Thursday, October 07, 2004

Uh Oh! It's Celiac

Hey Kids,

It's been a while since my last confession, oh excuse me, I mean blog. I was really not feeling well and couldn’t possibly drag myself to the keyboard.

To be blunt I went through more nylons than June Allyson went through Depends. Diarrhea is terribly unglamorous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention costly.

I was weak and had vertigo, very much like the time when I drank too much Ouzo in Greece with Rodney Dangerfield. (As a side note I would like to say that Rodney D. (as I called him - wouldn’t want to confuse him with the GREAT love of my life, you see) will be sorely missed, I just adored him. His dramatic stylings will never be matched. I also understand he was a comedian. He truly was a gem. Once he told me I was as pretty as his mother's uncle. Isn’t that adorable? Of course I was on all fours and holding onto the bed posts, but that's a story for another time, Love you always, Rodney D. baby)

The vertigo was so bad that I had to lean on Berna everywhere we went! It wasn't fun at Daffy's in the bathroom if you know what I mean.... discount clothing can be so slippery.

I went to the doctor and they told me I was anemic and must be bleeding somewhere so they sent me straight for an endoscopy. It wasn't all bad. Sort of brought up a lot of memories for me…all those times I had my stomach pumped at 54 and the sex parties Robert Reed used to throw.

Well, after a couple of days, they came back with a result that knocked me off my mules. Kids…my doc told me that I had Celiac Disease, an autoimmune disease that attacks your intestines when you ingest gluten from Wheat, Rye, oats and barley. Of course I was alarmed because I had just eaten a loaf of Rye bread and 3 six packs of Rheingold!

(Still no gin for months now, Thank you Dr. Beefachaki)

This is bad timing. I just started to tape my second season and getting ready to go full force.

Of course then I had to figure out what in the hell I was going to eat! Fortunately I can still eat potato chips, so I was set for breakfast but what about second breakfast, lunch, second lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, second dinner, dessert and midnight snack????? Not to mention all of my cravings in between!

I had Berna go to all the health food stores from 1st to 10th ave to find me Gluten-free items. The stress of it all was overwhelming at first but when I realized there were 3 different brands of Potato Vodka at Astor Place Liquors I calmed down considerably. And sake is made of rice, thank god. Berna has done a great job on doing some research and has led me to and

I even met up with a few other Gluten-free gals so things aren't so bad after all. No need to worry about lil’ ol’ MargOH, kids, she’ll be just fine.

I have two upcoming shows to tape. I am feeling stronger everyday so we will see how it goes.

Crap we will have to tell the Kraft people not to do finger sandwiches and Ho-Ho’s in the green room, only corn tortilla's and salsa!

But I’ll always have my sake, my precious sake.

Ciao, MargOH!

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