MargOH! into the Woods

Hey Kids,

Recently some of my pals in the UK went on a hiking retreat. I thought what a wonderful idea. To get back to nature and smell the dirt, tree's and air like when we were children. I of course loved to make mud pies, it was fun.

I had been thinking about it all day and when i went to sleep I had a dream about my mother Sully. I had a dream about something I think may have really happened.

You see then we were kids we didn't have a lot of money. My father salty died when I was eight. He was killed by a school of starfish, sucked alive. How Ironic that I would become the star that I am today.

Anyway, Sully made a meager mongers pay and we were forced to have fun cheaply. Sully would make our Barrett's out of trout bones and she even made us Mary Jane's out of salmon skins. My sister Rita and I weren't very popular at school...the salmon Mary Jane's did smell a bit.

Well, one day we came home from school and Sully told my sister Rita and I to get our camping gear ready. We were going to the Appalachian trail. We had one tent that had a hole in it so I grabbed it and we hitched a ride with a fisherman named Briney.

She rode upfront and we were in the cab. I could hear sully laughing and carrying on but then I saw her head go down and up and down and up and down. i couldn't see what she was doing but then I saw Briney hand her a 5 dollar bill.

He dropped us off at a trail and we made our way into the woods. it was getting cold even though it was July and I was getting tired. Then Sully sat my sister and I down and she told us that she heard the the hikers on the trail were doctors and lawyers and educated men. She said they carried lots of cash and we was gonna get it from them. She then took out a bottle of catchup and smeared it all over my leg and then scratched me with a big branch, ouch I yelled. Now rub that in and act like you hurt your leg.

We waited in that spot for what seemed hours but then finally a hiker approached. Now start crying Sully said and she hit me with the stick again.

Of course the hiker asked us what the problem was and Sully told him we were camping and a bear ripped our tent and attacked me. he was very concerned and looked at the cut and said it was fine. He decided to set up camp so we could stay with him. He had a big tent and playing cards, even go fish... his name was Jack he said. He was a nice man, very handsome. Sully was as charming as could be. She offered to cook the franks and beans he had. She washed his clothes down by the stream and they even sang shanty songs. It was a fun night but then I forgot why we were there.

We fell asleep but were awaken by Sully saying. C'mon lets go. She grabbed us and we ran down the trail. The sun started to peak through the tree's and i could hear a faint voice yelling. God damn woman, she stole all my money, over and over again. We got back to the road and Sully looked crazy. She laughed and danced down the road and pulled out a wad of cash. She said... "We gonna eat good this week and I'm gonna get me a new dress from the sears catalog". I asked her if I could get a new pair of Mary Jane's and she snapped at me and said "You're acting ability stinks, if you do better next time I'll get ya the damn shoes".

Then Briney sped up next to us and we hopped in the truck. She handed him some of the money. This became a weekend affair for quite a while and I never got my damn shoes even though my acting skills improved...

Years later after we had stopped our weekend jaunts,Sully got the clap and went blind in one eye so she had horrible night vision, I read an article about the mysterious women of the Appalachian trail called "The Sea witches". It told the tails of all the men Sully rolled for cash, many of the men thought we were sirens from the sea that gave love then stole hearts and money.... I swear that Sully was a tramp... and a really bad mother...

Then I thought about it. This was the only bonding time I ever had with Sully. Precious moments I guess...

Thanks to my UK pals for the lovely pic and mmaking me remember a family moment...

Kisses, MargOH!

Spring Fever

Hey Kids,

Oh! Baby...it's warm outside.....I'm free at last. I got Spring fever and a thirst for a Mojito.....

I'm off for a drinkie winkie...and maybe even a man.... or many, many, many, many men...It's NYC afterall!!

Kisses, MargOH!

There's nothing like a Dame

Hey kids,

I was sad to hear of the passing of Kitty Carlisle Hart at the age of 96. She looked 76 and was still performing up til December.

What a dame she was...in high heels and tailored suits every day of the week. It's not easy to do that kids....She was a lifelong patron of the arts and did many great things behind the scenes... I linked the article about her so you can read it...

I had the pleasure of meeting her a couple of times and enjoyed a Manhattan she ordered for me. We had a lovely conversation about wine and cheese...She said she loved a good wine and I said me too as long as it's cheap. We had a chuckle...

She was a real trooper and glamorous at 96. Just amazing!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

The Mystery of Stoli Jones (Part 2)

Hey Kids,

After a few more booze filled meetings with Nicky Knockers, Berna and even Stoli we've cracked this case wide open!

It is our conclusion that we are all victims of an evil one legged man named Stumpy Jones. Personally I think his disability drove him to do horrible things. I wish he could have understood that the things he could do with that prosthetic leg were enough to seduce any woman into submission but that just wasn't enough for him.

SO…taking up where we left off…after he plunged me with Ruth's egg and skewered me with his manhood I became pregnant. Yes, this is true, his plan became a reality. Berna did witness the vile act and tried to stop him but he slapped her around and threatened her! He told her he would tell everyone that she was really a man...another tale that has unraveled from this sordid story (I never knew!!! I mean I’m not surprised…she’s so…well anyway…someday we’ll dig deeper into this but I just don’t have the energy to contemplate this little revelation).

Berna realized she couldn't tell me what happened or risk being exposed herself so she tried everything to get me to lose the baby. She even got me drunk on Lithuanian cabbage wine and Hoovered my lady parts out but that damn egg wouldn't budge. She then tried to feed me more booze and drugs, enough to kill a truck driver, but of course not only can I hold more liquor than a truck driver I can hold more liquor than the oil truck he’s driving. (Well, I DID start drinking when I was 4. My father made moonshine out of fishbones and potatoes and gave it to me in my bottle. It was an acquired taste but I was told I was a very happy baby).

Anyway, Berna kept the truth from me and did her best to hide my pregnancy…especially from me. Do you know that when I was going into labor she told me I was having an appendicitis attack?? I thought I had no appendix but figured I would rather be safe than sorry.

After the birth Stumpy took the baby and fled never to be seen again. Stumpy told Stoli I was her mother but that I had abandoned her for my career...I would never do that. Although I must say I am a bit relieved she isn’t mine because motherhood is a burden to me.

Of course after hearing all of this I welcomed Berna back with open and forgiving arms. It really is good to have her back. She can be a handful but she's the cheapest wardrobe mistress there is. Cuchie was just bleeding me dry....not to mention stealing anything she could get her sticky fingers on.

Poor sad Stoli is a mess over all of this and doesn't know what to do with herself. Ruth won't return anyone's calls. I told Stoli that although I was only the port of call for her birth that I would help her in any way I could…as long as it doesn’t inconvenience me or cost me any time or money or real effort.

Oh! The other twist to the story is that Stoli told us that Stumpy had amassed a fortune from spokesmodeling for prosthetic leg companies in Third World Countries (he was a bastard in every way!!). She said that he never believed in banks and that the money was buried in their yard in Minnesota. She has yet to find it. We asked Nicky Knockers to stay on and manage the excavation project in Minnesota. Stoli just used a shovel and hoe but Berna, Nicky and I agreed that bulldozer's and well diggers were the way to go. Stoli thinks there are 500,000 smackers in that yard and we agreed to split it evenly for our pain and suffering.

I am glad I can put this drama to rest and move on. It was hard for me believe that I was a mother…thank goodness I'm not! Also it's nice to have Berna back though I already caught her trying on my costumes for the June show...and put a hole in my dance tights....aargh...it's coming out of her Stumpy money...

Kisses, MargOH!

Fat Girl

Fat Girl


I’m a fat girl and that’s a fact
Yes, I’m Eating your cheese fondue, you’ve caught me in the act
Britney, Lindsey, Paris and Ashley O all so thin
If you cut me in half I could be their twin

Oh, yes I’m a fat girl and that’s a fact
You can call me big boned if that’s your tact
There is nothing this body can’t begin to do
Oh, yes I’m a fat girl through and through

Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact, get me that cheese fondue
Oh, sometimes I wish I were thin
I’m sure Paris, Lindsey and Ashley O think it’s the case
Oh, how her life would begin without that sagging chin
Too bad, she’s got such a pretty face

Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact, get me that cheese fondue

Sometimes I wonder why people say what they say
It’s so true that I do have a pretty face
It’s a dog eat dog world but us fat girls gotta make our way
This is who I am and how I’d like to stay

I’ve got to be who I am today
My name is MargoH! Channing and I weigh 10 Dakota fanning’s
Oh, yes I’m a fat girl and that’s a fact
Guess what? I’m happy as hell and get the men in the sack

There is nothing else left to say
It’s my life so give me that Strawberry parfait
It’s so true that I do have a pretty face
It’s a dog eat dog world but us fat girls gotta make our way

Ring dings and tit sling’s cutting in my back
I am a fat girl and that’s a fact, get me that cheese fondue

God Damn you , get me that Cheese Fondue……

Kisses, MargOH!

Not my day

Hey Kids,

The weather in New York is tragic. How is a girl supposed to go out and have fun with all this rain. My hair gets so frizzy I couldn't bare to leave the house,

Talking about Bare...I didn't get a call back for the audition I had. I'm pretty sure this lesbian Dominique the dominatrix got the part. She was a sturdy gal all done up in a leather teddy...very snappy...I went with the sissy cowgirl look but I don't think they cared for it.

Though my reading from Blue velvet was just great...I really like when I can dig deep and turn the shit out....my mascara even ran, talk about realism.... I had berna slap me in the face six times before I went in. One of the producer's thought I was a bit old for the part I think. He made some comment about weather or not my ass would sag in a sling. Theatre people can be so cruel...My ass is taught and gorgeous I said but he ignored me....

Well on to the next thing. Shecky got me a part in a new movie with Gael Garcia Bernal(I knew he'd remember me from our little dance)...I'm not sure of the title yet but I know it's gonna be 3 weeks in Mexico...very hot. It's a bit part but I'm up for it. The "Dallas" movie is still delayed but hopefully should start up so most likely going from Mexico to Texas. I hope I don't get stopped by the border patrol, those bastards.....

I'll let you know kids...

Kisses, MargOH!

Blame it on the Rain

Hey Kids,

I have an audition today for a new play called "Blame it on the Rain"...Shecky says it has nothing to do with Rain though...and does require a bit of Nudity. I'm a modern girl so I say why not...

I did some digging and found out the director is into Bondage and water sports...Oh no! Not that I mind those things...I've thrown on some leather before and I'm pretty snappy with the whip.

The one thing that bothers me is the water sports, though the role I'm auditioning for is "Madame Dildo" which means I'm the dominate one... I'm not sure if I could Pee on cue.....

I'm going to do a monologue from "Blue Velvet" and turn the shit out...or should I say Pee out....LOL


The things I do for my career. I wonder what Meryl Streep would do?

I'll let you know what happens kids...

Kisses, M

Crusty Old White Bastard "Don Imus"

Hey Kids,

I've never really thought about Don Imus. Is he relevant?

Just another Crazy old White bastard. A pig from what I've seen as well.

Al Sharpton of course is all over the TV. I love his hair. It looks like he had a wash and set with a bit of Aqua net. Very old school.

Take Don Imus off the air I say. He can be a nice guy in his backyard....

Kisses, MargOH!

PS I shaved my head for Britany. I think I'll wear a huge afro in my upcoming show to support those Rutgers gals....

The Mystery of Stoli Jones

Hey Kids,

It's been an absolute madhouse here at the Salon de Channing...MMM that sounds like a good name for a party....

Anyway, Nicky Knockers has solved the case of Stumpy Jones and his daughter Stoli. Please note I said his daughter.

The story is an absolute tragedy! Chris Hanson would love to profile this on Dateline. Then again maybe it is better suited for Ripley's believe it or not

It all started when I landed the role in "The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again". I met another actor named Stumpy Jones (so called because he had one leg). Stumpy was absolutely fascinated by me and we had a good time drinking on and off the set. He knew I was married at the time but insisted on trying to lay me. I was a bit of a slut so I did. So did Berna and so did Ruth Buzzi! I think we may have done a 4 way but my memory is a bit Fuzzy.

The shoot ended and after that Rodney my ex and I split up and I went to Bangkok.

A few months later Stumpy showed up looking for work so I let him clean up after the girls after their tricks and such.

I was done with men at this time and was always telling Stumpy to back off. I'm fairly certain that he was still banging Berna. After about a month Stumpy told me that Ruth wanted to come perform at the cabaret. Of course, I was thrilled and said yes.

Nicky told me that Stumpy and Ruth had a torrid affair after the shoot of the movie and actually were engaged for a bit. She said she found notes of Stumpy's in Minnesota saying that Ruth wanted a baby but had a "woman's issue" that kept her from carrying full term. Nicky tried to contact Ruth but she would not talk to her.

Anyway, Ruth arrived and she did a month long run. She sold out almost every night. It was a long time ago but the one thing I remember was that Ruth was constantly feeding me drinks and telling me I should drink more port. At least that's what I thought she was saying.

In fact Nicky corrected me and told me that she also found in Stumpy's letters that he wanted to use me as a vessel for he and Ruth's baby. So what she was really saying to me was "drink up, you need to be my port"

In my previous posts about this situation I thought I had been raped or forced to have sex with Stumpy and somehow Berna was involved. Nicky discovered that Stumpy had a doctor extract one of Ruth's eggs and freeze it. He brought it with him....

I think you can figure out what happened next but I'll tell you anyway. While drunk on port Stumpy snuck into my boudoir, plunged me with a turkey baster and implanted me with on of Ruth Buzzi's egg. Then he banged me!

Stumpy says in his letters that Ruth got cold feet and demanded he not do this. She had changed her mind but Stumpy went along and did it anyway. Nicky assumes Berna walked in on Stumpy filling me with his nasty seed. Stumpy goes on to say that he never told Ruth he went ahead with the plan because she dumped him right after her run at the cabaret.

Kids, it's true MargOH! was pregnant and did give birth to Stoli Jones but she is the mad creation of Stumpy Jones. Now that I think about it she does bare a resemblance to Ruth in this picture....

I must talk to Berna to see what she knows.

I'll fill you in as the pieces fall into place....

Kisses, MargOH!

April Fools

Hey Kids,

It's been a hectic weekend...Nicky Knockers went through all of the evidence she gathered. It was a lot to sift through but we've cracked the case of Stoli and Stumpy Jones...

I am in the process of writing one of my longest posts so I must apologize for my lack of speak.....

I also am still in a bit od shock over Nicky's invoice. I better get to work cause hiring a private eye ain't cheap....I don't think champagne with every meal including breakfast is fair....

I think I'm an April fool.

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! Performs

Hey Kids,

No, not oral sex....A bit from my show....

I'll be posting the news from Nicky Knockers. She's back and has cracked the case of
Stoli and Stumpy Jones. It was a big surprise....

Enjoy the clip..

Kisses, MargOH!

Vintage footage of MargOH! as Fembot # 6

Hey Kids,

I was surfing You tube this morning and found this vintage footage of my work
in The Bionic Woman/ Six Million Dollar man. This was the Vegas episode.

I was gorgeous wasn't I....Well the face they put on me. They made a mold of my face so it looks almost like me. All those wires cut up my actual face though...

I also did that stunt jumping from the catwalk...I did all my own stunts in those days. It was a lot of fun. I loved kicking Lindsey's ass...

Enjoy!!

Kisses, MargOH!

PS.

Now you can see why I am the most decorated extra in the history of Motion Pictures and television. My ability to create emotion without saying a word is fantastic.

Cuchie's On her way out

Hey kids,

I was just getting over my Wiggles audition....I thought I was going to have to be put in traction. My back hurt so bad, I guess I did one to many high kicks. I spent the day at my chiro Dr. Wing Wong...he did nothing. I decided to take a couples days rest at "The Mandarin Oriental" in Lincoln square for some R&R. I thought it funny that my masseur's were named Robbie and Raul....mmmmm I am very relaxed.

I was relaxed til I got home after my late dinner with Shecky (Working on some new extra roles..)I couldn't believe it...the place was filled with South Americans...not that i don't love my Latin heat but really it was wall to wall chaos. Cuchie said she was having a Miss USA Party and doing dance numbers during commercial breaks... The place was a mess and so was that pageant, really they should just can that...

Listen, I love a party but when I realize that Cuchie has taken out every costume I own and is sweating all over them I take offence. She even did this Island voodoo number in the costume I wore for "The island of Dr Moreau"...It's ruined now, not to mention stretched out....horrible.

When Nicky Knockers gets back and tells me of Stoli's identity and if Berna is Innocent I'm taking her back. She is a handful but luckily can't fit into my clothes like Cuchie can.

She's outta here!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH!'s got "The Wiggles"

Hey Kids,

My agent Shecky Burns called me last week after over 2 months of silence. He was a bit upset with me about cutting "The Jitterbug" tour short...his fee was a bit less than he planned. I can understand his frustration but really he represents Kirsty Alley as well and she's like a cash cow at the moment. Oh! I forgot he only gets her TV or movie work...so I guess she's not pulling anything in for him either...I wonder who's getting the Jenny Craig money???

Anyway, he calls and says that he got me an audition to be part of the dance ensemble for "The Wiggles" American tour. He seemed excited about it and I jotted down the date and time of the audition. he told me to prepare a tap and jazz #. I asked him the date again and it was for March 19th...um yesterday. This gave me only 5 days to prepare plus i was meeting Tippi for drinks.

I said fine and started to prepare a number. I put on my jazz shoes and my vintage Danskin...had a bit of dust on it...Dustbuster time.

I put on some music..."Boogie woogie Bugle boy" of course. Then I thought as I poured myself a glass of champagne...Who in the hell are "The Wiggles". I asked Cuchie and she said she thought they were a girl group like "The Pussycat Dolls"....
Tap and Jazz for a girl group... not sure about that. I then called Linda and she told me they were a group from Australia...she said it was a male group like Il Divo. Well that sounded more sensible so I put together my little number..I was hot, step ball change to whirly birds...just grand.

Well yesterday I get up to Ripley Grier and the line was long. I noticed there were a lot of kids running around dragging their mothers screaming "I want to be a Wiggle". One brat ran by me and rubbed her Hershey bar right across my Danskin making me look like I had a skid mark. So I tripped her and she fell to the floor. Her mother said "Well I never, how dare you". I said I doubt anyone will ever dare to"...very old school but fuck her Mama needs some cash.

About an hour goes by and some wreck screams out..."We'll see the over 50's now". Talk about a kennel club...I was the only one that looked younger than 50, yikes. I was sure I was a shoe in.

We get in the room and I see these 4 guys and 2 gals at a table. The guys were in all different color sweatshirts and they jumped up and said.."Okay kids were gonna show you "The Wiggle Dance". I quickly realized these 4 were the biggest queens I'd ever seen , I mean like as gay as Paul Lynde. Then I realized this bunch a queens were doing this for a kiddie show. MargOH! in a Kiddy show....I'm not sure but I figured what the hell.

We were instructed to follow them so my number was not needed. I dipped into my bag a took a swig of my nip of Southern Comfort(still nursing that cold). I got in position and busted a move. I was fabulous, high kicks, a couple of spins and a very gay electric slide...It was perfection.

Then all of a sudden one of "The Wiggles" yells out. "You there, this isn't a solo piece"...It's a "Wiggles" piece old gal.

I said.."Who you calling an old gal you silly queen". He then snapped at me "I'm married" and he throws his hand in my face then they all chimed in "We're all Married".

I said listen, it's okay boys I wont tell and I love gays...They make the world go round...

Then one of the broads in the back says. "You know I think we decided to get rid of the oldsters act" . They then dismissed us all and one of the over 50's kicked me in the ankle and told me I ruined it by bringing up the gay card. They're very touchy about it...

Another job lost. I didn't mean anything but honestly MargoH! in a kids show could have been fun.

Then I thought how come all these parents are flocking around these obviously queeny guys to make money .Then there it was a woman with a pin on her bag saying "Marriage= Man + Woman".

How pathetic....


Kisses, MargOH!

MargoH!'s New Show dates

Hey kids,

Cuchie just booked my new show dates....She did a quick promo...She's so much more savvy than Berna on the computer...Not the final one but a good first try.

I of course planned them in the very gay month of June for all of my gays to celebrate pride....another reason to drink...

I am meeting with my new fashion guru for the costumes...they'll be hot!

Kisses, MargOH!

The St. Patricks Day Massacre

Hey Kids,

I've been under the weather, sore throat and stuffed up nose..even my apricot Brandy is no help whatsoever....

Ya know when you say things couldn't get worse, well they can....

On St Patty's day I was suppose to meet Tippi Hedren out at Molly's for some old fashion's. I sometimes donate to her wild animal retreat, a few bucks. She was in town with Melanie because she's trying to land a part in "Spring Awakening". They told her that she was too old for any of the parts but she's not taking no for an answer...I guess she had another face lift and is trying to pass for 20 again....she wasn't even 20 when she did "Working girl".

Anyway, I was getting my stuff together when I get a call from Nicky Knockers who says she has unraveled the mystery of Stumpy and Stoli Jones. I was shocked she was back so soon but couldn't wait to hear what she found out. Then Nicky said Berna is completely innocent . I told her to keep it to herself until I saw her, Berna Innocent...I couldn't believe it!!.. She has denied any wrong doing but I don't buy it!

Nicky said she'd be back in a day or so. She was still interviewing Stumpy's sister in Missouri.

Crap, I thought she was in NY...

Anyway, I hung up with her and ran out the door to meet Tippi. It was cold as hell but I noticed that there were a lot of birds overhead, all sorts of birds...pigeons, crows, chickadee's and hawks... I wasn't sure what the hell was going on...I turned the corner to Molly's and There's Tippi looking horrified. She grabbed me and pushed passed the crowd to get inside.

She then says...Did you see all those birds....it's happening again!

I said yes, I saw them but there was a hunk of corned beef on the sidewalk....

No, no it's happening again, the birds...they're following me again because I'm old.

No, Tippi calm down...Bar keep "Old Fashion for Tippi"..

She grasped the glass and swug it down...That's better. "Oh God, look there pounding on the glass"

I looked over and the crowd outside were being attacked by birds at every angle. Trying to get in but Tippi barricaded the door...."Not the Birds she screamed".

I said get the hell out of the way...It was a movie for god sake...I ran out and dropped to the ground as to not get pecked in the face. There it was a full corned beef on the sidewalk so I grabbed it and chucked it into the street and with it went the birds...

When I got up there was bloody Irish folk all over the place. It was awful.....Irish people can be so sloppy especially on St. Patty's day...

I went back inside and Tippi was singing "It's a great day for the Irish" at the piano. I guess that "Old Fashion" hit her quick...

I joined in and we made like 75 bucks in tips...It was fun....

Well except for the 10 or so maimed people outside waiting to get in...for them it was a St. Patrick's day massacre....

I'll let you know what Nicky Knockers says...

Oh, yeah Tippi is getting me a role on "Fashion House"....very exciting!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Frustration Nation

Hey Kids,

It's hard to keep your head above water at times. It's not easy to get your
vision out there. I sometimes wonder "where" there is....

MargOH! is not the type of girl to give up and I won't but lately I've grown frustrated by frustration. I do or never will profess that I'm a genius in anything I do but I do sometimes think my work deserves a shot....

I knew 2007 was going to be my time to get out there...be a part of whatever there is to be had. This comes off a year where I had 3 successful cabaret shows with little to no advertisement. Not that I didn't try...press kits to HX, Next, Time Out and Edge...Thanks Edge for listing my shows... I appreciate it!

Don't get me wrong I do not think I deserve any special treatment. My issue about being in NY is that though it claims to be a flourishing scene....It's really churning the same performers doing the same thing 10 different ways...The one or two promoters who can't see out of the scene that they are in to take a look around. Troublesome I say...

It's March kids an I've gotten out...I've shot emails to see about popping into a show with not even a reply....mmm even though they say "we are looking for unique performers for spoken word, dance....etc. etc." It's all a mystery to me????

I don't give a shit in the long run and will do my shows quietly if I must...Cuchie already booked my June cabaret's..I'll update you on that kids......

MargOH!'s frustrated, not sexually....I can get any man I want and do....It's more of an artistic frustration....

Like Liza's says "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere".... right now anywhere is looking a lot better than here...


Kisses, MargOH!

American Idol Tragedy

Hey Kids,

Yes, from time to time Berna, myself and Cuchie huddle around the TV to watch American Idol. Even Linda Hunt and Polly Holiday joined us last night. It was a real booze fest. It was all in anticipation of Diana Ross being an Idol mentor. I couldn't believe a star of her magnitude was going to do this show.

I had 2 cases of Champers delivered and some snacks. I was dying to hear Miss Ross
tear into those kids but to my surprise she was quite kind and loving....Could have knocked me over...

Anyway, that was the only good thing about the show. I've never seen songs butchered like that before. "Love Hangover" gave me one..."Endless love" was an endless bore and "You can't hurry love" couldn't get a note.

Now, MargOH! loves a good singer and admires them to the fullest and that one girl who sang "Home" from The Wiz was great. Cheers to her but I'm sorry but that version of "God Bless the Child" was a mess....Billie's flower must have wilted during that.

By contestant # 4 we were all tanked and really just laughing at Paula...I think she had a few before they went live....Atta girl!

Well we got through the two hours but discussed it two hours after and decided that American Idol is an American Tragedy. It fills the mind with mediocrity that leads to nothing learned. I'm sure these kids all mean well and are lovely but they are caught up in this machine called capitalism....and they'll never be the same...'

Instant fame is not the way to go.

Hard work and trials are the only way to go. I hope Miss Ross told them that...Oh yeah...I forgot she's schilling her New CD...

After last night...I'll never be the same...I'll drink even more.

Kisses, MargOH!

Sick and Twisted, I love it.

Hey kids,

Since I've been doing my blog I get all sorts of emails and requests etc.

I do, like most blogs, track my site for traffic and see how many people are reading etc. Yes, it's a bit of an ego booster when things are going well but can be hell when you know that your readership has fallen off.

I have ebbs and flows....Like July of last year was gang busters but February 07 was a low point at a 50% drop....yawza!!!

I try not to look at the tracking too often but usually check in once or twice a month. The one nifty addition to the tracking I have is that you can see how individual hits find me in a search.

The other day I had the funniest and most wonderful hit from this search.

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=tennis racket handle used as impromptu dildo.

Now, I'm not sure what I've written in the past pertaining to a Tennis Handle dildo? I've never actually tried this but I guess if your in a pinch....I would neglect using a wooden racket though....ya think. Ouch Splinters!!


Well any who i thought you'd all get a kick out of that one!!!

And please fess up you UK person who's looking for nifty ways to have an orgasm...I think you should ask Virginia Wade if she ever had any luck with her racket!

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH!'s Global Warming Nightmare

Hey Kids,


Yes, Al Gore has really stuck it to me. He's opened my eyes to the Global Warming nightmare. I have thrown out all of my Aqua Net. This may not seem like much but if you saw my hair before I shaved it...it was sad!!!

Now I read this article that the grapes in Italy are being destroyed....I can't take much more of this. This is an international tragedy of Epic Proportions. I use Chianti to make my Sangria....Yes, sure I can use other reds but my recipe is like gold to me. I can't change now!!!

When good wine is in danger it's time to act...I am going to come up with a MargOH! driven Global Warming group. Keep your eyes open...

Wine makes the world..well at least MargOH! go around!!!


Check out the article Kids.

Kisses, MargOH!

Me and Nicky Knockers

Hey kids,

I've hired an investigator to look into Berna's dealings as far as Stoli(my alleged daughter) goes. I firmly believe that Berna(my former wardrobe mistress) is the birth mother of twins. She is ruthless and if true I'm going to kill her. I knew I couldn't have given birth, tight as a whistle I am and not a stretch mark in sight.

I've hired an old friend of my sister Rita, Nicky Knockers. She is an ex-dancer gone private eye. I met with her at a dark and dreary bar. It was all very "Night Stalker". She even wore a trench coat, a cap and sunglasses. Very Old school.

She gathered the information I had and is on her way to Bangkok to find out more details and also look for the whereabouts of the other child. Hopefully the other child will be nicer than Stoli, what a freaking nightmare. She drinks all my booze then goes to Bungalow 8. The other night she came home with some New Jersey 18 year old..I told her no bridge and tunnel freaks. i gotta get her another job. I think I'll call Rosie again to see if they'll give her a second chance as a PA on "The View"...She did audition for "All my Children" but then they found out she had been a fluffer for some porn films and told her to get lost. Please, how soon they forget about Susan Lucci's past....I could ruin her.

Any who, I feel confident that Nicky Knockers will solve this case. Who can do a better job than an ex porn actress, Stripper and call girl....They Know how to get down and dirty.

I'll keep you updated.

Motherhood is a burden...

Kisses, MargOH!

Ann Coulter is a Whore

Hey Kids,

I see the woman I love to hate is at it again.

When I think of Ann the first word that comes to mind is "Whore".

Second is skanky and thirdly Maggot.

So I guess that makes Ann a Skanky Maggot Whore!

How perfect....

Kisses, MargOH!

Myspace is your space

Hey Kids,

I don't ever think I mentioned that I have a myspace page...well 2 now. I am currently recording some covers and original songs for upcoming shows that I will
be doing.

If you are on myspace, check out my page kids...I'll be keeping up with those pages as well as my blog.

It's been rough lately keeping up with the blog. I love sharing all of my stories with you.

I've been running a little cold about my work as of late. I think it's the winter blues....

I'm feeling a bit "GLADD" I guess.....here's the lyrics of Nellie's song that I love

It's been a long time coming
But I know you are the one
Here at home at last the days have ceased

It's been a long time coming
And I know we've just begun
All the pain has passed and there is peace

If the breath was warm and tender
Now the breath becomes a yawn
And I've been returned to sender
And I'm better since I'm gone…

It's been a long time coming
But I know you are the one
Here with time erased I'm at my best

It's been a long time coming
And I know we've just begun
Without a pretty face I can just rest

But the march is still ongoing
I can hear the drummers' roll
And it can't show signs of slowing
It is true, dear, it's my soul…

It's been a long time coming
But I know you are the one
Here at home at last the days have ceased

It's been a long time coming
And I know we've just begun
All the pain has passed and there is peace.


Check out my myspace kids...it's a hoot

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! goes Britney

Hey Kids,

I got a little out of control with the buzzers the other night after going to the Glammy's (NYC Drag Awards). It was a fun Party but not being nominated again really made me a bit crazy I think. I figured if it worked for Britney..to shed her anger it should work for MargOH!...Luckily I hired a photographer to catch all of this...

All it did was make me wish I had my hair back. I'm going to have to bring back the Turbin I guess...

Here's a few before and after pics of "The Glammy" evening.

Kisses, MargOH!

Go Britney Go

Oscar Party madness

Hey kids,

I got invited to Linda Hunt's Oscar bash. I was happy to go since it's right next door but it wasn't much of a party. She was only serving tea and biscuits.

I quickly called Aloha liquors and had 2 cases of champers and a beer ball delivered right away. I then got on the horn to whole foods for crudite and cheese tray, a bit of sushi and a cold cut platter....geez Linda was a little slow on the uptake for sure.

Then after being there for a few minutes I realized I was the only invite so then I had to take out my little black book to get some people over.

Of course everyone was game and I told them it was BYOB. I got all the usuals plus a few surprise extras. We had Polly Holiday who had Betty white and Vicky Lawrence visiting so they came over, then Tatum O was in town for the entertainment weekly Oscar viewing so she stopped in. Tatum walked in with Ashleigh Banfield , she's a reporter or something. Candy Bushnell also popped in, just for the free champagne and then ran out with 2 bottles, what a nut job.

We were getting excited for the awards but as usual they were a bit boring from the get go.

I mean really Ellen did her best but I told her mother Betty to skip the Blacks, Jews and Gay's line.

She did it anyway and it tanked, it's been said and done before.

Betty White jumped up and said that was a horrible joke and then she did a version of it that was much funnier; she added something about Bea Arthur doing cartwheels, now thats funny .

Betty got so excited that she spilt champagne all over my new skirt.. Tatum was too eager to help clean off my lap and slipped her hand on my thigh. I swear that girls gone lesbian.

Tatum then went off the wall about her record being broken by Abigail Breslin. It was her being the youngest nominee but Tatum was relieved when she lost to Jennifer Hudson. She screamed...I'm still the youngest, I'm still the youngest and ran out down the hall to the other party.

Linda was a bit overwhelmed especially when Berna walked in with Tony Danza. She's been a porter up at "The Producers" for the past few weeks( just as a side note I haven't been able to dig any further into the whole Berna/Stoli dilemma yet but I will).

Tony started singing at Helen and she got very annoyed by him. She also said he stunk of garlic. I guess he had a little garlic pasta before he came over.
Then she commented on the fact that the show is now closing, no wonder why she told Tony. I don't think he got it, poor thing.

Linda loosened up and bit and started a conga line during Melissa Ethridge's song. Not quite a Latin beat but what the hell I said and joined in.

I must say even though Tony is annoying I got to cop a few feels of his ass and I gotta tell ya it's not too bad for an old geezer.

Vicky Lawrence also kept us in stitches during commercial breaks and those silly dancers contorting themselves(Please I've done that 1000 times during sex)doing her Thelma from Mama's family. She does that character to the hilt....well I guess its the only thing she ever did but who's counting. I was happy about that because that jack Black # was awful.

I think the Oscar's stink but a night with Linda and the gals was too much.

Kisses, MargOH!

Is anybody out there?

Hey Kids,

I need a little love...no comments as of late so I thought I'd throw out a funny pick for ya!!

If I get three comments on this pic I'll down 3 bottle of champagne is 3 minutes without burping til I finish...

Kisses, M

Liza in Cooterville

Hey Kids,

You know I love my Liza and from time to time stand in for her if she goes on a bender. It's not easy impersonating a drunk ya know? Now she's lost weight again so I'm down to snacking on lettuce and beets to drop a few. My Pee is a gorgeous color at the moment.

Any who, I got a call from Bill "Pappy" Lavornia (Liza's music director and surrogate daddy) to come see her concert this past weekend. It's cold as hell so I figured what the hell. Luckily, i booked a flight with American instead of Jet Blue, yikes.

I got down there and was excited to see the concert. i arrived a bit late but just had enough time to get backstage to say hi. Pappy opened his arms with a big hug and whispered that Liza was sturdy as a horse tonight and didn't need me to stand in. I guess maybe he thought performing at the "Frank Sinatra" theatre may have sparked that old feeling in her and she'd down a bottle of Stoli..who knows.

he wouldn't let go even though i tried to get away and he then said there is one problem though. He said that whenever Liza loses a few pounds she breaks out her old costumes. He asked me if I could somehow talk her into wearing one of her newer pant suits instead of her pink a-line...he said that when she moves you can almost see her cooter. This pink outfit is from her concert that she did with Sammy and Frank back in the day. I knew exactly what he meant.

I went back to the dressing area and Liza greeted me with a double kiss and said hi ya Maggie. i told he she looked fabulous and I was glad she was doing so well. She was looking thin and radiant again..I love it. She asked me to help her practice her scales so I pounded on a few keys for her , a little shaky but who cares...

Then she grabbed her gator ade and started chugging it like mad...I think it may have had a bit of vodka in it mmmm. She then proceeded to put on her pink dress. I asked her how come she was dragging out the old outfits. She told me that it makes her feel young and she was remembering Frank tonight. I said do you think frank wants to see those swollen knee's. You know he would have told you to cover yourself up girlie!

She snapped at me and said how dare I comment on her outfit. I said How could I not, it looks a bit tattered hon and it's a bit short. I know you've lost weight but the girls are hanging a bit lower than they did 20 years ago. Please try on these slacks..they flow much better. She got a bit heated again and said that was her second act outfit. The music started to swell and she whisked out and Pappy was right..I saw a bit of her unspeakable ...yikes. not even wax, poor dear,

The opening act was like a roller coaster, not because of her singing, she was great but because of the dress. The audience was mostly 50-70 somethings and a smattering of queens. That dress was going up and down and side to side and a couple of the seniors covered there eyes as not to catch a glimpse of her cooter. One old man jumped up and yelled out..wait i gotta get my Viagra.

I guess Liza will never learn...or maybe she likes a bit of a breeze on her Lips...

All I can say is out with the old and into the New my dear Liza...

Kisses, MargOH!

Notes on A MargOH! Scandal

Hey Kids,

There's a scandal a brewin!!

You all know that I was moving and have just about settled in. There were a few boxes laying around and since Cuchie is in Argentina...they weren't gonna put themselves away.

I started going through them and found that it was some of Berna's things. She must have left them when she moved out. It was mostly stained underwear and ripped nylons but there was a wooden box also with three locks on it.

MMM... A box with three locks is a bit suspect, don't ya think. I ran over to the tool chest to get my lock-picks (I used those when I had the bordello in bangkok just in case the girls locked themselves in the room, don't ask).

I got them all unlocked and opened the box. The first thing I see is a twinkie, it figures. I dug down deeper and I see a bunch of papers with paternity test stamped all over it. There were adoption papers as well and an envelope with Stumpy Jones's name on it. I opened it up and there were checks written to him for 5,000 a piece. There were 5 of them dated for the years 1980 and 1981.

After I saw that I immediatly opened the other envelopes and to my shock...then I passed out...I woke up on the floor covered in drool and wondering what had happened. I got myself together and crawled to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of champers and downed it in 2 seconds.

I crawled back to the box and looked through the papers again. There was a birth certificate and paternity tests from Stumpy, myself and Berna. I couldn't believe my eyes. It said that the test was 97.7% positive that Berna was Stoli's mother and Stumpy Jones the father. Then the other test read that I was 94.8% proof and should never have children again.

I then looked at the birth certificate and there it was, under mother for Stoli Channing was My Name but it had been typed over white out. I rubbed off the white out and there it was Berna Breckenridge.

There was another birth certificate as well but this was for a boy and his name was Jack Daniel Channing. Did she have twins? Was this real? I couldn't believe that Berna... Then I heard her coming in so I put everything in the box and threw it in the closet.

She's been here ever since and I haven't been able to get back to that box. I did put a little drano in Berna's Black Bean soup. She's not feeling that well mmm...

I wonder why....

When I am ready to pounce on this, I'll let you all know!

It's scandalous...

Kisses, MargOH!

Officially Sick of the Cold

Hey Kids,

I am officially sick of the cold, it's horrible....

I've had to drink 3 bottles of Apricot brandy just to get myself to the liquor store to pick more up...Cuchie went to Argentina to visit her family so I'm stuck here with Berna.

Berna doesn't work for me any longer so she's refusing to help out. Stoli decided to go stay with my sister Rita in San Diego. I'm sure she'll be doing porn soon, Rita already got her a job applying spray tans for the vivid video gals.

Kim Fung is crapping all over the house because she hasn't been able to go visit her boy toy Reilly. I told her she's barking up the wrong tree there, that dog is gay. I can see it in his eyes....

See what the winter does to me..it makes me crazy...thinking of a dogs sexuality...
What will be next?

Only the Spring knows so get here already!!!

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! for President

Hey Kids,

I just got a call from porn star Jenna Jameson...mmmm She was talking to my sister Rita and they are thinking of starting their own political party.

It's called "The Porn Party"....mmmm how original. I guess they were having a few vodka gimlets over at Eddie Van Halen's. I guess Eddie told Jenna screw Hilary, you should run for President. This started a heated conversation about the "The Porn Party" and how they could build grass root support by gathering all the 80's heavy metal bands. They said they could do a concert to raise funds and followers.
They even picked the theme song Poison's "Talk dirty to me". Jenna thought that would get the Nascar vote.

Though Jenna voiced her opinion that it might be hard for a porn star of her caliber to get elected. She is a smart cookie and very talented in the bedroom but I'm not sure if she could wrangle with Bill Frist...on second thought I think she has, oooops..sorry to spill that.

Anyway Rita chimed in a said I know who can lead the "Porn Party" to victory. My sister MargOH!. She can spin shit into gold...she said. She's a born politician and she's slept with plenty of senator's.

At this point I hung up the phone. I haven't slept with a senator since 1977 and I won't say who but he is still serving.....yikes...he's an old geezer now. Ted...oops I did it again.

My sister Rita is crazy...Well, I mean I'm as pretty as Hilary and I do dress much better. I know Bill Clinton as well as she does and I do know "The pledge of Allegiance"....

I'll have to call Madeline Albright and see what she thinks. She is a smart gal and she'll tell me if I've got a shot.

I mean "Porn" has power especially in Washington. Don't forget my sister Rita starred in "Muff Divers 1-25" and in MD 1 she co-starred with lactating Lynne who we now know as Mrs. Lynne Cheney. She's got the nerve to write children's books.

MargOH! for President...start the buzz kids!!

Kisses, M

Glamorous Anna, You're so Outrageous

Hey Kids,

The past couple of days have just been rough...2007 has gotten off to a shaky start for MargOH!

Losing the "Jitterbug" tour, losing a dear friend and now my sassy and fabulous Anna.

Anna was a real trooper in my book and I adored her. She had a fabulous light inside that will never be shut off.

I know she could be a little rough around the edges but that's what was so fabulous. She was one in a million and lived like it.

I got to know Anna when she was on tour for her second Playboy cover and was touring through Bangkok. Her and The heff stopped in for some RR. Of course Anna and I ended up doing about 20 shooter's of upside down Kamikaze's.

We were both still on our feet so from that day on we were buddies. Hugh said we should keep in touch just in case one of us needed a liver transplant...LOL.

Anna also tried to get me a bit part in her movie "Skyscraper" but they weren't looking for my type...Your boobs had to be of a certain size for that casting agent..disgusting.

When I moved back to the states I met up with Anna again after one of her appearances on Stern. She said she wanted go somewhere low- key so I took her to a bar called McSwiggan's on 2nd ave. It's a dump and reeks of stale beer but we had a blast. The bartender didn't know how to make a kamikaze so Anna jumped behind the bar, the Vicky Lynn came out in her and she was oozing with Texas hospitality. She still drank me under the table....Now that's what America is all about Kids!!!!

That was the last time I saw Anna but i got a x-mas card every year and I sent her one.

She was a beauty and a lot of fun. She knew she was the brunt of jokes but was always kind and cordial to her fans.

I was and am a huge fan and will Miss the Zany Anna Nicole..

Wishing you eternal peace my dear...

Kisses, MargOH!

Wishing you eternal Peace Mr. Chin

Hey Kids,

I'm a bit down in the bottle today after learning about the death of a friend.

His name was Andrew Chin and we met during one of my trips with Berna to Rhode Island. I've known him now since 1993... There were many trips after that to see Andrew...He had a fabulous quality!!

Andrew had a knack for throwing these fabulous dinner parties with bountiful foods(like a kings court). He would invite professors, artists, musicians, drunks and drag queens. These parties always guaranteed an interesting evening. People loved to attend and there were many heated and fun filled conversations at that dinner table. I loved it!!

He also had a flair for decorating, he could take antique or down right busted furniture and mix them with modern items and make it work.
I called it Stevie Nicks meets Queen Elizabeth..

Berna always uses Andrews technique's when we throw a party and everyone loves it. Big handmade napkin rings and goblets laced with scratched goldleaf. Dusty table runner's with a gorgoeus centerpiece....it all worked.

There were also lovely get togethers on his front porch with bottles of wine flowing in the summer breeze.

He had an infectious laugh...he suffered from Asthma so it was a raspy laugh but one that made you join in...

He danced better than any gay I've ever known. I even named his dance "The Chin". It was an all out arm swinging dance with an 80's bounce...

Andrew was a great friend!

Like many frienships we drifted a bit but learning of his sudden death of a heart attack at 44 is just unbelievable.

It's when someone is gone all of their best qualities come to mind....

Isn't it funny how in our everyday lives it's the negatives that we can sometimes focus on in eachother...even the people we love or admire....

Andrew was a unique individual with many faults (as we all have) but as I sit here writing this I can only remember his perfection. The quality of his conversations and the tone of his soothing voice. I can say I will never forget the laughs we shared over the year's. Those were perfection..

I realize how fortunate I am to have known him and he lives in my mind now...

Wishing you eternal peace my friend

Cheers Andrew

Kisses, MargOH!

It's a Fashion Nightmare

Hey Kids,

Yet, another fashion week is upon us and you all know how much i love it......

I like fashion, its just that I hate fashionista's...

Any who, i went to the Isaac Mizrahi show with Berna and Kathie Lee Gifford. Kathie Lee would wear Isaac's stuff when he was good in the 80's and 90's.

It's cold as hell out but I figured what the hell. Berna and I met Kathie Lee outside and she had our passes and of course who do I see first but that jackass Andre Leon Tally..spilling his rum cocktail everywhere trying to act as if he is sexy. He approaches and says that he hasn't seen me in a while...I say thank god, he says Oh, MargOH! you know I love ya even though you are a fashion nightmare, I say..I'd rather be a fashion nightmare than a big fat pig and I walk on. These are the types of conversations that happen at fashion week...it's just grand.

We go to the tent and take our seats, i carry a tray of champagne with us...It's gonna be a bumpy day..Berna is already talking with katherine McPhee telling her that her "Over the Rainbow" is a masterpiece, I sticking my finger down my throat in disgust. Berna's a brown noser...katherine was fascinated by me and asked me who I was. I said if you have to ask then I won't tell...I was a bitchy MargOH! She sulked for a moment and then i handed her a glass of bubbly and all was well.....

Until it happened...The she-devil approached AW I call her....she's a mean and nasty bitch...the movie was right but I'm sure kinder than it should be.

The lights go down and the parade starts....

It's a fashion nightmare.....

What a bunch of crap..not the line but Cari Modine....Ugh what was she wearing....

she's odd looking and of course she sits right in front of me with this big fur hat..

Not that I minded cause then the real show started and let me tell you it was mediocre...not Isaac's best...

I think he should stick to commentating and such...he's lost his fashion sense...

then after the clown parade he comes rolling down the isle in a wheel chair and AW runs and jumps in his lap and she screams no pictures and the room goes silent and then he screams...I just broke my pelvis in a car accident in the Hampton's...I heard the real story was that he was so drunk from seeing his finished product he fell down a flight of stairs...poor thing

It was the best thing I'd seen all day...

I wish i had a ticket to the Bill Blass show cause honey those are some clothes...

I gotta order in for my upcoming show..It'll be grand.


Another fashion week gone, yawn

Kisses, MargOH!

A Slippery Slope

Hey Kids,

I had a wild weekend.

Now , I left with Linda Hunt on our ski weekend that ended up a ski day. We got up to Vermont and hit the slopes right away. Linda was hot to the trail. I decided to go to the bunny hill first, it's been a while since I've hit the slopes.

Linda went straight to the top with speed on her mind. I watched her go up that ski lift but never saw her come back down...well she did, but on a stretcher. I guess she went off the trail and ended up on the snowboard obstacle course and did a somersalt off the half pipe and landed on her tailbone, ouch!

What a bummer, I stayed with little old Linda until she was checked out of the emergency room and slapped her in a car for home. I didn't feel like staying at the lodge all alone and was not in a NY state of Mind so I headed to Rhode Island to see Berna's peeps.

I was out and about for a wild weekend, drinking and smoking.

I did a little number at a cute little joint called Dark lady.

Berna's brother is a Limo driver so he whisked me around town in style.

I met up with some old friends that know where to find the booze and the boys. I was happy to get away and have a little fun..Being in NY 24/7 can be a little tiring for the old gal, especially a legendary one.

I'll be back kids after I check on Linda. i picked her up a bottle of Jack to sooth those bones and Cuchie made her some chicken soup....

I can be so domestic...It must be the New England in me!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Kim Fung. Is she a Miracle Dog?

Hey Kids,

It's a very exciting day. Kim Fung, my pooch is 24 years old. She's been with me so long I sometimes forget about how old she actually is.

She has been a handful but I love her and she is a constant source of companionship. I saved that dog from the streets of Bangkok in 1983. She was just about the size of my hand at the time. I was doing a bit of shopping with Berna when I saw her wondering the streets. I scooped her up and put her in my handbag. I am sure someone would have made her into a stew if i hadn't grabbed her or maybe even a muff..who knows.

It is really a miracle she is still around since Berna has sat on her so many times but she's like a gumby. The vets are amazed at her flexibility. I think it's because I do at least one dance number with her every day. She can also handle her booze. She drinks every time I do at home. She loves Champers and a vodka and tonic.

Now don't get me wrong it's not all fun and games. Kim Fung is always trying to pick up the neighborhood dogs and she has a thing for Great Danes....mmmm just like Mama, she likes em big.

Its a joy to have a dog live for so long and I think Kim Fung is a miracle dog and I love her. She is the best!!

Happy Birthday Kim Fung

Thin as a Pussycat

Hey Kids,

I want to be as thin as a Pussycat....doll that is. I'm a fat girl and that's a fact but I am so wanting to be thin in 2007. I have all these vintage Halston's hanging in my closet that I can't get on anymore...without a shoe horn and some fish oil. Not the best smelling vintage.

I know its tuff so I have Cuchie preparing me only vegetables and green tea for 2 meals and 3 martini's at night with hoodia in it. I also took out the 5 olives I usually have in them. That's a start kids...Dontcha think?

I have moved up to the new pad and already have plans for an apartment warming party. I decided to take a small trip to get away and let Cuchie set everything up this weekend. Kim Fung and I are headed for a ski jaunt in Vermont with my new neighbor Linda Hunt. I was a bit shocked when Linda asked me but I said..What the hell! So I am off on Thursday!!

I'll be back kids!!

Kisses,

MargOH!

Cartoon MargOH!

Hey Kids,

I just landed a role as a naked mole rat in an upcoming animated feature...It's a small role but my first speaking part in almost 20 years...very exciting. I wonder if they will make this mole rat look anything like me...mmmm that would be impossible.

Anyway, I must say I think I've got the winter blues...I haven't felt much like writing lately.

I think its because I do miss Mickey and dancin to the "Jitterbug" song.

I have to remember not to sleep with every man I meet but its hard...

I love when bodies get all hot and steamy and naked and sweaty and lipstick smeared on a _____. Oh jeez I lost it there for a minute.

Cuchie please get me a cool beverage and my body mist....Berna get the hell out of the way, she's sleeping on the floor now even though I put another bed in Cuchie's quarters.

Stoli is at her girlfriend Rachets apartment...yes i found out Stoli found out at Betty Ford that she likes the ladies...I don't blame her, I too like a nice set of knockers in my face once in a while. It's harmless fun for a couple of gals to get naked and have a little fun. Have we learned nothing from Melissa Ethridge.

Anywho, one of my readers sent me a little animated pic of MargOH! It's cute but I didn't realize how much I look like Demi Moore...

I'll be back kids and hopefully the blues will float away soon!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Happy Birthday Miss Kitt

Hey Kids,

My darlin and one of my favorite performers celebrated her 80th birthday last week.
The legendary Eartha Kitt.

I have had the pleasure to knock a few back with Eartha over the years and when I say there is no one better than she I mean it.

To see Eartha perform live is an out of body experience for MargOH! I have been lucky to see her perform in very intimate cabaret settings and there is nothing like it in the world.

She is 80 and looks, sounds and is gorgeous...

Miss Kitt will be playing Carnegie Hall in June and I'll be there... Get your tickets kids...

Here's to you Eartha!!

Kisses, MargOH!

Bad Girl

Hey Kids,

I've been movin....so sorry for the lack of posts. I am moving from the 5th floor to the 6th floor in my current building. I have had it with Shirley Bassey playing "Goldfinger" 24/7 when she is in town...drives me nuts.

Now you won't believe who I'll be living next door to on the 6th floor....It almost like a dream come true. Linda Hunt, the academy award winner, moved in a few months ago. We've never met but I'm sure we will very soon...she's very petite but someone told me she's got a taste for Johnny Walker...How fun!!

Now I still have the whole party to fill you in on....I'll just say that Cuchie, berna and Stoli have been doing all the heavy lifting in this move...those bitches!!!

Also, I'll be doing a new photo shoot for my upcoming shows!!! They'll be hot

Kisses, MargOH!

Hot in the City

Hey Kids,

I'm back in old NY. The "Jitterbug" tour has come to an end and I'm glad. Honestly, being stuck on a bus with Mickey for another 2 months would have been torture.

I couldn't believe it but our Bus driver/Massage Therapist was also a "Jitterbug" spy. He was to make sure that Mickey and I were behaving in a Moral fashion to promote there big button cell phone.... Too funny but Garcia was the one who lowered my panties and massaged my unmentionables. he then went back to the "Jitterbug" people and said I had made sexual advances...bastard!!!

All water under the bridge kids and i got work lined up already. My agent Shecky got me a part in Nip/Tuck and then as a spokes model stint at an Antique car show. The latter is a bit suspect but hell Mama needs the cash!!

I'll be back with the details about the party that happened while I was away. I'll just say that Berna and Cuchie are still cleaning up the mess.

Kisses, MargOH!

Miss Piggy Replaces MargOH!

Hi Kids,

That's right!!!! I've been replaced by a pig..... Usually this would bother me
but since its the ultimate Pig Miss Piggy I'll let it slide.

I asked to be removed from the "Jitterbug" Tour though the rumor will be I was fired for having sex with Garcia the bus driver/Massage therapist...He did do happy endings, it's not my fault. I'll let you know about that asap.

We did have a great time in Miami and our JitterConga was fabulous...We sold almost 3, 000 "Jitterbugs"....yawza.

I did ask to be let go because of the goings on at my apartment, parties every night and Stoli is back from her stint at Betty ford but has already emptied out my Liquor cabinet. I will post about the big party this past weekend but I decided to take one more day in Miami to meet with Gloria Estefan for a sight seeing tour...how fun.

I was paid for my services thus far but it is far short of my six figure promise...so I need to get back to some serious extra work....I need to call Sally Field to see if she can get me something on that show she's on...love ya Sally, cry for me Sally.

Anyway , I'll let you know when I get back if my apartment is still there, god only knows what happened...Gary Busey was back in the mix and so was Brigitte Neilson...oH Crap!!!

Here's a pic of Kim fung and Piggy before we left the "Jitterbug Bus".

Mickey isn't sure how he's gonna dance with that pig, I said put her on his shoulder and swing her around!!!

Who Knows...

Kisses, MargOH!

"The MargOH! Channing Show" Vintage clip w/Linda Simpson

Hey kids,

The "Jitterbug" tour is a bit slow so I've had all this time to edit and upload clips of my TV show. Many more to come!! This clip was with the only Drag Queen I could get to come one the show.

Her name is Linda Simpson and she is a true comedian and smart as a whip. Linda was
promoting her magazine "My Comrade". This clip is after the interview. We didn't realize Berna had kept the camera on...she's very sneaky, that Berna but sometimes these things make for good comedy.....

On a side note...I have been propositioned by at least 25 men over 60 for sex since I've been down here...They all wave their little blue pill bottles at me and offer me drinks....It's disgusting.....

Kisses, MargOH!

Only in Miami

Hey Kids,

Mickey and I arrived in Miami....I love palm tree's....they make me horny.

I had the most fabulous breakfast burrito this morning, just divine!! I love the vibe down here, like everything is on Latin heat.

I guess the Latin heat has gotten to the seniors in Florida though. I was looking up the East Ridge retirement village for the show and found this disturbing article from 2006.

STDs Running Rampant In Retirement Community

Seniors are bringing sexy back. Maybe I should have sponsored "Trojans". I'll have to call that condom company and see what they think.

It is true my mother Sully has more sex at the "Fish mongers" retirement home than she's had in her whole life, they don't use the little blue pill up in Alaska, just lots of cod liver oil...its good for the mojo...

Anyway, Garcia is about to give me my rub down before our rehearsal. It was really smart that "Jitterbug" hired a bus driver/massage therapist for the trip. I wonder if he will do a happy ending.....I'll let you know but I say he's only 26 so I'm sure he'll be game.

We got a hotel suite since we'll be in Miami for about a week. We have to go to the airport later because Jan Rooney is coming to stay for the Miami leg. Jan's nice but she can be a bit Pesky...I'll make sue i fill her up with rum and cokes...she's much nicer when she's drunk..

I'll be back...

Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! Channing Show w/Penny Arcade

Hey Kids,

I have lots of downtime on the "Jitterbug" bus so I've had time to upload some vintage MargOH! Channing Shows. This was my second show featuring the fabulous and
lovely legend Penny Arcade. I will post more soon!! Oh, god Mickey farted again, open the damn window....he's eating chili dogs now..Uggh

Kisses, MargOH!

Jitterbug Madness

Hey kids,

The "Jitterbug" tour made its second stop at the Ford Village in Rocky Mount North Carolina. Yes, that's right the Ford Family are in the community development game. I just can't seem to get away from the Ford Fever.

Anyway, we got to the clubhouse and this time it was "Jitterbug" Mayhem. There were about 2, 000 seniors waiting for Mickey and I. This time we did Mickey's number "Me and my Shadow"....I thought it was stupid but micks thought it was cute because he's so much shorter than me....its kind of obvious don't ya think....


Garcia, our bus driver is helping us with the next number, its in Miami. We're gonna do "Conga" by Gloria Estefan but replace "Jitter" for Conga. Garcia is helping us with our Latin beat. He says my hips move with the grace of a Carmen Miranda. I think I may get me some kids...hot stuff....

It was a blast today and we sold 1,400 "Jitterbugs".. It was amazing. I'm really earning my 6 figures. That usually doesn't happen.

I am a bit sad because I am missing out on some fabulous extra roles. I got offers for 2 films with Paul Rudd and one for Charlize Theron but I had to pass. I did also get one stand in voice over for the "Geiko Gecko" but my Aussie accent sucks so I had to turn that down too....

I'll be home mid February...It's "Jitterbug" madness

I'll be back with hopefully more interesting posts

Kisses, MargOH!

Its "Jitterbug" Mayhem

Hey Kids,

Sorry its been a bit but the "Jitterbug Bus" has been having a few problems. The Internet keeps crapping out, 2 flat tires and a busted water hose. This is all very "Priscilla Queen of the desert" without the nice view. We're in a truck stop outside of Pigeon Forge Tennessee. Even my Jitterbug Phone isn't working.

We did hit the first retirement home but I'm wondering if this marketing blitz for the "Jitterbug" phone is hitting the right venue's. These people can't even pee for themselves. They're expecting them to use a cell phone. One lady who was 98 asked me to call President Roosevelt for her... I just told her he was busy and snapped into our "Wake me up before you go go" number with Mickey. He was a little stiff but his jig soon caught up to mine. We got a standing O but didn't sell any phones.

Now all the bus problems...it's crazy. Our next stop is a retirement village, not a home so hopefully they'll be an under 90 set.

Oh, Mickey just farted...he keeps eating pork and beans. I think he thinks we're camping...or something. Okay Micks, I'll tell everyone you said hi...Mickey says hi to you all.

Okay gotta run, the mechanic thinks he's got the bus going...One good thing our bus driver is a hottie. His name is Garcia....very hot!!

I'll be back kids

Kisses, MargOH!

Ford Fever

hey Kids,

I've been so busy with the "Jitterbug Tour" rehearsals with Mickey and a last minute invite to the hottest ticket in the country. I've been swamped!!

Yes, I was sent a last minute invite to Gerry Fords funeral by Betty. I am one of "The Betty Ford Clinic's" longest running customers. If I need a little tune up i just go and they admit me right away. I don't even pay anymore....I guess they feel that I paid so much in the past from my recurring addiction to booze that I'm exempt now! What they fail to understand is that I just like to drink and have no plans on stopping. The clinic is more of a place to see old friends and play Chinese checkers. The last time I went I hung out with Tatum O'Neal and Margot Kidder. It was like the "Bad news Bears" meets "Superman". Hey I guess it was!!! LOL.

Any who, I sat right next to Joan Collins at the funeral(also a secret Betty Ford Clinic Devotee). Her hair was bigger than I have ever seen....well it was a wig. Joan is as Bald as an eagle. I told her that she had some lint in her hair and I tugged on it just to make sure, yep it was horsehair alright!

It was a who's who of Washington's finest and Nancy Reagan. Nancy of course was trying to steal the spotlight from poor Betty....with her woe is me sunglasses...I miss Ronnie attitude....I heard she was dating her pool boy...she was always such a slut.

I got to meet Nancy Pelosi which was fun. I swear she bares a striking resemblance to a woman who co-starred in "Muff divers" with my sister Rita. She swore she's never done films but looked very nervous when I mentioned it. I am sure she will do a great job and she was very kind!!!

It was a long day and that speech Bush gave made me slump over asleep on Joan's shoulder.

After it was all said and done I thought to myself...

I wonder when I die if people will see me in a different light?

I boarded the Jitterbug bus and went to pick up Mickey at the airport and we're off to Dollywood land. I'll keep you updated.

Kisses, MargOH!

Happy New Year

Hey Kids,

I'm off for a wild New years eve. I'll keep you updated but I wanted to post another
Clip of Nellie for the Nellie Fans...

Kisses, MargOH!

2nd Annual MargOH!'s "Most Annoying Straights of 06" list

Hey Kids,

This past month has been crazy and I've been really annoyed so I had to hold off on posting this.

I first must explain that just like last year there are no other people in the world that can be more annoying than the Bush administration. The only problem is that they are so boring to talk about that it makes it even more annoying. They are the actual top 5.. this is in Random order

George "Stupider than stupid" Bush
Condelezza "I'll do anything for George and I mean anything" Rice
Donald "Dickhead Idiot" Rumsfeld
Dick " When the hell will he die" Cheney
Laura "Caught like a deer in headlights" Bush

Then I had the issue of Pop culture and the horrible turn it has taken in the past 5 years or so. It got even worse this year with all of these skinny blonde's and on and off again blonde's running around showing off there cooters. They all landed in the 2ND top 5 or 6-10. I 'm not going to say much about these gals because I hear about it every day on the Internet, on the TV, in the newspaper, on the street...It is disgusting so here is 6-10

Paris Hilton
Nicole Richie
Britney Spears
Lindsey Lohan
Jessica Simpson

Just as a side note.... the only blonde's that did not annoy me this year were Tori Spelling and Loni Anderson. "So Notorious" was one of the funniest and most interesting shows of the past year and I think Tori Spelling showed how one should never take themselves too seriously. Bravo Tori!!!

Oh, yes and Dolly Parton who is a blonde by wig only but I love her and she is Okay every year in my book!!

Now to the top 5 which I guess is actually 11-15....yikes I'm confused


5. Donald Trump and the Miss USA Scandal

This story really threw me into a tizzy at the last minute. As a former winner of "Little Miss Lobster Festival" pageant when I was 6 in Bangor I was appalled by Tara Conner... Not because she was being a bad girl but that she got caught, stupid girl....didn't she learn anything from poor Vanessa Williams.

Its actually Donald Trump who is about as Annoying as you can get on a daily basis but what he said about Rosie was just horrible. He is a homophobic prick that doesn't deserve to be on television or be respected by anyone. Unfortunately middle America can't get enough of "The Apprentice" so we'll have to keep putting up with it! Thanks soccer Moms....

4. Mel Gibson

Just another homophobic, Jew hating, thinks he better than everybody else prick. Cuchie make me a Sloe Gin Fizz with a chaser of Jack...thanks doll. He makes me wanna drink even at 9 am. Whats even more annoying is that he can't handle his liquor, how sad!!! If ya can't hang Mel baby switch to diet coke. I think we should send Mel down to Australia and put him in a pen with some drunk kangaroos and have them beat the crap out of him!!! I hope Jesus will forgive him, he's so religious.

3. Naomi Campbell

I know Ms. Campbell was cleared of beating her domestic but I still think she did it. She obviously is a bad girl at heart and even her looks aren't enough for her. I treat all of my domestics with loving and open arms....well there is the off chance that I may have slapped Berna a couple of times but she's been with me since 1968. We're more like family.....

I thought models were done after 30 but for some reason they're sticking around now. Who changed that rule...Damn Lauren Hutton.... Naomi grow up and get some manners and do something for Humanity other than supplying us with crap perfume.

2. Gwyneth Paltrow for Estee Lauder

Is there anything more annoying than Gwyneth Paltrows commercials for Estee' Lauder. Well , yes my # 1 pick but not much else.

I am just so happy that this rich, thin, not a care in the world actress gets to go sailing on a gorgeous day or dance in a wheat field in a flowing peasant skirt whilst spraying herself with Estee' Lauders "Pleasures".

I think it stinks, yes the scent as well. Why not Cuchie? She needs a little pleasure in her life..... and I don't think that some alcohol ridden scent is gonna do it. Cuchie get me that perfume. Yes, it tastes better than it smells. That's how I got kicked out of the Betty ford clinic you know. I drank Tatum O'neals "White Diamonds" and she was pissed. I much prefer Red door... It almost tastes like a Burgundy, very tasty. I don't recommend any of Celine Dion's scents, they taste like baby formula....anyway I'm off track.

Please Estee Lauder can we see a big lesbian driving a tractor trailer and spritzing herself with your "Pleasures". It would be some much more realistic...

1. Tyra Banks

Okay, Tyra girl.....You ain't no Oprah! okay girl, and you ain't street neither. I think I need to go Mary J. on your ass and straighten you out girl. Oops sorry for that but Tyra just makes me think I'm a big black lady. No disrespect to my fabulous women of color.

I just think that Tyra and her show stink! I had no pity for her when she had Naomi Campbell on to tell her she was mean to her. Too bad....little Tyra.

Then she puts on a fat suit and feels like she knows what a fat girl goes through....why not just follow a fat girl like me around with a camera.

She has all of these shows about serious situations but has no idea how to handle anything.

Her range of emotion goes from 0-1 and her ability to scream and jump up and down for a very long time is quite unremarkable. Give me back Sally Jessie Raphael please!!!

The most annoying thing about Tyra is that she is responsible for giving Janice Dickinson a voice (another drunk that can't control herself) .


Shame on you Tyra!!!

This concludes most of my annoyances for 2006. There are many more but I don't like to dwell on these things.

I will be posting my "Big in 06" very soon as to set myself up for a fresh and fabulous 2007. It's going to be a wonderful year and MargOH! is going to be in your face. Hold on kids it may be a bumpy ride....

Remember MargOH! says

"Champagne is for every day not just New Years Eve"

Kisses, MargOH!

PS

Honarable mentions

Tomkat- Please not another Wedding. I think that baby stole my Liza wig
Brad and Angelina- Please not another baby and those lips....
Flavor Flav- Not another season of "Flavor of Love"
Tom Hanks- He's always annoying but that hair in "The Davinci code " was precious
Bill Frist- Is he on purpose? I think God made a mistake on that one, send him back