Hester "Bones" Faketree

Hey Kids,

It's been a bit since I posted my last session with Hester because she seemed less and less interested in my story. Well we got stuck on a certain part and the questions became a bit in depth for me and I became uncomfortable. I of course am a good judge of character and Hester swept me off my feet but after couple of months she planted them back down hard.

I did a little digging via one of Berna's Union buddies and quickly realized that
Hester did not work for "The Bangor Shoppers Guide". I then called in Nicky Knockers to get more information and she quickly found out that Hester's real name was Jun Fun Swazuki Hartman. She was a detective hired by the Thai police to investigate my cabaret, bordello and escort service fire in Bangkok. Of course I quickly confronted her and told her to get the hell out, she was yelling that she'd get to the bottom of that fire and that I had committed insurance fraud.

Well, I certainly did not. That fire was completely accidental or set by Madonna. One day we were rehearsing a new show with Danny Devito when to my surprise my diva muse rushed in and asked for an order of Pad Thai. I barely uttered a sound when Berna yelled out, not knowing it was the material girl "We don't see food her just pussy". She screamed out fuck you, flipped me the bird and ran out in a huff. Poor Danny peed his pants and I was shaken and knocked over my "our father" candelabra I bought from eBay from The blond ambition tour. That set the stage curtain on fire, luckily Danny was still peeing so he put it out quickly.

Then about 15 minutes later the whole place was a blaze. I barely got out because I had to throw Danny on my back. Berna and the girls followed quickly. We were all safe but when i turned around the whole place was melting before my eyes.

Later we searched through the rubble and all I found was a red kabbalah bracelet with the smell of patchouli oils....

I did what any person would do and cashed in all my insurance policies and came back to NY. In my heart knowing that Madonna had done it. Berna thinks Danny didn't piss enough on the curtains but I still believe that Madonna set fire to my cabaret, bordello, escort service......I don't blame her, she was hungry.

Take that down Hester or I mean Jun Fun. Fuck that bitch....

Don't worry Kids I've brought back Cuchie to take down my memoirs and I start up again right after the show.

Kisses, M