nicky corrected me and told me that she also found in Stumpy's letters that he wanted to use me as a vessel for he and Ruth's baby. So what she was really saying to me was "drink up, you need to be my port"

In my previous posts about this situation I thought I had been raped or forced to have sex with Stumpy and somehow Berna was involved. Nicky discovered that Stumpy had a doctor extract one of Ruth's eggs and freeze it. He brought it with him....

I think you can figure out what happened next but I'll tell you anyway. While drunk on port Stumpy snuck into my boudoir, plunged me with a turkey baster and implanted me with on of Ruth Buzzi's egg. Then he banged me!

Stumpy says in his letters that Ruth got cold feet and demanded he not do this. She had changed her mind but Stumpy went along and did it anyway. Nicky assumes Berna walked in on Stumpy filling me with his nasty seed. Stumpy goes on to say that he never told Ruth he went ahead with the plan because she dumped him right after her run at the cabaret.

Kids, it's true MargOH! was pregnant and did give birth to Stoli Jones but she is the mad creation of Stumpy Jones. Now that I think about it she does bare a resemblance to Ruth in this picture....

I must talk to Berna to see what she knows.

I'll fill you in as the pieces fall into place....

Kisses, MargOH!

April Fools

Hey Kids,

It's been a hectic weekend...Nicky Knockers went through all of the evidence she gathered. It was a lot to sift through but we've cracked the case of Stoli and Stumpy Jones...

I am in the process of writing one of my longest posts so I must apologize for my lack of speak.....

I also am still in a bit od shock over Nicky's invoice. I better get to work cause hiring a private eye ain't cheap....I don't think champagne with every meal including breakfast is fair....

I think I'm an April fool.

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! Performs

Hey Kids,

No, not oral sex....A bit from my show....

I'll be posting the news from Nicky Knockers. She's back and has cracked the case of
Stoli and Stumpy Jones. It was a big surprise....

Enjoy the clip..

Kisses, MargOH!

Vintage footage of MargOH! as Fembot # 6

Hey Kids,

I was surfing You tube this morning and found this vintage footage of my work
in The Bionic Woman/ Six Million Dollar man. This was the Vegas episode.

I was gorgeous wasn't I....Well the face they put on me. They made a mold of my face so it looks almost like me. All those wires cut up my actual face though...

I also did that stunt jumping from the catwalk...I did all my own stunts in those days. It was a lot of fun. I loved kicking Lindsey's ass...

Enjoy!!

Kisses, MargOH!

PS.

Now you can see why I am the most decorated extra in the history of Motion Pictures and television. My ability to create emotion without saying a word is fantastic.

Cuchie's On her way out

Hey kids,

I was just getting over my Wiggles audition....I thought I was going to have to be put in traction. My back hurt so bad, I guess I did one to many high kicks. I spent the day at my chiro Dr. Wing Wong...he did nothing. I decided to take a couples days rest at "The Mandarin Oriental" in Lincoln square for some R&R. I thought it funny that my masseur's were named Robbie and Raul....mmmmm I am very relaxed.

I was relaxed til I got home after my late dinner with Shecky (Working on some new extra roles..)I couldn't believe it...the place was filled with South Americans...not that i don't love my Latin heat but really it was wall to wall chaos. Cuchie said she was having a Miss USA Party and doing dance numbers during commercial breaks... The place was a mess and so was that pageant, really they should just can that...

Listen, I love a party but when I realize that Cuchie has taken out every costume I own and is sweating all over them I take offence. She even did this Island voodoo number in the costume I wore for "The island of Dr Moreau"...It's ruined now, not to mention stretched out....horrible.

When Nicky Knockers gets back and tells me of Stoli's identity and if Berna is Innocent I'm taking her back. She is a handful but luckily can't fit into my clothes like Cuchie can.

She's outta here!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH!'s got "The Wiggles"

Hey Kids,

My agent Shecky Burns called me last week after over 2 months of silence. He was a bit upset with me about cutting "The Jitterbug" tour short...his fee was a bit less than he planned. I can understand his frustration but really he represents Kirsty Alley as well and she's like a cash cow at the moment. Oh! I forgot he only gets her TV or movie work...so I guess she's not pulling anything in for him either...I wonder who's getting the Jenny Craig money???

Anyway, he calls and says that he got me an audition to be part of the dance ensemble for "The Wiggles" American tour. He seemed excited about it and I jotted down the date and time of the audition. he told me to prepare a tap and jazz #. I asked him the date again and it was for March 19th...um yesterday. This gave me only 5 days to prepare plus i was meeting Tippi for drinks.

I said fine and started to prepare a number. I put on my jazz shoes and my vintage Danskin...had a bit of dust on it...Dustbuster time.

I put on some music..."Boogie woogie Bugle boy" of course. Then I thought as I poured myself a glass of champagne...Who in the hell are "The Wiggles". I asked Cuchie and she said she thought they were a girl group like "The Pussycat Dolls"....
Tap and Jazz for a girl group... not sure about that. I then called Linda and she told me they were a group from Australia...she said it was a male group like Il Divo. Well that sounded more sensible so I put together my little number..I was hot, step ball change to whirly birds...just grand.

Well yesterday I get up to Ripley Grier and the line was long. I noticed there were a lot of kids running around dragging their mothers screaming "I want to be a Wiggle". One brat ran by me and rubbed her Hershey bar right across my Danskin making me look like I had a skid mark. So I tripped her and she fell to the floor. Her mother said "Well I never, how dare you". I said I doubt anyone will ever dare to"...very old school but fuck her Mama needs some cash.

About an hour goes by and some wreck screams out..."We'll see the over 50's now". Talk about a kennel club...I was the only one that looked younger than 50, yikes. I was sure I was a shoe in.

We get in the room and I see these 4 guys and 2 gals at a table. The guys were in all different color sweatshirts and they jumped up and said.."Okay kids were gonna show you "The Wiggle Dance". I quickly realized these 4 were the biggest queens I'd ever seen , I mean like as gay as Paul Lynde. Then I realized this bunch a queens were doing this for a kiddie show. MargOH! in a Kiddy show....I'm not sure but I figured what the hell.

We were instructed to follow them so my number was not needed. I dipped into my bag a took a swig of my nip of Southern Comfort(still nursing that cold). I got in position and busted a move. I was fabulous, high kicks, a couple of spins and a very gay electric slide...It was perfection.

Then all of a sudden one of "The Wiggles" yells out. "You there, this isn't a solo piece"...It's a "Wiggles" piece old gal.

I said.."Who you calling an old gal you silly queen". He then snapped at me "I'm married" and he throws his hand in my face then they all chimed in "We're all Married".

I said listen, it's okay boys I wont tell and I love gays...They make the world go round...

Then one of the broads in the back says. "You know I think we decided to get rid of the oldsters act" . They then dismissed us all and one of the over 50's kicked me in the ankle and told me I ruined it by bringing up the gay card. They're very touchy about it...

Another job lost. I didn't mean anything but honestly MargoH! in a kids show could have been fun.

Then I thought how come all these parents are flocking around these obviously queeny guys to make money .Then there it was a woman with a pin on her bag saying "Marriage= Man + Woman".

How pathetic....


Kisses, MargOH!

MargoH!'s New Show dates

Hey kids,

Cuchie just booked my new show dates....She did a quick promo...She's so much more savvy than Berna on the computer...Not the final one but a good first try.

I of course planned them in the very gay month of June for all of my gays to celebrate pride....another reason to drink...

I am meeting with my new fashion guru for the costumes...they'll be hot!

Kisses, MargOH!