Sunday, February 12, 2006

Pretty Girls get "GOUT" too

Hey Kids,

I had a huge weekend planned(I was going to hang out with Beyonce and Kelly),but when I woke up Friday morning I could barely walk.

Well I had Berna carry me to the doctors and I was rushed in due to my telling them I was suppose to meet Beyonce and Kelly Roland at Barney's for Tea and light refreshments. Dr. Chow took one look at my foot and said you got the "GOUT".

Of course I had no idea what he was saying so I thought he was referring to the fact I hadn't taken a shower so I slapped him in the face. Berna calmed me down and said "Gout" is a form of Arthritis caused by the build up of Uric acid in the blood. She told me that it was considered an aristocratic ailment and I should be happy about that. I slapped her as well and said "What in the Gout am I gonna do, I can't even put on a mule".

The doctor asked what I had been eating and I said "Nothing but beets and red wine"(I've lost 15 pounds kids). "I see" he said and shook his head. "You have probably made your body go into Uric shock by mixing red wine and Beets". "You Must stop it at once ,especially the Red Wine", he said. I slapped him again.

I guess I can lay off the beets but give up red wine, never. I pleaded , doctor. What can I do?. He said, "you must eat and drink your weight in Black Cherry juice and celery to help flush out the Uric acid". I slapped him again

"Can I put vodka in the Cherry juice" , I pleaded.

"MargOH!, I think you have to give up the booze", Dr. Chow said

The next thing I remember was waking up in my Bed with a pitcher of Cherry juice on my bed table with Berna standing over me. I screamed.

"You passed out from the shock of no more booze". "Drink this".

I gulped down the Cherry juice and nursed my "GOUT" all weekend. It hurts!!! I of course missed tea with Beyonce and Kelly but they did send a note and it read.

Dear MargOH!,

We heard about your illness and were shocked. We didn't know that Pretty girls get GOUT. I thought that was only something fat girls get, you know like Star Jones Reynolds.
We are sending you a bowl of fresh cherries so we can meet up with you soon. Nurse that GOUT girl!

Check it,

Beyonce and Kelly

Aren't they the sweetest things and so are these cherries. Berna get me the damn vodka to add to this bowl, the cherries need something.

wish me luck on my recovery, ouch



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