Coming back to me now

Hey Kids,

I did sleep with Stumpy Jones!!! I met with Stoli last eve and she had proof, a pair of my "Apple Dumpling Gang" commerative panties....I recognized them because Tim Conway and Don Knotts had signed them.

Stoli also fessed up that she had been following me and trying to figure out how to approach me.

I told her that I may have slept with Stumpy but I couldn't possibly been pregnant and given birth.

She went on to tell me that Stumpy told her that I was drinking a lot and using prescription meds after my divorce and was a bit out of it. This is true but I still think I would have remebered that? I also asked why Stumpy or yourself never contacted me earlier? It was all very strange.

She said that Stumpy took her away after the birth, that Berna had arranged for him to take her right after the delivery. Berna made him promise never to contact you or her again. My father took me and didn't tell me you were my mother until right before his death. She said she had no deal with Berna and she sought me out.


Berna's got some explaining to do!

I told Stoli that I don't remember any of this and I would have to gather myself and try and figure this out.

She asked if we could do a DNA test just to verify if it was true and if it was she wanted to move in with me. She added she wanted to be an actress like me and she needed my help.

I of course slugged down another dirty martini and told her I was off to texas to film the "Dallas" film and that I would do the DNA test whe I got back. I asked if she needed anything and she said she was staying with Stumpy's sister Stella in the bronx for now. She said she would wait til I got back but if I didn't do the DNA test she would go to the press.

Now I am being threatened... yikes. I left the meeting feeling a a bit perplexed so I headed over to Polly Holidays to ask her advice, she wasn't home. Then I called Madame Rizzario, my card reader and hypnotist to go get a reading. I am going to see her Monday!

I'll keep you posted, I'm off for Margarita's with Mandy Moore and Pink at La Palapa on St. Marks. Pink may produce my single... I'm very excited!!

I don't think I'll ever drink Stoli again!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Phoebe's painting of MargOH! and Nellie

Hi Kids,

I just received the painting of MargOH! and Nellie done by the my friend Phoebe. She is a fabulous artist and I can't wait until she does a show in NYC! She is a gorgeous person and very witty!!!!

I am re-posting the pic of the piece for your viewing pleasure

Thank you Phoebe, its fabulous!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Thank you Loves 2

Hey Kids,

I had a fabulous show on Friday. I rarely pat myself on the back but I must say I killed!!!

The 14th show I was a little off, well a little in the bottle and had a rough night I feel!

It of course is fabulous to do well and of course I have many people to thank!

My darling director and Singing Sensation Jeff Catlow. His rendition of "Fever" was a big hit and very sexy. "Things" was a hoot this time, very Sonny and Cher...

My dearest Ann Carr and her fabulous character Chris Cuttler(Outward bound Guru). You are a inspiration for my getting up on stage, Love ya!!!

The cute and smoldering and sexy piano guy Jarad Astin. Jarad is just great and I think at this point he is my dear friend and of course my Musical Diretor...very exciting, thank you doll!!!!


To my doorman and best friend Mike Dantico, move to the city already. He is the doorman of all doormen and can work a room like no other!! My shows never seem right when he's not around....Someone told me he looks a lot like Berna, mmmm I don't see it but to each his own!

To the d-lounge and Jason and the boys, great guys all around, very fun and willing to do whatever MargOH! wants... I think MargoH! will call the d-lounge her home base at the moment, its a fun joint and the drinks are pretty cheap!

I'm so inspired I think I am going to do a holiday show and I think it will be an ode to Sully. I will call it "A Fishmongers Christmas"

Kisses,

MargOH!

kids, I'll be back

Hey Kids,

Its been a wild weeekend and I'm recovering and I have a bit of an issue about my last post.

This girl named Stoli is now saying that I'm her mother. I think she is a bit tapped. I never had a baby, jeez. She's insisting I banged her father Stumpy Jones... I don't remember so I am meeting up with her again to get all of this settled. What a silly girl. MargOH! a mother please... I can barely fathom that..

I'll keep you updated!

Oh yes, Berna is still on the Lamb at Kathie Lee's but now I've heard she is also doing some light dusting at Eartha Kitts....

Kisses, MargOH!

Jury Duty and Stoli, yeah right!

Hey Kids,

Can you believe I was called for Jury Duty, Me! A celebrity of my magnitude! How dare they! Plus, I had to be there at 8:45am. I'm usually out until that time...How inconvenient!!!

I borrowed Shirley's driver to take me down there. Downtown is such a bore and I very rarely go down there. I decided to wear something skimpy so my boobs hung out a little. Maybe they would think I was a slut and let me go. I have my show tomorrow and this is most troublesome. I still have no Berna so who would take my bags, the Temp I got left as well! I am in a kawinkadink!

So I get there and they took my flask away, it kept going off in the metal detector, it was just cranberry juice... yeah right and a little vodka...Then as I passed the detector I saw the cop drinking it, pig!

I yelled "I better get that back on my way out!"

Then I was placed in this very dull room and forced to watch a film with loads of idiots and Diane Sawyer in it. Making us think its fun to be a juror...yuk. Thankfully some gal named Stoli recognized me. She leaned over and said.

"You are MargOH! Channing? right?

I replied "Well, yes"

Stoli said, "Oh I love your show and how could I ever forget that time you were on the "Munsters"

I couldn't believe she remembered my role as "Bank lady # 6 in "The Munsters".

She went on to say that her father was an extra for years and he always spoke of the legend of MargOH! and how you disappeared from the scene after your divorce. She said her father worked with me on "The Apple Dumpling gang rides again". I asked his name and she replied Stumpy Jones.She also said she had been wanting to contact me for years but couldn't find my number or my whereabouts.

I remember "Stumpy" , I said. He only had one leg and was always cast in pirate films or old west type crap.

Stoli said, that stumpy always talked about MargOH! best sex he ever had, she said

I replied. "I never had sex with Stumpy, Stoli, That was like 79, around the time I got caught with Neil Sedaka and my marriage was in trouble. I was in a bit of a haze around that time. That was the last thing I did before they called me "Box Extra Poison" .

"I really don't remember sleeping with your father but who knows", I added,
I was such a slut"

Stoli then said, that her dad spent the whole year with me, followed me to Bangkok and everything.

I couldn't remember any of this. I was in a fog. Then the clerk started calling names and of course they called mine. Crap!

So I got up and tried to tell them I couldn't possibly be a juror and that I had a show.

Stoli slipped me her number and made me promise to call her.

I was still shocked at all this info about Stumpy Jones so I gave her my number as well.

I then was brought into the Jury selection room and they started asking questions of the people. I had my answer ready. No matter what they asked me I knew what to say.

They got to me and asked me if I had ever used drugs.

I replied

"I slept with Fidel Castro in 1970, he banged me over his grand piano"

The next thing I heard was. You're dismissed and they stamped my card, not able to serve.

Great, thank goodness....


Now, I gotta call that Stoli! or is that drink some

Kisses, MargOH!

One More Show!

Hey Kids,

One more show to go for old MargOH! on Friday...

I just got a call from Sully. She is coming!!!

Crap, I can't beleive it. The fishmonger home pitched in for her to fly here but she got held up in Chicago because she tried to smuggle her fish oil suppository on board.

Yikes, so she was being questioned. I had to call and explain that Sully is no terrorist. She only terroizes my sister Rita and I... I added.

They agreed to let her go but didn't grant my request to send her back. The security guy says a daughter should look after a mother mmmmm Sully is no normal mother. She is 78 but looks like she's my age with a saltier edge to her. She has been dating an orderly at the home, he's 32. She's a slut

She's a nightmare, help!!!!!

This is why I need as many people I can to come to the show to take my mind off Sully.

Kisses, Kids

MargOH!

Demi damn crazy

Hey Kids,

So during fashion week I went to the Marc Jacobs show with my gal pal Sally Kirkland. I always go with Sally, she is the kook that fashionista's like to invite. I think it makes them feel like they still have a purpose if there are still fashion challenged celebrities. Sally tries but she is a tall gal with huge feet and for some reason she always tries to pull out her best Janis Joplin impersonation for FW.

Anywho, we were sat in the second row and I was plopped down next to Leon hall, my god if he gets one more facelift he's gonna look like , well I don't think he can look like anyone else, he's too odd looking. Anyway, he said, Maggie doll, you still doing movies. I said of course Leon, I just got done filming with Drew and Hugh in some crap romance film coming out soon. I told him about my shows and I think he may be coming on Friday...

Then all of a sudden the crowd went nuts, Demi and Ashton Kutcher walked in. You would think Princess Diana rose from the dead. Demi shot me a look and nodded to Sally. Ashton leaned in and gave me a big smacker on the cheek, Leon and sally as well, he's so metrosexual!!

I saw Demi grab his leg and demand he sit down. Ashton looked annoyed and kept talking to Sally, we'd never met so she introduced. Ashton was sweet and added he thinks he remembered me from "Common Law Cabin".

"You're the one with the big tits"
he said.

I said yes, but nodded I had had a reduction in the 80's. The knockers were killing my back. Ashton then told me he used to have Russ Myer film parties all the time so that is why he remembered me. He leaned in and hugged me then out of the blue he cupped my ass and squeezed.

Demi just happened to look over and see it and she turned into GI jane and started to flip out. She grabbed him and downed her glass of champers. Then I heard her say something about Granny Chasing. I of course pushed Leon out of the way and grabbed her shoulder and said

"Listen Demi, I'm not too much older than your old ass, you could be his granny you old hag so back off".

Ashton looked embarrassed and asked us to stop and apologized for grabbing my tush, he didn't know what came over him. I think he said that he was just amazed at how well I looked, what a sweety.

Demi snapped at me again and said "Get away from my man" then shot me the evil eye. The show started so she smiled and turned away...

Ashton winked and smiled... Then the whole ordeal was over but at least I know I can still get the young ones hot.

Afterwards Ashton saw me coming out of the restroom and told me he had actually masturbated to one of my scenes in CLC. I thought how sweet!!! I am glad I could be some assistance to him... He hugged me and them gave me another squeeze..

He said "talk to you later , MargOH! I gotta find my old lady"

That says it all kids!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

PS... The collection was fabulous by the way

Check me out on broadway world on "Thats Kentertainment"

Hey Kids,

Ken Kleiber put me in a show thats playing on Broadway world...I'm mixing it up with Kiki and Herb... Not bad for "The new Girl in town"

check it out!!

Kisses, M

Video Clip from "The Duplex"

Hey Kids,

Here is a video clip from my show at "The Duplex". It came out a bit grainy but I'll do better next time. I'm lost without Berna's technical expertise....that witch

Thank you Loves!!!

Hey Kids,

Had a fabulous show last night!! I will post some pics and share soon...

We had a great turnout and that was fantastic.

MargoH! of course got a little tipsy and screwed up a few lines but this is my work in progress which in industry terms means the show may suck but we'll get it right eventually!!!

LOL

Thanks to all the kids that stopped by to check out little old MargOH!

Chris Tuttle(martini club member) and Joe Kovaks who now helms my favorite old gal Madame , my boys Shawn and Renee and so many others I can't even list...

A special thanks to my guest Kenny Kleiber for his wit and fantastic comic timing...

To my Jeff catlow for his fabulous rendition of "Fever" , very hot

My darling piano man Jarad Astin who is a party animal just like me, I love it!!!

And to my temp Samantha Rowan who jumped into Berna's shoes just great

My darling Rob for manning the door, a very sexy job and he did it top notch

The d-lounge and Jason and that sexy and cute waiter, very hot!!!

I'll post some pics later and tell you about a couple of the fashion shows I went to and my little spat with Demi Moore....its spookey, I can't help it if Ashton felt my ass...get over it Demi

Kisses, MargOH!

PS

my suspicions were right. Berna is at kathie Lee Giffords in connecticut. I called Raul, Kathie's pool boy I had hot sex with last year... He said that Berna was living it up with spa treatments and gorging herself with havarti cheese....Kathie is not even making her do anything but clean up after Coty...and sewing irregular clothes from her wal mart line... witch

I have a call into Kathie but she is not taking the call. Berna is in big trouble , when i get a hold of her, she's in for it, Leaving me in my hour of need!!

How dare she after all I've done for her!!!!

Getting them to go

Hey Kids,

I must say that self promotion sucks....I woke up this morning and Berna is gone. She left me a card that says she's tired of my antics and is going to Greener acres..the card is a musical one that plays the green acres theme....I think she took Kathy Lee Gifford up on her offer...she'll be back.... but now I have to get someone to do my changes backstage, maybe Glenda the super...damn!! Maybe I'll get a temp...

Back to self promotion...You see I haven't got much work lately and the cash flow is a bit slow as of late, though I am shooting the "Dallas" film right after the shows..5,000 a day for 15 days, thats 75, 000 smackers.... That should last me through November I guess..

Anyway, since I'm the new gal in town as far as Cabaret goes its not easy gettin publicity of any kind...even though I'm a legend in the extra world, cabaret is my new frontier and quite frankly I can't even get a lisitng in Time out....Its a bit sad and almost maddening that MargOH! has to schlep for her own publicity...Yikes

I do have a large network of friends and most are coming to the shows but some can't and that is just fine, MargOH! understands..Berna get me my champers, Oh wait Berna's not here...Now I have to get my own Champers, good lord...

I'm so looking forward to the show and I hope for a good turnout or I may have to start turning out trix to get people to come....Well I mean they don't know what they are missing, really...

See you at the show kids...Now I'm going over to Christopher street to hand out promo's to the homo's...

Kisses, The Big M

My deepest Sympathies

Hey Kids,

I just wanted to say how sad I was to hear about the passing of Daniel Smith, Anna Nicole's son.

I didn't know him personally but he always seemed like a very kind and gentle soul in the whirlwind that is Anna.

I am a big fan of Anna's and I just admire her grit, she can be messy at times but who isn't?

Again, The MargOH! send her best thoughts to Anna.

Have to believe in Magic

Hey Kids,

So busy with last minute show preperations that my posting is bad, my deepest apologies....

I have no idea why I made the title of this blog what I did....

Is it because MargOH! is Magic....

Only you know!!!

I'll be back with more soon, I promise my kiddies

Kisses, The Big M

I'd like to thank the Academy

Hey Kids,

As per my post a few days ago about my meeting with Meryl and Diane and the little gift I took as pay back for Meryl being mean to me...

Well I have been in negotiations with the Academy for the return of Meryl's oscar for best supporting actress for Kramer vs. kramer. I already had Berna etch my name in over Meryl's...LOL

Anyway Meryl had called the Academy and said she lost it(she couldn't remember what happened, too much scotch) but Diane called and said I borrowed it so they called me and I said Meryl gave it to me whilst on a drunk.

The Academy was not concerned about how I got it(though they were upset with Meryl for leaving her oscar in her atrium) but how they can get it back and of course I'm more than willing to return it but for a pretty penny of course.

I really want to keep it but they insist it is "The Academy's" property and either has to be returned to Meryl or them immediatly.

I don't know kids, how much should I ask for? I think I may ask for 10 grand and six cases of Champers...

I'll keep you updated.....

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! Outakes

MargOH! Speaks

Hey Kids,

I am hard at work tuning up the next shows and have been brewing on some subjects that have my goat.

During my recent visit to P-town when I spent a fab weekend at Jw's place Mink stole and I were hitting all the hot spots, beach by day and then of course off to T-dance. Mink and I of course are known by the gays so they all just go wild when we are around and thats just fun, free drinks for everyone I say... Though I must say I had a moment when I noticed a young man all by himself, an average lad, not too cute but not too homely either, just fine so I made my way over and said hi.
He said hi and I asked him why the long face?

He replied that he had come up with 2 of his lesbian gals and were on the 3rd day of the visit but were having a horrible time. He told me how he kept getting treated badly by complete strangers including bad service from his hotel staff, waiters, you name it. His lesbian pals joined us and were also telling me that they had breakfast and waited for 30 minutes to have their order taken whilst their waiter pandered to some muscle boys who came in after them, they felt that they were being treated badly because of their looks.

Could this be? So I started to look around and take note. I must say that I did see some of this behavior right at tea dance, a chubby guy was waiting at the bar for 15 minutes waiting to get served but when I went to the bar the bartender almost knocked down the barback to get to me. I felt bad for the chubby one and bought him a drink. The rest of the trip I kept mental notes and realized this was happening everywhere , from the shops to the restaurants...these not so good looking gays were being discriminated against!!!!! Now I can't blame good looking people but I can blame the shallowness of those who were throwing attitude to the poor average looking patrons, it was very sad and I must say a little miffed at those gays.

People its not looks that make a person, its the heart that leads to greatness so please treat people with respect no matter how ugly they are...

by the way the average looking gave me the best sex of the summer season so take that silly gays!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

New Show Promo, Come to the Cabaret