Saturday, July 14, 2007

MargOH! stripped of Junior Miss Lobster Claw Crown

Hey Kids,

Thanks a lot Miss New Jersey Amy Polumbo!

Last night I got a call from the director of the Annual Lobster Festival to let me know that I was stripped of my Junior Miss Lobster Claw Crown, bastard! It was my only title!

You see when I was 10 I won this Junior Beauty pageant that was part of the Lobster Festival. Unfortunately it was the last year they held the pageant because most of the children from Maine were hideous, anyway I never had to give up my crown.

Every year I would get an invite to come to the opening day parade. I went a few times in my 20's and once when I was like 36 but the sash got way to small and the crown lost all of it's rhinestones.

I stopped getting the letters and had forgotten about it until two years ago when I received an adult sized sash and new crown. The Mayor of Bangor asked if I would go and promote the new Junior Miss Lobster Claw Pageant they were trying to revive. He said that they had an influx of New Yorker's moving there and the kids were getting cuter. I asked for a small fee of $10,000 and went back for a photo shoot and small parade they put together.

It was fun and they did manage to pull off the pageant and a girl by the name of Sadie Rose Jones won. She was a pesky 12 year old from Portland. I didn't care for her at all and told the judges they'd regret crowning her. I reluctantly handed over the responsibility. I couldn't believe that her platform was new ways of "Lobster Torture" she called it. She said that pulling off the eyes before putting them in the boiling water would be easier for them because they wouldn't see they were being killed. It just didn't make sense but the judges ate it up.

Anyway, I go on with my life as a past beauty queen until I get a call 6 months later saying that Sadie Rose Jones had a change of heart and joined PETA. They couldn't have that...So again I was Junior Miss Lobster Claw.

I didn't mention to them that I was also a member of PETA and that I had stopped eating lobster years ago. I know, I know but they paid me ten grand.

I had planned on going up again this month to hand off the crown again.

Then I get the call telling me that I'd been stripped of the crown because of the cooter picture I had on my blog. "How very dare they" I said. It was a moment in my show and just happened by accident. He said they could not take a chance after all the controversy over Miss New Jersey's photo scandal and the embarrassment of Sadie Rose Jones PETA Pickle.

I can't believe it and I am a bit sad seeing is that I was the longest running title holder in the history of festival pageants.

I must call PETA and have them picket that festival for little old MargOH! or I should start a "Save MargOH!'s Crown" campaign.

Damn, Damn, Damn!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

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