Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Marie Osmond Dolls give me the Heebies

Hey Kids,

I was awaken this morning by the ringing of the doorbell at 10 am. Not a good time when I had been sampling many different wines last night at Kraftbar... They were very generous with their pours, Mama likes!!! Especially when Jason & deMarco were paying... Yes those two do drink like fish but are very christian and wholesome, anyway they want to produce a dance hit for little old MargOH!. I said fine as long as its not called "Dance to the Lord" or something like that. I am actually working on a sassy tune right now called "That little something Extra".. anywho back to the point of this story.

After I got done giving the UPS man a tip with "Natures Credit Card"(yes, I stole that from Golden Girls).. so what he doesn't care as long as he's satisfied. It was a large package and MargoH! was able to handle it. Now the actual package was big as well so I had Berna carry it in. I wondered what could it be and who sent it so I tore that box open, was it a bottle of Vodka?, a large Jar of Olives? I started to pull away the peanuts and to my horror, I screamed. It was a porcelain doll, I ran down the hall screaming.

I hate those creepy dolls, my mother Sully didn't have enough money on a fishmongers pay to buy me dolls so she'd make me ones out of Tuna cans, netting and paper mache, then she'd put actual fish eyes and seaweed for hair, they were horrible!! I still can see those Seabass fish eyes staring at me in the middle of the night... and not to mention the stench.

Berna yelled to me, its from Sully, its a Marie Osmond doll called "Cotton Ginny". I crept out of the bathroom , a bit more curious. I said "It's a bottle of Gin?". No berna replied its a doll called "Cotton Ginny". Crap I thought, I'd prefer gin, even though I'm off Gin. I gave the doll another look and was still afraid with its big perky eyes and frilly dress.

Marie Osmond is insane. I bet she's got these dolls all over the house staring at her. Judging her... no wonder she's on pills... she could do a remake of "Valley of the Dolls" and have cotton ginny star in it.

"Get rid of it", I screamed.

" Sully said she saw this on TV and saved up enough money from doing favors for the guys at The fishmongers retirement home she decided to get you a brand new doll. She says its also payback for selling your red wagon for a bottle of whiskey", Berna said

I said well I guess its a nice thought but I wonder what favors that old bitch is giving now.. I hope its not blow jobs to the male nurses again. Berna keep it in your room, I added.

Then get me Marie Osmonds phone number because I gotta tell her to stop selling those creepy dolls. I am reccomending she she start hawking Sequin blouses or something like Patti Labelle.

Berna Get me a Bitters and Soda and throw some vodka in it. I'm still scared....

Kisses, MargOH!


  1. this fish-tale is a winner - classic MargOH!

  2. Thanks Phoebe, you're a doll.. but its true those dolls are creepy and Marie is off he rocker. i'm still waiting for her to call me back.

    Kisses, MargOH!