The Plane, The Plane

Hey Kids,

The film shoot is running over...I'm still in Barcelona, not that I'm complaining, it's lovely.

I have a little time to tell you about my plane ride over...I joined the mile high club....I know, I know....I'm sure you all would think I'd done that before but I actually hadn't....

Of course I was flown over first class but thankfully Berna was in coach so I had time to relax and have a few drinkies..Well i sat across from a lovely named Bianca "Ra Ra" Benitez. She is actually a Spanish wrestler but she is a little person. i guess she had been over doing a stint for the wwf or something. She is very sexy and kind of looks like Penelope Cruz but with a large head and little legs...She also had a huge rack on her...implants i suspect..

Anyway, she was hot to trot for me as soon as I sat down. She was a bit aggressive and started demanding that the steward get me a drink right away...then she leaned over and said, "I wanna get you drunk toots" and smiled... I said " I already am" and smiled.

Bianca then leaned in and said "I know who you are". I said " I doubt it" and took off my sunglasses. she replied in a sexy Spanish accent "No, I know, you're Alaina Capri". I couldn't believe it...no one had said that to me in years, I was a bit shocked, my years as a Russ Meyer girl are just distant memories and I rarely think of it.

Russ and I had made a pact after he let me go that we'd never speak again, he made up a fake story about my life and I started out fresh, with a clean slate..Alaina never to be heard of again. Alaina is just folk lore to me really. It wasn't until after his death in 2004 that I let it out of the bag again.

I responded "Well Bianca, you must like the movies to know that....it's been years since anyone recognized me as Alaina". Bianca, replied "No, I like tits and you have the best in the business" I laughed and responded " Not anymore darling, I had a reduction, that's why Russ canned me, I threw out my back, I had no choice", then she pressed her hand to my lips and with her other hand cupped my breast, and said "Sure feels good to me"....Then she yelled to the steward.."where's the ladies drink, she's a legend".

Then we took off in more than one way...she grabbed my hand and rushed me into the bathroom and proceeded to do things I'd never even imagined. I won't go into too much detail but lets just say she had the biggest tongue I'd ever seen and boy could she use it...She really made this legend quiver....yawza!

Oh, gotta run Bianca and I are going out dancing tonight, she is bringing her friend to keep Berna occupied. I may try it again, you know lady love....Bianca is so cute and I like the way she treats me..like the star that I am. I sometimes forget how a legend should be treated and rarely expect special treatment but for once I feel the time is right, the film, embracing my inner Alaina and having an adoring little person after me is just so hot....

Kisses, MargOH!

Estelle Getty- One Funny Lady

Hey Kids,

I was just surfing the net after a long day of shooting. Sitting here in my old lady make-up and Berna out partying with one of the lovely spanish maids we have....I'm having a lovely Sangria and I must raise it to Estelle Getty who just passed away.

She is one of the first ladies of American Comedy..right up there with Lucille Ball I believe. I have always preferred female comedic dames over the men...Golden Girls was a fabulous show and a show I still watch religously. I never get tired of it because of the women who made it such a great all around show but to me Sophia was the best, Estelle's comic timing was perfect and the way she embodied that character was amazing. She left us with a fabulous body of work and I will keep enjoying it!!

Estelle is also a role model for grit and determination. She never gave up on her dream of being an actress and struggled for years to make it. She was in her early
60's when she landed the role in Golden Girls and became an international celebrity....wow...

Here's to you Estelle for all the Laughs

Kisses, MargOH!

Working hard, feeling old

Hey Kids,

Well I started shooting my scenes here in Barcelona. Gael Garcia Bernal is just a dream and we've been having so much fun. The only thing is that I play the part of a old Spanish peasant woman. I was shocked by the amount of time in the make-up chair, 6 hours, Now I know what Robin Williams went through in Mrs. Doubtfire, really. I decided to keep it on until wednesday when my scenes should be completed. I'm just amazed at the amount of lines I've been given and I feel so fortunate to have met gael at the fundraiser a few years ago. He said he would get me a role and wow he really came through. Now if I could just get him to take another kind of roll with me, I'd be thrilled but in this get up, I doubt it! I wonder what Penelope Cruz would do?

Berna and I have the flat through the weekend so at least I'll have a few days to find myself a young spanish lover.... I did have a little fun on the plane on the way over but that was with a young spanish gal....You know I'm Bi but very rarely take part in love with the ladies....not that I wouldn't like it more, it's just that i'm much more picky when it comes to the ladies I do the nasty with unlike the men.....I mean really men are men but women are more of a challenge, are the boobs perky or saggy, does she bikini wax or not, does she wear rose water or white diamonds...you get my drift. Anywho I'm off to the set....I'm posting a pic of me in make-up, you won't believe the transformation...

Kisses, MargOH!

Barcelona at last

Hey Kids,

I just landed in Spain, it's so fabulous....I just love old things and Barcelona just has that feeling of old, the architecture, the warmth, the men.....young or old Spanish men just are so sexy.....I'm staying in a lovely flat overlooking a market, very busy and a wine shop, thank goodness. Berna is here with me, I got to bring along a plus one for the shoot. I wanted to bring Linda Hunt but she's tending to Candice Bergan after her third tummy tuck...poor thing, big as a house... I have a few days just to hang out before the filming so we're gonna paint the town red or at least get hammered and find myself a young spanish lover...

I'm posting a picture from my balcony...so you can see what I see. I'll be back later to tell you about the plane ride....it was very interesting....

Kisses, M

Aunt Trudie is Alive?

Hey Kids,

It has been confirmed by my mother Sully (who just arrived from Kentucky to hopefully talk my Aunt Fawn to move back to Minnesota, god I've got a lotta aunts), that the woman in the picture basking in the sun and touching up her lipstick on the french riviera is my Aunt Trudie presumed dead in 1968 by drowning in the east river...

I found this picture by accident on the photo site flickr. I was stunned when it popped up, i contacted the photo taker and she told me she took a random photo on the riviera of France, my word..... You see I've longed for my Aunt Trudie, it was her that took me in as a young girl in search of the dream to become an actress. She took me under her wing, though more as her worker bee at her pub MargOH!'s on delancy street on the lower east side of Manhattan. It was actually Aunt Trudie who came up with my stage name and the bar was also where I was discovered by Russ Meyer.

After I'd moved to LA I got a telegram 6 months later that Aunt Trudie had a night of it with the gals at the pub and went skinny dipping in the east river and never came out. It was one of the saddest moments of my life. I also found out that day that she left me the pub. I wasn't shocked but at the time I was just getting started as a Russ Meyer girl, shooting films, attending Hollywood parties. I couldn't possibly go back to NY and run a run down pub with a backroom for lesbian's. That was Aunt Trudie's love, not mine, so I sold it and went on with my life.

Looking back now I regret the decision and wish I had gone back because in just a short few months Russ would dump me after just two films and a stick me with a pain in the ass wardrobe mistress Berna Breckenridge.....

Anyway, that's not important, it's finding Aunt Trudie that is what I need to focus on and I am. I immediately called Nicky Knockers to do a little PI job for me but she was too busy doing her 5,000Th porn film called "Nicky Knocker's does Broadway". She said she was rehearsing by doing the whole cast of "Spamalot"...but Clay Aiken had been giving her the runaround.....mmmm I wonder why?

So I decided I should hire someone in Europe anyway so I did some research and found a PI that is very secret and the business runs under cover of a Fish and Chip shop on
Old Compton Street in London.....I thought it fitting that they run a Fish and Chip/PI Shop......It's called Blatton, Blatton and Blatton. I've only spoken to one of the Blatton's which shall remain nameless on the blog as to not blow the cover of the business. The Blatton, Blatton and Blatton agency has assured me that they will find my Aunt Trudie and are on there way to the French Riviera as I type.

It is very exciting, well for me, my mother Sully never liked Aunt Trudie. She said "Whatta ya want to find that old dyke for? I bet she still doesn't shave her pits." Sully is just jealous because she knows i like Aunt Trudie better than her... Well I mean neither of them are perfect but at least Aunt Trudie didn't make me swab the floors with a toothbrush like sully, she bought me a mop....

Kids I'll keep you updated on this very exciting time. I'm off to Spain to shoot a film , then I'm off to meet the Blatton's of Blatton, Blatton and Blatton to provide additional information about my beloved Aunt Trudie....

Kisses, MargOH!

Well I never

Hey Kids,

I must say i'm a bit down in the dumps after my show...just because It is so much work putting these one nighters together, bang you do it and then it's over..somewhat like sex I guess but at least you can recharge for sex quite easily..Recharging at 60 for another show is another thing...

For the first time I actually feel old. I've actually cut back on my champers and martini's..well i never thought I'd see the day but what's a gal to do...get to work...of course. Shecky, my agent lined me up 3 voiceover commercial's, local cable crap but I'll take what I can get. My Aunt Fawn is draining me dry , i think she's stealing from me for her skating lessons, I gotta get her back to the midwest and if i have to see her do her routine to "Firebird" one more time,...I'll scream. Sully said she was coming two weeks ago to fetch her but she hasn't shown up, she called from a truckstop in nashville telling em she got a short order cook's job to make some traveling cash after they kicked her off the freight train....then she said something about hanging out with Faith Hill....oh dear....

I also go to Spain for my bit part in the film with Gael Garcia Bernal. I actually have a few lines that'll probably get cut just like "Sex in the city"...arggggh do you know how many takes and times I had to say "Would you like nuts on it" as shake shack girl # 6 to Charlotte, that was an alternate take to the restaurant scene where her water breaks in front of Mr. big.....I liked my scene better, bastards....

Well I never...catch a break....

Kisses, MargOH!

One Big Jackass Dies

Hey Kids,

Though I try not to get too political on my blog but now that I've been counceling
Hillary after her defeat I must talk....

How fitting that Barack Obama comes out after he is elected that he will expand
the faith based initiatives Bush started.....is that change...I don't think so. I believe in the separation of church and state....I guess he doesn't....aaargh!

Also How fitting that one of the biggest jackasses to have ever lived kicked the same day as Bozo the clown. Jesse helms is dead!!!! I'm not usually one to say bad things about the deceased but this jackass will not be missed. I'll have to have a very long stiff dirty martini tonight as I enjoy art, music and culture, something that jackass didn't like........

Hope you have a nice ride Jesse......

I don't understand how a racist gets to be called a patriot....MargOH! just doesn't get it....

Kisses, MargOH!

Check out my friends blog

Hey Kids,

Check out my darling friend BT's website. It's about being Fat and gay...You
know i love the fatties...Check it out!

Kisses, M