Thursday, December 13, 2007

MargOH!'s 3rd Annual "Most Annoying Straights" of 2007 List






Hey Kids,

This is my favorite time of year and not because of Christmas but because it's time to let everyone know what has pissed me off this year. I usually do this in two lists but this year there will be three. The reason for three is that there are so many annoying teen and young adults out there these days that I just had to add "The Most annoying Teen and Young adults of 2007" category this year.

Now over the past lists I've always included my top ten in this category because there are no straight people more annoying than George and Laura Bush, Dick Cheney(just die already), Condoleeza Rice and Donald "The Torturer" Rumsfeld and of course we have Roberto Gonzalez. I guess you can say that 99.99% of Republicans are annoying and really make me scream, throw booze raged fits and make me have thoughts of torturing my long time wardrobe mistress Berna Breckenridge.

I realize that the darkness of the past eight years is coming to a close so that is all I have to say about that....My only wish is that we elect Mike Gravel to the presidency...he's a feisty old bastard and at 76 not a bad looking daddy..I know it won't happen but he's got my vote...

Without any further babble, here is my list of the 5 "Most Annoying Straights" of 2007



#5. JENNA BUSH

What can I say about Jenna....From whore to Wholesome I guess. The first thing I notice about Jenna is that she has that same dead look in her eyes that her mother does. Little pools of black that sparkle with oil money. Now to be fair I liked Jenna much better when she was being a party favor for the frat boys and living it up texas style. That was fun and I mean she learned how to grow a coke nail from daddy so it made me happy to know she was continuing the tradition.

Fast forward to 2007 and Jenna is daddy's little angel being spun by bitchy blond PR girls from NY into an Angelic UNICEF volunteer and pushing a book on the public so we all know how wonderful she is...Well kids don't be fooled by the smokescreen PR gals can smoke up. My sister Rita who belongs to a UNICEF volunteer sect called "Ex Porn Stars for UNICEF" was in the same Latin America village at the time of Jenna's so called mission. Rita told me that Jenna flew in a Homeland Security Trailer with air conditioning and a satellite and a big screen TV so she wouldn't miss and episode of "Bad Girls" on BBC. She also had a generator to ensure that she had hot running water and was once seen kicking a small child who tried to get in for a shower, how cruel. Rita's friend Monica Mounds also reported that the only time Jenna left the trailer was to have her hair braided Bo Derek Style by some of the local ladies...She also had 2 assistants running around doing all of the work and getting her the story for the book, shame, shame on you Jenna.

The final straw was Jenna's appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres show" when Ellen had her call Daddy... Poor Jenna was so scared and looked very wary to call but Ellen is demanding. Jenna said "They're going to kill me". "I'm going to be in so much trouble." She also added she was afraid she would get no Christmas presents. I think Jenna did one thing for us in this highly annoying TV appearance and that is show the world that we should be afraid of George W. Bush. If his own daughter is afraid of "daddy" then shouldn't we be....I bet he kicked the crap out of her when she got back to Washington....Poor thing, I think she should go back to drinking and drugging it was much more attractive on her...

#4. RACHEL RAY

Now kids no one was a bigger fan of RACHEL RAY in the beginning and I don't know how many times Berna and I watched "$40 a day" while drinking champers and eating a Rachel Ray 30 minute meal. She was so cute and cuddly and I just wanted to touch her and I got my chance at our local market when one day I ran into her when I was picking up a six pack for Glenda the Super.

I approached the little darling and told her how much we enjoyed the show and she was very sweet and even paid for the six pack, though she took one and stuck it in her purse but she is a drinking kind of gal so I didn't mind.

Fast forward to her face on Wheat thins,trisquits and dunkin donuts posters and her face on every other bus promoting her rather uncomfortable morning show. It is Rachel Ray Mania and the poor thing is now a shell of herself with a Brenda Vaccaro voice and the forced personality of Kathie Lee Gifford. I think things went downhill after she married that husband of hers. She probably over-extended herself so she can be out of the house as much as possible as not to get involved in any sex games. Rachel Ray is an example of what can happen when you get the "Oprah" stamp of approval so Obama better watch it...The Big O can be a double edged sword and poor Rachel fell right on it....It's not that I don't like Rachel but she is "Annoying by Over exposure". What really put me over the edge is that I heard she landed a record deal with Sony to do a CD of standards that mention food....OH god, haven't we suffered enough from Rod Stewart's standards..............................................

#3. MICHAEL VIC

Nothing makes MargOH! reach for the bottle more than a person who is cruel to animals. My own darling Kim Fung is fast approaching being the oldest living dog, she is about to turn 25 in April but some other dog in the Australian outback is like 28...but I hear they only feed it beans and veggies...if I gave that to Kim Fung she'd stink up my whole apartment. I've kept her on a diet of McDonald's french fries and yogurt for years...she's healthy as a horse well she's almost completely bald and has a bit of a yeast issue but who doesn't? yikes.....

Any who, what makes me most annoyed by Michael Vic is that he's too stupid to realize what he did is wrong. In his pathetic statement probably written by Whoopie Goldberg he obviously only had remorse that he got caught. I really have nothing witty to say about this because Dog fighting is the most idiotic "sport" followed closely by cock fighting, horse racing and dog racing. I think we should start throwing harnesses and saddles on broads wearing big hats and sipping on mint juleps and have them run the Kentucky derby while the horses relax and bet on the ugliest hat...really...

Michael Vic's a prick and though I know he is only a face to this horrible sport we should not forget this and help the animals when we can....

#2. ELLEN DeGeneres

Yes, that's right, every one's precious Ellen who I actually consulted with for many a year ago when I thought she was a Lesbian. I was actually on Betty DeGeneres's payroll and helped Betty feed information to Ellen about what to wear and how to be lesbian chic...me being Bi and all..I also gave Ellen dancing tips for her TV specials which led to her dancing on her talk show which I was totally against but she did it and it is as annoying as it can get.

Anyway I am convinced that Ellen's lesbianism was all a ratings ploy to save her then sitcom Ellen for another season. Listen I know it's chic now to say that being Gay is only a part of who I am but MargOH! thinks that is a bunch of crap. We all know that everyone does other things like work, have tequila shooter's with their friends, go shopping, fill out e-harmony profiles, go to school, make pot brownies but if you're sucking cock or licking pussy in between doing all of the other parts then you're a big Homo, lesbo, BiSexual, Tranny and or Men who have sex with men and or women who have sex with women so deal with it and express your inner Lesbian everyone and Ellen...don't run away from it, (whatever happened to "We're here, we're quire get used to it"), for mid morning television ratings and Emmy's.... What really made me question Ellen's sexuality was her tearful plea about the "dog" situation. Lesbian's don't cry on television unless they are having babies, suffering from an illness or getting their mullet cut off.

Ellen is annoying to me because of her becoming a poster child for "I'm like everybody else" campaign which I believe is halting a lot of GLBT issues like Gay marriage and employment discrimination for Tranny's which i will get more into on my "Most annoying Gays" list.

All in All even though Betty DeGeneres and I are old drinking buddies I can't help but be annoyed by Ellen's constant thirst for acceptance by middle America and I'm even more annoyed that she's doing it by running back into the closet and sucking up to Tom, dick and harry...

I'm convinced Ellen is Straight or at best "A woman who has sex with a woman"(thanks to Larry Craig who gave the media a new term to throw around "Men who have sex with Men" and "Women who have sex with Women") and to MargoH! that is annoying as hell...She was a Fine Lesbian when it was appropriate for her afterall...

#1. The "Real" Housewives of Orange County and all of their children

Kids, I've never been more annoyed than by this gaggle of ghouls and their horrible husbands and ungrateful devil spawn.

Kids, believe me I'm not bitter...I've had fame and fortune and then lived on the street then back on my feet to where I am now and I'm one Happy lady. I actually was a housewife when I was married to me ex husband child star Rodney Allen Rippy and gave up working for a spell. The thing is I don't ever once remember expecting Rodney to pay for the upkeep of my sagging body. This show should be called The "Nightmare" Housewives of Orange County.

These Chicks really need to wake up and realize that life isn't all about consumption. I've seen a pen of pigs consume less in a day than these hags suck up in an hour of boring television. These gals really need to realize that there is nothing real about their lives or at the least coming to the point that they realize they are privileged white people.

Right off the bat you can tell through their children what they are all about. These kids are so unaware about real life that they think Canada is a foreign country.

Now to be fair kids some of these ladies have jobs and have had past career's but all of their jobs just happen to be about selling something. This gives them a chance to act like helpless knuckleheads and think the only way they can sell things is by having their tits flopping out...I think the the founding fathers would think this was progress but I don't, it's guess what? kids ....Annoying....

In the end if they are not sucking up all the resources in the world they are selling it...and the kids, oh, the kids.

I really don't know what any of their names are and it doesn't matter because they are just as clueless. I especially love the girls that lost their father and all of their friends are just sad for them because they are poor now. Then there is the twenty one year old Ryan (well I remember his name) that gets tattoo's instead of a job and I really considered putting him on the "gay" list cause I think it's only a matter of time before he drops that Bomb.

In the end kids this show and these women are really annoying with all of their self imposed drama and need to out do one another. Then there is the plastic surgery, bad wigs and bottle blond highlights and fake friendships to add to the flavor. There is nothing real about these woman besides the fact that they all came from the ape like the rest of us....

It's like the great Divine said as Edna Turnblad

"I watch that tramp and I'm embarrassed to be white" but in this case it's those tramps "The Real Housewives of Orange County"


Honorable mentions

1. John Travolta for his horrific portrayal of Edna Turnblad in "Hairspray". I could have done much better and I did as his body double, you think it was him spinning like that...no it was MargOH! doing the dancing...

2. Ann Coulter who belongs on a list of her own somewhere far, far, far ,far away. She is more than annoying...........

3. Nicolas Cage and his teeth...


I'll be back kids with my most annoying Teen or young adult list and finally my most annoying gay list.

I feel so much better now after airing my grievances and look forward to starting off fresh in 2008 and ready for an annoying free year but something tells me that will last til January 2nd....

Kisses, MargOH!

No comments:

Post a Comment