Berna's back .....

Hey Kids,

Well it's been about 3 weeks and already Berna's gotten out of hand. I can't wait til the new shows start because she'll have less time on her hands. She'll have to be figuring out how to fit me into my costumes. I've gained a bit of weight over the winter, like 2 stone....I had one costume made in the fall, yikes I look like a sausage with 10 links in one....if you can imagine that?

Anyway, Thursday I went with Polly Holliday to see Zodiac. It was still playing and I needed a look at my baby Jake..yummy. We met at the Gramercy diner for a nosh and headed for the theatre.

Polly and I had a few drinks while eating and were a bit tipsy and feeling bold. It was free popcorn night for students so I pulled out my NYU school ID hoping to get us both free popcorn.

The girl laughed at me and said you're too old to be a student and that's not you.

I objected to her accusations and said that was too me, I had a bad dye job that week and that I was a continuing education student...

She then replied "You look like you've been continuing for 40 years to long".

Polly yelled out "Kiss her grits you punk and give us the god damn popcorn". She also grabbed her by the shirt and spat her gum at her.... I leaned over the counter and stuffed 2 bags full o corn while Polly grabbed 2 large soda cups.

The poor girl didn't know what hit her. She then said "Ain't you the lady from that show they been playing on ION network, you know "Alice" you Flo ain't you". Polly replied, "well yes". The the girl replied " well i would've given it to you for free if you a celebrity, cause you ain't no students" .

We quickly ran off hoping not to be kicked out. Polly and I laughed and laughed until the movie started..It was so long? It was good but my ass was killing me. The popcorn was great though.

I headed home, I was gone for like 5 hours and had a suspicion Berna may have had time to do something bad but then I figured what could happen on a Thursday night.

I opened the door and all I could hear was "Expose" blasting on the stereo and a bout 10 Mexican boys dancing with no shirts on while Berna ate Pizza on the couch. This really wouldn't have bothered me but she was nude and my couch is off white...Berna gets sweaty if you get my drift...

The phone kept ringing so I answered, it was all the Pizza places asking if I knew where their delivery guys were. The phone was ringing off the hook and there were like 10 large pizza's all over the floor.

Berna had broken into the liquor cabinet and all the boys were drinking my booze and messing up the joint. I of course started telling everyone to get the hell out but Berna starts yelling and telling me I'm a buzz kill and she never has any fun.

I told her that she's had nothing but fun since her gastric bypass and she's been sleeping around a bit much and she needed to calm down. It took me an hour to get them all out. The place was a mess and of course Berna ate too much pizza and started puking it all up.....

Aaaaaaaaaah , I screamed....I just can't win but what am I to do.....

Berna's back and don't I know it!!!

Kisses, MargOH!