A bit of Mayhem

Kids,

You know I'm in a writing funk. I think its because summer is coming to an end here in old NYC. This must mean I haven't made enough Mojito's lately, ya think. I am going to have nothing but tropical and frozen drinks this holiday weekend to perk me up a bit.

I did have a wild night out the other eve. I ran into Diane Keaton and Meryl Streep at Molly's pub on 3rd ave. They were nursing glasses of one malt scotch and talking about the old days when they didn't play mothers. They invited me over and when I went to sit down I jumped right back up, ouch, I sat on something hard and it almost went straight up my cooter. Meryl said,

"oh I'm sorry MargOH!, its my oscar for Kramer vs. Kramer".

I couldn't believe I almost got banged by Oscar. I of course inquired why she had it and she told me that she had kept it in her atrium near a fountain and it had gotten tarnished so she brought it for refinish.

I told Meryl she should take better care of her oscars, I mean I keep my "Exie's" on a lovely mantle piece, I'm very proud of them you know.

Meryl then said.. "MargOH! what did you win for? a porn..? " Diane chuckled.

"Excuse me Miss Streep", I said "but I am the most decorated extra in the history of motion pictures and television". I told her I won for playing "the wedding dancer" in Steel Magnolias and "bank vault girl # 6" in Dog Day Afternoon.

Meryl chuckled again and said "I'm just fucking with you Maggie..please you've had a longer career than me, well me, not Diane..."

Diane added in, didn't you get my part in "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" and pass.

"Yes, i did, but I thought it was crap", I replied. "I wasn't ready for a speaking role at the time but I was sad not to have ya know got it from Mr. Gere"

Diane laughed and said.... "well you know Richard and I did a lot of research for that role if you get what I mean?" "He's wild, well he was"

Diane then flagged the waitress down for a round and added a dirty martini for me.

Meryl kept asking me what was going on and grilling me about my roles. i told her I was going to be in the "Dallas" movie and was doing the voice for "Smuckers"... She kept laughing, I think her role as Miranda Priestly hasn't worn off yet.

I invited them to the shows in september and they are both shooting things so they can't make it. I added they should have been in "The Witches of Eastwick"... They loved that. We ended up having a smashing time and it was fun getting the dirt on some of their leading men. I was still a bit stung by Meryl's behavior but I think it was the scotch's.

Just FYI Kids I was carrying my large Hobo bag and now have my own Oscar for Best supporting actress in a Motion picture for Kramer vs. Kramer. Berna just got done etching my name over Meryl's.....


Kisses, MargOH!

MargOH! on "Thats Kentertainment"

Hey Kids,

I'll be doing a spot on "Thats Kentertainment" being shown September 7th @ 12AM On Friday Morn or is that late Thursday eve on MNN, I believe channel 34 for Time warner folks. Anywho Ken and I did a quick interview and he will be showing clips from my show @ The Duplex. Ken is also joining me for the live show on the 14th and he is a hoot. All my fans from all over can also watch this show because you can watch it on www.mnn.com. They have a live feed of all the shows so you all can actually tune in and watch MargOH!

I've been in a blog funk but there has been much going on but of course I've been Lazy in telling my day to day activities.... Darlings I'll get back in the swing of things soon....

Well I must tell you one thing, I auditioned for the musical "Grey Gardens" but didn't get the part, I'm not sure why... I knew Little Edie Beale when she was knocking around the city after Big Edie died and caught her cabaret act a couple of times...she was a dame for sure and very energetic and wonderfully entertaining. She showed me how to tie a turban and i have never forgotten. I think I didn't get the part because of the fact I told the director he had it all wrong, ya think!! Its not gritty enough..too fluffy I think. We'll have to see

Oh yes, i'm already thinking of a Holiday show. I think I'm going to call it "A Fishmongers Christmas" mmmmm that'll be fun, fun, fun

Kisses, MargOH!

Check out Kens website www.thatskentertainment.com

MargOH! goes Glam Slam

Hey Kids,

I attended a fabulous scary party on Friday... Well the tennis channel hosted a party called Glam Slam 2006. Well I of course went with Billie Jean who is not well lets say "known for Glamour" so I was a bit concerned. Billie looked okay in her usual suit...she's big as a house anyway.

The party was fun and of course I was a big hit with the boys in my carolina herrera plunging neckline gown. I mean those boys gotta see something else besides balls ya think. Tommy Haas was speechless and James Blake rubbed his shiny head in my cleavage until his mother slapped him and said that is no way to treat a lady. I said, that's okay I'm no lady, LOL. Of course MargOH! always ends up sitting with the wrecks and I was plopped at a table with Oksana Baiul who is now looking a little like E.T. I thought she kept asking to use my phone in between downing shots of vokda..someone needs a trip to rehab.

My other concern is that tennis players, the ladies, have very little fashion sense..they need help, Mary Pierce is a wreck, Jelena Jankovic looked like a rotten banana. I think I need to become a stylist to the tennis world. Even Serena should know better than to wear peddle pushers to a Glam event, very sad.

I ended up leaving in disgust at the fashions and the fact that Mardy Fish grabbed my ass, gross....

Kisses, MargOH!

At Home with MargOH! pictorial

Hey Kids,

Just some new pics of MargOH! taken by my director Jeff Catlow... He can shoot..

Kisses, MargOH!

atta girl Cloris ya old drunk

Hey Kids,

Well its about time Cloris Leachman shows her true colors. She once had MargOH! under the table in a drinking contest of Boilermakers at McSorley's pub on 3rd ave.
She's a boozehound and I love her.

kisses, MargOH!

I'm back Part 2

Hey Kids,

While I was lounging on the beach in P-town the boys gave me some inspiration.

Is it my imagination or have speedo's gotten smaller or are the boys getting bigger.. is it all that pumping?

Anyway I worked a bit on my dance hit.... i want it bad!!!! I can't sing but do you really need a great voice for a dance hit...I guess a bit but I know I can do it!!

Here is my first tackle at some lyrics

What do my martini club members think..let me know?



That Little Something Extra


Can it be that I have that little something extra?
That you’d want to see
Would it be that I have that little something extra?
So I could make you want me
If that’s the take than I want to sex ya

You’ve been in love before, that I’ll betcha
But I’m sure they didn’t have that little something extra
That would make you want to stay
Sit back and enjoy cause that little something extra will blow you away
You can fall cause I’m gonna catch ya

Not everyone has that little something extra
So that’s why you should be with me
I knew you’d want to see
This isn’t a quiz but I’m gonna test ya
You’ve already passed so taste that little something extra

Yes it’s true; I have that little something extra
Now you have to look at only me
Cause I have that little something extra
Now I know what will be
Now I’m on the take, I want to sex ya

I know there’s a lot of fish in the sea
But they don’t have that little something extra
So that’s why you are with me
Come on over boy I’m gonna sex ya
Then maybe I’ll set you free

Yes it’s true; I have that little something extra
Now you have to look at only me
Cause I have that little something extra
Now I know what will be
Now I’m on the take, I want to sex ya

By MargOH!Channing

I'm back Part 1

Hey KIds,

P-Town was just wonderful.... though Berna fucked up and John wasn't even there... no worries Berna broke the window and we made ourselves compfy... don't worry I called a glass man and had them send someone over to replace it..silly people.


Well thats when the fun started... they sent over this hunky boy named Neil and he ended up putting in more than a new window. I was wearing my black one piece disco pantsuit with bling...very retro. He said I reminded him of an older, more plump version of Ally McGraw from Love story, huh, I thought, but I knew I should send Berna to the package store.... I told Neil to take off his shirt and gave him some lemonade from the fridge and when he took a sip it dribbled down his chest.. I of course licked it off. Neil said "Ms. Channing I'm gay" I replied "Neil I'm Bi" so its okay". He took me right there in front of the broken window...it was hot.

Oh Dear, I have to go , i'll contiunue soon. I have an interview via the phone for a magazine called "PS I love you". It is a fashion magazine done by my friend La John Joseph from myspace..

Kisses, MargOH!

The P-town stories will continue....

P-town here we come

Hey Kids,

Berna and I have been invited to John Waters summer pad in P-town this weekend so we'll be having a gay old time. I landed a small role in the upcoming "Hairspray" movie. I will play Corny Collin's dance lady # 6. I reluctantly took the role but John insisted. I just feel it is not a good idea. The first Harispray film is one of my favorites of all time. I fell it is a slap in the face to the memory of Divine, John Travolta, Please!!!!... I still may back out but maybe I can talk John out of letting them do this film. Though he has to pay for his summer rental so I guess the money will win....

On the other hand having me in the movie might give it that bit of camp it needs. I could even hold up a photo of Divine during the shoot to keep it real.

Anywho , I heard that Mink Stole is also going to be there too. I can't wait to see her again, she can knock back Martini's with the best of them and she's got a mean poker hand.This should be a grand weekend... John is a doll for having us. Oh dear I must run and get my tankini, oh no I better get a one piece...still a bit well rotund for anything skimpy.

I won't be posting until tuesday my loves so hold on tight....

Oh yes, exciting MargoH! mentions. I've added Chris Tuttle to the Martini Club of blogs I read, he is a nice boy so give him a read. I was mentioned on Best gay blogs... they didn't say anything special but at least they said something... I guess

Also I am doing an interview for a Fashion Magazine called P.S. I love you on Tuesday and I may be doing a guest spot on Frank Decaro Sirius radio show in the next couple of weeks. It will be during Ken Kleiber's segment on a Thursday. I'll let you know when that's finalized kids so If you have Sirius you can tune in!!

Love you all my darlings....

I 'll be back next week, til then enjoy my pic of the day

Kisses, MargOH!

Cotton Ginny......AAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Hey Kids,

Berna gave "Cotton Ginny" to a gal down the hall...thank god. Marie still hasn't returned my call. She knows me.. we studied in a masterclass for spokesmodeling with the world renowned Maria Callas of Spokesmodeling Miss Hickory Thicket. Hickory told Marie that she should put moveable peckers on the boy dolls... but I don't think she ever did. Marie is giving another one shaken baby, she must need a fix

Here are some pics of "Cotton Ginny"... run

Kisses, MargOH!

Marie Osmond Dolls give me the Heebies

Hey Kids,

I was awaken this morning by the ringing of the doorbell at 10 am. Not a good time when I had been sampling many different wines last night at Kraftbar... They were very generous with their pours, Mama likes!!! Especially when Jason & deMarco were paying... Yes those two do drink like fish but are very christian and wholesome, anyway they want to produce a dance hit for little old MargOH!. I said fine as long as its not called "Dance to the Lord" or something like that. I am actually working on a sassy tune right now called "That little something Extra".. anywho back to the point of this story.

After I got done giving the UPS man a tip with "Natures Credit Card"(yes, I stole that from Golden Girls).. so what he doesn't care as long as he's satisfied. It was a large package and MargoH! was able to handle it. Now the actual package was big as well so I had Berna carry it in. I wondered what could it be and who sent it so I tore that box open, was it a bottle of Vodka?, a large Jar of Olives? I started to pull away the peanuts and to my horror, I screamed. It was a porcelain doll, I ran down the hall screaming.

I hate those creepy dolls, my mother Sully didn't have enough money on a fishmongers pay to buy me dolls so she'd make me ones out of Tuna cans, netting and paper mache, then she'd put actual fish eyes and seaweed for hair, they were horrible!! I still can see those Seabass fish eyes staring at me in the middle of the night... and not to mention the stench.

Berna yelled to me, its from Sully, its a Marie Osmond doll called "Cotton Ginny". I crept out of the bathroom , a bit more curious. I said "It's a bottle of Gin?". No berna replied its a doll called "Cotton Ginny". Crap I thought, I'd prefer gin, even though I'm off Gin. I gave the doll another look and was still afraid with its big perky eyes and frilly dress.

Marie Osmond is insane. I bet she's got these dolls all over the house staring at her. Judging her... no wonder she's on pills... she could do a remake of "Valley of the Dolls" and have cotton ginny star in it.

"Get rid of it", I screamed.

" Sully said she saw this on TV and saved up enough money from doing favors for the guys at The fishmongers retirement home she decided to get you a brand new doll. She says its also payback for selling your red wagon for a bottle of whiskey", Berna said

I said well I guess its a nice thought but I wonder what favors that old bitch is giving now.. I hope its not blow jobs to the male nurses again. Berna keep it in your room, I added.

Then get me Marie Osmonds phone number because I gotta tell her to stop selling those creepy dolls. I am reccomending she she start hawking Sequin blouses or something like Patti Labelle.

Berna Get me a Bitters and Soda and throw some vodka in it. I'm still scared....

Kisses, MargOH!

My Latest show Promo

Hey Kids,

Gearing up for more shows... Here is the dramatic promo. Hopefully I will get
more Homo's at the show this time. You know I love my Gays.

Come to me Gays I will show you the way... of how to drink your weight in booze but still look youthful and fabulous. It is all in the olive to vodka ratio in a dirty Martini.

Kisses, MargOH!

Vlada night out

Hey Kids,

I headed up to the Vlada Lounge with Mindy Cohn and we had a blast with all the boys.

Mindy was down in the dumps and called and asked if we could have a gay Hazing. Hazing is Mindy's term for needing a pick me up and the gays just flock around her with all their "Facts of Life" knowledge and memories. It cheers her right up

I thought Vlada was cool since I had met Kenny K their for drinks to discuss the show. They make a mean extra dirty Martini... it was awesome.

I was right the gays went wild in the monsoon called Mindy. She just makes everyone so happy with her Giddy smile and raspy sassiness. I just love her. All the boys were wild and Mindy did an impromptu "Facts of Life" trivia contest. Charlotte Rae would have been proud. She couldn't stump the gays on their FOL knowledge and she ended buying drinks for everyone. She's a sweetie and really makes me happy as well.

We had a great time and I hope Mindy felt better , I hate seeing her depressed. She hopped on a red eye back to LA... Hope she can make it back for my show.

Kisses,

The Big M

Ken Kleiber visits MargOH!

Hey Kids,

I have my 2 shows coming up in September and will welcome Ken Kleiber from "Thats Kentertainment" as a guest on the September 14th show.

Ken and I have been friends since i've been in NY and he is a fun lad, though when I was doing my talk show he stole many guests from me... the jerk, I still love him and he will be a grand edition to my show.

The pic is of my guest spot on "Thats Kentertainment" Christmas episode a couple of years back. We had a blast. We did a duet of "Baby its cold outside" so I am sure we'll duet again for my show.... We will be doing a promo for my show on "Thats Kentertainment" on September 7th, you can watch via the web..I'll update as I get them

Come to the cabaret people.

Kisses, The Big M

I can't spell but i'm gorgeous

hey Kids,

I was looking at my pics form the last show and I should have put this one up before. I was half in the bag and I seemed to be melting into my neck...I need to do chin ups, LOL

My Spelling sucks lately

Hey Kids,

I noticed that my spelling has been horrible latley... see what I mean. I do Here instead of Hear and your instead of you're...It stinks. I must work harder to get it wright, there I go again...damn

I think I need to dwink more(I meant that bad spelling). I came up with a new drink to kick off my morning. I am off coffee unless It has bailey's or Jameson's in it.

It's called "The Pom Perk me Up". It is Pom juice, Red Bull and Stoli in a tall glass with crushed ice...It's fabulous. Made my nipples hard this morning before I went for my morning walk...mmmm My morning walk. I started doing that when I realized this guy eduardo was delivering Goya products to the grocery across the street. I never knew those delivery trucks had sleeping cabs in them as well but Eduardo showed me the interior every other day for 3 weeks now...hot stuff he is.

Anyway kids..i am still holding off on making any decisions on my marraige proposal but you'll here as soon as i let him know, he is getting a bit annoyed but I am MargOH! Channing after all...

Kisses, MargOH!

The Grand "Madame" w/ Joe Kovaks

Hey Kids,

I went to Madame's show last night and the old dame's still got it... Thanks
to Joe Kovaks.

I missed that sassy puppet and all she has and is able to get away with. I remember when she was banned from vegas for being too vulgar.... Oh how she will shine now. Vulgarity is king.

Joe does a wonderful job and really gives "Madame" a well written and fun show.

I would love to have her guest on one of my shows but I am not sure if MargOH! can hold the stage with a legend...Oh who am I kidding.. Of course I can...

My favorite line from the show was when madame was singing let's call the whole thing off

"I say Vagina, you say Vagena, you say Penis, i say stick it in me".. what a fabulous broad....

Thanks Madame and Joe for the laughs

Kisses, MargOH!

Clay's Aiken

Hey Kids,

I was busting at the seams the other night so I just had to go out... Berna had been driving me nuts cleaning... It wouldn't have been so bad but for the fact that Berna only cleans in the nude.. My poor dog Kim Fung hid under the bed.... yuk.

So I got dolled up and headed out to the "Boysroom" on Ave A. I heard they have hot porn Go Go dancers... I thought it might be a hoot and would also take my mind off my marriage proposal, it's all I've been thinking about and I still don't know, anyway as I walked in I had a strong wave of baby oil and sweaty balls hit my nose. Such a pleasant smell, really brings me back to when my sister Rita would ask me to join her on her porn shoots... I would sometimes fluff the boys... Well wouldn't you, it was the 70's people.

I saddled up to the bar and ordered a vodka/tonic. I was feeling like I needed something bubbly... I also slapped a crisp dollar bill in the teeny tidy whities of one of those Go Go boys, how hot... I leaned against the bar and did a quick look around when I just happened to see something strange. I couldn't believe my eyes. I made a quick move over to the other corner of the room and looked again a bit closer, yes it was true.. It was Clay Aiken at the Boysroom.. Well he had a black wig on and very big sunglasses but I was sure that was him sitting alone in the corner sipping a tropical drink with a pink straw. I even rubbed my eyes a couple of times just to take another look and it was him so I slithered against the wall, trying to look invisible and I took a seat about a few feet way from the Aiken.. I was mistaken, he was not wearing a wig, it was just a very KD lang haircut, mmmmm.

I thought it odd that no one was even paying any attention to him. I looked around the room and no one was giving him a peek. I of course was all over this, he looked very sad. I said "hello", he looked at me all girly eyed and said "Howdy mam"...

I said "Why are you here all alone?"

He replied "I am trying to squash all the Rumors that I'm gay".

I said "Clay Honey shouldn't you be at say volunteering at a children's bible summer camp to prove that?"

he replied " I thought if I came to where the hottest, sexiest, most fabulous boys are (he started massaging his crotch at this point)and I sat here and didn't do a thing I would look straight".

I giggled, "I'm sorry Clay, I didn't mean to laugh but that sounds nuts, maybe you should ask Jessica Simpson or no better yet Fantasia to marry you", "You need a beard".

"I tried growin one a them but that didn't work", he said...

"No clay not a facial beard but a fake wife", I said.

"Why didn't I think of that?", he said.

"Because you are obviously stupid", I said "If your at a place like this you have to have some fun Clay, here's a dollar , go put it in that hotties undies and feel his nuts" I added

"I couldn't do that , um what's ur name? , Clay said

"MargOH! I said "Go on clay go touch em"

"Really, you think I should but what will they say", Clay said

It doesn't matter what they say Clay as long as their talking", i replied

He grabbed that dollar out of my hand and ran over to that go go boy and pulled down those undies and actually had that boy tea bag him, Clay was sucking on those balls like a runaway hoover. I quickly ran over and replaced the dollar with a twenty...geez he was out of control. The go go boy yelled out "Oh my god, KD lang is sucking my balls, get her off of me" he screamed...

I yelled "its not KD Lang, it's Clay Aiken". He screamed even louder..

I pulled Clay away from his balls and sat him back down. I said "Clay just get over it, you're a big fag". "Its okay", I added "the gays will love you".

"I'm not gay"..." I'm Bi", he yelled at me but my image is so squeaky clean, I can't afford to lose my Claymates

I said, "Clay honey, you need playmates, not Claymates" "Just come out", I added

all of a sudden Clay jumped up and ran for the door crying, I ran after him but her jumped in a limo and I couldn't catch him. I felt sad...

Clay was Aiken


Hmmmmmm

Kisses, MargOH!

New Show Promo, what ya think....

Hey Kids,

Berna was drinking the other night and threw this promo together for the September shows... What do you think, its a bit weird I think? I am taking new headshots so we'll have to see...

Kisses, MargOH!

Danny,Donnan and Madame

Hey Kids,

I finally got to meet some of my blog buddies. I of course have spoken and emailed the darlings like Nathan Exposed, Danny Boy of Dan Turning Forty, Lady Bunny and others but I finally met Dannyboy and his sassy mate Donnan.

We met at Splashbar on Musical Mondays and it was a blast. It of course was hotter than hell and I had been drinking all day to keep cool so I was a bit tired but Danny and Donnan perked me right up. They are sweet dolls and just love em. I am so happy they fit little old MargOH! into their busy schedule. I hope they enjoyed themselves in old NY. Come back again soon. I am also thinking of trying to book a show in San francisco, maybe I could hang on a trolley, how exciting.

I also Met "Madame" at Splashbar, that fabulous old bitch. I haven't seen that puppet since "studio 54" when she was snorting sawdust. She invited me to her show at the cutting room on Monday, can't wait... Love her....I was so excited to see her I forgot to ask for a pic...silly MargOH!

It was a fab evening and I am so glad to have met Danny, Donnan and Madame, it doesn't get any better than that kids...

Kisses, MargOH!

Still undecided

Hi Kids,

My 48 hour window to accept or deny my marraige proposal has come and gone. It's just been too hot to decide. I know you all are waiting to find out and I promise I will decide at least by Sunday, then I can tell who it is.

I also met up with my blog buddy Dannyboy and his fab boyfriend Donnan. I took pictures and will post them tonight... We had fun for a fabulous Monday....

I also just found out that I lost a job for the upcoming made for TV movie produced by Mel Gibson. I was suppose to be playing "Hard Ass German Guard" number 6. I was also suppose to stand guard outside of Mel's trailor to ward off an I quote "undesirable people that make Mel squirm". I wasn't sure what they meant but now I know. What an ass Mel Gibson is and it's nice to finally see him show his true colors. I'm glad I won't be a part of his stinkin film....

Kisses, The Big M