Nellie McKay = Magic

Hey Kids,

The one thing I really love about living in New York City is that I am able
to attend some wonderful events.

Last night my darling "Gay Fiance" MAN-ee, Berna , the lovely Nicole Horton and myself dragged our asses to Williamsburg. Yes, Williamsburg....even on the L train...If you don't know about the L train let me just say MargOH! was so overheated that my waterproof mascara became liquefied and I looked very Emo...so i fit right in...

The trip was well worth it and not just because of the special brownies our pal Nicole made but for my darling Nellie McKay.

Nellie is one of those performers who has it...I'm not sure what "it" is exactly..is it her sense of nostalgia?, is it her vintage style?, is it her charming wit?, is it her sparkling rich voice? Well i think "it" is all of those things.

My darling Nellie came out onto the stage with her books of music and dropped it on the floor in a heap. It has become her signature and what a fun entrance.

The first thing you notice about Nellie is her striking vintage flare... it's not easy to wear vintage clothes but she always chooses the perfect dress for herself. Last night it was a pink dress with a chiffon overlay ,very cute.

Then it's the voice which over the years just gets better and better. It has become very rich and full of warmth especially in the song "I am Nothing". Nellie of course can get cheeky and she does on "Mother of Pearl" and "Pounce". My favorite part of the evening was when she did a tribute to Kitty Carlisle Hart. Nellie said she felt so bad when she came to see "Threepenny Opera" because of all the foul language and that she was dressed in a yellow suit and looked like a very elegant bumblebee. Nellie then busted into " A night at the opera" in the 30's style that it was originally sung by Kitty and it was fantastic and spot on.

It was a fabulous evening and Nellie is in great form and I just think she is the tops. She is a modern day Peggy Lee, bold, brassy, cute and sassy.

We spent the evening sitting with her mom Robin and I must say she is a great lady. I told her Nellie is magic to me and she smiled knowing exactly what I meant...


Kids get your asses out and buy Nellie's new CD "Obligatory Villagers". It's fantastic!!

Kisses, MargOH!

New Show Promo

Hey Kids,

In honor of my international fans MargoH! is doing a command performance of "What makes a legend drink most?".

I plan to be on fire that night so get your asses to the duplex cabaret mother fuckers...

Kisses, MargOH!

Brett Somers

Hey Kids,

One of my favorite drinking pals has passed away. Brett Somers and I worked together on a Love Boat episode and became fast friends. She was a one of a kind gem and she will be missed.

I recall one time being invited to her house for a party when she was married to Jack Klugman and I had a blast. It was the seventies kids and it was a key party if you get my drift. That's when everyone swaps partners for a bit of the sex... It was my first and unfortunatly I picked Tony Randall....I loved Tony but he wasn't interested in banging me so we grabbed a cocktail and made moaning and groaning noises...I think he wanted Jamie farr from MASH but didn't have the balls to say so... He used this story for years to say he was straight...mmmm.

Anyway Brett was a blast and she was funny as hell. It was her natural state of being. She didn't have to try and be funny, she just was. Comic Genius!

The Pic I posted is of Brett and Charles Nelson Reilly, a great comic duo...

If you get a chance check out a "Match Game" episode or "The Odd Couple".

She was a real dame.

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! RAW: A Command Performance

Hey Kids,

I just booked a show , November 13 @ 9:30pm. I will be returning to the Duplex cabaret in the village. It's good to be in gaysville...

My friends from the UK are coming so I am doing the show and throwing an after party at my pad. Berna's going to get cleaning and sprucing up the joint.

See ya at the party kids...

Kisses, M

Chapter 2 "WHERE LIFE BEGINS" Session 1

Hey Kids,

Here is the first session of chapter 2 "Where Life Begins". We recorded these sessions in Provincetown while vacationing. We had so much fun and being by the ocean really made all my memories even more colorful and vivid.


Hester "Bones" Crabtree- MargOH! do you need a hat or anything. The sun is so hot today.

MargOH!- Oh, no Hester. I love the sun and I need it today and I also need that hunk over there, yawza, very sexy. My goodness, the beach is so gorgeous today.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Yes, he is cute isn't he. Yes, it is gorgeous but really hot, I'm sweating like crazy.

MargOH!- Here, let me spritz you with this (spritzing hester with water).
Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Is that vodka?, it smells of booze.

MargOH!- Yes, I put a little in the water spritzer, it's good for the skin you know Hester

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- I wasn't aware vodka was good for the skin

margOH! Oh, well That's what Sully says, so who knows(Laughing). Now , lets start with me leaving home today. If we need to go back about Sully or Salty we can. I just think this is the most important part of my story.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Sully has many odd home remedies (laughing) fish oil, vodka, I wonder what will be next (laughing). Yes, MargOH! of course we can start wherever you want.

MargOH!- Things were going horrible and mother was drinking more. I'd stopped going to school for the most part to help at the fish shop. Then one day Sully comes running in the store screaming and jumping up and down. She said there was a huge haul of Tuna coming in and that we were going to make a ton of money. Then like two minutes later loads of Tuna started being dumped off at the shop. It was insane, Rita, myself and Sully stated skinning a deboning right away. It was a bloodbath in that store with fish bones and carcases all over. We had to shut down for two days just to clean up. It was disgusting but that Tuna did as Sully said. Made her a ton of money. She of course ran out and bought new outfits, jewelry and like twenty pairs of shoes. She did give Rita and myself one full outfit, wow. She was so kind. Then she told us she was going to buy a car and was missing for two days. When she came back without the car I asked her where it was and she told me she decided to take us on a trip instead.

She grabbed me by both arms and told me we were going to New York City for a week. The she started crying and sobbing that we were also going to see Judy, Judy Garland that is, Live and in concert at Carnegie hall.


Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Wow, MargoH! You must have been excited?

MargOH!- Oh, sure. It was more like disbelief. I couldn't believe that I a daughter of a fishmonger was going to see Dorothy live and in person. It was 1961, a year I will never forget. I was twelve and at that moment my world seemed glorious. Then Sully slapped Rita and I with the fact that she only had enough money for one ticket to the concert so she loaned us out to shuck oysters down at Fulton Fish market for one of her buddies for 5 days. I should have known that there was a catch. Sully was notorious for giving you something with strings.


Hester "Bones" Crabtree- How sad? You'd already worked so hard on the Tuna.

MargoH!- Yes, but I was used to Sully and her games. To me I just was so excited about going to New york and seeing Judy, it was worth it in my eyes. it turned out to be very hard work and our hands were bleeding by the end of it. You see all the scars on my hands, that's from that week.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Ouch! I see. You poor dear.

MargoH!- That wasn't the only thing bleeding, I got my first visit from my little friend that week. I asked Sully what to do and she said stick some tissue down there and don't bang anyone until I was eighteen.


Hester "Bones" Crabtree-Oh, dear! That is terrible.

MargoH!- Luckily it wasn't a very heavy flow that time so I just did what she said but I used a sock instead. The other thing that was bleeding was my nose when we got to our seats. We were so high up, it was scary. Once the overture started though it didn't matter. It was like magic. Judy walked onto the stage like she was walking on air. She then started to sing "When you're Smiling". Her voice boomed to the rafters. I started to shake and tears filled my eyes until a steady stream ran down my face. I looked to Sully and she also looked touched until I realized she had fallen asleep with her eyes open so I shook her and she yelled out get me another scotch and then slumped down in her chair.

I just looked back at the stage and as I watched Judy belt it out I knew I wanted to be a star. I then looked at Rita and grabbed her hand, then I realized that I couldn't go back to Bangor. That concert changed my life (sobbing). When we left that hall that night I broke free from Rita's had and got lost in the crowd. I remember exactly what i said. "See ya later Sully", then I turned back to the hall and said "Thank you, Judy"(crying and grabbing for tissue).


Hester "Bones" Crabtree- What a moment for you MargOH! I think we should stop here.


MargoH!- Yes, that's good. I'm going to take a dip in the ocean. When I get back I'll tell you about my Aunt Trudie.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Aunt Trudie? can't wait.

Kisses, MargOH!

Britney

Hey Kids,

I really am wondering who is handling Britney at the moment because they are doing a terrible job.

I wish her mother had taken me up on my offer for Berna and myself to manage her. I would have put Britney in a long sultry gown and had her belt out a ballad at the VMA's after a month of voice lessons of course.

It is obvious that she was pumped up on xanax or oxycontin or a horse tranquilizer because of her motionless body, that girl was relaxed....

What is really shocking is that her people do not realize that throwing her in skimpy outfits just doesn't work any longer. You can tell she knew she stunk and the choices being made for her and by her are just plain stupid.....

I'm calling out to Britney to let me handle her career and she will be back on top...MargOH! knows how to spin shit into gold and potato's into vodka...

Britney Lets work it girl!!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Chapter 1 "Little Star" Session 4

Hey Kids,

Here's the 4th installment of Chapter 1...



Hester"Bones" Crabtree- Wow, MargoH! It must have been horrible to lose your father so suddenly and then find out he wasn't your father at all?

MargOH!- Yes, Well, no. I think I blocked that out at the time and made believe she never said it. The only daddy I knew was my daddy Salty and I loved him, Rita and I both did. I think we were the only ones that thought he was a good man. The rest of the family thought he was a screw-up. I mean he had a few problems but who doesn't.

Hester"Bones" Crabtree-What kind of problems, drinking?

MargOH!- Oh, well everyone in my family were booze hounds so they always looked at it like and I quote Sully "We're not drunks, we just like to drink, there is a big difference"(laughing). I kind of took on that motto, Hester! Berna get me another martini (laughing). The problem was that Daddy secretly liked transsexuals. He had a fascination with Ed Wood and would watch that movie Glen or Glenda over and over on his projector along with some other tranny reels he had. He was either working in the fish store or in the shack watching porn. He loved us though and always gave us candy and ice cream.

Hester"Bones" Crabtree-Well, at least you knew he loved you as if you were his own?

MargOH!- Oh, I think he thought I was his, Sully never told him about Briney.

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- Oh, I see. It's all a bit confusing. Did you ever try to find Briney?

MargOH!- No, not at all. There wasn't any time. I was eight years old and was put to work in the fish shop. Rita and I were like Sully's little slaves. She would open the store and stay a few minutes and then run to the local pub "scuppers" for a few boiler makers then return and slump in her chair. We were always taking orders, waiting on customers. I was tall for my age so I could see over the counter. Rita did most of the skinning and deboning. God, I hated it especially shucking oysters.

I told "Snappy" I wanted to move in with her but they had no room with all the butlers they had. Plus, she pretty much cut off Sully after daddy died so she hardly came around. She also treated me a bit different after Sully spilled the beans about my real father. Instead of calling me her "Little Star" she called me her "Little Orphan Haddie"(grabbing tissues and sobbing).

Honestly, I was never convinced that this Briney person was my father. Sully slept with a lot of the merchant marines and fisherman. It could have been any one really. This portion of my life from eight to twelve were really dark for me. I knew I had to leave Bangor but didn't know how to. I knew why I had to leave but didn't know the when and the where.

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- MargOH! you had a lot to deal with at a young age, very traumatic. I'm not sure how you made it through?


MargOH!- I think I always knew I would pull myself out of the tragic elements of my life. You learn how to deal with life when you are looking from the bottom up. I'm not saying I'm unique, Hester. If you can take those little positive things in your life, even if it's being called "Little Star". That's something to build on and I had the sense to know that, Hester. Do you know what I mean, Hester?

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- Yes, I do understand (tears, blowing nose). You still are that "Little Star" looking up aren't you

MargOH!- Well,....

Hester"Bones" Crabtree- No, that's a rhetorical question, I know you are. I think this is a perfect ending to chapter one. Let's start chapter two in Provincetown.

MargOH!- Oh, grand. Yes, being by the ocean will inspire me, by all means lets pick up down there.


Kids, we'll be back with chapter 2..

Is this what NYC has become? (Very sad)

Chapter 1 "Little Star" Session 3

Hey Kids,

Here is the third installment of the book..

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Now MargOH! you spoke of a scandal about your step grandfather Jonathan Jones. What was it all about?

MargOH!-(Burp)Oh, excuse me, that cheddar cheese is so heavy. The scandal, mmm. It devastated "Snappy". She was a quivering mess. It really was a shame. Jonathan was caught giving a hummer to a sailor in the bathroom at "Scuppers".

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Whats so bad about Humming MargOH!?

MargOH!-(Laughing, Laughing and more Laughing) You really are from Maine aren't you dear. A Hummer is a special word for cock sucking, giving head, a blow job Hester.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Oh! dear. I didn't know. That is terrible

MargOH!- Well, I mean it's really not terrible, I 've given quite a few in my day Hester. It can be rewarding.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- No, I meant for your grandmother, she must have been devastated.

MargOH!- Yes, of course. "Snappy" was very proud. I think she was more upset that he did it in the bathroom. I remember them arguing about it and she said "Why couldn't you just suck it here you idiot, now everyone knows you are a queen". He was pretty stupid, even Sully knew to do everything behind closed doors. After that Jonathan lost his credibility and lost most of his local business. Not that he stopped sucking cock, mind you. "Snappy" started hiring rather gay butlers after that to keep Mr. Jones in the house. She really was a smart woman and she even hired one for herself. In the end they were a very happy couple. We moved out right after that mess. My daddy "salty" finished the new house. It was cute, it had a bathroom, very swank (laughing).

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- How many rooms did this home have?


MargOH!- it was huge, it was a cape style. I think it had 6 or 7. Rita and I had our own rooms, so it was 3 bedrooms. Daddy did a great job, it was pretty. Of course Sully complained about everything. She drove him mad with her complaining, nothing was good enough for her. She became more of a nightmare when she won the state chowder cook off at the local fair. It was actually a lobster bisque. It was the first time a bisque had won. She ran around the house drinking scotch and making demands saying "I'm the chowder queen and you must do as I say". She rubbed it daddy's face because he entered his seafood chowder and didn't place, he was defeated.

Please, I won "Little Miss Crabclaw" at the fair and it wasn't even acknowledged. Well "Snappy" was there. One of the butlers made me this fabulous gown, with a fishtail of course. I performed one of "Snappy's" original songs "Blow Jonny Blow". It was a big hit. Sully even took my tiara and wore it, she was such an attention hog , really.

I was almost eight when Sully went too far and daddy got really drunk on his shine, they had a big fight. He broke her chowder cook-off trophy and she went ballistic. Rita and I were hiding under the table for the devil came out of that woman that night. I swear her head spun around and everything. She tried to stab daddy but he got out of the house. It was the last time we saw him (MargOH! grabs a tissue, crying)

Berna Bring me a dirty martini, I'm not sure if I can go on.


Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Are you OK? MargOH!, its important we get the whole story. Berna make me one too.


Berna- Oh, sure! I'll get it for you Hester. Oh, Please stop that whining, at least you had a father ya old whore. here's your drinks. it's only 8:30 am ya know. Guess the 12pm rule is out the door.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree-Berna, do you have t be so mean, really. This is not easy for MargOH! It's hard to go down memory lane.

MargOH!- Oh, that's okay Hester, Berna's a mean old bitch, no matter(Takes a Huge sip). Get me another Bern.

Now, yes. I can do this. It was the last time we saw daddy alive, that is. He stumbled out of the house. He was missing for a week before they found him by the Jetty down in Bar Harbor. They said they found him dead covered in Starfish, sucked alive. I'll never forget it. Ranger Bob came to the door and told us daddy was dead and Sully didn't even cry. She took the starfish Ranger Bob gave her that he said they pulled off his mouth and handed it to me and said. "Here's something to remember your father by. I started to cry. Then Sully said "Don't cry Haddie(MargOH!'s real name), he wasn't your real father anyway, your real father is a man named Briney Boggs".

I stood there in shock holding a dead starfish (crying). Rita hugged me and Sully gabbed her purse and left the house. I felt very alone and confused.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- My goodness, MargOH! I didn't know. How horrible! I think we should take a break.

MargoH!- Yes, that would be best. I need to call my agent Shecky anyway and see why Willard Scott got my voice over gig for "Smuckers". That old coot!


I'll be back...

Kisses, MargOH!

I'll be back

Hey Kids,

I'm feeling much better. Hester and I are putting the next section of Chapter 1 up soon...And I'm getting a new video camera to use this new video blogger thingy....Thanks for your patience kids...August has been a crazy month..

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH!'s got the Flu

Hey Kids,

I can't believe it...I've got the bug, the flu, the rickets or whatever you want to call it... I haven't been this sick since 1978 when I got ill after making out with Disco sally at studio 54, she had some sort of fungus on those denture's.. anyway...

My doctor told me that this may be a warning sign of the menopause...I doubt it, Sully, that's mother is 86 and still is fertile and zesty. I think I've been staying in too much..after the last shows I was pooped so I've been bunkered in. I think I've got to dust of my webs and head out for a party....

Berna get me a bottle of ginger brandy and some tabasco..I gotta get rid of this sore throat and get my ass outta here.

I'll be back this week with more of my memoirs so stay tuned..

Kisses, MargOH!

Chapter 1 "Little Star"

Hey Kids,

This is my first post towards chapter one. Hester is recording everything so this was our first session word for word. I will be posting this as it was recorded but Hester is creating chapters for my book. How exciting?

Kisses, M

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "Good Morning, MargOH! Can I get you a juice or coffee before we start

MargoH! Channing- "Good Morning, Hester. Did you sleep well? Are you sure sharing the bed with Berna is not too much? Juice...as long as there is champagne in it dear".

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "OH, Miss Channing of course. I'm sorry, let me get you a mimosa."

MargOH! Channing- "Yes, dear that would be best and please call me MargOH!, Miss. Channing is for Carol and please put the drink in that 36oz champagne glass. The first chapter will be hideous to get through".

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "Here you are Ms., Oh, I mean MargOH! Let me fluff up that pillow. I love the Sete' you bought for this, it's gorgeous".

MargOH! Channing- "Thank you, hopefully Berna won't get it dirty".

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "Where would you like to begin? Your career, your childhood? we can go in any order you would like"

MargOH! Channing- "The beginning of course, I think I'll start from the beginning, I think that's best Hester but please get me another Mimosa first"

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "You're done already, Oh, of course MargOH!"

MargoH! Channing- "Just bring the champagne, forget the juice"

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- "Here you are, ready, okay here we go. MargOH! where were you born?"

Working Title- An Unscripted life- The True MargOH! Channing


Chapter One- "Little Star"

I was born May 20, 1948 in a boat on a small pier in Bar Harbor, Maine. The family actually lived in Bangor but my daddy worked the piers as he was a Fish monger. My mother Sully said she was hauling haddock off a boat when she started to go into labor. I was born in 8 minutes after her water broke, so she says. In later years she started calling me Orca after that movie came out because she said I spilled onto the deck. Unfortunatly she decided to name me haddock, haddie for short because of the circumstances.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- So your real name is Haddock? How facsinating. What was your home life like?

It was always hectic. Making a living off of fish is hectic and tiring work. My daddy Salty worked very hard and he tried his best to provide for us. He was a third generation Fish monger and for some reason still lived in the family home. The home was actually a shack that my great grandfather built but my daddy added rustic floors he got from a shipwreck and a second floor. We had no running water or plumbing though and I still can remember the smell of fish and crap. It stunk! The shack was very small with a living area and woodburning stove/cooker thing. The second floor had two bedrooms and that was it. I remember my parents fighting all the time about the shack and Sully screaming that we needed to move. She got her wish when I was 2, no it was 3. Sully accidently fell asleep smoking one of her cigarettes and the place went up in minutes. We all got out because one of the walls just fell over, it was that rickety. You know I was a small child but I remember everything, isn't that strange Hester? I think it was all the fish oil, all those anti-oxidents...


Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Hmmmm


We then moved in with my grandmother "Snappy" Channing who had divorced my grandfather Sammy and married a wealthy Lumber Tycoon named Jonathan Jones. It is the house that Stephen King now owns. I remember being very excited about our new surroundings with grand staircases, fresh lush linens and toilets.

My grandmother was a very elegant woman and a smart dresser, thus her nickname. I'm not even sure what her real name was. I'll have to ask Sully. I do know one thing she hated my mother, mmm and my father as well. I think she hated my mother because they were very much alike, very strong willed and wanting more. She hated my father because she percieved him as weak. I think he was just gentle and was misunderstood. Grandmother loved me though. I remember her sitting at the grand piano singing shanty songs to me. She liked me to dance along and she told me I had lots of talent and that I was going places. She called me her "Little Star". I never could get that step -ball-change down, I didn't have any talent, really.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Miss Cha.., I mean MargOH!, you are very talented.

MargoH! Channing- Thank you, talented, not really, driven yes. Talent is in the eye of the beholder, Hester. It's what you make them feel...the more connection to them the bigger the talent. I don't get Tom Hanks, do you Hester? He makes me feel like crap. Get me another bottle of Champagne hester. Judy Garland had the most talent of all..Oh, Judy.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Oh, yes! One moment. Here you go, squeeze, not pop, right got it. Tom Hanks, he's okay. I think we're off track, Your grandmother.


Oh, yes. We lived with her for 2 years. My father built us a new house all on his own. Hester Can we take a break...I have to drop it on the one.

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Um, Oh , sure. Drop it on the one? MargOH!

MargOH!- I have to do number two Hester...

Hester "Bones" Crabtree- Oh, let me shut this off...

MargOH!'s going Loco, Oh I mean Logo

Hey Kids,

I'm back and had a fab vacation. Hester and I did a lot of my memoirs on the beach so I'll be posting the first part of chapter one after an edit.

So, I get back last night and flip on LOGO and they were having this debate/forum with presidential hopefuls.... It was more like a Gay marriage love fest...who is , who isn't, who may like it after their journey...It was all very...bad if you ask me!

Yes, it was historic in the sense that the forum happened and that is great but I thought that it was poorly presented....I only drank a half bottle of champagne, if something is good I usually have 2 at least...I spent most of the evening asking Berna if I was Bi and she a tranny because all I saw was a lot of polished gay men and a lesbian with a mullet...I also spent 20 minutes trying to get a viewer question through...but they only asked 2 in two hours...very strange I say.

Also, there are a lot of issues that weren't even covered, like the Iraq war(just a little war that's ruining the world), Health care(elderly gays need more help and housing), Billie Jean King(she has a fitness center and still weighs 220) and of course Human rights or does Human rights = Gay Marriage now..I guess so...

You all know MargOH! doesn't like to get to serious but c'mon here kids....We can and should do better for all of the community, not just the LOGO community of performers and a single trans and a Lesbian couple just to say they did.We need all of the LGBT community represented during these forums and we need to ask better questions.

Oh, I liked the 2 guys that have no chance of winning..Gravel and Kucinich. Just for the record the last time I looked a love child wore more colorful outfits. They speak the truth as they know it and isn't that refreshing.

Kisses, MargOH!

Vacation...All I ever wanted

Hey Kids,

MargOH!'s taking a week or so off to enjoy some rest and relaxation. I'm heading down to provincetown with my new friend and co-writer Hester, Linda Hunt, Polly Holiday and my gay fiance Jeff.. Berna was supposed to be going but she said she may join later in the week. I thought it best that I get around the shore to enhance my memory about my life and family....very exciting...

We've rented a lovely home, well I mean I'm not paying for it...I am a celebrity damn it! I'm staying at Diane VB's...it's a bit of a shack but we'll deal...Fried clams for everyone....By the looks of this picture I need a vacation....

I'll be back next week with the first chapter of my memoirs...it's very exciting!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Berna "Gaffer" for Letterman

Hey kids,

I hadn't seen Berna in over a week and the house is in shambles. I'm not sure what she thinks I pay her for.... She was away for weeks looking for the "Stumpy Jones" money which has now been divided up...but I borrowed Linda Hunt's maid Jo Jo to pick up around the house. Unfortunately Jo Jo told Linda she'd never do it again because she hurt her back taking out the recyclables. I guess champagne bottles do get heavy...

Anyway I went and knocked on Glenda the supers door. He came, I mean she came to the door all cranky and looked worse than usual. "have you seen Berna" , I asked. "Yeah, I got her a job filling in for one of my union buddies at the Letterman show". she replied.

"What", I said.

Glenda went on to tell me that Berna is the head "Gaffer" on the David Letterman show indefinitely. She started to tell me what a gaffer was but I know it's the electrician or lights manager, etc. Berna can barely change a light bulb, how in the hell did she get this job....

Glenda said she was winging it but my Friend said they love her. Glenda also added she's been hanging out with all the guests and going to parties. She spent 3 nights at Glenn Close's apartment re wiring her mood lighting. She's also been sitting on Dave's desk chatting and drinking tea with him before the taping. I swear that Berna can step in shit and still smell like a rose. Glenda also added that with overtime and bonuses she'll be pulling in six figures and maybe i should think being her apprentice...

How dare she!! I gotta get to the bottom of this and put the lights out on Berna's little moonlighting job. I mean working for Kathie Lee is one thing but Letterman is stepping way over the line....

Kisses, MargOH!

A New Chapter

Hey kids,

I'm very excited to let you know I'll be starting a new chapter of my blog...literally.

About a month ago I had a lovely woman named Hester come see my last show. After the show she introduced herself as the roving reporter for the "Bangor Penny Saver". She stated that she was sick of doing profiles on Stephen King (the most famous Bangor resident, she added that I was becoming a close second). How nice of her!

Anyway, she asked me if I'd ever thought of writing my memoir's? She added that everyone does now even if they only have one hit single but my career has spanned over decades and what an interesting read it would be.

Hester was very intense that I write a book, she also was very pushy about the fact that she would help me. I was at first a little hesitant but after she told me that her father now owned the fish shop where my father's store once stood I felt a bit misty and told her I would think about it.

After about forty dirty martini's and a bottle of champers I decided to tell Hester I would do it. I called her and told her that it would be a painful process for me but if I could get through it I would give her the exclusive. She took a drive down to see us this weekend...

Hester said that she would have to move in with Berna and I. Her dream was to pen this book directly from my words, we would tape record everything. At first I didn't realize what I was getting myself into, a stranger in my house for months? I had a second thought but then Hester said she would do light housekeeping and do liquor runs or whatever I needed for free. She said she could do her Penny saver duties via the Internet. I was still a little unsure....

Then Hester presented me with something she said she found while playing in back of the fish shop many years earlier. She said she was sure it belonged to my family. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was my daddies harmonica. I knew it was his because he had engraved his name on it "Salty" with his boning knife. It was a sign from daddy and I hugged Hester and told her to go home and get her things and get back as soon as possible. We had a book to write. She'll be back next week!

I called mother, that's Sully to let he know and that she better get ready because I was gonna spill the beans about our past. She was not happy at all but was to busy calling numbers at the Fish mongers Bingo that she told me as long as I don't reveal her age she didn't give a shit, how sweet!! BTW she's 86...LOL but honestly she looks 56, i think its all the cod liver oil she drinks and smears on her face.

This post is to let you know that Hester "Bones" Crabtree will be taking to writing my memoirs on this very blog. I will from time to time still keep you updated on my whereabouts and fun things, jobs, parties and of course let my fans know how much I adore them...

This is going to be exciting...move over Mr. King MargOH!'s telling her story!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Linda and Joan

Joan- Oh, Linda darling I can't believe we are working together again..Are you still with that instrumentalist?

Linda- Joan you know I've been divorced from him for years or do you have the onset of Alzheimer's, finally?

Joan- Now, Linda don't be insulted. Did you have more work? I don't recall you having such big lips on Dynasty..

Linda- Should I buy you a new wig baldie, yours is looking a bit tattered

Joan- How dare you!

Linda- Oh, Joan just shut up and smile for the damn picture so we can have a drink!

Joan- Cheers, Linda..

Kisses, MargOH!

Kathy Griffin Dream

Hey kids,

I gotta tell you that I woke up in a hot sweat this morning.

I had a dream that I opened for Kathy Griffin at a Rib joint in Sugarland Texas. You know the home of that little skating wonder bitch Tara Lapinski.

The dream started out fun with Kathy myself and Tara eating hot wings and all you can eat ribs from a place called Mo Greasies. We were washing them down with $2 margarita's. Life can't really get better than that...$2 Margarita's...please i had about 10 which would add up to 2 drinks in New York.

Tara was actually quite fun in the dream. She showed us the Johnny Weir tattoo she had put on her ass. He was in chaps and a cock ring and Tara said he was her gay dream boy.

Anyway, shoot to the show and I'm standing backstage waiting to go on but for some reason Tara was riding a horse around the stage trying to lasso gay cowboys in the audience. Kathy was screaming at Tara telling her not to hijack her gay cowboys and was chasing her and the horse around the stage.

It was a surreal dream!

I was trying to figure out what the name was for Bulls balls but I couldn't so I started whining to Kathy and she told me that drag queens don't cry. I of course responded...I'm not a drag queen and she was mistaken. The she said aren't you a Linda Dano impersonator..

AAAAh! I screamed and then woke up with Bulls balls on my mind...I got up and made a mimosa and had Berna make meat a rack of meatballs..Very scary dream....

Kisses, MargOH!

RIP Tammy Faye

Hey Kids,

I've spoken about how much I adored Tammy Faye. I like the article that I linked.

I'm a bit misty because I feel like we lost a very fun and Friendly soul.

A little zany, a little crazy , a little bad, a little sweet, a lot of love!

Kisses, MargOH!

OH! No Brigitte Nielson

Hey Kids,

One of my old drinkin pals has checked into rehab. AaargH! My girl Brigitte Nielson who I got to know after I did a bit part in Red Sonja is at a undisclosed rehab.

Brigitte is not addictive, she just like to drink like me. She must have started taking some pills or a little coke...After she got involved with that Flavor Flav she started getting a bit wild.

I gotta get Berna to find out where she is so I can send her a basket of assorted...booze. I'll have my liquor store to have them throw it together. I don't want her getting too thirsty.

It seems like ever since that Damn Amy Winehouse song every ones checkin into Rehab..but I think she is the one that really needs to go...

Kisses, MargOH!