Hey Kids,
It's been an exciting couple of weeks with my show being such a success and my record “Fat Girl” starting to burn up the dance floors. Kids, MargOH! is on fire (and this time it’s not just my lady bits!)!!
After the show I had an after party for all of my friends and fans. Of course all the usuals were there…Polly Holiday, Glenda the Super, Linda Hunt and all my new friends from the UK... Dan, Phoebe, Alice, Katie, Kristina and Oli. My dear LaJon Joseph had performed in the show and he came over as well wearing his gorgeous green faux fur stole.
We also had a special guest, my gorgeous and lovely friend Nellie McKay. Berna was nowhere to be found (as usual whenever I do a show) so I had to have my Gay Fiance MAN-ee assist with it all. I sent him into a Gay Panic, poor thing. Berna did however manage to make deviled eggs for the party go figure. They were a hit so I guess she’s good for SOMETHING.
My martini club members Phoebe and Dan are just lovely and arrived with a bottle of Gin...Now of course I've been off Gin for a couple of years now after my treatment with Dr. Beefachaki who weened me off of it by substituting Sake. Well of course I couldn’t be rude and so dove into that gin like it was a swimming pool full of naked men and cheese. Polly Holiday immediately excused herself telling Glenda and my piano guy Jarad "If she's drinking Gin, I'm outta here! The last time she drank gin our ladies poker night turned into ladies STRIP poker night except she was ripping off everyone else's clothes! Poor Diane Keaton is still in therapy". Well screw Polly is all I can say. I don’t recall hearing her complain when I was slipping off her woolly turtleneck.
Anyhoo, Tanqueray tasted just as I remember, very sexy, sweet and smooth. I yelled to Polly "Kiss my Gin Soaked Grits"and then started seeing pretty fireworks going off all around me.
See the thing is when I drink Gin I can get a little crazy and start having bad thoughts.I started to think I should have another gay Fiance and how perfect little Danny would be. He is so petite, lithe and cute. Just the right fit for MargOH!’s collection. And he would fit splendidly in Berna's room.
More guests started to arrive and I decided to put my plan into action. I recruited Cuchie into it. I told her that I wanted to keep Danny for myself but first we would have to get rid of Oli (His boy toy). Not that I would do him any harm just at least give him enough Rohypnol to put him out for the night…I do have morals ya know. Cuchie of course gave me a hard time but I promised her my open toe payless patent leather pumps and she was on board.
I gave her the stuff to put in Oli's drink. I decided I would lure Danny into Linda Hunt's apartment next door as Linda’s housekeeper offered to let smokers go to her place rather than outside. Linda’s a sweet gal but I think she was just looking for reefers..she's such a stoner.
When I asked Danny over for a cigarette my initial plan to conk him over the head with a rubber mallet was sidetracked because that damn Ken from That's Kentertainment was there with his friend. Aaaargh!! He is so pesky. Well we were fighting over Danny's affections (Ken's also a huge flirt and a big slut) and I started to get worried they would ruin my scheme. I had to do something so I sent Kenny and his friend scurrying back into my apartment by telling them that Rue McClanahan had just arrived wearing an old outfit from The Golden Girls and carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels
Finally I was alone with my new gay fiancee (well Cuchie was hiding in the closet but he didn’t know that of course). I had a chance to run my fingers through Danny's hair and position his head in just the right angle for Cuchie to bonk him when Nellie, Phoebe, Alice and Katie walked in dancing to my song "Fat Girl" They started a sing along and doing a dance we used to call “kick the dog” back in my day. Phoebe was spinning so fast she looked like a disco ball in her cute sequin dress and Nellie really kicked up her heels better than that Marie Osmond ever could! Alice, who was dressed in a sequin skating costume once owned by Tonya Harding lifted Katie up into a gorgeous swan lift with a very gentle dismount....maybe she was channeling Tonya but anyway it was just spectacular. Gin really makes things like an acid trip to me.
Phoebe pulled me to the side and said she saw Linda Hunt stumbling around the apartment muttering incoherent things and then she disappeared. I didn’t understand what happened until Oli walked in all chipper and looking for Danny. Cuchie must have put the pills in Linda's glass!!!
Oli put his arms around Danny and even in my manic state I had to admit…they did look oh so cute together. Suddenly in a moment of clarity I thought...I don't need Danny in my curio cabinet like a collectible spoon I never get to lick, I already have my Gay Fiancee MAN-ee for that. And with the leftover Rohypnol I could always just have a one night stand with Danny, really!! No need to go to all of this trouble. I put down the gin and tonic and grabbed a champers instead and we all went back to my place and I busted into a saucy version of "Big Spender".
I eventually came out of my Gin soaked haze and had a fabulous time with the UK Kids. I just love and adore them. We sang more songs and ate cheese. My special Guest la John Joseph did another fabulous burlesque number and Jarad passed out in Linda’s apartment…hmmmm. MAN-ee kicked out Ken from "Thats Kentertainment" for trying to snap photo's of him and Nellie Mckay...really.
As the evening ended and everyone left, Cuchie cleaned up in hopes of getting her patent leather pumps and MAN-ee and I went off to bed. My side of the bed was very lumpy and uncomfortable. I kept trying to adjust my pillow but my back was killing me so I got up and lifted the mattress cover and found Linda and my dog Kim Fung fast asleep! I put a mirror in front of Linda's nose (just in case) and she fogged it right up!! What a gal our Linda!! I pushed them to the side and she slept spooning with MAN-ee for the night...
Oh! what an evening...
