Poem Series continue's

Hey Kids,

My next poem is for a very special woman...MAN-ee Champagne's wonderful and lovely grandmother, Isabel Ashton. She is a beacon of strength and most of all kindness.

Letters from Isabel
For
Isabel Ashton




Is anything in life guaranteed?
Beauty in nature, a wishing well
Indeed a grandmother’s love
Our guarantee, letters from Isabel

Writing a life’s worth of memories
Pen, Paper, Drawings, longing to tell
Kind, gentle, strong words float on air
Our guarantee, letters from Isabel

Endlessly optimistic, A special life
Goodness unwrapped, no expectation
Indeed a grandmother’s love
Run to the mailbox, it’s there above

Is anything in life guaranteed?
Oh, but how lucky are we
To have shared in life, so sweet
We’re here, we know it to be

Nothing in life is guaranteed
Toss the coin, the wishing well
Oh, but how lucky are we
Our guarantee, letters from Isabel

Eternal written words to share, please no tears
Pen, Paper, Drawings, longing to tell
Run to the mailbox, smile it’s there
Our guarantee, letters from Isabel

Kisses, MargOH!

New Show Promo

Hey Kids,

Here's a new show promo I worked on. I'm sure its not the final one...

Kisses, M

My Tryst with David Patterson

Hey Kids,

There has been something I've been blindly carrying around with me for the past few weeks...well maybe that's not the best word for it. Let's just say I've been burdened by the fact that I to have slept with the new governor David Patterson.

Of course I didn't know at the time that he was a public official , it was a few years ago . I had just gotten off the bus on 6Th ave and 23rd street on my way to meet my agent Shecky. This was the same day he was to give me the bad news that I lost the "smuckers" voice over commercial to that pesky Willard Scott.

Anyway, I got off the bus and was making my way down the street and this guy banged right into me and I dropped my purse, which of course was filled with Nips of vodka..as I started picking them up he grabbed one and guzzled it down so I followed suit...

Then he told me he'd never smelt a more beautiful woman...I was wearing my "white Diamonds" that day. He then gestured to the Chelsea hotel and said, wanna romp sweetie? I thought, Shecky can wait and said sure as long as he was paying. He pulled out a wad of cash and we were off. I must say he was a bit clumsy and had a bit of trouble paying for the room, I think the room was 200 but he gave the guy
500.I felt a bit pressured and thought, hell I better be good....

I was of course and so was he. He was like an animal, sniffing and probing me like a snake blinded by lust...Oh, there I go again. Honestly I didn't know he was blind, though now when I look back I should have seen the signs especially when he told me he accidentally put on his wife's panties cause the room was too dark, I was like, yeah , right.

Knowing what I know now it's all a bit funny. I do feel silly that I didn't realize he was blind but he covered it up so well and I didn't mind the whole pantie thing. He was a charmer and he did say he thought I was 25-26....I even said I thought he needed glasses and he just laughed...yikes....

Well kids, I feel much better getting that off the old chest. You know I'm going to be 60 next month. This is crazy times.....I figure I've only got 40 more years so no time for regrets....but if you listen to Barbara Walters I could possibly squeak out another 90 years.....I don't know...I couldn't imagine living that long...please I'd have to freeze Berna....

Kisses,

MargOH!

I'll be back

Hey Kids,

I know I've been slacking on me old blog. I have way too much stuff going on!! but I promise I will be back with new posts asap.....

Love ya kids!!

Kisses, M

Poem Series continue's

Hey Kids,

Here is my poem for the lovely and Leggy Legs Malone

34 ½
For
Legs Malone




34 ½

Limbs cutting through sky
Dancing cutting through wind
Legs that seem to defy
Glorious perfection, don’t ask why

Floating pictures of perfection
Dancing cutting through wind
Long supple singular sensation
Legs that seem to defy

Beauty is not always easy
Dancing cutting through wind
Legs dancing c’mon tease me
Thirty Four and a Half for us to see

Glorious perfection, don’t ask why
Just gaze stretching to the sky
Amaze me; set the tone
Thirty four and a half, that’s Legs Malone

by MargOH! Channing

Save the Date " All New Show"

Hey Kids,

I'm launching a new show in June "Mamma MargoH!'s All Soul Burlesque Review". It will feature some of the hottest NY Burlesque performers including Legs Malone, La John Joseph , Akynos and newcomer MAN-ee Champagne. All the performances will be backed by a fabulous band "The Dirty Boogaloo".

More information to follow!!

Kisses, M

MargOH!'s Promo Video

I'm cookin

Hey Kids,

I've been so busy writing shows and now beginning the planning stages plus i shot one of my films last month. I haven't been updating you on my life. I'll be back with some updates on poor Aunt Fawn and Sully's operation...yikes... and guess what I just found out I have a long lost relative from London. Yes, its true, her name is Agnes Channing Blatton-Grabowski....I'll fill you in very soon.

Kisses, MargOH!

Poem Series continue's

Hey Kids,

I'm getting even more poetic as the glasses of champagne go by....
Here is another in my Poem Series for my darling dandy Dan from the UK....
he's like Spice and everything nice...



Mini Coopey
For
My Danny


Mini Coopey

Slight, slim gleaming sophistication
Touch, feel the heart and love
Gentle soul, bleeds expectation
Raise your glass, beating heart and love

Floppy haired sense of humor
Touch, feel the heart and love
An ocean apart, Sullied with Glamour
Raise your glass, beating heart and love

Slight, slim gleaming sophistication
Dancing on stage, for all to see
Gentle soul, bleeds expectation
Raise your glass for what will be

Floppy haired sense of humor
Life, a gallery of pictures
Dancing on stage, for all to see
Raise your glass to ecstasy

By MargOH! Channing

Poem Series continue's

hey kids,

Here is a poem for my darling Alice.....she sparkles....

Sparkle
for Alice Skidmore

Sparkle

Fashion sense reigns supreme
Shades, green sparkle in the crowd
Glorious, guiding the way
Blonde bombshell suits the day

Old school charm and grace
Shades, green sparkle in the crowd
Deep red lips, porcelain is skin
A figure eight, no stop to begin

Fashion sense reigns supreme
Glorious, guiding the way
Young Crawford she beams
Picture perfect takes the day

Old school charm and grace
Dressing it up for the stars
Shades, green sparkle in the crowd
Dressing the world, a better place

By MargOH! Channing

MargOH!'s Theme

Hey Kids,

A clip from my last show singing "Fishmongers Daughter".

Kisses, MargOH!

Poem Series Continued

Hey Kids,

Here is another poem for my kids


MAN-ee Champagne

It’s so fun, a gay fiancé
Fresh, bubbly, dash of style
Blurred pictures, a life so gay
A whirlwind to share for all while

It’s so fun, a gay fiancé
My MAN-ee, to love him so
Sensitive, caring, doesn’t he know
Blurred pictures, loving us every day

It’s so fun, a gay fiancé
Opening my eyes to see the world
Champagne bubbles, drink the day
Scattered, scampering like a squirrel

It’s so fun, a gay fiancé
Champagne bubbles, lights dancing
Always knowing me in every way
Blurred pictures, loving him every day


By MargOH! Channing

Poem Series continue's

Hey kids,

Here's another poem. More to come. Sam is also known in some circles as Princess McCool......


Homespun
For
Sam Rowan


Homespun

Some may think it’s crazy
Patchwork, thread and love
Intricate, not for the lazy
Amazing, all talent above

An aptitude that’s homespun
Heart is where the home is
Sewing, healing until it’s done
A quilting class for everyone

Like Biking in the cold
Some may think it’s crazy
Like a school girl, bold
Intricate, not for the lazy

Wrap me in your quilt
Sewing, healing until it’s done
Sam’s where the heart is
Quilts, love, cookies for everyone

By MargOH! Channing

Poem Series

Hey Kids,

I've been inspired by people in my life so a series of poems is a must.

Here is the first

Phoebe

A light at the end of the tunnel
Most do not get to see
Some only get the vision of funnel
I’m lucky to get to see

Quirky, fun and inquisitive
Most do not get to see
Gentle, sweet, wanting to give
I’m lucky to get to see

Is there anything more fun?
Searching through a charity shop
Some only get the vision of funnel
I’m lucky to get to see

Is there a needle in the haystack?
I’m lucky to get to see
A light at the end of the tunnel
That is our girl Phoebe


by MargOH! Channing

MargOH!'s Cocktail Caucus

Hey Kids,

I've been so busy....drinking that I haven't put a post up in a bit, sorry dolls. We had our UK pals over for a cocktail, it was all very last minute for we just flung it together after meeting up the night before at Sean's gallery opening. Things move fast in my world kids...though the bottles seem to fly a little faster at times. I'm still a little hung today ...yawza.

Here are some pics from the little party and I do not think Hillary or Barack would approve the message....

We did have fun though!!

Kisses, M

MargOH! Invests

Hey Kids,

Well you know I'm not getting any younger, I will be turning 60 in a few months but thanks to cod liver oil, various other fish oils and champagne I look 40.

I've never been that concerned with age but I have come to realize the extra roles won't come in forever and I will need income. It's obvious I'll be here another 20 years at least so I have been looking into various investments. If you all recall I came into a little "Stumpy Jones" money after my little "almost had a daughter" saga. I tucked that away and was waiting for the right thing and kids I found it.

A Haddock farm in Jackson, New Hampshire. Thats right, MargOH! is the proud owner of "Haddie's Haddock Farm and Fishery". It was actually Stoli who contacted me about a few schemes she thought of but this one seemed to be the best. I mean it really keeps the "fish" in the family so to speak. It is also a solid investment sure to keep me in champagne and fish oil for my lifetime. I mean with the way the environment is headed they'll be no fish in the ocean so they'll have to get their haddock from my pools...

More importantly it will eventually keep Berna busy because I'll be sending her up there to check on things from time to time. It really isn't anything that I have to be invloved in. I have two men named Fergie and Fred Fishstein running the joint, they're a lovely couple who recently made a civil union in New Hampshire. I really didn't know that gays were interested or knew anything about fish but these two were both married to women in the past so it all made sense to me after meeting them. I feel my fish are in good hands with these two boys.

We had a fabulous time hanging out in New Hampshire and of course we hit the slopes and i also hit a lovely ski instructor named Roscoe, he had a liking for the older gals and jacuzzi's. I really hadn't had any in a while but I was all fish oiled up so things went very smoothly....yummy...MAN-ee kept himself busy with the other ski instructor Ashton, he was a Utah boy gone wild and poor MAN-ee was so exhausted upon our return home from all of his snowplowing or should I say Ashton's plowing...Oh it's so fun having a gay fiance...it really is...

I'll keep you posted on my fish farm....My daddy salty would be so proud!!

Kisses, M

PS. My Aunt Fawn came with me to compete in the over 70's Figure skating sectionals. This is a story in itself so I'll post about that in the next one...yikes..Let me just put it this way we spent 6 hours in the emergency room having them remove a tree branch from her ass.....

Go Vote and Judge MargOH!

Hey Kids,

MargoH! is in the hunt to be judged and voted for on Ourstage.com . My song "Fat Girl" which I loaded up yesterday has jumped from #276 to #96 in just one day, the the best thing is I haven't even asked anyone to go vote for me until now. If I win on this channel I can perform at an awards show here in NYC.

Please click on the above link and help an old gal out and rate my song "Fat Girl" against some of the best indie music out there.

How it works is you register for free, then go to channel plugawards 2008 and listen to 2 songs for 15 seconds and rate which one you like best. When my song pops up vs. another song rate it. Now you know I love this song and I know you will too!

Thanks kids!!!

MargOH!

GO Hillary GO!

Hey Kids,

Well it's true. I've decided to vote for Hillary Clinton. I of course was a Kucinich gal from the very beginning but we all know that this Democracy only allows the very, very, very, very, very , very rich to run for President. This left me with either Barack or Hillary. Now, I of course would never vote for Hillary if this was a fashion election..I mean really her suits are just so stiff and unappealing. I would vote for Barack if it were a fashion contest for sure.

I made my decision on the final debate. Hillary is a smart woman and he an intelligent man but what swayed me was not what they said but to me it was all in the body language. The final thing was when the debate was over and everyone was wrapping up and Hillary got up and took off her own microphone pack but Barack didn't attempt to remove his, instead he had a stagehand come out and remove it for him.

In my eyes there was a sence of arrogance on his part in the way he handled that situation but Hillary was just no- nonsence and took the thing off. This shows me that Hillary is a doer and Barack is more a sit back and have everyone else do it kind of guy.

I know, I know but it's hard to choose when you know politician's are never 100% truthful and will say anything to get a vote. It is these small things that make me lean towards one or the other.

I just think we need a Hillary right now because she's a tough broad that won't take crap from conservatives.

Go Hillary Go!

MargOH!'s Lovers

Hey Kids,

Many people have asked me about my trysts. I've never been one to kiss and tell but what the hell and these are just a few and yes i tend to like short men.... Now one of these people I only spooned with, no sex. Can you guess which one?

Kisses, MargOH!

New Blog in the works

Hey Kids,

I'm constructing a new blog that I hope will become interactive and fun for all. It is a Pop Culture blog and I will be searching and spanning the globe to find all thing's celebrity to talk about. There will be fun things like "I could have done that" and the "Sleaze-O-Meter". I've also got a co-host that really doesn't say much but his name is "Duckworth" and people who choose to get involved and chat with MargoH! will become ducklings....

It's all new and in the works so stay tuned. I've put the link in my "Martini Club" section.

Check it out Kids!!

Kisses, MargOH!

It's Raining Men-Tal

Hey kids,

Whenever it seems like things are going well, lots of work lined up, writing new shows, traveling to foreign lands...I always have something screwing all the fun up and yes it is usually Berna but this time it is my Aunt Fawn. She's driving me crazy. It was bad enough my mother was here for 4 days. She drank everything in the house including all of my Ny-quil...thankfully she eats very light though the smell of canned salmon was making me gag, that's all she eats , canned salmon on crackers and sometimes with Velveeta piled on...

Anyway, Aunt Fawn has come up with the idea of making a comeback in competitive skating, she's 73 but claims she can still do her famed double toe wally. She told me that she was going to contact Carlo Fassi for coaching but I reminded her that she'll have a hard time getting in touch because he died in 1997. In a beat she said "screw him, I'll get John Nicks then". She called him but he hasn't replied yet...mmmmm.

She swears that if she trains she'll be able to do triples in no time and compete at nationals next year. In the meantime she dragged out my sewing machine, blew the dust off, asked me for 20 bucks for materials for a new skating outfit. Now there is cut up spandex and feather's everywhere and she has broken 2 lamps doing the choreography for her routine to "Fire Bird".

I gotta get her outta of my place...She also asked me for 75 bucks to get started on Jenny Craig so she can get down to training weight.....I told her to get a damn job then handed her some lemons, maple syrup and Cayenne pepper and said do the lemonade diet...it's faster..

Kids, I'm scared

Kisses, MargOH!

Off to Spain

Hey Kids,

Well not right away but I got my dates for filming one of my upcoming roles. It will be shot in Bilbao, Spain but I think I'll get a place in Barcelona and hang out for a while and hit Valencia and some other Spanish hot spots.

MAN-ee, myself and Berna will be leaving in late August and will be in Spain for a month. My role is that of an elderly factory worker that helps the lead find a clue to the mystery of the story..

I actually have dialogue and it's in Spanish....I don't speak a word of Spanish but on my Resume it says I'm fluent. Not to worry I'm having my old pal Maria Conchita Alonso come over and help me learn my lines....I'm making my special sangria just for the occasion. I also plan on making lots of it on the set as well.. to make sure everyone is drunk enough that my Spanish sounds fabulous.

I'll keep you updated and more details on the film as I get them. I will be filming another movie shot here in New York. It's with Colin Farrell, MAN-ee is begging me to bring him to the set so he can meet him, yeah, right meet him, he wants to service his ugly needs..I'm sure. I wouldn't mind getting a gander at the massive manmeat he has, that could be fun. I'll have to ask if the costumer needs any help sewing like i did on the Sex and the city set...maybe an inseam measurement for little Colin...LOL

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! on The Music Slut

Hey Kids,

One of my readers alerted me to the fact that the video of Nellie and myself doing "Zombie" was listed on a fun little blog called The Music Slut. I love Music and I always admire a slut so how fun is that...

Check it out and cheers to The Music Slut for posting it!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Caught by Paparazzi

Hey Kids,

I am absolutely furious that without my knowledge a photo was snapped of me coming in through the stage door during my last show. It was sent to me by a fan who was shocked that I had no hair.

Just to clarify, I do have hair but unfortunately due to my genetic make-up(my damn mother Sully) my hair is very thin so I prefer to wear a GI Jane for my down time and wear wigs for the daily grind and performing.

I've decided to share the picture knowing it will get out eventually. I am not ashamed of my bald head, I think it's sexy...thank goodness it's in black and white.

Kisses, M

Surprise, Surprise

Hey Kids,

The year has started off very interesting not to keep writing in this damn blog. My agent shecky has landed me 6 features that all shoot in February and march and beyond. I'm very excited because one is with my pal Gael Garcia Bernal and this will be the first time ever being in a foreign film, well besides a few that I won't mention that I produced in Bangkok. Dearest Gael and I kept in touch after our chance meeting at a fundraiser, he's so sweet and he made sure to get me a small part he thought I'd be perfect for, yikes...I'm very nervous.

Anyway, the other big news is that the other night my doorbell chimed and it was my mother Sully and my Aunt(my father's sister) Fawn "Fire blade" Tastic Channing. Of course they both showed up unannounced and I hadn't seen Aunt Fawn in years and I couldn't believe how she let herself go... You see my Aunt fawn was a competitive figure skater and quite well known in her day for her lightning speed and jumping prowess.. Fawn said she had changed her skating name to Fawn Tastic because Dick Button told her she had a fawntastic double toe wally but he denies it. Those days are long over especially after her failed attempt in the 70's to compete with the Ice capades in a review called "The Ice Capettes" where she used little people who had never skated before, kind of like a circus on ice..., it was a disaster.

It took the poor thing years to get over that but then opened an Ice fishing/Figure skating camp in Beaver Brook Wisconsin for wayward and pregnant teen girls. I never really understood the concept until I realized the parents of the pregnant girls were paying extra to make sure they were being made to try and do double toe Wally's and left unpregnant....The business recently went Belly up because the ice is too thin to fish on due to Global warming and with all the evangelical Christians taking over, the damn teens are opting to have the babies. She's flat broke!

I noticed she had a ton of bags with her and Sully told me there was no room for her at "The Fishmonger's retirement home" at least for 6 months s Sully said "She's staying with you". Well as Nan on The Catherine Tate show says "What a fucking liberty". It's times like these that make me wonder why I was cursed with such a crazy family then I realize everyone has a crazy family. Amongst many of Fawn's things she had some lovely photo's of herself when she was in shape...I'll have MAN-ee snap some pictures of her soon so you can see what she looks like now...it's tragic.

I'll have to continue this post in a second part because Fawn is a handful and just started using my darling Kim Fungs water bowl as an ashtray...good lord. I better have MAN-ee order us a case of champers cause it's gonna be rough, Sully already drank my bottle of Stoli and all of my olives..

Kisses, MargOH!

Hannah Montana confronts MargOH!

Hey Kids,

You know I posted my "Most Annoying Teen and Young Adults" list of 2007 and Miley Cyrus went apeshit when she stumbled across it on the net. Well come to find out it was Vicki Lawrence who saw it and told her about it. Vicki is playing a role on the show right now.

You see Vicki and I had a bit of a run in when I was playing an extra role on "The Carol Burnett show" back in the day. She walked in on me giving an oral exercise to Lyle Wagner , I know, I know but I was trying to get a-head.... Well Vicki was also banging him at the time but I didn't know so she went and told Carol who immediatly ended my contract.

Anyway Miley was very upset at what I wrote and called my agent Shecky to get my personal line. He called me and I told him to tell her to bring it on bitch and give her my number. A couple days went by and nothing but then on the 3rd day Miley called and gave me the what for but not in a mean way, she was more like I can't deal with people who do not like me and asked how she could change my mind. I of course was ready for a battle but instead I saw an opening to create change just like all the presidential candidates. I had to think quick and of course asked if I could replace Vicki as MeMaw on the show, my second demand was that she take more voice lessons and three was to have her father never sing "Achy, breaky heart" again. She seemed stunned on the phone and was tripping over her words and started to cry. I couldn't believe it, but then i remembered she's just a teen though she has the career of an adult. I quickly yelled, stop that crying Miley and deal with it. You gotta get a thick skin in this business and not everyone is going to like you and if you can't handle it start drinking Champagne! She hung up on me!!

i didn't hear back until a week later and it was Miley's manager telling me she couldn't end Vicki's contract but they were going to offer me a recurring role next season, she enrolled in voice lessons and her father said he would only sing the dance/hip hop version of that crap song...

I thought about it for a minute and said yes.....

Listen kids, I know what you're thinking but I'm no dummy... a role on Hannah Montana...even Dolly's doing it...I can't pass that up.

So as part of my agreement I am saying in print as long as Miley lives up to her promises I am no longer annoyed by her.

Go Miley!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

PS- I'll wait to see what the role is to see if she'll go back on the list next year. What people will do to be liked amazes me.

Let Tonya Harding Skate

Hey kids,

obviously I have hopped the fence and am still entering into the blog. It's just that things come up and I want to express my views...

Now some of you know that if I weren't acting, singing and doing my shows I'd be figure skating. It is a passion I have though I am not very good at it...I tried taking lessons from Brian Boitano but I kept grabbing his ass instead and I am dear friends to Dickie Button and Peggy Fleming...anyway there is nothing like doing a spiral or a lay back spin..especially when you've had three dirty martini's. I usually go to Molly's pub for a few and then hit central park for a twirl on the ice..my lay back is not as good but I can still do a fabulous spiral, everyone stops and stares as i glide across the ice, my only problem is I am fine getting going but many times I can't stop so there are usually a few people that I bring down with me when I try and stop but screw them they shouldn't be staring..

Usually around this time I look up my girl Tonya Harding to see what she's up too and I found this article. Poor dear is selling her soul for $5 or $10 a pop. It's a bit sad when that big toothed menace Nancy kerrigan is raking in the bucks for really being a mediocre skater. Tonya in my book was the most fabulous jumper the sport had seen. She was fantastic and probably still is..

If any of you have watched skating lately it is not very interesting...now that Sasha Cohen has moved on, it's a big bore, so I think the USFSA should lift the ban on Tonya and let her skate. If they did I am sure she would attempt a comeback and how exciting that would be..She'd probably smoke a few cigarettes and down a few beers before going on and nail it.

That's why I like her!!!

Join the movement with MargOH!


LET TONYA SKATE!!!!


kisses, MargOH!

Drag Queen Performance vs. "Men Acting in Dresses"

Hey Kids,

I recently was sent a press release by someone I will not name but the tone of this release is very negative to me.

It was sent by someone who wanted to make it very clear that they or their show is not a Drag act or campy even though this performer impersonates a woman and is a man.

I'm f_______ sick of people who feel they need to condemn an artform (Drag Performance) that has been around for hundreds of years and has survived because it is a bona fide and genuine craft that allows people gay and straight to express themselves.

The wiki definition of a Drag queen and Drag King is:

A Drag queen is usually a man who dresses (or "drags") in female clothes and make-up for special occasions and usually because they are performing or entertaining as a hostess, stage artist or at an event.

Drag kings are mostly female-bodied or -identified performance artists who dress in masculine drag and personify male gender stereotypes as part of their performance.

I just do not understand why it is so important for an artist who has gained some success and credibility to separate themselves from ........... What? I ask. What is there to gain by putting this in print? Can someone please tell me?

kids, I started out performing 1. because I started to drag on halloween and I loved the attention and loved testing what I could get away with...I stepped out of myself and it was fun

2. I had a huge love and admiration for the music of Judy garland, so i thought ,I do drag, i can look like her and i can't sing so I got all my gear together and damn it I did Judy and yes I Lip Synched.(another dirty word for men in dresses who perform or sing) My whole life changed for the better through my performing Judy and later Liza and it was no longer for attention but every new stage became another challenge to where I am now.

Like Hedda Lettuce sings Can't sing, can't dance but she's famous...

To where I am now, I am writing my own material, singing my own songs and reflecting every step of the way on how greatful I am to have been able to express myself through drag.

So to all of you "Men Acting in a dress" that feel the need to seperate yourselves and bring other people or an established artform down go F___
yourselves.

To all the Drag Queens I've loved , learned from or admired before and here's a short List(I'm sure I'll miss a few and in no particular order). Thank you

Dame Edna
The Cockette's
Linda Simpson
Candy kane
Lady Bunny
Charles Busch
Harvey Fierstein
Hedda Lettuce
Varla Jean Merman
Barbara Farrell ( Fabulous Drag Queen, Specialized in 80's dance music)
Laquita Peron (Did a hell of a Country girl at the hoedown)
Candy Wills Dubarry (Just plain Chic)
Misty Ross(Does the best damn Jennifer Holiday ever)
Star Marquette ( the bad girl at the ball, goth drag, fabulous)
LaDiva Jones ( High energy, great dancer and thin)
BB Hayes(best boobs in the business, gentle elegance)
Jackie Collins (Great voice, Diana Ross, Whitney)
Kitty Litter(Very funny, great comic timing)
Penny Arcade(A drag queen at heart)
la John Joseph(inspiring artist, love in his heart and it shows)


To all of you "Men Acting in Dresses" I love to tell you that whatever you are doing Lip Syncing, singing, acting, dancing, writing or whatever fame and recognition you attain and as long as you are wearing a dress you are and always will be a "Drag Queen".

I' m MargOH! Channing and Approve this message

On the Fence

Hey Kids,

Happy New year to you all!!!!

Guess what, I've only been annoyed by 1 or 2 things so it is a great start to the new year....Oh, crap I just realized it is only January 2nd, break out the bubbly...it's gonna be a rough 2008....;)

Yes, Kids I'm on the fence about continuing my blog. 2007 was a busy year and 2008 will be even busier. I am planning to take my show abroad for the first time and maybe even a few different cities in the US like Philadelphia, Chicago and San Diego. It is sure to be a fun filled year and I'm just thrilled.

I am afraid my blog will suffer and you know how I like to tell you all of my crazy stories but I'm not sure if I'll have the time to put into it.


It's been wonderful writing this blog and I have met so many wonderful and kind people that stumbled across MargOH!. It's been a thrill to know so many people would support an old gal like me and be entertained by my life.

I'm going to step away for a week or two and think about what to do. I was thinking of shutting this one down and starting a new one dedicated to my memoirs. That way MAN-ee or Berna can post that for me. Berna had an idea of starting a blog dedicated to "Fat Girls"..kind of something revolutionary but again that would take time so I'm not sure!!!

It's like I used to say on my TV show "Maybe I'll be back, and if I am one thing's for certain there will be cocktails.

I'll Keep you posted and I love ya all!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Happy Holidays

Hey Kids,

I'll be back with my next list. There have been some fun things happening in 2007 so I think I'll also do a Top ten of my favorite and fun things in 2007...I don't want to be all doom and gloom...cause you know MargOH! cures her blues with a nice cocktail and believe me..It's grand...

I'll be posting my last most annoying list for the gays...

Kisses, MargOH!

PS Happy Holiday Hangover...

A Christmas Message From MargOH!

Hey Kids,

Have a Happy and Champagne filled Holiday and New Years!!



Kisses,

MargOH!, MAN-ee, Berna and Kim Fung

1st Annual "Most Annoying Teen and or Young Adult" of 2007

Hey kids,

Here is the 2nd list ("The Most Annoying Teens and Young Adults" of 2007) in my trilogy of people that really piss me off for several different reasons... I usually love to mix it up with the kids and I do with my fabulous friends like Nellie McKay, my darling La John Joseph and super sexy Legs Malone and even all of my UK kids Phoebe, Dan, Alice, Oli, Katie and the gang. They are all fabulous young adults that make this old gal keep up with what's hot and whats not. They all are wonderful artists or just damn good people who are trying to better this world with their own point of view. MargOH! Likes that!!!!

Now to my list!!!! There are many young people out there that are not doing good by themselves or for anyone else. These are fame hungry Cretans that just do things to get in the press and make fools of themselves for no good reason. This is why I had to add this list because these fools are rampant and I am highly annoyed.


5. Miley Cyrus AKA Hannah Montana-

All I can say about this tart is that I long for the days of Debbie Gibson who Proved her love, Stacey Latisaw who found love on a two way street and Tiffany who just wanted to be alone...or even Mariah who had a vision of love.

What moron names their child Miley? Oh, yeah Billy Ray Cyrus, the poor dear can't make it on his own so he sells out his little gal to bring home the bacon and I'm sure he's frying it up in the pan. I understand the kids need to adore someone but it seems Disney has created a pint sized monster who is raking in the bucks with some ticket prices going for 2,400 smackers. All of that money to hear someone sing to a track is really insane.

Have we learned nothing from what happens when teens turn into mega stars..Britney, the poor Olsen twins who are all just shells of their former selves.

Listen kids, I'm all for youth and spend many a morning watching Sesame street while I have my morning mimosa but as a culture should we be supporting the children to support teen girls that they learn nothing from....at least with Debbie Gibson I learned how to shake my love....really.. I'll talk to you in ten years when poor Miley is getting out of Rehab and suing her parents for naming her Miley...

I've added a video of what Miley Cyrus is doing to our impressionable youth...enough said



4. Lindsey Lohan-

What can I say about Lindsey...first and foremost one thing every person should do if they are going to be in the public eye is learn how to hold their drugs and liquor. It took me years of practice to master the art of being drunk in public without making an ass of myself but I did all that before I was actually famous so now I know how to conduct myself while drinking at any social occasion...

Now the other thing I have to say to Lindsey is you have a lot of money and you are a celebrity and you live in California....Get a god damn driver you stupid idiot little girl. I go out to LA and San Diego a few times a year and god damn it I hire a car service, it only costs a couple hundred bucks a day and I only make a fraction of what you do you stinking mess...but if old MargOH! gets a little messy I don't have to deal with the celebrity stalking LAPD...

Listen, I think Lindsey has a bit of talent but she is annoying because she's too stupid to learn how to hold her booze and to hire a god damn driver.....so throw her in the slammer and throw away the key.....

3. Jonathan Lipnicki-

Now kids was there anyone as adorable as the big headed Jonathan Lipnicki with his cute smart mouthed raspy voice and chipmunk cheeks who gave Tom cruise a run for his money.

I'm not annoyed with Jonathan for doing anything wrong, it's just that I miss that big headed, eye glass wearing bundle of joy...Oh where can my Jonathan be??? Why isn't he in all the big supporting roles out there and hitting all the tabloids for lewd and drunken behavior. I decided to do a little research and found his website and there was the answer staring me right in the face, he's 17 now and how should I put this, well, he's not as cute as he used to be...He is quite a handsome lad but I can see why he's not getting any work. Though he says he's looking for the right roles...I hope that doesn't mean he's going to start doing gay porn, it happens you know...they look for the right roles and somehow don't find them but the porn fairy will find him...watch out little Jonathan.... I guess I'm forced to put in my dvd of Little Vampire to get that old Jonathan Lipnicki feeling....hmmmmmm, sigh...



2. Jordin Sparks

I'm sorry kids but you were all fooled by the sappy teen persona Jordin carried out on American Idol. I could see through the fog and tell she was a bad girl playing a role to win the hearts of the voting public. She's very christian you know and we all know they are usually the worst...

Now many of you know that Shirley Bassey has her NYC apartment right next to mine and boy let me tell you Shirley was going ballistic about Jordin singing one of her signature songs. The song was "I who have nothing" which is to Shirley one of her great numbers and she was heartsick to know that the American Idol fans thought Jordin's version to be better than hers and worse yet there were people on youtube asking who in the hell Shirley Bassey was. Let me tell you the vases were flying and the crying fits of rage could be heard through the hallways of my building. I was completely annoyed with Jordin because I had a splitting headache from all of Shirley's screaming and carrying on....

It is understandable that Shirley would be upset, she has one of the great voices ever and to be compared with this teen amateur is disgusting...Jordin don't know nothing about having nothing...she's taken a chastity pledge for goodness sake. You can't have heartache unless you've done the nasty in my opinion and poor Shirley's been through the ringer and has felt the pain of rejection I'm sure and she sings it that way.....

Now that Jordin has released her album she somehow shed that fake persona and released that bad girl song "Tattoo"....The album has tanked by American Idol standards and has had very little press.... I bet Shirley called in a few favors to squash it and send Jordin into a fit of her own....poor thing....what comes around goes around so stick that in your christian collection box girrrrrrrrrlll, you shouldn't messed with Shirley's song sista....hmmmmm


1. Amy Winehouse-

Now little thin and lanky boned Amy is pushing it to be in this category because she is almost twenty five and the young adult category should end at twenty one or so but I am so annoyed by this hag that I had to put her somewhere...and really the straight category didn't seem right to me....I'm not sure who'd want her but since she acts like a pre-teen maybe she can audition for next season's "Kid Nation" and they can make her work hard labor the whole time....what a mess....

What really annoys me about this chicklet is that she has a huge amount of talent and she's throwing it all away on a disgusting man and heroine.....really. I would kill to have the voice this scrawny beast has and if I did I'd be turning down the needles for the damn microphone but for some reason she prefers it the other way. I love a drink though and could understand if she was downing vodka a la Janis Joplin or Chaka Kahn right on the damn stage and breaking things to get the crowd going but this little gal can't even get on stage and sing a number...very sad...It's all very Rickie Lee Jones and sad....Amy darling from one drinker to a druggy please don't follow your own advice and get your ass to "Rehab" ....before you end up a scrawny old hooker wondering what the fuck happened or I hate to say it....dead....get off the smack and get on stage a sing it damn it or maybe just maybe I will do it for you..

Berna darling can you make me a gin and tonic...yes Gin...Amy makes me want to do bad things.....

I'll be back kids with my final list of "The Most Annoying Gays" of 2007 and let me tell you I almost had to make it a top 25 because the gays went nuts in 2007....


Kisses, MargOH!


Honorable mentions


1. The Olsen Twins-just because

2. Taylor Swift- Another boring country singer, please play Dolly on Radio again...

3. Ashley Tisdale-First I had to ask myself who the hell is Ashley Tisdale when Berna, MAN-ee, Linda Hunt and myself went to the Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting. It was my first time and last believe me...I was clocked in the head by a bottle of Riunite wine in the hands of some housewife from Minnesota..ouch. Then I asked myself why can't this girl Lip Sync?, She was terrible....Then I thought I should open a Lip Sync academy and call it "The Lip Sync Academy".....

MargOH!'s 3rd Annual "Most Annoying Straights" of 2007 List

Hey Kids,

This is my favorite time of year and not because of Christmas but because it's time to let everyone know what has pissed me off this year. I usually do this in two lists but this year there will be three. The reason for three is that there are so many annoying teen and young adults out there these days that I just had to add "The Most annoying Teen and Young adults of 2007" category this year.

Now over the past lists I've always included my top ten in this category because there are no straight people more annoying than George and Laura Bush, Dick Cheney(just die already), Condoleeza Rice and Donald "The Torturer" Rumsfeld and of course we have Roberto Gonzalez. I guess you can say that 99.99% of Republicans are annoying and really make me scream, throw booze raged fits and make me have thoughts of torturing my long time wardrobe mistress Berna Breckenridge.

I realize that the darkness of the past eight years is coming to a close so that is all I have to say about that....My only wish is that we elect Mike Gravel to the presidency...he's a feisty old bastard and at 76 not a bad looking daddy..I know it won't happen but he's got my vote...

Without any further babble, here is my list of the 5 "Most Annoying Straights" of 2007



#5. JENNA BUSH

What can I say about Jenna....From whore to Wholesome I guess. The first thing I notice about Jenna is that she has that same dead look in her eyes that her mother does. Little pools of black that sparkle with oil money. Now to be fair I liked Jenna much better when she was being a party favor for the frat boys and living it up texas style. That was fun and I mean she learned how to grow a coke nail from daddy so it made me happy to know she was continuing the tradition.

Fast forward to 2007 and Jenna is daddy's little angel being spun by bitchy blond PR girls from NY into an Angelic UNICEF volunteer and pushing a book on the public so we all know how wonderful she is...Well kids don't be fooled by the smokescreen PR gals can smoke up. My sister Rita who belongs to a UNICEF volunteer sect called "Ex Porn Stars for UNICEF" was in the same Latin America village at the time of Jenna's so called mission. Rita told me that Jenna flew in a Homeland Security Trailer with air conditioning and a satellite and a big screen TV so she wouldn't miss and episode of "Bad Girls" on BBC. She also had a generator to ensure that she had hot running water and was once seen kicking a small child who tried to get in for a shower, how cruel. Rita's friend Monica Mounds also reported that the only time Jenna left the trailer was to have her hair braided Bo Derek Style by some of the local ladies...She also had 2 assistants running around doing all of the work and getting her the story for the book, shame, shame on you Jenna.

The final straw was Jenna's appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres show" when Ellen had her call Daddy... Poor Jenna was so scared and looked very wary to call but Ellen is demanding. Jenna said "They're going to kill me". "I'm going to be in so much trouble." She also added she was afraid she would get no Christmas presents. I think Jenna did one thing for us in this highly annoying TV appearance and that is show the world that we should be afraid of George W. Bush. If his own daughter is afraid of "daddy" then shouldn't we be....I bet he kicked the crap out of her when she got back to Washington....Poor thing, I think she should go back to drinking and drugging it was much more attractive on her...

#4. RACHEL RAY

Now kids no one was a bigger fan of RACHEL RAY in the beginning and I don't know how many times Berna and I watched "$40 a day" while drinking champers and eating a Rachel Ray 30 minute meal. She was so cute and cuddly and I just wanted to touch her and I got my chance at our local market when one day I ran into her when I was picking up a six pack for Glenda the Super.

I approached the little darling and told her how much we enjoyed the show and she was very sweet and even paid for the six pack, though she took one and stuck it in her purse but she is a drinking kind of gal so I didn't mind.

Fast forward to her face on Wheat thins,trisquits and dunkin donuts posters and her face on every other bus promoting her rather uncomfortable morning show. It is Rachel Ray Mania and the poor thing is now a shell of herself with a Brenda Vaccaro voice and the forced personality of Kathie Lee Gifford. I think things went downhill after she married that husband of hers. She probably over-extended herself so she can be out of the house as much as possible as not to get involved in any sex games. Rachel Ray is an example of what can happen when you get the "Oprah" stamp of approval so Obama better watch it...The Big O can be a double edged sword and poor Rachel fell right on it....It's not that I don't like Rachel but she is "Annoying by Over exposure". What really put me over the edge is that I heard she landed a record deal with Sony to do a CD of standards that mention food....OH god, haven't we suffered enough from Rod Stewart's standards..............................................

#3. MICHAEL VIC

Nothing makes MargOH! reach for the bottle more than a person who is cruel to animals. My own darling Kim Fung is fast approaching being the oldest living dog, she is about to turn 25 in April but some other dog in the Australian outback is like 28...but I hear they only feed it beans and veggies...if I gave that to Kim Fung she'd stink up my whole apartment. I've kept her on a diet of McDonald's french fries and yogurt for years...she's healthy as a horse well she's almost completely bald and has a bit of a yeast issue but who doesn't? yikes.....

Any who, what makes me most annoyed by Michael Vic is that he's too stupid to realize what he did is wrong. In his pathetic statement probably written by Whoopie Goldberg he obviously only had remorse that he got caught. I really have nothing witty to say about this because Dog fighting is the most idiotic "sport" followed closely by cock fighting, horse racing and dog racing. I think we should start throwing harnesses and saddles on broads wearing big hats and sipping on mint juleps and have them run the Kentucky derby while the horses relax and bet on the ugliest hat...really...

Michael Vic's a prick and though I know he is only a face to this horrible sport we should not forget this and help the animals when we can....

#2. ELLEN DeGeneres

Yes, that's right, every one's precious Ellen who I actually consulted with for many a year ago when I thought she was a Lesbian. I was actually on Betty DeGeneres's payroll and helped Betty feed information to Ellen about what to wear and how to be lesbian chic...me being Bi and all..I also gave Ellen dancing tips for her TV specials which led to her dancing on her talk show which I was totally against but she did it and it is as annoying as it can get.

Anyway I am convinced that Ellen's lesbianism was all a ratings ploy to save her then sitcom Ellen for another season. Listen I know it's chic now to say that being Gay is only a part of who I am but MargOH! thinks that is a bunch of crap. We all know that everyone does other things like work, have tequila shooter's with their friends, go shopping, fill out e-harmony profiles, go to school, make pot brownies but if you're sucking cock or licking pussy in between doing all of the other parts then you're a big Homo, lesbo, BiSexual, Tranny and or Men who have sex with men and or women who have sex with women so deal with it and express your inner Lesbian everyone and Ellen...don't run away from it, (whatever happened to "We're here, we're quire get used to it"), for mid morning television ratings and Emmy's.... What really made me question Ellen's sexuality was her tearful plea about the "dog" situation. Lesbian's don't cry on television unless they are having babies, suffering from an illness or getting their mullet cut off.

Ellen is annoying to me because of her becoming a poster child for "I'm like everybody else" campaign which I believe is halting a lot of GLBT issues like Gay marriage and employment discrimination for Tranny's which i will get more into on my "Most annoying Gays" list.

All in All even though Betty DeGeneres and I are old drinking buddies I can't help but be annoyed by Ellen's constant thirst for acceptance by middle America and I'm even more annoyed that she's doing it by running back into the closet and sucking up to Tom, dick and harry...

I'm convinced Ellen is Straight or at best "A woman who has sex with a woman"(thanks to Larry Craig who gave the media a new term to throw around "Men who have sex with Men" and "Women who have sex with Women") and to MargoH! that is annoying as hell...She was a Fine Lesbian when it was appropriate for her afterall...

#1. The "Real" Housewives of Orange County and all of their children

Kids, I've never been more annoyed than by this gaggle of ghouls and their horrible husbands and ungrateful devil spawn.

Kids, believe me I'm not bitter...I've had fame and fortune and then lived on the street then back on my feet to where I am now and I'm one Happy lady. I actually was a housewife when I was married to me ex husband child star Rodney Allen Rippy and gave up working for a spell. The thing is I don't ever once remember expecting Rodney to pay for the upkeep of my sagging body. This show should be called The "Nightmare" Housewives of Orange County.

These Chicks really need to wake up and realize that life isn't all about consumption. I've seen a pen of pigs consume less in a day than these hags suck up in an hour of boring television. These gals really need to realize that there is nothing real about their lives or at the least coming to the point that they realize they are privileged white people.

Right off the bat you can tell through their children what they are all about. These kids are so unaware about real life that they think Canada is a foreign country.

Now to be fair kids some of these ladies have jobs and have had past career's but all of their jobs just happen to be about selling something. This gives them a chance to act like helpless knuckleheads and think the only way they can sell things is by having their tits flopping out...I think the the founding fathers would think this was progress but I don't, it's guess what? kids ....Annoying....

In the end if they are not sucking up all the resources in the world they are selling it...and the kids, oh, the kids.

I really don't know what any of their names are and it doesn't matter because they are just as clueless. I especially love the girls that lost their father and all of their friends are just sad for them because they are poor now. Then there is the twenty one year old Ryan (well I remember his name) that gets tattoo's instead of a job and I really considered putting him on the "gay" list cause I think it's only a matter of time before he drops that Bomb.

In the end kids this show and these women are really annoying with all of their self imposed drama and need to out do one another. Then there is the plastic surgery, bad wigs and bottle blond highlights and fake friendships to add to the flavor. There is nothing real about these woman besides the fact that they all came from the ape like the rest of us....

It's like the great Divine said as Edna Turnblad

"I watch that tramp and I'm embarrassed to be white" but in this case it's those tramps "The Real Housewives of Orange County"


Honorable mentions

1. John Travolta for his horrific portrayal of Edna Turnblad in "Hairspray". I could have done much better and I did as his body double, you think it was him spinning like that...no it was MargOH! doing the dancing...

2. Ann Coulter who belongs on a list of her own somewhere far, far, far ,far away. She is more than annoying...........

3. Nicolas Cage and his teeth...


I'll be back kids with my most annoying Teen or young adult list and finally my most annoying gay list.

I feel so much better now after airing my grievances and look forward to starting off fresh in 2008 and ready for an annoying free year but something tells me that will last til January 2nd....

Kisses, MargOH!

"Where Life Begins" Chapter 2 Session 2

Hey Kids,

I've sorted through what was left of the sessions I recorded with Hester and had my gay Fiance MAN-ee put them on paper for me. I am still going forward with my auto-biography even though Hester was up to no good. It made me realize even more how important it is for me to tell my story. In the days of lack of talent and drive I think it is good for the young kids to know what it's like to struggle to be a star..don't ya think?

Hester Bones Crabtree- How was your swim?

MargOH!- Oh, delicious. You know Hester even though I left home at such a young age the sea is in my blood. I always feel my best when I'm near the water.

Hester Bones Crabtree- I feel the same way, I guess we're Maine girls at heart after all. Now we were just about to get to your leaving the hall and aunt Trudie

MargOH!- Oh, yes. I left the hall and wandered away from Sully and Rita. I could hear Rita say "Sully, Haddie's gone, where'd she go?". I'm not sure what Sully said in response but that was last I'd here there voices for quite a while, I feel sad about it now but at the time I just couldn't run any faster down 7th avenue I was banging into people and I fell a few times, I just ran and ran but then I almost came head on into a delivery truck and stopped dead in my tracks. I was so out of breathe that I lay on the sidewalk for a moment and looked up and couldn't believe that buildings went up that far, it looked amazing. It was then I realized that I was all alone with no where to go. I sifted through my jacket pockets and pants to find only two dollars and the bottle of jack I was holding for Sully. I thought "Haddie what in the hell are you going to do, where are you going to go?" Right at that very moment a Seagull landed right in front of me and stared deep into my eyes.

At first I thought "A Seagull on 7th ave?" but then it walked towards me and pecked me on the cheek oh so gently. It was like i was kissed by an angel because at that moment I heard the voice of my daddy salty say. "AAAArgggggh, don't forget you have your aunt Trudie that lives on Delancy Street". That's right, I thought my daddy salty told me he had a sister named Trudie that live on delancy street in NYC. He said she hated Sully and never came to visit. He also said she was a very eccentric woman who had been to prison on a morals charge.

So Hester I pulled myself up and that seagull jumped on my shoulder. It was like my guardian angel. I took a swig of that Jack to warm up my chill and set out to find Delancy Street. You know Hester that Bird stayed with me the whole time until I found the street and it pecked me again and flew off.

Hester Bones Crabtree- You know, MargoH! I bet it was your father, how touching.

MargOH!- yes, I believe it was salty looking out for me but I'd wish he'd stayed until I found her. I had to start asking people if they knew my Aunt Trudie. I was getting nowhere. So i did what any twelve year old girl would do or at least what Sully would do and I hiked up my skirt and got slutty or what I call "Sullying it up". I had everyone coming up to me in no time. Finally an old gal yelled out "Yeah Trudie owns the pub down the way, you know the one with the back room for the peppermint patties, if you know what I mean kid and she cupped my breasts. I didn't know exactly what she was talking about so I pushed her out of the way and ran down to the pub and ran inside and screamed out "Aunt Trudie"

Hester Bones Crabtree- You must have been relieved to find her, how exciting!

MargOH!- Well, Aunt Trudie wasn't the warmest person upon meeting me. She yelled out from behind the bar" Yeah, I'm Trude who in the hell are you?". She made her way from behind the bar. She looked nothing like my father, he was very thin but Aunt Trudie was a sturdy woman with big broad shoulders and tree trunk legs. She had several tattoo's and a broken front tooth. Then she gave me the once over twice, I started to tremble a bit. Then she said " Oh, wait a minute you gotta be my brothers kid, unfortunately you got your mother eyes but an awfully nice set of tits for a girl your age, what your name again, she added.

"It's Haddie, well Haddock but Haddie for short", I said. Trudie then responded " You're mother is a complete ass and cruel to have named you after stinky fish, she laughed a very hearty laugh for several minutes". I wasn't quite sure what to do then her face got stern again and she said " You runaway from home, Kid?". I answered " Yes". Trudie then said "well if you're gonna stay here you gotta work and you gotta change that name of yours then she opened up her big meaty Arms and said "Welcome to MargOH!'s kid", and i fell into her arms. Then she pulled me away and said "I'll just call you MargOH!, that's the name MargoH!, you can be like the pub mascot" she said.

Then she led me into the backroom and yelled out "Listen up all you dyke's butch and fem alike this is my niece MargOH! and she's gonna be staying with me for a while so keep your paws off her unless I say it's ok". I trembled and took a deep breath and realized the room had a faint smell of stale beer and pickled herring and I slumped my shoulders and said to myself "Yuk, just like Home".

Hester Bones Crabtree- So it seemed like you went from one unpleasant situation to another MargOH!

MargOH!- Well, I mean in a way. Aunt Trudie was very different from Sully, she wasn't as demanding or as mean but she'd slap you around if you got outta line, she never did with me, I actually think she loved me and after I told her salty wasn't my real daddy and that we weren't really related she really loved me if you know what I mean Hester.

Hester Bones Crabtree- Oh, dear. I think I get it, Oh dear!

MargoH! -The other thing about Aunt Trudie was that she was a performer in every way. You wouldn't know it by looking at her but she had a certain musical flare that was very exciting and her piano guy Morty was great, very similar to my piano guy Jarad. He had a way of playing for Aunt Trudie that made her sound pretty good. That night when I arrived she sang "Big Spender", it was fantastic, she growled through that song, it was her best number, well I mean she was that song, she lived that song. It was Aunt Trudie that really molded me and I was and am grateful to her. She made me tough and in this business kid that's what you gotta be tough.

Oh, dear I spilled my champagne, would you get me another Hester darling.

Hester Bones Crabtree- Oh, of course MargoH! Aunt Trudie is so fascinating, You obviously loved her, tell me more, here you go.

MargoH!- actually Hester I'm getting a little tired and the sun is too hot. Can we continue later.

Hester Bones Crabtree- Oh, yes of course but I'd like to get to your time in Bangkok as soon as possible.

MargoH!- Oh, really? Well we have a bit to go before that? Really, it wasn't my favorite time but we'll get to it,go chill another bottle of champers Hester.

Kids, I'll be back with more of my story and my year end lists...

Kisses, MargOH!

Judy

Hey Kids,

I post this every year but I just love it so, It is a sad song but one of my holiday favorites....

kisses, M

Joan Van Ark is blue

Hey Kids,

I was keeping this hush, hush but I attended Liz Taylor's return to the stage in A.R. Gurney's bittersweet play Love Letters. It was 2,500 a ticket so I raided Berna's Safe which she thinks I do not have the combination for but I do. She's been stockpiling union money from her job with Letterman...though she's been off due to the strike....She's in jersey, she only drops in to pick up clean panties..

Anyway I decided to call my old friend Joan Van Ark. I hadn't been to LA for a while and needed a place to stay. I did a couple of extra roles on Knot's landing, Joan and I became great friends. She would throw the most fabulous parties. She called them Joan's Ho-downs. One thing people probably do not know about Joan is that she can cook, she makes her own Hot dogs, sausages and the most amazing blueberry pie.

Joan was thrilled to hear from me and offered for me to stay at her place. I hadn't seen Joan in a long time so I was excited.

I got off the plane and Joan said she'd meet me at the baggage area. I got my bag but could not find Joan. I waited and waited until there was only myself and an Andy Warhol look alike waiting. I took off my sunglasses and then I heard someone yell out MargoH!. It was the Andy Warhol guy but Kids it was actually Joan. She ran over to me and hugged me. She said she didn't recognize me because i had lost weight. I told her I didn't notice her because she looked younger than ever. I of course was telling a fib. She looked terrible and actually quite frightening.

We hopped in her saturn vue, the green model. One thing I can say about Joan she is all for the environment. We chatted about the old days and I must have kept staring because Joan pulled over and demanded to know what I was staring at...She looked crazed. I said "Joan, I am staring at your face, really you look weird, almost plastic like and your lips are all blue". Joan replied " I have no idea what you are talking about, I've never had any work done, well just a little botox but everyone's doing that". I replied "Well what about the blue lips, did you accidentally get injected with anti-freeze or something". Joan replied " No silly, I've been making and eating my blueberry pies". We had a chuckle and kept driving.

We got to Joan's place and I couldn't believe my eyes when i saw blueberry pies everywhere. There had to be about 100 pies all over the kitchen. I asked if she was having a ho-down and she said no I eat blueberry pie for breakfast, lunch and dinner and she took her hand and grabbed some pie and shoved it in her mouth. Then she muttered how much she loved the show "Pushing daisies" and how she auditioned for Ellen Green's role but they told her she wasn't looking young enough. Then she slammed the pie against the wall. Hollywood can be so cruel. I made my way to my room and was thinking how happy I was that I was only staying the night.

I got dressed for the event and went back in the kitchen and Joan was there still eating pie with her hands and crying into her glass of wine. I really didn't know what to do so I decided to take the pie away, slam down the wine and clean her hands. I told Joan that she should go to my cosmetic reconstruction guy in Chinatown. I told her he did wonders for Farrah Fawcett. I gave her the card and she thanked me. I helped her get dressed and we were off. There was a lot of traffic and we were stuck so I told Joan I'd get out of the car and pass through the red carpet and wait for her. Really, I didn't want to walk down with her because I knew the paparazzi would be going mad about her face. I wasn't wrong, they snapped more shots of her blueberry pie face than poor Liz Taylor. Liz did look lovely even though she is in failing health and the performance was top notch.

Afterwards we went to a diner and I asked Joan why were stopping here and guess what. She wanted blueberry pie. Poor Joan, she really has been eaten up by the Hollywood machine....I told her years ago to do infomercials and call it a day but she insisted on doing Lifetime movies and look at her now. A blueberry pie eatin freak.

It's times like this that make me happy I decided to be an extra. I have no stress and look absolutely gorgeous....and compared to Joan I'm a goddess at 59....

Kisses, MargOH!

Berna's Deviled Egg Nightmare

Hey Kids,

I've been fielding calls from guests after my party telling me they have uncontrollable gastric problems. My possible PR gall Laura said she was asked to leave a cafe the day after for her farting overwhelmed the other patrons. I started to wonder if it was my crudite or my artichoke dip... Then i realized little Nellie Mckay hadn't complained and I know she doesn't eat live things so It must be Berna's deviled eggs.

I know Laura had eaten many of them and from her email message, she is still farting up a storm, poor thing. I know eggs usually can leave you a bit bloated but I'm sure Berna added something to it and I was right. She told me that she added three types of beans and flax seed to her receipe...who ever heard of such a thing. She said her mother would make this receipe when she was a little back up and it cleared her right out....

Well good for her but now my guests are having Deviled Egg Nightmares

It really is time for a new assistant, ya think...

Kisses, MargOH!

December is Fun

Hey Kids,

I always get really excited this time of year because it is time for my 3rd annual "Most Annoying" lists. I will do my usual Top 5 lists of "Most Annoying Straights" and "Most Annoying Gays". This year I've also decided to do a special "Most Annoying Teen or Young adult" category as well.

I'm sure you are all aware as to why I added that last category but the final straw was when by accident I watched " The real housewives of Orange county". It really is one of the most horrible shows I've seen in a while and those gals should be ashamed of themselves....Listen I'm 59 but I'm a girl at heart but really I do not act or dress like i'm 20....very sad.....

Watch out for my lists kids...They are gonna be hot this year!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

MargoH! in Gin Soaked Dreams

Hey Kids,

It's been an exciting couple of weeks with my show being such a success and my record “Fat Girl” starting to burn up the dance floors. Kids, MargOH! is on fire (and this time it’s not just my lady bits!)!!

After the show I had an after party for all of my friends and fans. Of course all the usuals were there…Polly Holiday, Glenda the Super, Linda Hunt and all my new friends from the UK... Dan, Phoebe, Alice, Katie, Kristina and Oli. My dear LaJon Joseph had performed in the show and he came over as well wearing his gorgeous green faux fur stole.

We also had a special guest, my gorgeous and lovely friend Nellie McKay. Berna was nowhere to be found (as usual whenever I do a show) so I had to have my Gay Fiance MAN-ee assist with it all. I sent him into a Gay Panic, poor thing. Berna did however manage to make deviled eggs for the party go figure. They were a hit so I guess she’s good for SOMETHING.

My martini club members Phoebe and Dan are just lovely and arrived with a bottle of Gin...Now of course I've been off Gin for a couple of years now after my treatment with Dr. Beefachaki who weened me off of it by substituting Sake. Well of course I couldn’t be rude and so dove into that gin like it was a swimming pool full of naked men and cheese. Polly Holiday immediately excused herself telling Glenda and my piano guy Jarad "If she's drinking Gin, I'm outta here! The last time she drank gin our ladies poker night turned into ladies STRIP poker night except she was ripping off everyone else's clothes! Poor Diane Keaton is still in therapy". Well screw Polly is all I can say. I don’t recall hearing her complain when I was slipping off her woolly turtleneck.

Anyhoo, Tanqueray tasted just as I remember, very sexy, sweet and smooth. I yelled to Polly "Kiss my Gin Soaked Grits"and then started seeing pretty fireworks going off all around me.

See the thing is when I drink Gin I can get a little crazy and start having bad thoughts.I started to think I should have another gay Fiance and how perfect little Danny would be. He is so petite, lithe and cute. Just the right fit for MargOH!’s collection. And he would fit splendidly in Berna's room.

More guests started to arrive and I decided to put my plan into action. I recruited Cuchie into it. I told her that I wanted to keep Danny for myself but first we would have to get rid of Oli (His boy toy). Not that I would do him any harm just at least give him enough Rohypnol to put him out for the night…I do have morals ya know. Cuchie of course gave me a hard time but I promised her my open toe payless patent leather pumps and she was on board.

I gave her the stuff to put in Oli's drink. I decided I would lure Danny into Linda Hunt's apartment next door as Linda’s housekeeper offered to let smokers go to her place rather than outside. Linda’s a sweet gal but I think she was just looking for reefers..she's such a stoner.

When I asked Danny over for a cigarette my initial plan to conk him over the head with a rubber mallet was sidetracked because that damn Ken from That's Kentertainment was there with his friend. Aaaargh!! He is so pesky. Well we were fighting over Danny's affections (Ken's also a huge flirt and a big slut) and I started to get worried they would ruin my scheme. I had to do something so I sent Kenny and his friend scurrying back into my apartment by telling them that Rue McClanahan had just arrived wearing an old outfit from The Golden Girls and carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels

Finally I was alone with my new gay fiancee (well Cuchie was hiding in the closet but he didn’t know that of course). I had a chance to run my fingers through Danny's hair and position his head in just the right angle for Cuchie to bonk him when Nellie, Phoebe, Alice and Katie walked in dancing to my song "Fat Girl" They started a sing along and doing a dance we used to call “kick the dog” back in my day. Phoebe was spinning so fast she looked like a disco ball in her cute sequin dress and Nellie really kicked up her heels better than that Marie Osmond ever could! Alice, who was dressed in a sequin skating costume once owned by Tonya Harding lifted Katie up into a gorgeous swan lift with a very gentle dismount....maybe she was channeling Tonya but anyway it was just spectacular. Gin really makes things like an acid trip to me.

Phoebe pulled me to the side and said she saw Linda Hunt stumbling around the apartment muttering incoherent things and then she disappeared. I didn’t understand what happened until Oli walked in all chipper and looking for Danny. Cuchie must have put the pills in Linda's glass!!!

Oli put his arms around Danny and even in my manic state I had to admit…they did look oh so cute together. Suddenly in a moment of clarity I thought...I don't need Danny in my curio cabinet like a collectible spoon I never get to lick, I already have my Gay Fiancee MAN-ee for that. And with the leftover Rohypnol I could always just have a one night stand with Danny, really!! No need to go to all of this trouble. I put down the gin and tonic and grabbed a champers instead and we all went back to my place and I busted into a saucy version of "Big Spender".

I eventually came out of my Gin soaked haze and had a fabulous time with the UK Kids. I just love and adore them. We sang more songs and ate cheese. My special Guest la John Joseph did another fabulous burlesque number and Jarad passed out in Linda’s apartment…hmmmm. MAN-ee kicked out Ken from "Thats Kentertainment" for trying to snap photo's of him and Nellie Mckay...really.

As the evening ended and everyone left, Cuchie cleaned up in hopes of getting her patent leather pumps and MAN-ee and I went off to bed. My side of the bed was very lumpy and uncomfortable. I kept trying to adjust my pillow but my back was killing me so I got up and lifted the mattress cover and found Linda and my dog Kim Fung fast asleep! I put a mirror in front of Linda's nose (just in case) and she fogged it right up!! What a gal our Linda!! I pushed them to the side and she slept spooning with MAN-ee for the night...

Oh! what an evening...

Clip from Show "fat Girl"

Hey kids,

I have linked a clip of my song "Fat Girl". The show got a little crazy and my crowd was nuts..I knew I shouldn't have passed out Nips of Gin to everyone...silly MargOH!

Kisses, MargOH!

Show Pics

Hey Kids,

I've been off the blog trail but will be back full force very soon. It's been a busy few weeks with my show and party and of course all of my UK kids!!

I've never met such a gorgeous and wonderful bunch of people in a long time. Phoebe, Dan, Oli , Alice, katie and the gang are all so special!! It makes me want to move to London and have fun with them all the time!!

We had a blast and will never forget my "Command Performance". it was a special night for me and the performance was about as good as I can get...LOL...Adding to the moment Nellie McKay came on stage and performed "Zombie" . I love her, she is one of my favorite artists of all time..very special gal!!

Here are some lovely pics Phoebe took. I will put some more up soon!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Berna's flown the coop again

Hey Kids,

Whenever I have a show coming up Berna flee's and is no where to be found. You all know she is head Gaffer at the letterman show so she really has stopped working for me. Now all I have is MAN-ee my gay fiance. I tried to get Cuchie back from Kathie Lee again but it was a no go.

I will be interviewing new wardrobe mistresses starting 12/1/2007. I am looking for a non live in situation this time so the position will be on an as needed basis. I do have a lot of needs so I'm sure whomever it is will be working their butts off and very tired.

I'll post a formal job description very soon.

Thank goodness I have my darling friend Princess McCool who fills in for Berna when she dissappears.

See ya at the party kids,

MargOH!