Tuesday, March 20, 2007
My agent Shecky Burns called me last week after over 2 months of silence. He was a bit upset with me about cutting "The Jitterbug" tour short...his fee was a bit less than he planned. I can understand his frustration but really he represents Kirsty Alley as well and she's like a cash cow at the moment. Oh! I forgot he only gets her TV or movie work...so I guess she's not pulling anything in for him either...I wonder who's getting the Jenny Craig money???
Anyway, he calls and says that he got me an audition to be part of the dance ensemble for "The Wiggles" American tour. He seemed excited about it and I jotted down the date and time of the audition. he told me to prepare a tap and jazz #. I asked him the date again and it was for March 19th...um yesterday. This gave me only 5 days to prepare plus i was meeting Tippi for drinks.
I said fine and started to prepare a number. I put on my jazz shoes and my vintage Danskin...had a bit of dust on it...Dustbuster time.
I put on some music..."Boogie woogie Bugle boy" of course. Then I thought as I poured myself a glass of champagne...Who in the hell are "The Wiggles". I asked Cuchie and she said she thought they were a girl group like "The Pussycat Dolls"....
Tap and Jazz for a girl group... not sure about that. I then called Linda and she told me they were a group from Australia...she said it was a male group like Il Divo. Well that sounded more sensible so I put together my little number..I was hot, step ball change to whirly birds...just grand.
Well yesterday I get up to Ripley Grier and the line was long. I noticed there were a lot of kids running around dragging their mothers screaming "I want to be a Wiggle". One brat ran by me and rubbed her Hershey bar right across my Danskin making me look like I had a skid mark. So I tripped her and she fell to the floor. Her mother said "Well I never, how dare you". I said I doubt anyone will ever dare to"...very old school but fuck her Mama needs some cash.
About an hour goes by and some wreck screams out..."We'll see the over 50's now". Talk about a kennel club...I was the only one that looked younger than 50, yikes. I was sure I was a shoe in.
We get in the room and I see these 4 guys and 2 gals at a table. The guys were in all different color sweatshirts and they jumped up and said.."Okay kids were gonna show you "The Wiggle Dance". I quickly realized these 4 were the biggest queens I'd ever seen , I mean like as gay as Paul Lynde. Then I realized this bunch a queens were doing this for a kiddie show. MargOH! in a Kiddy show....I'm not sure but I figured what the hell.
We were instructed to follow them so my number was not needed. I dipped into my bag a took a swig of my nip of Southern Comfort(still nursing that cold). I got in position and busted a move. I was fabulous, high kicks, a couple of spins and a very gay electric slide...It was perfection.
Then all of a sudden one of "The Wiggles" yells out. "You there, this isn't a solo piece"...It's a "Wiggles" piece old gal.
I said.."Who you calling an old gal you silly queen". He then snapped at me "I'm married" and he throws his hand in my face then they all chimed in "We're all Married".
I said listen, it's okay boys I wont tell and I love gays...They make the world go round...
Then one of the broads in the back says. "You know I think we decided to get rid of the oldsters act" . They then dismissed us all and one of the over 50's kicked me in the ankle and told me I ruined it by bringing up the gay card. They're very touchy about it...
Another job lost. I didn't mean anything but honestly MargoH! in a kids show could have been fun.
Then I thought how come all these parents are flocking around these obviously queeny guys to make money .Then there it was a woman with a pin on her bag saying "Marriage= Man + Woman".
Posted by MargOH! Channing at 11:05 AM