Fascinating Rythym

Hey Kids,

Guess what? I am taking dance lessons with my building super Glenda at the Broadway Dance Center. We are doing Tap and Jazz but we plan to work up to Tango soon (anyone want to be my partner??? I’m afraid of being that intimate with Glenda and forget Berna…she INSISTS on leading). Glenda is surprisingly limber for a woman of her size.

Once I put on those tap shoes my feet started to move like salmon swimming up stream. It was terribly exciting! I want everyone to join in on the fun! I feel so energized by Tap!

I also am so happy that I am spending this precious bonding time with Glenda. Truthfully though, at times she looks a bit like Ed Wood. But it is encouraging to know that even scary people can have fascinatin’ rhythm.

Dancing is like a medicine, not as good as a vodka martini mind you, but a medicine nonetheless. Our teacher, Birdie, looks a lot of Elaine Stritch (except Birdie is 24). Birdie was recently let go from the cast of Hairspray because she stepped on Bruce Vilanch’s hemline and tore his skirt right off during a Sunday matinee and three elderly women had to be rushed to the hospital for temporary blindness.

She is a task-master and has us all tapping like mad. I lost 2 lbs the first night…of course I gained it back the next day after I ate that 4 lb “value” bag of Dirty Chips for breakfast, but whatever.

I am planning to give up chips and start eating grapes, beets and apples to ensure some weight loss (we don’t want to think about how that weight loss will occur when I start sucking down the apples and beets…). So with diet and dancing (and whatever else) I aim to lose 20 pounds. It’s a new MargOH, kids.

I'll be back soon with a Halloween report. Parties, parties, parties! And I will tell you all about
my most recent guest, the fabulous Linda Simpson, and her magazine “My Comrade”.

Ciao for now,

MargOH!

Don Zimmer and Me

Hi Kids,

Berna and I were invited to attend the Yankees/Red Sox game last night by my “special” friend, Don Zimmer.

We got the royal treatment (who knew there were personal chiropodists in the boxes??? I’ve been meaning to get rid of that bunion for years now!). I also had the chance to meet Steinbrenner. One word…halitosis. Yuk.

Anyway we had a Fab time. Don even flew in some rare sake for little ole MargOH! Not only that but they had a Gluten Free beer for me to wash down that sake. I did a Sake Boiler maker with Cindy Adams! How fun!

The game was quite enjoyable even though the Yankees lost. It just amazes and inspires me to see all of those overweight beer guzzling, tobacco chewing, athletes. It gives me hope that this Sake drinking, pain killer taking and post-menopausal woman can still become a professional figure skater. Watch out Michelle Kwan here I come!!! (Berna is dialing my old friend Tonya Harding as I write this…I know she’s boxing now but I really think she would be a perfect coach for me)

The fun really didn't begin until Berna and I got to go to the locker room and mingle with the boys. I just adore A-Rod. His ball slapping talent in getting to first base didn't compare to the ball slapping he had going on in the locker room if you know what I mean. All I could think of was the song "Make someone happy, just one person happy and you will be happy too". MMM, go A-ROD.

Berna was, of course, all over Matsui but he didn’t take to her advances. She did manage to nab a bathroom attendant. She’s disgusting.

Naturally I ended my evening with Don…and that pesky wife of his. She thinks we are still an item but Don and I are just “special” friends. I enjoy his dirty jokes, he enjoys my dirty…well anyway, in the end, Don is just a little too old for me and his supply of Viagra isn't enough to keep me interested.

But as a drinking buddy, no one can hold a candle.

Love ya Don and thanks for the sake Baby!

Ciao, MargOH!

PS- Go Sox!!! hehe

Uh Oh! It's Celiac

Hey Kids,

It's been a while since my last confession, oh excuse me, I mean blog. I was really not feeling well and couldn’t possibly drag myself to the keyboard.

To be blunt I went through more nylons than June Allyson went through Depends. Diarrhea is terribly unglamorous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention costly.

I was weak and had vertigo, very much like the time when I drank too much Ouzo in Greece with Rodney Dangerfield. (As a side note I would like to say that Rodney D. (as I called him - wouldn’t want to confuse him with the GREAT love of my life, you see) will be sorely missed, I just adored him. His dramatic stylings will never be matched. I also understand he was a comedian. He truly was a gem. Once he told me I was as pretty as his mother's uncle. Isn’t that adorable? Of course I was on all fours and holding onto the bed posts, but that's a story for another time, Love you always, Rodney D. baby)

The vertigo was so bad that I had to lean on Berna everywhere we went! It wasn't fun at Daffy's in the bathroom if you know what I mean.... discount clothing can be so slippery.

I went to the doctor and they told me I was anemic and must be bleeding somewhere so they sent me straight for an endoscopy. It wasn't all bad. Sort of brought up a lot of memories for me…all those times I had my stomach pumped at 54 and the sex parties Robert Reed used to throw.

Well, after a couple of days, they came back with a result that knocked me off my mules. Kids…my doc told me that I had Celiac Disease, an autoimmune disease that attacks your intestines when you ingest gluten from Wheat, Rye, oats and barley. Of course I was alarmed because I had just eaten a loaf of Rye bread and 3 six packs of Rheingold!

(Still no gin for months now, Thank you Dr. Beefachaki)

This is bad timing. I just started to tape my second season and getting ready to go full force.

Of course then I had to figure out what in the hell I was going to eat! Fortunately I can still eat potato chips, so I was set for breakfast but what about second breakfast, lunch, second lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, second dinner, dessert and midnight snack????? Not to mention all of my cravings in between!

I had Berna go to all the health food stores from 1st to 10th ave to find me Gluten-free items. The stress of it all was overwhelming at first but when I realized there were 3 different brands of Potato Vodka at Astor Place Liquors I calmed down considerably. And sake is made of rice, thank god. Berna has done a great job on doing some research and has led me to celiac.com and celiacchicks.com

I even met up with a few other Gluten-free gals so things aren't so bad after all. No need to worry about lil’ ol’ MargOH, kids, she’ll be just fine.

I have two upcoming shows to tape. I am feeling stronger everyday so we will see how it goes.

Crap we will have to tell the Kraft people not to do finger sandwiches and Ho-Ho’s in the green room, only corn tortilla's and salsa!

But I’ll always have my sake, my precious sake.

Ciao, MargOH!